Wanting but Waiting...

[megumic]

Kitty we totally take kids gummy vites in our house too! Makes it easier and more fun, if you ask me And yes, I completely empathize with your feelings. I too am completely overly concerned that we'll have trouble getting pregnant as well. And of course that is completely based on zero information or facts regarding my or DH's health. I completely commiserate with you...I wish I had a crystal ball like the one from that game Ask Zandar...LOL.

Pils: you're right, I don't know that I'm one of those ppl who cannot process folic acid and to my knowledge there is not a tell-tale system. In my mind, if folate is absorbable by all and naturally occurring, why would I go for the potentially non-absorbing man-made product? Plus, I am a little ticked/annoyed at my ob-gyn for prescribing something that could be moot if she did not first check to see if I can absorb the nutrient -- either she doesn't know the difference btw folate and folic acid, or, in my opinion, she was negligent. I went to a health food store today and the woman stocking the shelves asked me if I needed help and she educated me more about this than my ob-gyn -- citing exactly what I had already learned and also shared some other important prenatal things to think about. Maybe I should hire her to attend my birth instead!

Ltl that is such great news! It will be great to have an awesome hurrah vacation before giving TTC a real go. Glad things are falling into place!

Just wanted to share this post I stumbled upon tonight. While I realize homebirth is controversial, I did want to share this since I feel incredibly empowered and inspired by this woman and her birth experience. http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2011/03/ingas-birth-story-part-1.html

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I just checked the medical literature and I am not seeing anything about 25% of people not being able to convert folic acid to folate. When looking at the March of Dimes website they said nothing about this either. When I go to work today, I will check some of my paid references.

I have found that the folks who work at the supplement store are not always right. My sales lady told me a few things that I thought were odd, looked up when I got home, and found not to be true. She told me you have to take small doses of folic acid throughout the day for it to be adsorbed. That turns out not to be true. She also told me iron was really important for fertility and that is why I should take a full pre-natal. I have never seen any data to back up that claim either. I can see why iron would be important why when you become pregnant, but if you are not anemic, I don't think there is a benefit to taking it before conception.

Whenever anyone tells me anything that affects my health, even a doctor, I always a reputable evidence based souse to make sure they they told me is accurate.

 

[megumic]

Okay, my post just got deleted - grunt.

Anyway, so MTHFR is the gene that produces an enzyme to assist in the conversion of folic acid to a form that is usable by the body. Some individuals have a mutation on this gene. Here are the links I referenced. It does seem there is controversy over this and the ability of MTHFR mutations generally.

http://www.babymed.com/blog/blog.aspx?324

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/natural/1017.html

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/folate/NS_patient-folate

http://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/folate

http://www.brighthub.com/science/genetics/articles/78078.aspx

There is one more link I now cannot find, but this is a start.

 

[blacksand]

I want to post here just because I feel like I can't talk about it with friends or family, but I can't get it out of my head. My boyfriend and I are not yet engaged, but will be in a few weeks. We are not sure when we are getting married. It depends on some decisions we have yet to make. Religious ceremony or not, etc. It could be as much as two years away. We don't have a lot of money. He was unemployed for eight months last year, I have an embarrassing amount of debt I am now working hard to pay off. With hard work, I can have my debt paid off by next summer...but I also plan to go back to school then. So money is tight, and planning a wedding will be difficult. Planning a family is totally out of the question at this time. And I was fine with that.

Until my 30th birthday, about a month ago. The funny thing is that I expected something completely different. I expected the number 30 to bother me. I thought I'd be a little depressed about getting older, about how my days of irresponsible fun are behind me, about how I used to travel and speak many languages and consider myself intelligent and have friends everywhere in the world, and now I just...go to work. I was fully prepared emotionally for a 30th birthday breakdown. But it didn't happen. Instead, I woke up the morning of my 30th birthday wanting a baby in the worst way.

This is really new to me. I've always wanted children in a sort of distant dreamy future sort of way, but I've never wanted to be pregnant. I've never been envious of my pregnant friends and relatives with their morning sickness, having to use the bathroom constantly, litanies of foods and drinks they must not touch whilst pregnant, etc. But now I desperately want to conceive a child.

