My younger sister and I were extremely close growing up and through early adulthood. I got married and had children pretty early, and she's chosen to be single while pursuing medical school. We were best friends, confiding in each other and seeking each other's advice with major life decisions, etc. We were as close as two sisters and best friends can be.
About four years ago, things started to change between us. As she started medical school, her personality gradually changed. It's hard to explain exactly, but she's sort of bitter and makes arrogant, condescending comments towards my family constantly. She thinks she knows it all to an extreme, even in the most trivial of conversations she'll act as if she's the ultimate authority on what's right or wrong. It's very irritating because this behavior is present every single time we get together (she lives in another state).
About a year after this turning point in our relationship, our oldest daughter went through an unnecessary surgery because of a doctor that didn't do his job properly. Our frustration with this one doctor was known by the whole family and was taken personally by her. She made a pretty big deal about it, even though no comments were made that generalized our disappointment towards ALL doctors, and even though I tell her constantly of how proud I am of her and make positive comments about her choice to pursue medical school, etc. I even seek her opinion about medical issues sometimes and respect her input. This incident, however, widened the rift between us.
She constantly judges our lifestyle. For instance, when we visited her in the city where she lives, I wanted to take my girls to have lunch at the American Girl place. She introduced us to her boyfriend, and minutes after, she told him in front of us that we had been to lunch there, and laughed with him in front of us about how ridiculous it is that parents buy their kids those expensive dolls and clothes, and how much of fool I am to spend my money that way.
About the fact that I lost my engagement ring recently and we are actively looking for a replacement / upgrade, she immediately said she can't believe some people spend money on diamonds, and she doesn't need a diamond to feel loved. I did not flaunt or brag about the replacement, just casually asked her one day about what style she liked. In the past, if my husband gave me a present, she'd be ecstatic for me.
When she makes these comments I just ignore her. I am not the type who can have a prefect comeback in these kinds of situations. I've thought about talking to her about all this but I'm afraid I may push her even further apart and with her attitude, I really don't think it will go well and I don't want to create any drama.
I'm finding myself feeling bad in her presence constantly. I've tried for the past four years to be warm and rekindle the friendship we had. I was hopeful but for the first time ever I'm starting to think we may never be the same and I'm sort of mourning the loss of the sister I cherished so much.
Have you dealt with estrangement from a close family member before, how did you deal with it? Any thoughts?
About four years ago, things started to change between us. As she started medical school, her personality gradually changed. It's hard to explain exactly, but she's sort of bitter and makes arrogant, condescending comments towards my family constantly. She thinks she knows it all to an extreme, even in the most trivial of conversations she'll act as if she's the ultimate authority on what's right or wrong. It's very irritating because this behavior is present every single time we get together (she lives in another state).
About a year after this turning point in our relationship, our oldest daughter went through an unnecessary surgery because of a doctor that didn't do his job properly. Our frustration with this one doctor was known by the whole family and was taken personally by her. She made a pretty big deal about it, even though no comments were made that generalized our disappointment towards ALL doctors, and even though I tell her constantly of how proud I am of her and make positive comments about her choice to pursue medical school, etc. I even seek her opinion about medical issues sometimes and respect her input. This incident, however, widened the rift between us.
She constantly judges our lifestyle. For instance, when we visited her in the city where she lives, I wanted to take my girls to have lunch at the American Girl place. She introduced us to her boyfriend, and minutes after, she told him in front of us that we had been to lunch there, and laughed with him in front of us about how ridiculous it is that parents buy their kids those expensive dolls and clothes, and how much of fool I am to spend my money that way.
About the fact that I lost my engagement ring recently and we are actively looking for a replacement / upgrade, she immediately said she can't believe some people spend money on diamonds, and she doesn't need a diamond to feel loved. I did not flaunt or brag about the replacement, just casually asked her one day about what style she liked. In the past, if my husband gave me a present, she'd be ecstatic for me.
When she makes these comments I just ignore her. I am not the type who can have a prefect comeback in these kinds of situations. I've thought about talking to her about all this but I'm afraid I may push her even further apart and with her attitude, I really don't think it will go well and I don't want to create any drama.
I'm finding myself feeling bad in her presence constantly. I've tried for the past four years to be warm and rekindle the friendship we had. I was hopeful but for the first time ever I'm starting to think we may never be the same and I'm sort of mourning the loss of the sister I cherished so much.
Have you dealt with estrangement from a close family member before, how did you deal with it? Any thoughts?