what would you do...

[scarleta]

I wanted to ask about something I'' m not sure how to handle.Say you meet some people while you are on vacation and you exchange emails so you can keep in touch.You really don''t know them as you just met them on the beach or something like it.Maybe you see them twice in a week and just chat with them a bit.Then both parties go home and the 1st email you get from them is an anouncement that they would like to come and visit you for few days....Would you be comfortable with it?

 

[FireGoddess]

Only if they were staying at a hotel!!! Seriously - that''s quite a forward request for someone they just met. It''s one thing to be going to the area and want to meet up - it''s another if they want to stay with you!

 

[bee*]

I wouldn''t be comfortable with that. I like to know someone properly before they come visit me at home. I would just reply that you would like to keep in contact however you are busy/would like to get to know each other a bit better/insert some other reason.

 

[Skippy123]

Well I guess it depends. I had a super friendly neighbor about 6 houses down from us that lived near us for 2 yrs. Then they moved to Seattle and invited me to stay w/them before a training class I had out there for work, so I did. They showed me Seattle and then I had my training class. It was great! I am super friendly, but I have to feel safe first so if you feel uncomfortable then do not do it!!! What does your hubby think?

ETA: Oh, if I didn't know them and they wanted to stay w/us I would say no; we will show you around and give them a name of a good hotel. That is weird!!!!

 

[KimberlyH]

I wouldn''t be comfortable with that at all, especially if he/she/they wanted to stay in my house.

 

[marcy]

Absolutely not. I would be concerned they want something or are up to no good.

 

[Mara]

no way would i be comfortable with that.

this seems like a no brainer, what am i missing?

 

[oshinbreez]

Nope....not at all. I might tell them nice hotels in the area, things to do, recommend some restaurants, and tell them we''ll try to meet up one night while they''re in town.

 

[chiefneil]

If I really liked them, my reply (as opposed to the bit bucket if I was just "ok" with them) would be along the lines of: "I''d love to meet up with you guys for lunch or dinner if you make it out here. Let me know what hotel you''re staying at, or if you need a recommendation."

 

[door knob solitaire]

No.

Sarletta...You are posting some really thought provolking questions lately. These are pretty much strangers. Sound almost like stalkers. I think the normal chain of events would be months of exchanges. Just like any friendship or relationship...too fast too soon some sort of flags should be raised.

If on the otherhand they just happen to be in your city on business and would like to met for dinner~ that doesn''t sound so scary.

My hubby has forbade me to converse on a personal level while on vacation. I am not allowed to reveal anything. He forwarded me several instances where trained con artist converse with strangers during vacation...why? You are at your most comfortable. You are relaxed. At ease. Not a care. Usually in really casual attire. With even you toes exposed...you reveal more then than you would ordinarily. You don''t think you did. But a trained observer can read things you didn''t know you revealed. I say this to scare you. I hope it worked.

I think you have let your guard down...it is apparent that you felt the need to ask others what they would do in this situation. I would take the time to get to know these people. Email, calls, letters, card exchange. Learn about them just as you did you husband. What''s the hurry?

DKS

 

[Independent Gal]

I''m usually inclined to be friendly with strangers, even when I''m traveling. But I''m with DKS on this one. The behaviour you describe is just plain weird. I mean, can you imagine doing that yourself? Going to visit someone you met only a couple of times?

Something is up! I would say you''d love to but you''re busy.

 

[diamondfan]

I am not sure. I have met people while on vacation and we have really liked them, and enjoyed hanging with them, but I am not sure how it would translate once we were back home. But that is not to say they might not be awesome people and become friends for life, you never know. I think you have to decide if you are comfortable enough and got a good enough vibe from them to have relative strangers staying with you. Me, I would not, at least not so quickly, it is like Hi! Can we stay with you after just meeting you? It is one thing for them to say, hey we will be in your area, can we have dinner? Versus asking to stay in your home. If you are not comfortable, you can respond in a way that negates their staying with you, like So excited you will be coming and we would love to take you to dinner, please let us know your hotel information. That should be a distinct hint. Otherwise, if you do not want to mess, you can just say sorry, you will not be around at that time, and leave it at that. Also, would you do that to people you just met? I am guessing not. Takes some pretty big cojones or something to ask to stay at a stranger's home, and not just mention you will be in the area and would love to have dinner.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 7/16/2007 7:40:15 PM
Author:scarleta
I wanted to ask about something I'' m not sure how to handle.Say you meet some people while you are on vacation and you exchange emails so you can keep in touch.You really don''t know them as you just met them on the beach or something like it.Maybe you see them twice in a week and just chat with them a bit.Then both parties go home and the 1st email you get from them is an anouncement that they would like to come and visit you for few days....Would you be comfortable with it?

