amc80
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2010
- Messages
- 5,765
Okay folks. I have a friend who has always been one of my closest friends. Our families were close before we were even born. We lived next door to each other for many years. Her family was my second family. After college, we lived together for almost 3 years. I was in her wedding a few years ago. I've spent countless holidays and celebrations with her and her family. If her mom is in town, I'll meet up with her for a drink. You get the idea.
Fast forward to a year ago. I got engaged. She was one of the first people I called. I told her what we had planned for the wedding (wedding in Florida (we are on the west coast), followed by a group cruise). She was really excited and said she'd go for sure. Fast forward several months, I mention the wedding...she said she won't be able to go to the cruise but she and her mom would definitely come to the wedding. Meanwhile, the invitations are sent out and I never get her RSVP. I asked her if she was still planning on going and she said she was going to try (btw, money/vacation time isn't an issue for her). In the end, not only did she not go to the wedding, but she never even bothered to send in her RSVP...or a card...or a phone call. I understand stuff happens, but if that were me, I would have called her and said "I'm so sorry, I won't be able to make it after all..." But no, nothing.
A couple of months later (so late January) I told her I was pregnant. I wanted her (and my other close friends) to know before we made it public. She congratulated me. I asked her when she was going to start trying for #2...she said maybe in 2013. I told her when we found out the sex, a few weeks ago.
Well, today I get a mass text, announcing she's pregnant, with a boy, due 8/15. I'm due 8/14, with a boy. I asked her why she didn't tell me earlier, and she said "well we really haven't told many people yet because I'm not showing."
Okay, if I was not telling people, but a friend told me she was due a day before me, I'd most definitely say "OMG I'm pregnant too, due at the same time, but we aren't telling people yet." Or something like that. Or even if she didn't tell me at that point, maybe a phone call saying "Hey I'm pregnant too! But due to XYZ we decided to wait to tell people, but I still wanted to let me know."
Sorry for the long story...but back to my original question- when is a friend no longer a friend? I feel like I need to mentally place her in the "people I used to be close to but don't talk to anymore" category, just to avoid having any future expectations crushed. But at the same time, our relationship history makes it so hard to do that. Maybe I'm just being overly emotional...being 5 months pregnant and all (and feel free to tell me if I am!). But really, it seems like a pattern of her just not being a good friend, and frankly, it's getting old.
Fast forward to a year ago. I got engaged. She was one of the first people I called. I told her what we had planned for the wedding (wedding in Florida (we are on the west coast), followed by a group cruise). She was really excited and said she'd go for sure. Fast forward several months, I mention the wedding...she said she won't be able to go to the cruise but she and her mom would definitely come to the wedding. Meanwhile, the invitations are sent out and I never get her RSVP. I asked her if she was still planning on going and she said she was going to try (btw, money/vacation time isn't an issue for her). In the end, not only did she not go to the wedding, but she never even bothered to send in her RSVP...or a card...or a phone call. I understand stuff happens, but if that were me, I would have called her and said "I'm so sorry, I won't be able to make it after all..." But no, nothing.
A couple of months later (so late January) I told her I was pregnant. I wanted her (and my other close friends) to know before we made it public. She congratulated me. I asked her when she was going to start trying for #2...she said maybe in 2013. I told her when we found out the sex, a few weeks ago.
Well, today I get a mass text, announcing she's pregnant, with a boy, due 8/15. I'm due 8/14, with a boy. I asked her why she didn't tell me earlier, and she said "well we really haven't told many people yet because I'm not showing."
Okay, if I was not telling people, but a friend told me she was due a day before me, I'd most definitely say "OMG I'm pregnant too, due at the same time, but we aren't telling people yet." Or something like that. Or even if she didn't tell me at that point, maybe a phone call saying "Hey I'm pregnant too! But due to XYZ we decided to wait to tell people, but I still wanted to let me know."
Sorry for the long story...but back to my original question- when is a friend no longer a friend? I feel like I need to mentally place her in the "people I used to be close to but don't talk to anymore" category, just to avoid having any future expectations crushed. But at the same time, our relationship history makes it so hard to do that. Maybe I'm just being overly emotional...being 5 months pregnant and all (and feel free to tell me if I am!). But really, it seems like a pattern of her just not being a good friend, and frankly, it's getting old.