Don't worry, I'm not crazy. We are absolutely not in a place in our lives where we are anywhere near ready to consider getting pregnant, and I'm definitely not planning to do so! But I'm completely overwhelmed by this unexpected biological urge to procreate. I told a few close friends about how I was feeling, and they basically told me to stop thinking about it. I asked if it was normal, around the age of 30, to suddenly start craving pregnancy like I used to crave Diet Coke in college. Not one of my friends, including the ones who have children of their own, had experienced anything like it. Basically, my friends think I am insane.

So, those of you who are wanting but waiting, how do you feel? Is it a rational planning process for you, a decision to have a baby in the future, or do you also find yourselves suppressing a wild biological urge to procreate?

 

[megumic]

Hey Blacksand.

Okay, first of all, you are not crazy. When I talk to others about my feelings about getting pregnant I equate it to being hungry -- it is a biological urge that you literally cannot control. I often feel like I'm crazy for wanting a baby so badly, but I know it's just my body telling me that it's ready. Similar to you, financially we are not ready and professionally we are not ready, but personally and emotionally, we are close enough...

Since we're kind of waiting to TTC, we made a plan (despite my wild biological urges to procreate just about yesterday and every day before that for the past two years...). Although I still crave pregnancy, having a plan of when we're starting seems to have helped. The tunnel has an end and that makes me motivated and excited to get as much of life in order as possible to prepare for a little one. I literally think about having a baby at least once an hour pretty much every single day, which seems pretty darn crazy, but unless the two of us are crazy together, I think what you're feeling is pretty darn normal and material and biologically instinctual.

I hope this helps and I hope you can be open with your BF about this -- it will help him understand how you're feeling.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Blacksand, I just wanted to relate since I'm turning 30 in a couple of months and out of the blue I'm starting to go batsh*t crazy about having a baby.

Granted, DH and I had originally planned to start trying before my 30th since it seemed like as good of a time as any. But then life caught wind of my plan and decided wreak havoc: my husband suffered a concussion that is still causing issues for him and our dog started dying. For months we've surived in zombie mode on broken sleep and absolutely zero emotional energy. I put TTC on the back burner as we tackled these unforseen obstacles, but then this month happened. This month I became accutely aware that my 30th is right around the corner. I somehow mustered up enough energy to demand that D impregnate me.

I'll share the story of my craziness despite the fact that I should be embarrassed by it in an effort to relate to you: last Friday night D and I decided to have a little Heroes marathon (watching old episodes of the series). I know that sounds weird, but the aforementioned dying dog is paralyzed and prefers to be near us and also watch TV, so we've been trying to have these TV marathons watching old episodes of shows we never saw. Anyway, it was late at night and I was tired and wanted to go to bed, so I told D that I couldn't watch any more episodes. He begged me to watch more. Naturally, I saw this as an opportunity to get something from him. So I said "if I watch one more episode, what will you give me?" Sounds innocent enough, right? He responded with "scratches", which is when he scratches my scalp and is pretty much my favorite thing on planet Earth.

But no, that wasn't good enough this time. I said "I'll watch another episode of Heroes with you if you impregnate me". But I was totally serious. I wanted a baby in exchange for one more episode. D laughed, then stopped laughing when he saw I wasn't laughing. Then asked me if I was serious (I was) and that's when we started arguing and didn't stop arguing for two days.

So, my point is that even rational women who have no real fears about turning 30 can go a little crazy.

 

[blacksand]

Thank you megumic and NewEnglandLady! It is nice to hear that I am not crazy, or at that there are other crazy people like me. I swear, all of my friends who have children apparently never went through this. They all insisted they never felt any desire to become pregnant before they were married, in good financial standing, and had husbands on board. And at that point, it was a rational, considered decision. No urges involved. Either all my friends are control freaks or liars or I am indeed crazy.

Megumic, I'll try talking to my boyfriend about it in terms of making a plan for sometime in the future. I brought it up once, very tentatively, and he about had a heart attack. I assured him I was not seriously considering having a baby right now, and I realize we're not ready yet. He didn't really see the purpose in talking about it if we're not planning it for a while. So that was that. I'm pretty sure it's a case of too much, too soon for him. We just got the ring and will be getting engaged soon. We still have a wedding to plan, and a lot of big, life-changing decisions to make. He definitely wants kids, but he's the type to work on one thing at a time. Right now he's in proposal/engagement mode. He can't think about anything else until that's done. So I see where he's coming from. Really. I was on the same page two months ago. And then I flipped out.

