What if your ring is rejected

[Kaleigh]

Me too!! I am sending you good thoughts!!

 

[kevinraja]

Thanks for all your thoughts. I have decided NOT to return the ring, not becaue I hope that it will work out. If it works out great, if not I think I want to give that diamond as a gift to my younger and married sister.

 

[belle]

best of luck to you kevin!
(any chance i''m your long lost sister?

)

 

[chrono]

I wish you the best, Kevin. You really sound so miserable in your quandry. As much as you love your sister, I hope the proposal works out and she doesn''t get the diamond.

 

[Kaleigh]

Of course I hope everthing works out for you. If not then giving that diamond to your sister is one of the kindest most thoughtful gestures ever.

 

[kevinraja]

Thanks guys. I will keep you posted.

 

[fire&ice]

I''m confused as to why you feel that she isn''t ready? Sometimes a yes is just that.

Sorry about the situation though.

 

[Regular Guy]

Raja,

Obviously, I won''t offer you advice, but I''ll share a personal story. We all do things in different ways...I had first given the woman that was to become my wife...she''s my wife now for 15 + years... a friendship type ring...a smaller diamond ring. I made sure she wore it on the "other" hand, that it was not an engagement ring. (Cheating, I guess...I wasn''t ready, but I wanted to keep her). And...keep in mind...this was with me in my early thirties!

The process of becoming marriage ready was progressive for us both. Then there was my wife''s second diamond. It had a 30 day window for returning it. I was waiting for the right circumstance to give it, never found it, and returned the diamond within the 30 days. Some weeks to months later, late at night, with some emotionally charged set of feelings, I showed her the empty ring, without the diamond...trying to prove what point...I can no longer remember. Later, I had actually moved out of the country...but I couldn''t let the girl go. I flew in from Canada, and we met together every month. In one of my visits, I bought a third ring....still couldn''t find the right timing to ask her, (I felt certain I was getting direct/indirect messages from her not to ask her), and allowed the date of return to pass. Back in Canada, I did identify a jeweler that would, if necessary, take it on consignment. Time passed again, with the ring now firmly mine to own, I did, on one of my return flights in, over dinner, ask my wife to marry me....

She said, can I think about it. Back in Canada, within 12 - 72 hours (can''t remember), she phoned me up, told me she''d talked to her grandmother (may she rest in peace), got clear, and said yes. I took a delighted spin around the block, phoned her back, and we began to make plans going forward from that. Some time I''ll have to peg the time span, but it was between 1 & 2 years for us, start to finish, with obvious, mostly internally felt, ups and downs.

Now, I''m on my fourth diamond...with the third having fallen out after 15 years. That''s how I found Pricescope.

Everyone has a story. Lots of things can happen. Don''t have the remotest sense how such a story might be helpful to you, except to help provide some perspective on the fact that it can sometime take awhile and process before the fat lady sings.

We''ve been happily married. However you decide to pursue this, I wish you all the best,

 

[kevinraja]

Great romantic story Ira. Boy she made you work HARD. It sure was very helpful to read your story.

I am in a very similar position just like you were Ira. I don''t want to let her go, but at the same time I want to make sure that she is honest/ready about wanting to be with me. I am keeping the ring. But I am in NO hurry right now. I am going to let things normalize, know for sure that she is ready, then make plans.

 

[orbaya]

She said she was ready...only she knows for sure if she''s really 100% ready. Getting engaged and married is one of the biggest decisions in life, so it''s normal to be nervous. Perhaps what you''re sensing from her is just common nerves involved with the whole event. I''m not going to tell you to propose now or wait...only you can decide that.

Before hubby and I got engaged, we had looked at rings together and I told him that when he decided to ask, I was definitely going to say yes. And I meant it. After he asked he said he was very nervous (and I could tell he was) even though I had essentially said "yes" before he even offically asked lol!

Sometimes it can be hard to read and understand someones true emtions and feelings in a situation that is so emotionally charged to begin with, so keep that in mind.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted!

