What traditions are you NOT doing?

[saster]

So my fh and I are not too traditional (or serious, for that matter), so there are a few things that we are skipping out on as far as wedding "traditions" go. This seems to be a MAJOR sticking point for some people involved (read: groom''s mother haha), so we are rethinking some to keep the peace. But, if you we had our way we would not be:

- Doing a garter toss - I''m not a prude, but it just makes me uncomfortable for some reason! FH getting that close in front of my grandparents?!?

no thanks! haha. maybe I''m weird.

- No Wedding Cake - We are still cutting something, though! We are opting for a pie bar instead, with a ton of different yummy, locally made, organic pies. This is for two reasons: 1. I''m allergic to dairy, so me and butter cream icing would NOT get along lol. (And we aren''t big fondant fans)
2. Where we are getting married the the cakes are either not that nice, or $$$$$ x a gazillion, because it''s a resort town so the resources are limited, and they have a captive audience.

- Sit down dinner - we are going to have tons of food, and seating, but we are turning the tent into a big "livingroom" instead of a "ballroom". There will be couches, coffee tables, a long "diningroom" table, etc, so everyone can mill around to the food stations, stuff themselves, and socialize. A sit down dinner just doesn''t suit our style.

- Waiting to see each other until the ceremony - I really, really, really love the idea of a first look. I have looked through tons of picks online, and this moment just seems so precious and emotional, I would love to have that.


So, I was just curious what traditions some of you ladies are opting (or opted) against? I love hearing the unique things/different solutions people use for their days!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

saster, that all sounds amazing!!!! A pie bar, YUM!!!

we did not toss a garter or a bouquet, I gave the bouquet to my mom to tell her thank you for all the help she gave us.

we did cut the cake, but it wasn''t a big deal.

We did a brunch buffet instead of a sit down dinner, and still had dancing even though it was brunch.

We didn''t use any traditional wedding music

We had 6 jr attendants and one usher to include all the nieces and cousins.

we called people "brides attendants and grooms attendants" no MOH, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

We are also opting out of the garter toss. Definitely not prudes here either but I've just never seen it look very classy.

We will also not be waiting until the ceremony to see each other. I had to explain to FI that we won't be staying in the same hotel room the night before the wedding!

Other than that, I'm not really sure what else we're not doing. We're in the Midwest and the "dollar dance" is a pretty popular tradition here. We will not be doing that either.

 

[pinki]

-No garter toss/Bouquet toss

-No speeches

-Only family at the ceremony

-No "old people approved music" aka, no disco, polka, 80''s, etc. We''re jumping right on in with party/club music, including the song to introduce the bride and groom is the Atreyu version of Shot Through the Heart.

Cj

 

[Bella_mezzo]

oh yeah, we didn''t do any speeches either, and we gave the DJ a playlist (which was awesome! we spent a lot of time designing the playlist) and they were only allowed to play off of our list. We are still getting compliments on our playlist 4 months later

 

[BeachRunner]

-We did not have a garter toss or bouquet toss.
-I saw DH before the ceremony due to time issues. We just would not have had enough time to do our photos after the ceremony.
-no formal dinner

 

[aveda6]

We are skipping the garter toss.

No crazy dances (electric slide, chicken dance, etc)

We are not having a bridal party (my 12 year old son will be my best man but we''re not having groomsmen/bridesmaids)

We are having a winter wedding (and getting loads of disparaging comments about the fact that a blizzard may occur).

No speeches.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

We are not having the bouquet or garter thing.

No first dance.

No formal speeches.

No Wedding cake (cupcakes instead)

Cocktail style reception

Getting married on the beach

Photos before the ceremony

No something borrowed, something blue..

Our Children are the bridal party.

No send off at the end, we plan on staying for every second of it!

Hmm.. maybe this is why my mum keeps refering to it as a ''sort of a wedding?''

 

[kas baby]

-we are writing our entire ceremony. neither of us have ''religious'' affiliations, although we are very spiritual, if that makes any sense. we wanted our ceremony to be very special to us.

-we''ve been wearing our wedding bands and we''re still about a year and a half away from the wedding day

-I may not be going with a white gown, or shoes for that matter.

