What do you think of push presents?

[Jambalaya]

If you have children, did you get a push present? What do you think about the concept of push presents? Yay or nay?

I googled it and it seems there are fiery opinions on both sides.

In my opinion, there's a strain of misogyny in the "no way!' camp. People don't earn Christmas and birthday presents, but they get them anyway, and I think that a woman who has had a baby has earned much more appreciation than most people who get Christmas gifts! Today, many people have more disposable income than ever, and if someone can afford a gesture of appreciation, even if small, I think that it's a tender and kind thing to have all the efforts of pregnancy, birth, and recovery acknowledged. There seems something woman-hating in the vehemently-against opinion. This woman just went through a complete physical sh&t-show, and you have the money to get her something nice to say thank-you, and you just....don't? Meanwhile she's dealing with vaginal stitches, a body that's changed forever, lack of sleep, and sore, leaky breasts? C'mon.

The whole "baby is the present" thing just reeks to me of a "women should put up and shut up" line of thinking. If I was the partner of a woman who had had a baby, and if I could afford, it, I couldn't imagine not getting her a super-pretty necklace or something. It doesn't have to be expensive. Angara has gorgeous gemstone solitaire pendants for $200-$500. (I've dealt with Angara a lot recently and have nothing but good things to say about them.) In fact, if I could afford something nice like that, not super-expensive, and I chose not to get it for someone who's in the hospital because they took one for the team, I'd feel pretty unkind. (It's worth noting that one of my love languages is gifts, though, and of course, I'm a PSer!)

It's important to note that in the scenario I'm describing above, the non-birthing partner can easily afford a token. It's different if a couple are financially stretched.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I’m not a fan of them for myself but if someone else wants one then have at it.

I didn’t get a push present but DH got me a sweet little mouse holding flowers from the hospital gift shop after our first son. That was good enough for me! After the second I think he brought me food, he knows me well

Not a fan of of term “push present” though, when I think of push present I think of something happening in the bathroom. Sorry, but true!

Here is my mouse and Carly, she was very interested.

 

[Jambalaya]

Yada, that mouse is SO SWEET! I would absolutely treasure a gift like that and keep it always. It's a kind-hearted gift that shows appreciation, and that's what counts the most.

Don't let Carly get the mouse!!!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

We don’t call them push presents (I agree I don’t like the term) but it seems to be an Indian thing to give gifts when a baby is born! Though I think the gifts are given by both sets of parents (or maybe it’s just the girl’s parents?) and not by the husband to the wife.

 

[GCGDanielle]

My twins were born in 2009, so a bit before the push present became a mainstream "thing." I had an absolutely amazing pregnancy. I had no complaints whatsoever the entire time, just a super-sized basketball belly. Everything was perfect until (TMI warning...) I lost my mucus plug suddenly and was admitted to the hospital on strict bedrest at 32 weeks. I managed to keep the boys in for three weeks before my water broke and I went into full labor. My doctor allowed me to try giving birth naturally, but Baby A was "sunny-side up" and after an hour of laboring without much movement, they decided to do an emergency c-section. The boys were tiny, but healthy, and needed NICU time to "feed and grow" and learn to regulate their body temperatures.

During the three weeks of NICU time, my husband and I traveled 30 miles to the hospital each day. We would arrive by 6:00 a.m. and leave at midnight. It was so difficult being away from the boys for those hours, but the hospital staff insisted that we leave to get some rest. The boys were in the NICU on Christmas Day, and it was the absolute worst thing to go through. It felt horrible that our tiny little babies were in the hospital on their very first Christmas morning.

During the NICU time period, my husband helped me recover from the surgery, helped me pump, and helped me learn to breastfeed. We both did skin-to-skin contact with the boys, fed them, changed them, bathed them, etc. We were an absolute team through and through during this stressful period, being each other's biggest and best supporters and staying positive and upbeat for our babies.

Upon their release from the hospital, the boys were finally were able to come home to their nursery and we were able to start living the family life we had planned. I became very grateful for that NICU stay because the boys were trained into a solid routine that we never deviated from (to this day they have never had any sleep issues whatsoever), and my husband and I learned how to work together flawlessly to care for the boys and it truly strengthened our relationship (which I didn't think was even possible, honestly).

All of this long story just to say: The thought of a "push present" never entered my mind. Even now, knowing that it's a common practice, I wouldn't expect, ask for, or want one. I think I just had way too many other concerns and a gift would be at the very last point on the list. My "push present" is a caring partner who goes above and beyond for our boys (and me!) every single day, I absolutely do not denigrate those who want/give them, but it's just not something that is necessary for me!

 

[Mreader]

I just wish they would call it something else besides “push present”. Ugh I just HATE the term. But I think it’s a nice way to commemorate the birth. I have a silver necklace with my son’s name and date.