NewEnglandLady, I absolutely love that you attempted to exchange watching another episode for impregnation. I'm sure your husband did not love it, but I do. Seems a fair trade, too, I'm surprised he didn't accept. Also, I am sorry about your poor dog. I know what you mean about [barely] surviving in zombie mode. We had a close call with my bunny this week. I thought we were going to lose her, but it does look like she is recovering now. But we've spent all week forcefeeding her 5 times a day, administering meds, subcutaneous fluids, massaging her to relieve pain, etc. It's all we've done in whatever spare time we have. She is slowly starting to eat on her own again, so I think she is going to be okay this time, but it's a genetic condition and very likely to return. It's incredibly sad to deal with a pet whose health is failing. I'm sorry you're dealing with that, but it's wonderful that you're there for your dog. I'm sure he appreciates the tv marathons. Anyway, I'm pretty sure zombie mode only compounds I-want-a-baby-now syndrome. I'm too weak to fight the urges.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Welcome, Blacksand! You're certainly not crazy... I think it's just biology taking over! You come across as extremely rational and open minded, too Basically, I echo the sentiments of Meg and NEL. Lookin' forward to reading more of your posts in the future!

DH's cousin called tonight and left us a voicemail: "Pinky, our game of rock-paper-scissors came true... If you know what I'm talking about, keep quiet for a little while longer!" DH was confused but I knew what she meant: SHE'S PREGNANT! My SIL had a baby in April 2010 and during our family vacation in June everyone was trying to guess who would have baby #2 of the new generation. DH's cousin and I are the only other married women born in the 80's, so we played rock-paper-scissors to decide who it would be. She lost She's 26, nearly 27, and they've been married for 4.5 years. I'm so, so, so happy for them! And I'm happy my baby niece who is about turn 1 will have a relative that is close to her in age. DH is older than his cousin by a year, but they were super close growing up. He was grinning ear-to-ear all night and later came home from running errands with a bottle of prenatal vitamins. Antsy, much?!

 

[blacksand]

PilsnPinkysMom, congrats to your DH's cousin. I have to say, I wish I could be so happy for those around me getting pregnant and having babies. I am really trying! But it's hard not to be envious, even if I know that's irrational. My old college roommate just had her second baby, and my soon-to-be-fiance's sister is about 20 weeks pregnant now. They're finding out the sex of the baby tomorrow. I am trying with all my might to be supportive and excited for them. Pasted on my plastic smile. Trying to focus on getting engaged soon. Hopefully in the next few weeks. Maybe that will take my mind off of other things!

 

[Haven]

NEL--I'm so sorry to hear about Byron. This might sound crazy but I'm crying for you and your boy right now. I wish you strength and love and lots of good things for everything you and your DH and Byron are going through.

Blacksand--I don't think you're crazy at all. I turned 30 in October and I actually just wandered over into FHH to click on the PSers with Newborns thread because I'm suddenly feeling the urge to have a baby.

Just this afternoon I met my oldest friend for lunch. She's due any minute now. She started having contractions Saturday night, so that baby is on its way! She is the first of my *close* friends to have a baby, and until just this afternoon I did't feel any longing for a baby at all. Then, as we were sitting there I got teary talking about how much life we've been through together, and daydreaming with her about being a mama, and then WHAM! I wanted a baby. It was like a switch was flipped, and I was eager to talk to DH about trying. It was really bizarre.

I'm not 100% sure I want to start trying immediately, and I still have a lot of concerns about letting go of the lifestyle we have in order to be the parents we want to be, but I'm definitely feeling that biological clock you hear people talking about. I can suddenly see our life with a baby in it, which is something I really couldn't picture and didnt want before. So, you are not alone!

Now the question is: When do we start? How do we know it's time? Do I wait until I'm granted tenure? Do we just go for it? It's difficult to navigate this decision because I feel like there is no *right* time to have a baby, we just have to decide it's time and go for it. Until we get there, I'll be eagerly reading this thread!

 

[megumic]

Haven! Welcome to the party. Glad to have you

I agree with you -- there's no "right" or "best" time to have a baby. Of course some times are more ideal and better, but sincerely, there's always other places to spend money, time and resources. So I think you're right -- you just have to decide it's time when it's time and bite the darn bullet. How does your DH feel about it??

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Haven, thanks for your kind words, I feel bad that you're crying!

