Wanting to Propose: Would a CZ be OK for now?

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

a) Get the CZ and don't tell her there's a very good chance she'd be suspicious of the size, dig around and the next big argument you get in she'll pull that out of the woodwork on you, start crying, and a huge portion of trust and respect for you will drop.

Randall, you hit it right on the head with that comment. True with so may random things, but this one thing is very expensive and represents a significant milestone in the relationship, so this is probably the one thing that you don't want her to pull out and throw on the table in a fight.

OP, I really do think that guys in school and just graduated get a pass on the whole 2 months salary thing. Whatever you get her, you're getting it for her way before she expects it, so she'll love it for the sentiment.

The OP did say he wouldn't try to pass off the CZ as real to his GF, so I think he's ok on this point.

However, the other posters all brought up REALLY good points against getting a CZ. Also, realistically, how long will it take you to get a 1.5 ct. to replace it? Life can throw you all sorts of curveballs (look at the recession!) and even if you're planning on replacing the CZ with a real 1.5 soon, something could always happen to prevent that from happening right away. In that case, how would your GF feel, knowing that it would be even longer before she got her real diamond?

Practicality aside, I also just think it would be more sentimental to propose with the (smaller) real deal or a gemstone rather than a fake, you know? She probably won't wear the CZ once she gets the real diamond, but she very well could wear the smaller diamond or the gemstone as a right hand ring, or reset it into a pendant, etc.

 

[Dancing Fire]

However, the other posters all brought up REALLY good points against getting a CZ. Also, realistically, how long will it take you to get a 1.5 ct. to replace it? Life can throw you all sorts of curveballs (look at the recession!) and even if you're planning on replacing the CZ with a real 1.5 soon, something could always happen to prevent that from happening right away. In that case, how would your GF feel, knowing that it would be even longer before she got her real diamond?

cheated!!...

 

[jackofdiamonds]

So, I've decided to spend a bit more and buy a 1.4-1.5ct diamond. It's going to take away from my small nest egg that I have and also a loan from the parents but hey, she's really worth it.
Thank you all for your help. I don't want to put my future fiancee in an uncomfortable situation in the future.
I'll post pics of the ring in the next couple of weeks or so when I get it...

Jack

 

[slg47]

Hi Jack-not to be a downer, but have you priced 1.4 ct diamonds? They are...well...MUCH over your original budget of 3000. I would advise you to do some research on cut quality, as this is the most important factor in determining how the diamond looks, but one of the least known about. I strongly recommend checking out the knowledge links and posting potential stones here for opinions.

Also, a 1.5 ct diamond is quite substantial...what about getting one just under the 1 carat mark to save some $$?

 

[jackofdiamonds]

Yes I've priced them out. I had a small savings, that I'm going to use, which I wasn't planning on using... My father is also going to loan me some... I got things covered. Just crossing my fingers for the year end bonus I'm going to place the order on Monday.

 

[CharmyPoo]

Congrats on picking out the setting and the stone. Please post the specs of your diamond before purchasing it. We can help you decide if it is a good one or not. Also, diamond purchases can be a lot cheaper through the online vendors. I think the setting is lovely.

I guess unlike others, I would be ok with getting a beautiful setting now and putting a non-diamond in it. I would probably consider a white spinel.

 

[BoulderGal]

Just a thought, when my husband asked me to marry him (17 years ago) money was very tight. He proposed without a ring, and a few months later we decided on a budget together and went shopping. We got a small, but nice wedding set that I liked. He actually said that he was glad he didn't try to pick something without me because he would have picked an entirely different style! He was the one talking about an upgrade after about 7 or 8 years of marriage.

Last year I got a beautiful 15 year three stone anniversary ring. He said that it's what he wanted in the first place, but we are in a better place financially now.

Maybe just propose without a ring and choose the ring and stone together?

 

[AnneinGA]

Jack,
I have just a quick thought for you. I know that you want this whole thing to be a surprise and gosh knows how important this is, but I think a little input from her might be in order.

What I mean is this: "sweetheart, I want to buy you a beautiful diamond ring in a setting you love. This is a big decsion that involves both of us, so as much as I want it to be a surprise, I want us to make this first big decision together. I've priced it and looked at the budget and I can do one of three things. 1) I can buy you a gorgeous setting, and set it with a CZ. My worry is how you will interpret if it is a CZ and how that might make you uncomfortable or somehow think that my love for you is fake. 2)I can put the budget into the stone, and get a very simple and elegant mounting that we can upgrade as we do better financially; or 3)I have arranged a loan and can pull some money out of my nest egg to do this, which I love you and am happy to do. Which would you be most comfortable and happy with?"