Hell to the no! As Elaine Benis would say, "that''s prePOSterousssss!"

 

[neatfreak]

No way! I would be happy to meet up with them for drinks or lunch in a public place. But that is IT.

 

[monarch64]

No, I don''t think I''d feel comfortable with allowing people I''d just met into my home, especially when they are inviting themselves. If they were just going to be in your area for a few days and wanted to have lunch/dinner, maybe that would be fine, but if they''re asking to come visit you in your home right off the bat I would gently but honestly decline the invitation. "normal" people would understand if you just told them, sorry, but we''ve only just met and in the interest of protecting ourselves and our home we feel it would be better to get to know each other outside of private residences first.

I completely agree with DKS, you''re much more comfortable on vacation and more susceptible to letting down your guard, and that can make you a very easy target for those who don''t have your best interests in mind, to put it mildly.

 

[Sundial]

No I would absolutely not be comfortable with someone that I just barely met already wanting to come visit me! Tell them your mother-in-law is staying with you or that you are going to be out of town yourself. This is too much too soon in my opinion.

 

[luckystar112]

No way...that''s way too weird, and way too forward for me to be comfortable.
I wouldn''t even respond. It''s not like you''ll ever see them again.

 

[scarleta]

Sorry for posting tough question here.It happened 3 rd time this year already ,so I had to double check. I find this to be the best place to ask.Basically I would never even think of inviting myself to someone I just met .Let the friendship develop first and get to know them better.. After 3 times of experiencing this in 2007 I felt I needed to double check.
This time around I did what was suggested here a nice B&B. (No reply on that as yet..)On 2 previus occasions I just ignored the whole topic and as a result don''t even keep in touch with them.
I feel exactly like you all expressed , but now I feel I am normal.Thanks you guys I knew I could count on you...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

No way! We actually befriends another couple (and their 6 year old) on our honeymoon and they invited us to visit a number of times but it was too strange for me. I think the casual e-mail and maybe meeting up if you happen to be in town is the extent of my comfort level.

 

[scarleta]

I totally agree with you Tacori.I am just wondering perhaps I ought to consider opening B&B???
just kidding here..

 

[Kaleigh]

No wouldn''t be comfortable with that. And to go one step further, wouldn''t have given them my email addy either... But that''s just me.

I find people are friendly on vacay. It''s a different mode, vibe. But that doesn''t always translate well to your real life.
It''s one thing if they happened to be in town for business and wanted to meet for dinner, but quite another to want to stay with you. Yikes!!!

 

[strmrdr]

I know someone that does it all the time.
They have people in and go too others houses that the met on vacation or elsewhere.

Iv done the same with people iv met online on a few occasions.
Always worked out fine.
Iv got invites for dinner and if needed a roof in just about every state and several foreign countries from various boards.
On of the members of a gun board I''m on traveled cross country and most of Canada and spent most nights at someone from the boards place.
They didn''t stop here but I offered and they already had a place to stay about a 100 miles away.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 7/16/2007 11:37:59 PM
Author: strmrdr
I know someone that does it all the time.
They have people in and go too others houses that the met on vacation or elsewhere.

Iv done the same with people iv met online on a few occasions.
Always worked out fine.
Iv got invites for dinner and if needed a roof in just about every state and several foreign countries from various boards.
On of the members of a gun board I'm on traveled cross country and most of Canada and spent most nights at someone from the boards place.
They didn't stop here but I offered and they already had a place to stay about a 100 miles away.

