who pays for the wedding? bride or groom side?

[Dancing Fire]

is it really worth spending $25K for one day?

 

[FrekeChild]

In my case if my parent's don't pay for it, we'll go to Vegas or the courthouse on our dime. Yup.

ETA: And for ours I don't want it to go over $12k if we have a big brou ha ha. More likely 10k.

What do you think DF? You've got two girls who are getting closer and closer to the age where it's something to start thinking about....

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

No, it isn''t worth it so we are spending a lot less, although I never dreamed about my wedding day and am extremely practical, so it is hard for me to say.

Traditionally, the bride''s family pays for the wedding and the groom''s for the reception dinner, although those rulse are not always followed.

 

[Deelight]

In my culture the grooms family pays in his culture the brides family pays in reality we will most likely pay the lot though my sister has said she wants to buy my wedding dress, silly sister

plan to hold her to that one.

 

[choro72]

Date: 6/16/2008 3:21:18 AM
Author: Deelight
In my culture the grooms family pays in his culture the brides family pays in reality we will most likely pay the lot though my sister has said she wants to buy my wedding dress, silly sister

plan to hold her to that one.

Hahaha, FI has a friend that was like your culture. Their parents finally settled on splitting in half...

In my culture, the bride''s family pays. His culture, the groom''s family pays. In MY personal culture, the actual marrying couple pays.
FI''s dad, who equates "waving non existent money in people''s faces" with "showing off his social status", is jumping up and down insisting that he will pay for the entire thing and it HAS to be a Saturday dinner.
Compromise is, we pay for most of it, my parents pay for their plane tickets just to even be at our wedding, and his parents will pay for the difference between a Sunday lunch and a Saturday dinner, plus all of their guests whom we don''t know.

 

[Maisie]

Where I live (UK) I believe the custom is for the brides family to pay for everything, apart from the wedding rings. I think the groom is supposed to pay for them. We paid for everything when we got married. My parents aren''t well off.

 

[gwendolyn]

J and I will be paying for everything, and we won't come anywhere near $25K. Maybe $3K if we're lucky. We have a lot of expenses coming up.

 

[Lynnie]

I guess traditionally in America, the bride''s family is supposed to pay.. but unfortunately (for me, anyway), my family AND his family aren''t in the financial situation to do that, so we''ll be footing the bill...

As for the question of whether $25K is worth it for one day.... I''d say it is if you can easily afford it. Or if your families are from the social/economic status that allows for it. Otherwise, no. Stressing about financing one day is not worth it.

LOL I keep thinking of the scene from "The Godfather" where the family members keep walking up and handing the bride & groom envelope after envelpoe stuffed with cash. I guess if you come from that sort of family (well not the mafia per se just well-off), it''s kinda expected to lavish your guests with a fine *expensive* celebration.

 

[iheartscience]

My parents give the same amount to each kid regardless of gender (there are 5 of us-3 girls and 2 boys) and the kids get to decide what to do with it. I'll be spending it on the wedding, but I could keep it if I want and get married on the cheap. My fiance's parents are also going to give us money for the wedding because he's an only child and they want to!

But no, I will not be spending $25k on my wedding! If I was going to spend $25k on anything I'd want it to be diamond related, of course!

I'm hoping to keep my wedding around $10k...we'll see if I stick to that, but for now, that's the plan!

 

[sna77]

Date: 6/16/2008 12:58:52 AM
Author:Dancing Fire
is it really worth spending $25K for one day?

My sister and I are getting married 1 year apart... My father paid for my sister''s entire wedding last year, except for the rehersal dinner... For my wedding, both parents are splitting the costs, although we''re still doing the rehersal dinner...

My father was like "When your sister got married I was told its the bride''s father''s job to pay for the wedding... Now you get married, and I''m told we split the costs..." Ha... He was kidding, but you get the point... It really varies situation to situation...

 

[bee*]

We''re each paying a third between D and I, his parents and my parents. And no I don''t think that $25k is worth it for one day-I''d rather spend that on the honeymoon

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding and the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon, but I think it's becoming much more common for the bride and groom to take on the financial responsibility themselves--brides and grooms aren't really in their teens anymore, you know? People are waiting until they've graduated and established their careers before getting married, so they've been independent of their parents for many years before getting married.