 

[kevinraja]

There is a great Tamil (language spokein in one of the souther states in INDIA) poem that comes to mind. I will try my best to translate it.

A river is not deep. The place where it joins the ocean is not deep. What is deep is a woman''s mind. If you think you understand a woman''s mind, you are either drunk or mentally insane.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 1/19/2005 4:39:31 PM
Author: kevinraja

If you think you understand a woman''s mind, you are either drunk or mentally insane.

Well, it no easier on the other side...

Even if she says no, that will make things clear at least - that''s what asking is fo no ? Go for it anyway !

 

[outlander]

I wish you the very best, whatever you decide.

 

[Billyba36]

If it makes you feel better, I''ve heard it said that if a man waits to propose until he knows what the answer will be then he''s waited too long. But that''s just what someone said to me once. I followed that seemingly sage advice about 8 years ago and after a brief engagement came to my senses and called off the engagement. This was after receiving much better sage advice from my father and younger brother on a dock in Northern Ontario over a few beers. Ahhhh, good times. It''s been so long that I barely remember who I was back then....Wow I''m getting old.

 

[Mara]

I worked hard to get my then-boyfriend to the point where he was ''ready''...it took about a year and a half, he was a mid 30s committed bachelor before me and came from a divorced family so he was skittish about the ''forever'' thing. When we finally got engaged, which I had been definitely dreaming about, all of a sudden *I* freaked out! Was I making the right decision, it was such a large decision, etc etc. I, of course, only wanted to get married once. At that point HE was totally gung-ho and on-board and I was the one flipping out. My panic attach only lasted a short time, but you DO go through a large range of emotions while you are thinking about marriage and then suddenly it becomes real and people are actually involved. There is alot of stress involved in that decision and getting to that point.

So I would venture to say don''t read TOO much into what you think may be going on, if you trust her, think about taking her word at face value. I always tell my now-hubby, I will tell you what I am really thinking...I won''t sugar coat it. So he never has to worry that I''m saying something to spare his feelings. I would rather he knows to take what I say at face value and know I''m being honest.

I would hope after 4.5 years you feel you really know her and know what she is telling you. If she is not the ''at face value'' type then maybe you already know the answer what you are asking.

My two cents.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 1/19/2005 5:47:44 PM
Author: Mara
. When we finally got engaged, which I had been definitely dreaming about, all of a sudden *I* freaked out! Was I making the right decision, it was such a large decision, etc etc. I, of course, only wanted to get married once. At that point HE was totally gung-ho and on-board and I was the one flipping out. My panic attach only lasted a short time, but you DO go through a large range of emotions while you are thinking about marriage and then suddenly it becomes real and people are actually involved. There is alot of stress involved in that decision and getting to that point.

Funny Mara, this is *exactly* what happened to me. I wonder if our thought process may be the same or is the way most people react in some way or another when faced with a definitive? With me, it was a "what have I done!" But, it didn''t last long and was more of a reaction to a stress at home.

 

[Hest88]

Kevin, you sound like a great guy and I''m glad you''ve come to some sort of peace with whatever happens. I''m also glad that you are not blinded by your desires and seem to have a pretty realistic sense of what may be going on. I hope you''re wrong about her, but if you''re not, I know you will eventually end up with the woman of your dreams.

 

[windowshopper]

Kevin--forget the ring for now-put in away and make no HARD AND FAST decisions. Rings mean nothing --supposed to be a symbol of whats already there..................... if she seems upset about not getting it right now I could understand that. It would be a let-down. Maybe an inexpensive promise ring to show her you really are committed and want to try (if indeed you feel that way...) Just my thoughts

 

[kevinraja]

I agree WS. That is exactly what I plan to do.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Kevinraja

i advise you to keep the ring .is not too smart to sell it for a big loss ,diamonds aren''t going to get any cheaper in the near future, if it don''t work out this time ,keep it until the right girl comes along and propose with the ring......Good Luck