Wanting but Waiting...

[tammy77]

Blacksand and Meg, you are both so very kind! Meg, thank you for sharing the story of your friend. I don't quite think I'm at that level of yearning (but I admit that in a year I may) and I know it will all work out the way it's meant to. I do feel like DH doesn't know what he's missing because he feels like the girls are his too but it's so different when it's YOUR baby. I hope that doesn't sound terrible. He loves the girls without any limitations as if they were his own, but I want to give him (us) our child and share that miracle with him. The girls are on board with having a baby sister (not so much for brother, haha). Most days I don't even think about it, but it's weighing on my mind right now. Probably a "now what do I need to plan since we're done with the wedding" phase.

Anyhow, thank you both for the perspective and the support. I don't know what I'd do without PS, probably spend a lot on therapy and chocolate!

 

[mayerling]

This might be totally irrelevant to the conversation, but I wanted to share anyway.

I had kind of an epiphany today. Basically, all my life when I would think about having kids, talk about having kids, etc., I would say that I would like to have a boy, at least for my first kid, and if I were to have two of the same sex, I'd want two boys. Then suddenly today I realised that for the past few weeks that I've been thinking seriously about TTC after the wedding, I've been picturing myself with a little girl - every time. I don't know how I didn't realise before. Anyway, it's been quite a revelation for me...

 

[blacksand]

tammy, I know you guys will make the right decision for you and you'll be a happy family no matter what happens. Nowhere to go but up, right?

mayerling, I always wanted my first child to be a boy, but lately, I'm the same way. When I picture myself holding a newborn baby, it's a girl. Every time. Even though I still, in the rationale part of my brain, would like a boy. FI have pretty much decided, when it's time, that we don't want to know the sex of the baby. It's old-fashioned and maybe a little weird, and we'll have a lot of yellow and green stuff, but I like the idea of a very happy surprise on the baby's birthday. We'll be so happy either way.

 

[tammy77]

Thanks blacksand (ok can't abbreviate that!)...and re: boy/girl, if/when we do we both are hoping for a boy. He has 3 nephews, we have my 2 girls...so I'm sure we'll end up with another girl At least I would be prepared if that was the case! Also, there's NO way either of us would have the patience to wait to find out what the sex is. That's very cool though!

 

[blacksand]

Meh, I don't know if we have the patience, either. It's just what we envision doing as of right now. I have lots of nice thoughts about natural pain remedies and the like as well that I realize will probably go completely by the wayside if and when I am actually pregnant. It's hard to know how I'll really feel when the time comes. I'll just try to be open-minded and see what happens.

 

[mayerling]

Just checking in to say I can't wait for the wedding so I can start TTC! It's been on my mind a lot lately...

 

[megumic]

It's been awhile. Brief update. We planned to begin TTC in October. Our plans have just been kaboshed since I've been experiencing a racing heart rate that turned out to be related to my thyroid. Still testing to see what exactly is the cause of my hyperactive thyroid, but it's all very concerning.

Anyone have experience with hyperthyroid symptoms and/or disorders and wanting to get pregnant? What's up with everyone else WBW???

 

[MuffDog]

It's been awhile. Brief update. We planned to begin TTC in October. Our plans have just been kaboshed since I've been experiencing a racing heart rate that turned out to be related to my thyroid. Still testing to see what exactly is the cause of my hyperactive thyroid, but it's all very concerning.

Anyone have experience with hyperthyroid symptoms and/or disorders and wanting to get pregnant? What's up with everyone else WBW???

I don't have experience with this personally but my friend does and while she was on her thyroid meds, she wasn't supposed to TTC. Have you been to a doctor yet?

In other news, hubs and I had a heart to heart this past weekend and decided that yes, we do want to start a family and we just need to settle on when.
Holy crap.

 

[tammy77]

No real info to share, just *hugs*. As for an update, DH and I are still a ways out from TTC, but it seems like we're teetering closer to the "yes" side lately so that's movement! If/when we do, it'll likely be by summer of 2012. Hopefully all my goods still work at the ripe old age of 35.

 

[mayerling]

It's been awhile. Brief update. We planned to begin TTC in October. Our plans have just been kaboshed since I've been experiencing a racing heart rate that turned out to be related to my thyroid. Still testing to see what exactly is the cause of my hyperactive thyroid, but it's all very concerning.

Anyone have experience with hyperthyroid symptoms and/or disorders and wanting to get pregnant? What's up with everyone else WBW???

Hugs, megumic!