-won''t be doing the ''parent dance'' aka the bride and her dad and the groom and his mom

-probably won''t do the garter toss

-not going on a honeymoon. grad school starts up a little bit after the wedding, so we''re thinking about doing a "one year anniversary vacation" instead

-its a midday wedding on a sunday

probably lots more I haven''t thought of, but hey, it''s OUR wedding

 

[yssie]

We''ll be doing a Hindu morning ceremony and a Jewish evening ceremony, and serving lunch and dinner/reception, so ours is non-traditional in both cultures already



We won''t be doing the ceremonies usually performed the week before a Hindu wedding.


FI will not wear traditional Hindu garb, but I will wear a sari in the morning.


We will be serving meat options at meals!


We won''t be doing the garter removal/toss or bouquet toss.


No crazy dances here either

We''ll honeymoon later - school/work get in the way

 

[Luckyeshe]

No dinner reception, we''re gonna do a lunch reception instead.
Doing bouquet toss, but no garter toss.
Having a garden wedding instead of a big Catholic Church ordeal (that one still gets under my mom''s nerves).

 

[saster]

thanks so much for sharing, everyone!

and, you guys are reminding me of other ones!

Luckshe - We are having the ceremony outdoors with no religious affiliation, too. That is a major sticking point for my FMIL, even though she hasn''t been to church in years. Oh well, what can you do?

We also aren''t having traditional wedding music of any kind...

 

[megumic]

Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth! We are in a similar place to you, except it''s MY mom who is having the fits left and right!!!

Just want to say saster, I loooooooove the living room idea, how fabulous and original!

What we are NOT doing:

- cake. Instead we''ll have pie and cupcakes.

- garter toss. The cheese factor isn''t for me.

- waiting til the alter to see each other. We really want to have 20 minutes to ourselves to revel in the fact that we''re about to be married. For us, waiting doesn''t make sense. Once the ceremony starts, we''re at the will of our guests for the next 8 hours! I''m so excited for this, and I''m sure I''ll need make-up touch-ups afterward!

- receiving line. My parent''s are mid-divorce and by the time the wedding rolls around it will still be awkward. So instead of making both guests and family uncomfortable, we are just going to skip it.

- champagne toast. Waste of $ and messes up everyone''s "drinking plan" for the night.

- father/daughter dance. Long story.

- bouquet toss. Unless the BMs insist, I will skip it.

- rehearsal dinner. Instead we''re doing pizza and beer/wine as a welcome dinner for everyone!

- honeymoon. It will have to wait until we''ve saved some more, and likely until after I take the bar.

I LOVE this non-traditional thread! Keep the ideas coming!!!

 

[LabRatPhD]

yssie, we are doing a Hindu ceremony in the morning too, 30 - 45 minutes in length because my mother requested it. FI is not Hindu (or religious for that matter) or Indian and I am not religious, so we wanted the religious ceremony to be as short as possible. Only family and very close friends are invited to the ceremony. No other Hindu wedding festivities the week before either.

saster - one of my friends had pies instead of a wedding cake and they were delicious!

I will wear a sari in the morning and FI will wear a lengha. I will switch to a wedding gown and FI a suit for the reception.

There will be no:
-father/daughter dance (too embarrassing for both of us)
-bouquet or bouquet toss
-garter toss
-speeches
-crazy group dances

Basically FI and I do not like any attention on ourselves and would rather blend into our reception!

 

[IdLikeToBuyAVal]

We''re going very untraditional. We''re getting married at the botanical gardens and we''re having a max of 13 guests, all close family. We really wanted to have just his dad and my mom and step dad but got suckered into inviting more. We''re only inviting 13 though!

Also, no one is walking me down the aisle. I''ll walk myself. My dad can sit with everyone else and try not to annoy me on my wedding day.

We''re having NO wedding party. No bridesmaids, no groomsmen.

We''re having a very minimalist ceremony, I''m not even sure we''ll do the unity candle.

After the ceremony, we''ll do pictures and we''ll have barbecue catered at our house. I don''t need a reception for 13 people and I don''t think they''d like reception stuff anyway.

After all this, I''m kind of wishing we''d just stuck with our eloping idea, but I am kind of glad that our close family members will be there.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Outdoor wedding with reception inside the venue (first non-church wedding for our families)

I'll be walking down the aisle with my two sisters, who are also my only bridesmaids (Maid and Matron of Honor)

Uneven number of attendants. Fiance is only having 1, his best friend, and I'm having my two sisters

No unity candle or sand pouring sand or anything like that

Refuse to wear garter belt (yuck) and no bouquet toss (very few single girls of marriage age)

We might have a first dance (with an acoustic guitar player/singer), but we will not have a formal dance. Not our thing. But people can dance to music if they want

Probably no favors. They annoy me at other people's weddings

No hokey kissing games

Rehearsal dinner will be very small and intimate with just our immediate families. Actually our rehearsal won't be until morning of wedding.