 

[icy_jade]

I got push presents. I had a terrible time with both pregnancies - look if my husband can carry a child so that I can be a mum without going through pregnancy, I’ll get him a push present too.

 

[Ionysis]

I loathe the term as it implies only women who have vaginal births “deserve” gifts, which is an abhorrent idea. Also that somehow the man is “paying” the woman to squeeze out his heir. I think the entire term should be consigned to the dustbin of bad taste.

I do however love the idea of getting a piece of meaningful jewellery to celebrate the birth of your children. My husband bought me an eternity ring for daughter 1 and a watch for daughter 2 and they are my most treasured items of jeweller which I wear almost every day because to me they represent my girls.

 

[TooPatient]

I dislike the term. One thing I am sad about is seeing "push presents" and "babymoons" being spoken of as the expected normal as opposed to each couple doing what feels right and is affordable to them. At a time with so many other expenses in preparing for a baby, it seems like those who are on a tighter budget have already stretched all they can. Having these other expenses appear to be the normal thing that "everyone" gets leaves women who are already emotional trying to not be hurt that they didn't get to have that experience like "everyone" around them.

As the person who grew up not having the birthday parties that "everyone" had or getting to go on school trips like "everyone" in the class had, I can say that is a difficult place to be. I have also watched as people I went to school with struggled to pay their bills and scrape together stuff for the new baby and be upset that they weren't getting a "babymoon" like "everyone else" was getting to have.

So, I guess my answer is that I love the idea of a token in some form that is within the means (even a handmade card or whatever) of the individual couple as a way to show how appreciated and special the pregnancy and birth were but I am sad to see it causing pain to others.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Am i allowed to comment ?
I dont have or want children but i was once a baby and my dad gave my mum a diamond and saphire (i was born in September) eternity ring when i was born
i was a c section birth
My mother and i almost didn't make it (it was 1971), i was very small and early and after mum came home i went to a baby home and it was months before i came home

as an aside after i was born my dad went straight back to work - that day
its how it was done back then

I know nothing about the ring except mum always wore it with her ER
I only know its origin because it was listed in a letter she left in her will regarding her jewlery
my parents had been married 7 years when i was born and im the oldest

but i don't at all like the wording 'push present' - its just gross to me

and as has been said does that mean because i was a c- section my mother didn't put in enough effort to get it ???

I think it was rather just a good occasion (my impending birth) to mark a milestone in their marrage rather than anything else
But now days a lot of couples dont seem to wait long for the eternity ring

As far as i know she didn't get a ring when my sister was born 5 years latter but my dad was building our holiday home at the time so i think that more than sufficed

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I’m not a fan of them for myself but if someone else wants one then have at it.

I didn’t get a push present but DH got me a sweet little mouse holding flowers from the hospital gift shop after our first son. That was good enough for me! After the second I think he brought me food, he knows me well

Not a fan of of term “push present” though, when I think of push present I think of something happening in the bathroom. Sorry, but true!

Here is my mouse and Carly, she was very interested.

OMG ! The look on Kitty's face

 

[MrsBlue]

A thoughtful gift is always nice but calling it a push present seems unnecessary and vulgar to me.

I suppose we should be glad people don't celebrate by exploding things, as they do with gender reveals.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

A thoughtful gift is always nice but calling it a push present seems unnecessary and vulgar to me.

I suppose we should be glad people don't celebrate by exploding things, as they do with gender reveals.

Vulgar
that's a great word for it

 

[qubitasaurus]

I agree the term and connotations are a bit derogatory.

However in my experience pregnancy can be easy. But it can also be quite difficult and involve a lot of self doubt and not coping so well, and sometimes symptoms which are severe enough to end up hospitalised while in pretty strong pain and trying desperately not to take anything medicinal for it.

Once the baby arrives you may get lucky and it may be a baby who sleeps at night. Or you can also end up with a pretty acute appreciation for why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. The latter goes on for almost a year if the baby isn't the kind that sleeps (and afterwards you have no memories of that year).

It would mean a lot actually to get some acknowledgement for that -- a gesture which was equivalent to someone saying I am thinking about you rather than being absorbed in how the upcoming changes will impact my life or what I need to get done workwise. Personally I would like it to come from my partner as that would really help with the emotional turmoil that comes with all the above experiences.

 

[icy_jade]

So… since this is PS do we share blingy push present pics or is it too vulgar?

 

[icy_jade]

It would mean a lot actually to get some acknowledgement for that -- a gesture which was equivalent to someone saying I am thinking about you rather than being absorbed in how the upcoming changes will impact my life or what I need to get done workwise. Personally I would like it to come from my partner as that would really help with the emotional turmoil that comes with all the above experiences.