 

[pancake]

I'm not usually part of this thread but just wanted to pop in and say - Megumi, I'm sorry you're dealing with this new hyperthyroidism diagnosis! I suspect the most likely thing is going to be autoimmune hyperthyroidism (just because it's the most common cause), in which case TTC is really dependent on how you go on antithyroid medication. Where possible, antithyroid meds are avoided especially in early pregnancy (because the meds cross the placenta better than your thyroid hormone does, so it can have detrimental effects on bub), but it is not an absolute contraindication. Certainly many women with hyperthyroidism have babies and many of them require antithyroid meds +/- thyroid hormone replacement during pregnancy, so you are not alone! (I hear about a lot of the babies at the other end as I am in pediatric endocrinology)

In any case, I hope that you get some answers soon and most importantly, start treatment and start feeling better! Hyperthyroidism is thoroughly unpleasant when uncontrolled.

 

[Haven]

Hugs, Meg!

We just got back from two weeks in Europe and the experience made us both feel better about having children. I don't want to sound overly critical of American parents, but seeing the way so many European families interacted with their kids really gave us hope. They were so calm, and outwardly loving, and just altogether wonderful. There were so many young couples on holiday with their small babies and children that it gave us a sense of serenity that no, our entire lives do not have to change just because we have children. We KNOW this intellectually, but we don't often see this played out with the parents of young children that we know.

We also finally agreed on names for a boy and a girl. The threat of a future son named Container has now passed. Another great leap forward for us, I'd say.

 

[MuffDog]

I agree, Haven. Seeing the people parent the way you would like to make it seem...possible or something.

I'm glad Container is out of the running for the first baby. Seems more appropriate for a second or third

 

[Octavia]

Haven, that's so interesting to me because I just came back from ten days in Scandinavia quite convinced that we're going to put off TTC awhile longer. To be fair, it had nothing to do with the kids we saw on our trip, who were almost without exception well-behaved, awesome-seeming little people. I totally agree with what you posted in theory and hopefully will feel that way again before too long. However, the particulars of our trip were such that we could not have brought a child along. Granted, the trip wasn't all fun and games for my hubby because he was working, and I did get to sightsee when I wasn't lending a hand, but I am definitely facing up to the reality that I'm not ready to give up my freedom and mobility to that degree quite yet. It made me really appreciate that, once we do have a baby, my husband will be having these experiences while I'm -- for lack of a more positive sentiment at the moment -- trapped at home with the little one. The thought actually made me feel panicky, which makes me think I should seriously listen to the part of me that was howling "NO!" Of course, we can and will do other kinds of traveling with kids, but I guess I'm not as ready as I previously thought I was. Sigh.

Meg, I'm sorry to hear about your health problems. I know nothing about thyroid disorders, but I really hope you can get it controlled soon and that it won't have an effect on your ability to TTC for very long.

 

[Haven]

Octavia--It's so interesting how different we both feel after traveling. DH kept pointing out couples with very small children and saying "See, we can do it, too." And I believe him. We saw a lot of people hiking with very small babies, or riding the cable cars up the mountains, or enjoying leisurely meals along the river. It was very inspiring. Of course, I know it will be an extra hassle, but I'm pretty confident now that we won't have to give up the things we really love when we have children.

We aren't going to TTC now though, or anything. We still have to decide that it's time. Now I'm just hopeful that it will be sooner rather than later.

MuffDog--I totally agree. Container is best saved for the third or fourth . . .

 

[megumic]

Thanks for the support. I've since seen an endocrinologist and have had more blood work done and a thyroid uptake scan scheduled. The scan may indicate whether this is just a fluke thyroid reaction or Graves disease, or it may tell us nothing. The blood work should be helpful. In any event, I am trying not to get nervous until we know for sure where this is going.

Part of me wants to just say F it and just TTC now. I know that's a terrible idea b/c I need to get this under control and it can be dangerous while pregnant, but it's so frustrating and makes me angry that right before we're about to TTC this happens. Like, honestly Murphy's Law?! Gimme a break. Just makes me pissed.

Haven, if you do end up with Container (in a hippie moment, perhaps?) what would you call him/her for short? Is there a nickname here?

 

[tammy77]

I've been thinking more and more about TTC lately. I haven't had a chance to sort out my thoughts enough to talk to DH about it, but I think we're both on the same page. I have some fitness goals (losing 30 lbs by March) and we have some financial goals (in the process of improving our credit now, and saving...so hopefully we can buy a house in about 6 months). So I think we're on the right track! I'm much more relaxed and I guess you could say trusting about my fertility these days. I can't explain it, I just feel very strongly that we will have a little one in due time. It's a nice feeling.