I also wanted to tell you that when I read your post, I sort of let out this little squeal of excitement. I just think you and your husband would make truly amazing parents and that any future kids you might have will be very lucky. In terms of timing, I wish I had the answer...if for nobody than myself. I am a planner by nature and tend to have timelines for everything (just ask my husband). We've put a lot of thought into kids for several years now--it went into our decision about what breed of dogs to get, when to get a second dog, what kind of house to buy, where we should buy, etc., but I think I've realized along the way that you can only plan so much. We've had several things happen to us this year that were completely out of the blue and I've been trying to plan around them, but think I just gave up.

So, in short, I've decided to stop planning the TTC process altogether. There stretches of days that I'm eager to try. There are stretches of days where I truly think I could go at least another year without trying because, like you, I genuinely love life with my husband and don't want to disrupt the status quo. So now I'm just going to play it by ear. If we feel like trying, we will. Otherwise, we won't. I'm even job hunting in the midst of it--if I find a job I love, we'll wait another several months. If I don't find another job, that's okay, too.

I know that for me, going off of BC and taking a pre-natal made me feel better. I now know my cycles fairly well, which makes me feel somewhat at ease. Basically I feel like we're prepared to go for it anytime we want and I like that kind of flexibility for where we are right now, which is basically that we'd be happy if it happened, but happy for things to stay as is for a bit, too.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, I just wanted to tell you that I completley understand. I do think going of BC is a good first-step.

 

[janinegirly]

Hope you don't mind me popping in but have been reading NEL's posts and wanted to offer some support. Turning 30 can set off all kinds of anxiety (for me it was LIW related, so you are way ahead), but on the other hand I can understand where you're coming from. I think after all that went down with being an LIW, you probably are fearing having to go down that path again (well not exactly, but the constant posturing and compromising). With TTC I was alot tougher on DH and he just got on board. I was older though and fed him all kinds of statistics on how long it could take, possible risks with age, no time to waste,etc. I know if we had overanalyzed he would have gone into paralysis mode again and said he wasn't ready, but you know what, you will never be perfectly ready and conception is something you cannot time perfectly..for a reason, life happens! The last thing I wanted was to feel regret because I waited too long for obscure reasons. I remember visiting a doctor before marriage and asking alot of newbie questions about whether she could check if my eggs were ok, or when I should start trying,etc. She was kind direct and said if I wanted to know if I could conceive, the best thing to do was to TRY and that the best time was NOW. I was like..uh I'm not married yet and we're not sure we're ready. She said the more you think about this and the older you get, the less ready you will feel. Just do it.
Haha, it's one way to look at things.

So anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is despite all the things that are going on right now, there is no reason to have to wait to TTC unless you don't want to (which you clearly do). DH will have to get on board soon or else you'll have more arguments and frustrations (again, unless he has some real concerns other than not sure about being ready). And ultimately none of us were perfecty ready, if your financial house is in order, you have insurance, have space for the LO, you're ready as you'll ever be .

 

[mayerling]

We've been together for 3.5 years and are getting married later this year. We're definitely wanting but we've decided to wait until after the wedding. After that we'll try to conceive.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I don't want to threadjack, but Janinegirly, since you were the only PSer who knew me during my LIW days, I just wanted to thank you for the support. I will admit that even though D has told me not to freak out and that he does want kids, I still worry. I brought it up during our Heroes-induced argument...that I fear he'll keep wanting to put it off, even when we're passed this obstacle with Byron. He has fears, too, namely that I'm going to turn into a baby-crazy woman and will pack up and leave without blinking an eye if I'm 30 and not pregnant. We've addressed that we both feel a similar anxiety to the LIW days and we don't want to go down that route again and I'm glad we're open about it. We both agree that everything is in place for us to be ready--stable jobs, bought the house, financially prepared (though not as prepared as I wanted due to the expense of Byron's illness)...I just think everything with Byron was unfortunate timing and D and I need to support each other through that for now. Byron's appt. to be put down is tentatively scheduled in two weeks...D is desperately trying any and all chemo-therapy treatments (against all of our doctors' recommendations) in an effort to help Byron, and I see how truly devastated he is that we're losing Byron, so I'm hoping that when we get through this, we can focus on the next chapter without any drama.