Exactly. It’s an acknowledgement by my husband of the impact on my life and a token of appreciation from him - it was my choice to have a child/children of course, but as a working mum, the impact on me has been far greater than on him from a career perspective, not even considering the physical pain/changes, traumatic childbirth process or sleepless nights thereafter.

Suffering as I did through two pregnancies, I’d also told my husband that if he could get pregnant, I’ll be more than glad to buy a very nice present for him.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

So… since this is PS do we share blingy push present pics or is it too vulgar?

So long as you call it something else all eyes are on you my dear

 

[yssie]

For a woman who gives birth - the baby is both a sacrifice and a present. For a man, any man, the carrying and birth of his baby involves far less sacrifice. I think it’s reasonable and humane for a man to acknowledge the inequality of this sacrifice. What form that acknowledgment takes - that’s probably different for every partnership!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Exactly. It’s an acknowledgement by my husband of the impact on my life and a token of appreciation from him - it was my choice to have a child/children of course, but as a working mum, the impact on me has been far greater than on him from a career perspective, not even considering the physical pain/changes, traumatic childbirth process or sleepless nights thereafter.

Suffering as I did through two pregnancies, I’d also told my husband that if he could get pregnant, I’ll be more than glad to buy a very nice present for him.

I bought Gary a nice present when he got the snip
The snip cost $240 so that's what i spent on the present
A really really nice bottle of port and some lovelly glasses
Neither of us have regreted it but one of the glases has a chip

 

[icy_jade]

Well, I got some pearls. It will be a good story to tell when I eventually pass on the pearls to my daughter since they were also in her newborn pics:

 

[Ionysis]

@Daisys and Diamonds - that reminds me of a story. When my husband got his vasectomy we were preparing to leave the clinic when the dr walked in with a small sample bottle full of liquid. He handed it over to my husband and said “these are the bits of vas deferens I removed. Legally I have to give them to you because if you come back for your final check and you’ve still got some swimmers present you can have the lab analyse this to check I cut the right tubes”. My husbands face was a picture as he said, deathly white, “what else could you have snipped by mistake?!!!!”. The doctor just laughed and told him not to worry.

I took the bottle and told my husband I was going to get the little snippets dipped in 18k gold and made into studs, as it would be the closest I could get to telling people I wore his balls as earrings!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Well, I got some pearls. It will be a good story to tell when I eventually pass on the pearls to my daughter since they were also in her newborn pics:

Oh even i think that is the cutest picture
This is what Pebbles Flintstone should have looked like !

 

[Rhea]

I don't like the term, but I don't see giving a present to celebrate the birth of a baby as any different to a mother's day gift really. The new mum, however she got there including through adoption, has done something wonderful and momentous, a gift was given. We give presents for birthdays, religious holidays, graduations, and other special occasions, why not to celebrate the new member of the family?

I don't want them to become the norm necessarily, that could be a financial hardship, but I would also hope that all grown-ups having children are aware that we all do life differently, some of us smaller or more subdued and some of us going all out.

 

[missy]

Like many of you I find the term distasteful but I think the sentiment behind it lovely.
Any reason to celebrate joy and happiness is good in my book.

 

[Austina]

The term is not something I’ve heard used here (UK), but when I had DS I didn’t get anything, apart from 3 layers of stitches and masses of bruising

It would’ve been nice to be given something in commeration of the birth of our (only) child, but DH doesn’t think like that. His company sent me a huge bouquet of flowers, and that was his excuse for not getting me any himself

 

[Tartansparkles]

I don't like the term either, but in my mind I don't think it differentiates between different types of births.

When DD was born I received...a can of coke (water was making me sick) and THREE curly wurlys (toffee covered chocolate bars). I'd had a hard time, so three rather than one bar of chocolate was in order. When DS arrived, DH bought me flowers, I think he'd learned his lesson by then

 

[MillieLou]

Piece of jewellery or other item to commemorate the birth of a child = beautiful and appropriate. Doesn't have to be a gift. I bought my own (with DH's blessing). Lovely to give to the child when older. No need for a vulgar name but the concept is good.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Piece of jewellery or other item to commemorate the birth of a child = beautiful and appropriate. Doesn't have to be a gift. I bought my own (with DH's blessing). Lovely to give to the child when older. No need for a vulgar name but the concept is good.

I would totally do this, as an aside. I’m happy to buy my own jewelry vs receiving it as gifts!

 

[ringbling17]

I’ve had 5 kids so if my husband wanted to buy me something for the birth of one of them, I’m all for it. Of course he didn’t do anything when I had any of them but if he had, I would have loved it.

 

[Roselina]

The term is awful, the thought is nice. I didn’t get one but my husband surprised my later on with a beautiful aquamarine ring, the birth stone of the little one - which the husband didn’t know, but got itright, maybe by intuition.