We paid for our wedding ourselves--we were in our mid/late twenties when we were married. We'd both been on our own for nearly a decade, had lived together for several years and had our own life, so we did not feel right accepting money for a celebration of our commitment to each other. Our parents were very gracious and offered to pay for some, but we asked that they use the money to get something nice for themselves. We had a fantastic wedding and honeymoon, came in under budget and wouldn't change a thing! Plus our parents treated themselves to something nice (vacation for my parents, new windows for his parents). I think it was a win/win.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Yes, it was worth it

 

[shortee78]

My parents and his parents are not well off, so we paid for the wedding ourselves. However, we got some VERY generous gifts from family members, including my sister paying for my professional photography, my brother-in-law paid for our honeymoon, etc. I am really blessed!

 

[MonkeyPie]

I didn''t expect/want my parents or his to pay for anything. (Not that they could have.) I decided I wanted a house and a baby more, so we went to the courthouse. It cost maybe $75 for the whole thing once we bought nice outfits and the license.

 

[zhuzhu]

I put my wedding budget in as part of our house downpay, and spent $150 to get a beautiful wedding in front of the San Diego downtown Bay (in the backyard of the city hall)~ !
Now we get to celebrate the wedding all year long with our family and friends (when we visit) instead of having it all in one day! We like it this way.

 

[Miranda]

It is my understanding that traditionally the bride''s side covers most of the cost. I do not think this is the norm anymore. Between people getting married older, parents living longer, and the cost of everything increasing I believe the burden is shared more now than it used to be.

Is $25K worth it for one day? Well, everyone needs to answer that on their own. IMO, HELL NO! For me, a wedding was a union between my hubby and me. We only wanted our closest family members and friends there. My sister on the other hand wanted a huge fancy event with 300 people there.

Now, that said, we''ll see what my DD super princess decides to do. Haha...I could totally see myself getting into wedding planning for her. I will probably be a motherzilla-of-the-bride. I have 25ish years to plan for it!

 

[ladypirate]

We're planning on paying for it ourselves--our parents are starting to think about retirement right now and we don't feel like they should need to worry about paying for a wedding when they're trying to make sure they'll have enough to live off of for their retirement years.

ETA: Also, we will certainly not be spending $25k! I would be happy heading over to the courthouse and spending $100, but SO wants a big party. Even so, we'll probably try to keep it to around $5-6K.

 

[jewelerman]

Sociery expects to much when it comes to weddings and most special occations....I SAY KEEP THEM SMALL...no more then a few thousand dollars tops...spend the money on a future together...rings,car payments,invest the money for the future,make payments on a house or childrens college funds...most wedding stuff is un-forgettable and stressful at best...who remenbers most people''s wedding details and the color of the mints and flowers...use the money to set up house hold and dont expect people to bring gifts that are going back for cash any way...a small church or garden or beach wedding is far more romantic then a large gathering!enough said...

 

[Dancing Fire]

chinese tradition....the groom side pays for everything

and...we have two daughters

 

[sna77]

Date: 6/16/2008 2:30:31 PM
Author: jewelerman
Sociery expects to much when it comes to weddings and most special occations....I SAY KEEP THEM SMALL...no more then a few thousand dollars tops...spend the money on a future together...rings,car payments,invest the money for the future,make payments on a house or childrens college funds...most wedding stuff is un-forgettable and stressful at best...who remenbers most people''s wedding details and the color of the mints and flowers...use the money to set up house hold and dont expect people to bring gifts that are going back for cash any way...a small church or garden or beach wedding is far more romantic then a large gathering!enough said...

I was in favor of a small wedding... On a bech somewhere... FI had other ideas... She comes from a HUGE Italian family that does everything absurdly large... plus she''s the last of the kids to get married, so things have totally snowballed... I think we''re probably at about $50k for the entire thing now and we''re having a freakin buffett!... Its just stupid... That money would so be better spent paying down the mortgage... Although I learned very shortly after we got engaged that what I think about this weddign doesn''t matter!