Online is different IMHO, there is a solid relationship that has spanned much longer than a vacation. In many cases years.. You have a place to stay here as well friend.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 7/16/2007 10:58:03 PM
Author: scarleta
I totally agree with you Tacori.I am just wondering perhaps I ought to consider opening B&B???

just kidding here..

You are just TOO friendly! I would take it as a compliment but invent some excuses fast! They don''t have your address right?

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 7/16/2007 11:47:14 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Online is different IMHO, there is a solid relationship that has spanned much longer than a vacation. In many cases years.. You have a place to stay here as well friend.

yea thats true but its easier for some people too be fake online.
There are trade offs either way.

Considering that once I get hitched I will have family in your area we might just drop in for dinner some day :}

 

[door knob solitaire]

Glad that worked out for your stormy...but me...I think if I met someone on line in a gun forum...I think I would opt for a hotel and a meet in a public place. Yeah, I am sterotyping...but you know these people have at LEAST one gun...you know if you met them talking about cocker spaniel puppies or roses...I probably would feel different. I can just hear the authorities and the news anchor interviewing you...Ok, let me get this straight...you knew they had guns and you chose to come up here on this deserted mountain to meet complete total strangers?

Stormy you are out there dude.... a MAN among Men.

DKS

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 7/17/2007 1:03:09 AM
Author: door knob solitaire
Glad that worked out for your stormy...but me...I think if I met someone on line in a gun forum...I think I would opt for a hotel and a meet in a public place. Yeah, I am sterotyping...but you know these people have at LEAST one gun...you know if you met them talking about cocker spaniel puppies or roses...I probably would feel different. I can just hear the authorities and the news anchor interviewing you...Ok, let me get this straight...you knew they had guns and you chose to come up here on this deserted mountain to meet complete total strangers?

Stormy you are out there dude.... a MAN among Men.

DKS

dont beleive all you hear in the news.
Most gun owners are some of the nicest folks on earth.
You just hear about the bad ones and out of 200million+ guns in the US only a few thousand are ever used in crimes each year.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 7/17/2007 1:10:24 AM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 7/17/2007 1:03:09 AM
Author: door knob solitaire
Glad that worked out for your stormy...but me...I think if I met someone on line in a gun forum...I think I would opt for a hotel and a meet in a public place. Yeah, I am sterotyping...but you know these people have at LEAST one gun...you know if you met them talking about cocker spaniel puppies or roses...I probably would feel different. I can just hear the authorities and the news anchor interviewing you...Ok, let me get this straight...you knew they had guns and you chose to come up here on this deserted mountain to meet complete total strangers?

Stormy you are out there dude.... a MAN among Men.

DKS

dont beleive all you hear in the news.
Most gun owners are some of the nicest folks on earth.
You just hear about the bad ones and out of 200million+ guns in the US only a few thousand are ever used in crimes each year.

Wanted to add that its funny you mention meeting up on the mountain.
One of my best friends from another board lives in a small shack on the side of a mountain.
Someday I hope to meet him in person.

 

[scarleta]

I don''t think I am too friendly Tacori.I agree I must change something so I don''t attract that any more.I am working on it..

 

[phoenixgirl]

Scarleta, wow, you must be a total blast to hang out with! Are you especially uninhibited when traveling so that you are much more open to new people than usual?

DH and I went on a murder mystery weekend last fall because I met a woman at a party (the infamous "oh woops, those aren''t bartenders, those are strippers, no wonder my drinks were so strong" party) and apparently agreed to go away for her husband''s 40th surprise birthday party. I don''t remember this at all. (I don''t usually drink so much . . . I blame the strippers/bartenders!)

In retrospect, I think it''s weird that she would invite a total stranger on her husband''s surprise weekend. Everyone was like, "Surprise old friend!" and we were like, "Surprise! You met us once and we drove 5 hours to be here!" I think she probably felt like acquaintances were better than total strangers filling up the rest of the mystery.

In the end though they''ve become good friends. Not call them up and hang out every weekend friends, but we''ve joined their wine club (where I believe I may have agreed to go on a super expensive Caribbean vacation with them next year . . . someone keep me away from these people and alcohol!) and enjoy them in the right context.