 

[LilyKat]

No dancing (I know, shock!) or DJ - just a string quartet for music before and after the ceremony
No garter

- but then I've never seen it done in the UK
Minimal speeches
No bridal party (although we will have unoffical MOH/Best man to help us out)
Maybe not walking down the aisle formally
No favours (but lots of different cake to choose from)
And even more shocking... possibly no kiss at the end of the ceremony! I am so totally anti-PDA I just wouldn't feel comfortable (we don't even hold hands in front of my family - they aren't strict, just... not like that). I'm trying to see we could get round this.
Pictures before ceremony

Yes, I don't believe in tradition much at all really

Though funnily enough, we are not living together until after the wedding and my wedding set is as classic as it gets, so it's more a case of us picking and choosing what we feel comfortable doing, rather than trying to be different.

ETA: LabRatPhD, totally with you on not liking attention! I'd rather just mingle and try to be just another person there.

 

[GoldfishPie]

Author: Pinki
-No "old people approved music" aka, no disco, polka, 80''s, etc. We''re jumping right on in with party/club music, including the song to introduce the bride and groom is the Atreyu version of Shot Through the Heart.

Complete with the "F*** YOUUU" ?

 

[beltane]

I am LOVING this thread! You guys are giving me lots to consider!

We are doing some things traditional and some not... it is a second wedding for both. We are *ahem* ''mature''... *groan* which means we''re nifty and fifty!

--I am having my father walk me in. He''s 84 and fabulous and I am thrilled he is alive and well and HERE to walk with me. He is not "giving me away", he is simply my handsome excort.

--my son is playing acoustic guitar for my entrance

--we are having a Sunday afternoon ceremony and a cocktail reception at a country club near our home. No sit down meal, just LOTS of hot and cold hors d''oevres (we both LOVE sushi and want lots of that) 4 hours long, then we leave for the airport and take off for our honeymoon.

--we have given our DJ a 4 hour list of our favourite music (mostly rat pack, buble, connick jr) that will be playing in the background, but not loud

--only one toast, and we are doing it... a toast to our families

--no attendants on either side. We need 2 witnesses for our licence, so we are going to ask our mothers to come up and sign, we thought it would be a nice way to honour them.

--I plan on keeping my own bouquet and drying it

--no garter... are you kidding? Like I said, we are 50... our kids would probably VOMIT! LOL!!!

--instead of centerpieces since we won''t be doing a sit down meal, we are having 2 large glass vases of hydrangea and peonies flanking the fireplace where we will have the ceremony. At the end of the afternoon we are going to give them to our mothers.

--we are having a small cake, and we will do the cutting tradition. But it is small, not everyone eats cake. We will be having several dessert options for the non-cake eaters.

--gourmet sugar cookies as a little favour to take home

--we will be leaving first, so we can have a big cheering "goodbye" (I SO wish you could still do confetti like in the old days!) to our guests. We are leaving the bar open for another 1/2 hour after we leave so our guests can linger a little longer.

 

[bobbin]

We are:

Not having my dad give me away. I don''t feel comfortable with the tradition and my dad isn''t a big marriage or wedding person so he won''t mind. Instead I am walking halfway down the aisle by myself, and then FI will come down and meet me and we will walk together to be married.

Asking both sets of parents to stand up during the ceremony and give us their support and blessing.

Not having wedding cars. My mum''s car, or ours will do!

Getting married outdoors with a celebrant. No religious content whatsoever.

Only having immediate family and a few friends (bridal party) at the ceremony.

Maybe telling everyone else that it is an engagement party and then saying "Surprise, we are married!"

Not having a traditional reception in that it will be at a bowls club and we will be doing lawn bowls for the beginning of it, instead of having everyone sit down.

Having a buffet roast dinner instead of a fancy sit down dinner.

Wedding will be on a Friday.

Getting ready at the same place (upstairs/downstairs)

Spending the night before together and spending a little bit of time together the day of, before I get ready.

No favours.