It's one thing if you have the budget and the means to do exactly what you want. It's something else if you don't. "Honey, if I had known you'd have to get a loan from your parents, I would have told you no. Do they think that you're not good enough for me with what you can afford on your own?!?!?!"

Just my $.02

 

[katedrac]

Canera is where I got my 10th anniversary ring lol. I actually posted the pic of the ring here:
[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/tenth-anniversary-upgrade-3ct-round-with-cushion-halo.149734/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/tenth-anniversary-upgrade-3ct-round-with-cushion-halo.149734/[/URL]
I'm still head over heels in love with my mounting, and from the pieces that I saw while I was over there I think your girlfriend will be as well. Sometimes you have to just dive into it, you get a lot of different opinions from different people. If he promised to switch the ring out for you, what's the problem? It sounds like you're making a big financial commitment and if your relationship is strong I don't think there's going to be any problem IMHO.

kate

 

[motownmama]

I am a BIG fan of the SURPRISE!!!!!!! (besides the jeweler will exchange it) My proposal was 100% surprise and 16 years into marriage I have to say it's still such a special memory. I can't comment on the borrowing - that's your business. CZ - no way for me.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

I would be quite happy with a good quality, cubic zirconia, such as Wink sells or even better an amorphous diamond coated one from "he who must not be named" one of L***'s A***'s . If it was what he could comfortably afford at the time, and it meant I got him for the rest of my life then HELL YES.

Seriously. And I know a lot of girls would be, because over on the "other forum" there are hundreds of women who feel the same.

But I do think it would have to be HER idea, or at least you would have to do the deciding together. Not really something you can spring on someone and expect a happy response. As you have seen in this thread alone, 80-90% of people have a huge bias to getting something which has been pulled from the ground, and there is a large taboo about cz being a "fake" stone, which many girls are not ok with.

So feel her out, not us .

Good luck whatever you do!

 

[Rhea]

Jack,
I have just a quick thought for you. I know that you want this whole thing to be a surprise and gosh knows how important this is, but I think a little input from her might be in order.

What I mean is this: "sweetheart, I want to buy you a beautiful diamond ring in a setting you love. This is a big decsion that involves both of us, so as much as I want it to be a surprise, I want us to make this first big decision together. I've priced it and looked at the budget and I can do one of three things. 1) I can buy you a gorgeous setting, and set it with a CZ. My worry is how you will interpret if it is a CZ and how that might make you uncomfortable or somehow think that my love for you is fake. 2)I can put the budget into the stone, and get a very simple and elegant mounting that we can upgrade as we do better financially; or 3)I have arranged a loan and can pull some money out of my nest egg to do this, which I love you and am happy to do. Which would you be most comfortable and happy with?"

It's one thing if you have the budget and the means to do exactly what you want. It's something else if you don't. "Honey, if I had known you'd have to get a loan from your parents, I would have told you no. Do they think that you're not good enough for me with what you can afford on your own?!?!?!"

Just my $.02

I completely agree with Anne. It's not just the not being good enough for you, it's also the ability to pay it back. A friend has a lovely ring and it was her lovely ring all through their engagement. When they combined money after the wedding, and her making more money than him, it became her ring to pay back the loan on. She realised at that point how much he'd borrowed and was not pleased at all. Not only that, but he picked the ring without her input. So she's paying back on a ring that she liked okay, but wasn't her dream ring or something that she would have chosen for herself. Two children later and I haven't seen her wear her engagement ring in years. Some line about it being too tall and scratching the children.

Some women, myself included, would not want you to take away from savings to buy a ring. Especially not in this economy. To help fund it, it sounds like you're not only counting on your parents, but also on a Christmas bonus. I say spend what you actually have and trade up if you want to later. Or get the setting now and see if you can put a gemstone in there for now (some are are much more expensive than diamonds though).

 

[pancake]

I am with Anne and Addy here, Jack - it's exciting that you're embarking "officially" on your life together and you sound like such a thoughtful guy, but I would seriously think twice about going into debt for this ring. If anything goes wrong in your string of back-ups (savings, parents, bonus) then your debt for her ring becomes your - plural - SHARED debt for her ring. Better to put her in some minor potential "discomfort" now than substantial financial discomfort later.