 

[Haven]

NEL--Thank you for your support and your very kind words. I hope you know the feeling is mutual, I think you are going to be amazing parents. It sounds like you're ready right now, and Janine's words really made a lot of sense to me:

" . . . there is no reason to have to wait to TTC unless you don't want to (which you clearly do). DH will have to get on board soon or else you'll have more arguments and frustrations (again, unless he has some real concerns other than not sure about being ready). And ultimately none of us were perfecty ready, if your financial house is in order, you have insurance, have space for the LO, you're ready as you'll ever be "

Are any of your DH's friends parents? I think that makes a big difference in the way men perceive their own readiness. My DH will be 41 next month, and nearly all of his friends are parents. (Many of them have teenagers already!) I think that makes it easier for him to see himself becoming a parent. My best friend's DH has a tight group of guy friends, and the minute one of them became a father the rest were all kind of like "Okay, let's do it!" (I'm not big on groupthink, but it was an interesting thing to watch.)

I'm interested in hearing more women's stories about being ready before their husbands, and how they got through that. It seems like the man is rarely the one to say "LET'S GO ALREADY!" when it comes to TTC, so this must be a problem many couples face, right? Maybe we need a Mommies in Waiting thread or something--the post-marriage LIW support group that would attract not only those who are wanting and waiting, but those who have been there and can offer advice on how to get through it.

When I got home from lunch yesterday I told DH that I was feeling ready all of a sudden, and in his usual manner he said "Okay, I want to have a baby, too." But then I got scared and said "What? Now?" and basically I think the man will be ready when *I* am ready. I'm not quite at that point yet, as there are days when I still think "Oh, hell no I'm not ready" , but lately there have been more days when I think "Oh boy, I want a baby." I don't take BC so at least that's one step covered. I'm going in to my lady doctor next month so I'll talk to him about prenatals then. I do feel some pressure, though, to be the one who gets to make the decision of when to start trying. Maybe the reluctant men feel the same thing--pulling the trigger on something this big is really difficult.

NEL--I'm glad you didn't take my tears for Byron as a sign that I'm a crazy stalker. My heart truly does go out to you, and I'll be thinking about you and Byron a lot. I know how difficult it is to care for a dying pet, and I'm so happy that Byron has you, and that you and your DH have each other at this time. The way you care for your dogs, in sickness and in health, is truly an inspiring thing to see.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Haven, I often wonder how many women are ready to TTC before their husbands are ready. I don't know which is easier, really. To be the one who is ready first or to be the one who bears the final decision. I do think it's great that your husband is very much on board with your decision, whenver you're ready to make it, but I can see how it would be tough to be the one who bears the weight of the decision.

Also, to answer your question, D has no friends who are dads. Even in his work life, not many around him have kids. His boss doesn't have kids, nor does she plan to. His direct reports don't have kids, either. He doesn't have siblings but has two cousins who are like best friends to him. Neither are married, so neither will be having kids anytime soon. We both wish there were more people around us with kids...or at least close to having kids...our poor kid will be lonely!

Anyway, I'm excited to see how the journey unfolds for you! Now that you're broached the topic, I'm sure you'll be discussing it more. I know it took a lot longer for me to be fully on board (if you can call it that, I'm still not sure) for the same reasons that you posted. I spent almost a year waffling back and forth after going off BC before feeling like I was actually ready. I think it's just one of those things that is a journey in your relationship, but also a very personal journey as well.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Hey gals, you know my vote for all of you is to "Just Do It" right?

But on a more useful note, for those of you with reticent husbands or your own fears, I suggest you go out of your way to try and cultivate some friendships with people who have kids. Not just any people, mind, but the people who have the lifestyle you would like It is a lot less scary to jump into parenthood if you have a few good models to show you that you can still be happily married with kids, can still have fun and "me time", can still enjoy life and take vacations and all those other things. For many people, fear of the unknown is the paralyzing factor. Yes, you life changes a lot. But in many ways it is exactly the same, at least that has been my experience.

NEL I have been meaning to tell you how sorry I am about Byron. We had a real scare with one of our dogs a few years ago, so I can empathize a little with the terrible pain you feel when your pet is sick or terminally ill. I will be thinking of you all in the weeks to come.

 

[basil]

Another vote for the "nike" method...without going into detail, that's what we did. I expected it to take longer so we were surprised, but no regrets now!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Hey gals, you know my vote for all of you is to "Just Do It" right?