No receiving line.

No parent dances.

No ''traditional'' wedding music.

We are paying for everything together.

 

[purselover]

Here''s some of ours:

*No bouquet or garter toss - way too informal for my liking
*I walked down the aisle alone
*DH and I slept in the same hotel room the night before and he was there when I was getting ready that morning
*No traditional wedding music, processional and recessional were from the Beatles
*No traditional bridal party just flower girls
*No something old etc
*I wore black shoes
*I had a red reception dress
*No veil
*No father-daughter type dances

 

[marlie]

Here''s ours...

-No bouquet or garter toss.
-No father-daughter dance. I''ll dance with my mom instead. she''ll also be walking me down the aisle.
-we''re seeing each other before the ceremony.
-acoustic guitar will be playing beatles music for the procession and my walk down the aisle. no string quartet or anything.
-doing our own vows mixed in with some traditional

 

[MonkeyPants]

I haven''t really thought about it, but now that I''ve read all of yours I''ve been inspired to not do a bouquet or garter toss either!
Not doing a Chinese tea ceremony nor various other Chinese traditions

sorry momsie and popsicle!
Not having flower girl or ring bearer
Not having traditional floral centerpieces (doing a farmers market type box with herbs, produce, etc. since our wedding is outdoors. kinda french country)
Rehearsal will be the morning of the wedding with "rehearsal brunch" following
No special car to drive off in

I think everything else is pretty traditional...

 

[Prana]

we are choosing not to do a ''giving away of the bride'', as I am not property. My dad is walking me down the aisle, though. I think that is the only really traditional thing that we are forgoing.

 

[Erinleigh]

We''re still early in the planning process, but know that we will be having an outdoor, non-religious ceremony (much to this dismay of a lot of our family...). I know we''ll have our first dance, but will likely skip the parent dances. Also, we wont be giving favours, but instead will make a donation to a charity (likely to the Canadian Cancer Society).

 

[CurlySue]

Great thread. There are some really cool ideas here!!

We are still in early planning stages, but so far, here''s are the non-traditional/less traditional elements we are planning for our wedding:

- Ceremony will be non-religious. We''ll write it ourselves. Probably a few readings from our favorite writers, vows that we''re writing, and that''s about it. I''m hoping we can stretch it to at least 20 minutes!!
- Precessional and recessional music will probably not be traditional wedding music. Still mulling over this.
- I''m not wearing a veil.
- My dad AND my mom will walk me down the aisle.
- No bouquet toss and no garter toss.
- We are leaning towards not having a cake. FI loves creme brulee, so we are thinking of having that for dessert.
- We plan to see each other before the ceremony. Most of our pictures will be taken beforehand.
- Please God!!! No Macarena or Chicken Dance!!!
- Unless we find extra money for it in the budget or I am struck with a brilliant idea for working them into the centerpieces, we won''t be doing favors.
- Very small bridal party - MOH, Best Man, and one additional attendant for each of us.
- For our rehearsal dinner, we plan on immediate family and the small bridal party only, but we are hoping to invite the rest of the out-of-towners to meet us for drinks and bowling after that.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m already married but can I play too?

We skipped the following:

Garter toss/bouquet toss
Wedding cake -- we did a dessert buffet instead
Having a wedding party other than my MOH and best man
Dollar dance
My husband didn''t give a speech during the reception.
Party dances like the Maccarena, etc.
Favors (we had gift bags for guests staying over at our hotel, but we didn''t have favors at the reception.)

 

[Amzizzle]

Were not doing the garter toss or the bouquet toss (we just never liked either)

Were seeing each other before the ceremony

There will be no father daughter dance or mother son dance


In the past these were either things that made us feel awkward at other weddings,or just bored to watch lol. Were not boring or anything but just don''t want these things at our wedding.

 

[stepcutgirl]

I just want to say that this is a really inspirational thread and while I''m not yet engaged we are talking about an Jan/Feb 2011 wedding and I love some of these ideas!

 

[hihowareyou]

We are in the early planning stages but at this point

- Only one bridesmaid and two best men (my closest friend and Fiance''s brothers)
- No garter toss or bouquet (I don''t have many single friends/relatives)
- Probably a picnic lunch rather than sit down dinner
- Maybe not a honeymoon immediately
- Not a religious ceremony
- No wedding cars
- Ceremony and reception at the same place (in a park)