When my husband and I got engaged, we figured out the budget, the stone and the setting together - it's not everyone's cup of tea to do it that way, but it worked for us. At that stage we weren't really thinking too consciously about budgeting etc, but in hindsight I'm so glad that we did set a budget that was well within our means! As it turns out we married 3 months after we got engaged (not the original plan, but then we thought of it and really wanted it that way!) and now, 5 months after marrying (and paying for the wedding), we are looking to buy a house. It would have been a massive dampener on things - and very frustrating - if we had extra debt to pay on a piece of jewellery, especially as that is a "discretionary" item. We have merged most of our finances and so any debt that my husband might have taken out on my ring would have then been passed on to me as well - which would not be such a desirable outcome.

 

[Sparklee]

WOW!! I'm blown away by some of the catty responses in this thread!!! Might I remind people that engagement and marriage is about the commitment between 2 people and NOT about the engagement ring, or whether or not it's a real diamond. I wouldn't be surprised if Jackofdiamonds goes away from this thinking women are nothing but materialistic b*ches.

Suggesting that the man use savings, or borrow money from relatives, when that money could much better be used for a first home is just plain stupid. There are far more important things in life......

 

[Rhea]

WOW!! I'm blown away by some of the catty responses in this thread!!! Might I remind people that engagement and marriage is about the commitment between 2 people and NOT about the engagement ring, or whether or not it's a real diamond. I wouldn't be surprised if Jackofdiamonds goes away from this thinking women are nothing but materialistic b*ches.

Suggesting that the man use savings, or borrow money from relatives, when that money could much better be used for a first home is just plain stupid. There are far more important things in life......

Sparklee - he may go away thinking that women are nothing but materialistic b1tches...and that he was just called stupid by you. Jackofdiamonds himself is the one who suggested using his "nest egg" and borrowing money from relatives. Those were his ideas. Most of the people on this thread have said that they wouldn't use a CZ but that they also wouldn't spend money that they didn't have. They have suggested to him that he use his $3K, the budget he posted, and buy what he can afford.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

WOW!! I'm blown away by some of the catty responses in this thread!!! Might I remind people that engagement and marriage is about the commitment between 2 people and NOT about the engagement ring, or whether or not it's a real diamond. I wouldn't be surprised if Jackofdiamonds goes away from this thinking women are nothing but materialistic b*ches.

Suggesting that the man use savings, or borrow money from relatives, when that money could much better be used for a first home is just plain stupid. There are far more important things in life......

1. This is a DIAMOND forum. Did you really think people were going to say "Yes! Buy a CZ! I am sure she will love it!!"

2. I don't recall ANYONE suggesting that he use his savings and take out a loan to buy a diamond. I saw people advising against the idea. I saw people advising him to buy what he could afford and upgrade down the track when they were more financially secure. I saw people advising him to be sure that the setting was what she would like because it was a lot of money.

Yes, people were blunt and to the point but only bitchy catty comment i saw came from you Sparklee.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I wouldn't do the cz at all. As others have said, get a real diamond that you can afford, with an upgrade policy. It will be fun
for her down the road to pick out a new setting if she wants too. If you go with a vendor that has a good upgrade policy, you are
set all around.

No matter how she feels about jewelry, a cz puts her in a awkward position every day. Does she pass it off as a diamond, not
say anything, or explain to people who comment on it the whole situation? When she gets engaged, she will get lots of comments
on it by friends and family. It doesn't portray you in a very favorable light either, and I know that is not your intention.

Get a lovely diamond you can afford, and she will always treasure it. Don't start off on the wrong foot. That is just my
two cents. Can't wait to see what you come up with.

 

[junebug17]

WOW!! I'm blown away by some of the catty responses in this thread!!! Might I remind people that engagement and marriage is about the commitment between 2 people and NOT about the engagement ring, or whether or not it's a real diamond. I wouldn't be surprised if Jackofdiamonds goes away from this thinking women are nothing but materialistic b*ches.

Suggesting that the man use savings, or borrow money from relatives, when that money could much better be used for a first home is just plain stupid. There are far more important things in life......

Sparklee, I have to respectfully disagree with you, I went back and re-read all the posts and I couldn't find any catty ones. People have been honest but not nasty at all. Everyone is just giving their opinions, which the OP asked for. People are just giving Jack food for thought.

And the OP is the one who mentioned using his savings and borrowing...several posters have actually spoken against doing that.

Jack, I think I agree with the other posters who are saying work within your budget and get a smaller diamond and simpler setting. There are some rude people out there in the real world, I used to wear cz's because I love the sparkle of diamonds but couldn't afford them, and occasionally someone would grab my hand and exclaim "Is it real???" It's unfortunate some people feel compelled to do things like that, but it's the reality of the situation. And since this ring is an ering, it's going to garner a LOT of attention. I'm thinking there's a chance your gf may be placed in some uncomfortable situations. But it's just my opinion, in the end you have to do what feels right to you, good luck!