But on a more useful note, for those of you with reticent husbands or your own fears, I suggest you go out of your way to try and cultivate some friendships with people who have kids. Not just any people, mind, but the people who have the lifestyle you would like It is a lot less scary to jump into parenthood if you have a few good models to show you that you can still be happily married with kids, can still have fun and "me time", can still enjoy life and take vacations and all those other things. For many people, fear of the unknown is the paralyzing factor. Yes, you life changes a lot. But in many ways it is exactly the same, at least that has been my experience.

NEL I have been meaning to tell you how sorry I am about Byron. We had a real scare with one of our dogs a few years ago, so I can empathize a little with the terrible pain you feel when your pet is sick or terminally ill. I will be thinking of you all in the weeks to come.

I think this is a good idea. I am not sure if the clinic is a good example of what it is like to have kids or more of an example of what it is like when they are at their worst. Another doctor in my practice just had a baby, and he is super cute (he has already come to see me in the clinic once). It will be fun to watch the day in and day out of parenthood with someone I know.

 

[Haven]

Hey gals, you know my vote for all of you is to "Just Do It" right?

But on a more useful note, for those of you with reticent husbands or your own fears, I suggest you go out of your way to try and cultivate some friendships with people who have kids. Not just any people, mind, but the people who have the lifestyle you would like It is a lot less scary to jump into parenthood if you have a few good models to show you that you can still be happily married with kids, can still have fun and "me time", can still enjoy life and take vacations and all those other things. For many people, fear of the unknown is the paralyzing factor. Yes, you life changes a lot. But in many ways it is exactly the same, at least that has been my experience.

NEL I have been meaning to tell you how sorry I am about Byron. We had a real scare with one of our dogs a few years ago, so I can empathize a little with the terrible pain you feel when your pet is sick or terminally ill. I will be thinking of you all in the weeks to come.

This is really good advice.

I'm laughing, because the joke in my family is that DH and I don't want kids yet because my aunt and uncle scared us with their band of wild women. They have three daughters, the oldest is 7 and the twins are 4, and they are absolute monsters. MONSTERS. I adore them, and I think they're hilarious and fun and all of those good things, but I need a four hour nap to recover after spending time with them.

I KNOW that my own children won't be like that because we'll, you know, discipline them, but it is terrifying to see the little beasts in action. We've been kindly asked to leave restaurants before, that's how bad they are.

My aunt and uncle aren't bad people, they're overwhelmed. It took them years to have their first daughter, and so they thought it could never happen again. Then: SURPRISE! It's twins. I think they just surrendered at that point. They're much older parents to begin with, and they're just tired.

 

[lliang_chi]

I think I was the lingering party to actually WANT children, but once I was on board I was TOTALLY on board and my husband wasn't all the way ready. Honestly, I think husbands ultimately say "It's up to the wife" and will defer to them. Maybe since men have so little "control" over the process, they have to defer, if that makes any sense...?

ANyway, NEL, hope things go well for you and your DH. Dust to you two.

Haven, agreed, once you guys started the conversation, it'll be easier to walk down that road together rather than just by yourself, KWIM?

Good luck ladies...

~LC

 

[Haven]

My oldest and dearest friend had her baby today.
Now I want a baby. Just like that.

Interestingly, I just told DH at dinner that I think maybe I am ready. It turns out he is not really ready. I think he was only thinking he'd be ready by the time I'm ready because that time seemed far away. I told him to just let me know when he's ready, and then we'll start. SO, I've jumped out of the he'sreadybutI'mnot boat and into the I'mreadybuthe'snot boat.

I feel like I've gone through a lot of ups and downs with this question of conceiving--I'm ready . . . no, I'm not . . . maybe I am . . . nope, not yet . . . on the other hand . . . no way! . . . yup, time to try . . .

We like watching families in restaurants when we're out. We saw this great family with three kids between what looked like ~8 to ~15, and they were engaged in a lively conversation during their entire meal. We like it when we see *those* families. (As opposed to the ones who aren't talking, or the kids only talk to each other, or they're all on electronic devices.)

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Haven, I'm excited that you crossed the threshold into being ready. I feel like even you know you're ready, there are still some days where you question it, haha. I have a feeling your husband will come around fairly quickly--he probably just hasn't had much time to adjust to the idea. Hopefully you'll be joining the TTC thread soon!

Also, congrats to your friend!