 

[kcoursolle]

I personally didn''t feel that it was worth it to spend 25k in one day on a wedding. I really wanted to elope and save $$ and not have to deal with the stress of planning. However, DH really wanted a traditional wedding. We compromised and had a 16k wedding (including honeymoon). Since I didn''t even want a wedding I didn''t feel it was fair to have us and only my parents foot the bill. I suggested that maybe my parents, his parents, and us should split it three-ways. I was a little nervous bringing that up, but he and I really felt it was fair especially since our parents are in similar financial situations and we are both only children. It worked out really well in the end and I think it was a very egalitarian wedding that didn''t create a large burden on any party.

 

[jewelerman]

sna77,
sorry to hear that things are out of control...i think you are using the word "we"to much...if they want to pay 50,000 for the wedding then let them...its their choice to spend their money the way they want ...but i would draw the line at going in debt yourself for a wedding they want...save your money for the house payments...unless of course the family wants to make the payments for you because you are still paying for one big party that may take years to pay off...

 

[Pandora II]

In the UK, traditionally the bride''s father pays for everything except:

- wedding license and the fees for the church
- honeymoon
- rings
- grooms and ushers outfits
- bouquets for the bride and bridesmaids

We don''t have rehearsal dinners here.

FI and I are splitting the cost of the honeymoon and the fees, he''s buying my ring and vice-versa.

My parents are paying for everything else. It''s extremely important to my very traditional father that he marries his 3 daughters off properly. If it was down to FI and I we would be eloping!

My brother gets married next year and my parents will not be contributing. My father has made it very clear that that is the responsibility of my brother''s FI''s father.

Is it worth the money? In my case my father had been saving since I was born in a special ''weddings'' account. The money was not available for other uses. My parents have obviously been looking forward to this for many years and so yes it is worth it.

If it was my money - I could spend it better on other things...

 

[Gypsy]

We are paying for quite a bit of it but our families are helping out. Actually ours will cost very close to the 25K. And yes, I do think its worth it. Deelight, same thing here! My culture grooms family pays, his the brides. LOL.

 

[sna77]

Date: 6/16/2008 7:51:47 PM
Author: jewelerman
sna77,
sorry to hear that things are out of control...i think you are using the word ''we''to much...if they want to pay 50,000 for the wedding then let them...its their choice to spend their money the way they want ...but i would draw the line at going in debt yourself for a wedding they want...save your money for the house payments...unless of course the family wants to make the payments for you because you are still paying for one big party that may take years to pay off...

When I say "we" I meant everyone paying for the wedding, which is just the 2 sets of parents... I told FI that I was not contributing anything to the wedding fund b/c I HATED the idea of a big wedding... So, er... yeah not creating any debt at all for myself... I was saying $50k from the paretns would be helpful for the house payments (basically, I''d rather a really nice wedding present than the wedding itself... haha

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/16/2008 10:48:40 PM
Author: sna77

Date: 6/16/2008 7:51:47 PM
Author: jewelerman
sna77,
sorry to hear that things are out of control...i think you are using the word ''we''to much...if they want to pay 50,000 for the wedding then let them...its their choice to spend their money the way they want ...but i would draw the line at going in debt yourself for a wedding they want...save your money for the house payments...unless of course the family wants to make the payments for you because you are still paying for one big party that may take years to pay off...

When I say ''we'' I meant everyone paying for the wedding, which is just the 2 sets of parents... I told FI that I was not contributing anything to the wedding fund b/c I HATED the idea of a big wedding... So, er... yeah not creating any debt at all for myself... I was saying $50k from the paretns would be helpful for the house payments (basically, I''d rather a really nice wedding present than the wedding itself... haha

agree ! why spent that much for a day of fun.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 6/16/2008 3:27:27 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
chinese tradition....the groom side pays for everything

and...we have two daughters

ha ha ha ha, well you certainly lucked out, ha ha ha ha ha


Linda

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/16/2008 8:53:42 PM
Author: Gypsy
We are paying for quite a bit of it but our families are helping out. Actually ours will cost very close to the 25K. And yes, I do think its worth it. Deelight, same thing here! My culture grooms family pays, his the brides. LOL.

I keep telling him that he and his family should pay (jokingly) and he tells me mine should pay for everything (again jokingly) but is funny having mock arguments with him over this

.

 

[roppongi]

I am one of three daughters and was the first to get married so my parents were thrilled. They gave us carte blanche and for that I was so, so appreciative that I was able to have the wedding of my dreams...I still look back on that event as the best day of my life. So yes, it was worth it.