 

[rosetta]

WOW!! I'm blown away by some of the catty responses in this thread!!! Might I remind people that engagement and marriage is about the commitment between 2 people and NOT about the engagement ring, or whether or not it's a real diamond. I wouldn't be surprised if Jackofdiamonds goes away from this thinking women are nothing but materialistic b*ches.

Suggesting that the man use savings, or borrow money from relatives, when that money could much better be used for a first home is just plain stupid. There are far more important things in life......

I don't see anyone encouraging him to spend his savings, rather to find something that works with his current budget.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

What about doing it backwards; proposing with a lovely shared prong eternity band that she can use as a wedding band down the road and deciding together once you actually have your year-end bonus in hand what to do about an engagement ring?

For example; http://idjewelryonline.com/product_info.php?cPath=22_53&products_id=6718&osCsid=20dem978esctc2hij9nnsh3l20

http://idjewelryonline.com/product_info.php?cPath=22_53&products_id=6629&osCsid=01pdc0l9rutk9c6n4o8l33itb0

http://www.whiteflash.com/wedding-bands/diamonds-for-an-eternity-diamond-wedding-band-598.htm

http://www.whiteflash.com/wedding-bands/bead-set-eternity-diamond-wedding-band-716.htm

My .02 to this is much like everyone else; buy what you can afford, and if you can, please try not to use cash that you consider your nest egg. My husband had just about the budget you had, and he was creative with the setting so that my .71 ct. Asscher looks a whole lot bigger than a hair over 5 mm. You also have loads of PS vendors who have full upgrade policies, so that's another option.

If you do choose to use a simulant, I would only do so with her knowledge. Some women are completely ok with it, and some women aren't.

You may really be surprised what you find about your GF, and if you propose with an eternity band first, you're really nor spoiling any surprise.

Good luck!

 

[Amys Bling]

WOW!! I'm blown away by some of the catty responses in this thread!!! Might I remind people that engagement and marriage is about the commitment between 2 people and NOT about the engagement ring, or whether or not it's a real diamond. I wouldn't be surprised if Jackofdiamonds goes away from this thinking women are nothing but materialistic b*ches.

Suggesting that the man use savings, or borrow money from relatives, when that money could much better be used for a first home is just plain stupid. There are far more important things in life......

what responses were you reading? People advised... DO NOT beg, borrow, steal for the ring.... no one was rude about the CZ- we are on a diamond forum so no one here, by nature of why they are a member here (love of diamonds...) would encourage a CZ...

 

[starryeyed]

Yes I've priced them out. I had a small savings, that I'm going to use, which I wasn't planning on using... My father is also going to loan me some... I got things covered. Just crossing my fingers for the year end bonus I'm going to place the order on Monday.

Hi JackofDiamonds.

You are such a SWEET guy to want to make sure your future wife has the perfect ring! To say that she is worth spending your nest egg plus borrow some from your dad is just so NICE. It's obvious that you are truly wonderful guy and want the best for your future wife. And, I'm sure you have a very bright future.

All that aside, my concern for you is that you are essentially spending money, the year-end bonus, that you don't have yet. Even though that bonus may seem imminent, you CAN'T count on it, especially from a new job at a bank. Circumstances beyond your control are always a factor. Bonuses are discretionary and not guaranteed. Think about Bear Stearns or Lehman Brothers. Recently, look at all the trouble at Anglo Irish Bank. There's still a lot of uncertainly out there.

The fact that you are creating a dependency on your job, before you even know if you like it, is not good. It could turn you into a real lap dog for your boss. That's not a good position to be in, particularly with the economy like it is. What if you wind up hating your job? If you just started, you may only get something small since it hasn't been a full year.

Believe me, you will have many unforeseen expenses as you start your post-university life and think about a wedding. You may wish you didn't spend so much on the ring. You may need that nest egg. And don't forget, that bonus could be taxed at almost 50%, depending on your bracket and where you live.

Why not stick with the $3-4K budget, get the blingiest thing you can afford for now, and make sure it comes with an easy upgrade policy? Then upgrade (stone, setting, or both) WHEN you get the bonus. Propose to her WITH that promise. That is much safer. If your GF thinks less of you or turns you down because the diamond isn't 1.5-carats, she's not the right girl. My husband could have given me a soda can tab and I would have said yes because I knew he was the RIGHT guy.