 

[Haven]

Haven, I'm excited that you crossed the threshold into being ready. I feel like even you know you're ready, there are still some days where you question it, haha. I have a feeling your husband will come around fairly quickly--he probably just hasn't had much time to adjust to the idea. Hopefully you'll be joining the TTC thread soon!

Also, congrats to your friend!

Haha, I don't know about that. We are slooooow movers. It took DH nine months to buy a television, and it took us a year to buy a house. I figure now that *I'm* ready, DH will come around in a few months, then we'll talk about it for about six months, and THEN we'll be ready to TTC. My mom likes to say that we're right-laners, as in: we take it easy and keep in the right lane of life's highway. It's pretty true, I can't really argue with her. One of my favorite lines is "Life is in diapers" which I use when people seem to be trying to move too quickly--life is young, still a baby, why rush?

I'm so excited for my friend. We've been best friends since we were six-years-old, so it's really strange and wonderful and exciting that she has a baby, now. I feel like an auntie!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I can definitely relate--it also took us nearly a year to buy a house (we walked through 80+) and I went off of BC in June and didn't feel ready until just this month, so we are slow-movers as well. I'm an analyst and D is an actuary, so between the two of us we analyze every detail ad nauseum...but the upside is that we rarely feel unprepared.

Still, I think that now that your DH knows where you stand, he'll be eager in wanting to join you. I have a feeling you'll both enjoy the process, it's a fun time just wondering if you're "ready".

 

[Haven]

I can definitely relate--it also took us nearly a year to buy a house (we walked through 80+) and I went off of BC in June and didn't feel ready until just this month, so we are slow-movers as well. I'm an analyst and D is an actuary, so between the two of us we analyze every detail ad nauseum...but the upside is that we rarely feel unprepared.

Still, I think that now that your DH knows where you stand, he'll be eager in wanting to join you. I have a feeling you'll both enjoy the process, it's a fun time just wondering if you're "ready".

I agree that it can be fun just wondering if we're ready. We've had a lot of great conversations the last year about it.

Your husband is an actuary?! My first job after college was with a bunch of actuaries. They taught me how to manually calculate retirement benefits for our client, and then *I* acted as the liaison between the actuaries and the clients whenever the clients had questions about their benefits. (We served retired rocket scientists, so they had a lot of questions!) Math is SO not my thing, obviously, but those actuaries cracked me up! They were the goofiest group of people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. How cool!

(I thought it was hilarious that they needed an intermediary to speak to the clients, by the way. The actuaries always said "We don't talk to people, that's why we need you." ) Those calculations were CRAZY, and I was only doing the most basic of them all.

That's a very cool profession. I know how much work goes into attaining actuary status, your DH must be one smart fella.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I promise not to threadjack too much, but I had no idea you used to work with actuaries! They are definitely a socially-awkward, introverted group, so I can easily see how having an intermediary between them any client would be beneficial. I've always loved the smart, geeky type, though, so I love 'em. My husband is very much the super shy guy who is actually hilarious once you get to know him. Math is not my strongest subject (D tutored me through it in college), but I appreciate mathematical minds.

Yes, getting a fellowship is excruciating. D finished his about two years ago, thank goodness. His goal was to be done before he was 30, which is tough, but he did it! There is no way he could have continued to study like that and had a baby...we BOTH would have lost our minds!

 

[Haven]

I'm really impressed that he finished by the age of 30, that is a huge feat!

They were seriously the funniest group of people I have ever known. I think I left that job with really nice abs because of all the laughing I did around them, and I'm not even exaggerating! I totally love the geeky and super smart men, too.

Now that your DH is an actuary, it's time for babies, I say!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

It was a huge feat, but it was good for him. I think part of D's identity was always being "the smart guy". In his past life, he overcame academic challenges without failing--he got a 1600 on his SATs when he was young, started college at 14 and graduated with a 4.0. Even though D is painfully shy and would never gloat about academic accomplishments, I still think he felt that academic success defined him. When he failed one of his actuarial exams, it sort of shifted his whole reality. Ultimately, though, it was good for him to learn how to overcome failure and grow. By the second and third times he failed an actuarial exam, he did it with grace! This applies to the real world, too, as he often fails at taking out the trash!

I think it's time for babies, too. And, finally, so does he. We came up with a gameplan this weekend and it looks like we'll be starting in the next month! I'm sure that D will probably create some hilarious mathematic theorem around the goal at hand