Please use that smart, rational, numbers-oriented mind of yours and THINK very carefully about this!





I

 

[puppylover10]

Can you propose with a $10 fashion ring (or maybe a birthstone ring or something she can wear for fun later on right hand) just to have something to put on her finger and buy the ring after the proposal together? No one on this board can really know what she wants so if you want to make sure your money goes to something that will make her happy, then let her be the one to choose. You guys can also discuss together how much money you want to spend on it etc. Personally I'd be mad if my bf borrowed money to pay for my ring without letting me know because that debt will be both of ours when we get married. Assuming you guys want to combine finances when you get married, you should really discuss how much money you can afford to put into the ring. Be realistic about how much future items like weddings and houses will cost. Trying to set a wedding budget almost makes me want to return my ring :/

 

[oneandahalfrock]

Dear Jack,
I must agree with the mass in the sense that this simply is not a forum that is going to embrace the thought of putting a CZ in a nice mounting. Please be fair to US Jack- if you post in a forum for people with a passion for diamonds, you're going to hear that it should be diamonds, but post this in a forum where they like CZ's and you'll probably hear from most of them to just go with the CZ.
Really, none of us can make this choice for you; talk to your dear girlfriend and see what SHE thinks.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

WOW!! I'm blown away by some of the catty responses in this thread!!! Might I remind people that engagement and marriage is about the commitment between 2 people and NOT about the engagement ring, or whether or not it's a real diamond. I wouldn't be surprised if Jackofdiamonds goes away from this thinking women are nothing but materialistic b*ches.

Suggesting that the man use savings, or borrow money from relatives, when that money could much better be used for a first home is just plain stupid. There are far more important things in life......

Huh? Where the heck did you get that interpretation?

People have advised/said:

1) It's not the size, it's the thought so get a smaller diamond WITHIN your budget;

2) Don't finance - just get what you can afford and upgrade later when you have the means, because an engagement ring is not worth going into debt for; and

3) If in doubt, get the girlfriend's opinion on the ring and setting before plunking down a lot of cash and the majority of your budget on a setting alone.

People have also offered to help him find a diamond or a setting within his budget, and offered to help him find gemstones if he chose to go that way.

Anyway, it also sounds like Jack is getting her a real 1.5 since he said he upped his budget and dipped into savings, so the CZ discussion now seems to be moot.

 

[LALove]

What about doing it backwards; proposing with a lovely shared prong eternity band that she can use as a wedding band down the road and deciding together once you actually have your year-end bonus in hand what to do about an engagement ring?

For example; http://idjewelryonline.com/product_info.php?cPath=22_53&products_id=6718&osCsid=20dem978esctc2hij9nnsh3l20

http://idjewelryonline.com/product_info.php?cPath=22_53&products_id=6629&osCsid=01pdc0l9rutk9c6n4o8l33itb0

http://www.whiteflash.com/wedding-bands/diamonds-for-an-eternity-diamond-wedding-band-598.htm

http://www.whiteflash.com/wedding-bands/bead-set-eternity-diamond-wedding-band-716.htm

My .02 to this is much like everyone else; buy what you can afford, and if you can, please try not to use cash that you consider your nest egg. My husband had just about the budget you had, and he was creative with the setting so that my .71 ct. Asscher looks a whole lot bigger than a hair over 5 mm. You also have loads of PS vendors who have full upgrade policies, so that's another option.

If you do choose to use a simulant, I would only do so with her knowledge. Some women are completely ok with it, and some women aren't.

You may really be surprised what you find about your GF, and if you propose with an eternity band first, you're really nor spoiling any surprise.

Good luck!

Ditto this idea. I think this is the best idea- a brilliant idea.

 

[Imdanny]

I got lost in all the details of this thread (Ok, I didn't try to follow them ) but my vote would be no on a CZ in general for an engagement. Just my opinion.

 

[Lighthouse]

I was in the same boat as you 3 weeks ago, I decided to go with a "toy ring" and shop/research together and let her pick the setting.

She loves Hello Kitty so i went with this:

 

[LALove]

I was in the same boat as you 3 weeks ago, I decided to go with a "toy ring" and shop/research together and let her pick the setting.

She loves Hello Kitty so i went with this:

What a sweet and thoughtful idea!

 

[AprilBaby]

Very creative and I bet she loved it!

I hate posters who come on here with an ulterior agenda . ( you two know who you are) Jack, I hope you figure out what is right for you and come back and let us help you with whatever we can. Good luck with whatever you decide!