 

[tammy77]

Today my coworker brought in her 6mo little boy, and I sent my DH a txt about how the whole office was gushing over him. He responded "Cute!" So I thought that was a positive thing, or at least neutral. Then a fluke tonight...I went to check the mail, and we had a package. When I pulled it out, it was a medium size box of...Similac samples. I haven't submitted my name and address for anything baby related, but we've also gotten some stuff for Target baby registry and babies r us (mail and email both).

My girls from my previous marriage are 6 and 8 yrs old and had checked the mail with me, so they were curious about it, asking why I needed it. I explained that we didn't, it was for little babies. Then my 6 y/o said "when do I get a brother, you're married now! I want a brother to keep me company when R (her sister) goes to the dentist!"

So I relayed the whole thing to DH, in an amused/entertained tone of voice. His response was "no wonder women go baby crazy as soon as they get married". I don't know why, but I just took it in a negative way. If he was on the same page as me as I thought he was, I doubt he would have chosen that as his response. I could be mistaken, I just feel like I was wrong about it all.

 

[mayerling]

Today my coworker brought in her 6mo little boy, and I sent my DH a txt about how the whole office was gushing over him. He responded "Cute!" So I thought that was a positive thing, or at least neutral. Then a fluke tonight...I went to check the mail, and we had a package. When I pulled it out, it was a medium size box of...Similac samples. I haven't submitted my name and address for anything baby related, but we've also gotten some stuff for Target baby registry and babies r us (mail and email both).

My girls from my previous marriage are 6 and 8 yrs old and had checked the mail with me, so they were curious about it, asking why I needed it. I explained that we didn't, it was for little babies. Then my 6 y/o said "when do I get a brother, you're married now! I want a brother to keep me company when R (her sister) goes to the dentist!"

So I relayed the whole thing to DH, in an amused/entertained tone of voice. His response was "no wonder women go baby crazy as soon as they get married". I don't know why, but I just took it in a negative way. If he was on the same page as me as I thought he was, I doubt he would have chosen that as his response. I could be mistaken, I just feel like I was wrong about it all.

I wouldn't read too much in his response. I know from FH that some times he'll just throw out a one-liner like that without thinking it through and without really meaning what I perceive to be his real reason for saying it. Men are like that. Best to have a real talk about it and get to the bottom of this.

 

[tammy77]

Thanks, Mayerling. I didn't expect to have a conversation w/DH about it last night, but he really wanted to clear things up ASAP. I feel a little silly for assuming that he was implying that my feelings were due to marketing/social pressures. It was really nice and reassuring to hear that I was so wrong! Apparently he's been thinking about it as a given that we'd try. He made it very clear that he wants to have a baby with me and that is the biggest reason that he's been working so hard on the credit stuff, and getting things in order to buy a house. Apparently he even asked his coworker that recently became a father about how paternity leave works at the company so he can be prepared for if/when. He admitted that he IS scared, to which I said "oh trust me, so am I...but that's totally normal". Pretty exciting stuff and it just made me feel all mushy inside to hear him talk about everything, so sweet.

So I was wrong about being wrong. Yeesh!

BTW you're up soon to TTC, that's great!

 

[amc80]

Just checking in to say I can't wait for the wedding so I can start TTC! It's been on my mind a lot lately...

Ditto. Three months and counting...

 

[blacksand]

Oh megumic, I hope the prognosis will be better than you think! The timing is really awful, but please take care of yourself.

tammy, I'm glad you and your husband are on the same page now! So it's just a question of when?

I went to the gynecologist yesterday morning (sorry if that's TMI) to have my annual exam and get my birth control prescription renewed. I called FI afterward and told him about it. The office I went to is probably the best ob/gyn, infertility, and midwifery practice around. They were bustling with pregnant ladies and many young children accompanying their parents. I felt a little silly going there to ask for a birth control prescription when what I'd really like is to be in their place, but I had to do what I had to do. I told FI about this, and his reaction was "That's great! So you already know where to go for the best prenatal care when it's out turn!" That made me smile, since I was expecting a reaction more along the lines of "We're not ready for that yet. Did you get the pill?" Later, I told him I got my prescription renewed for about a year. I suggested to FI that once my prescription runs out, I go off the pill. That way, we have a few months to allow my cycle to return to normal before TTC in late December/January. His reaction? "That sounds good. Perfect timing." I was floored. I think having a nephew has really changed his mind about things. He seems almost as ready as I am, all of a sudden.

 

[tammy77]

Great update, blacksand!! Maybe we'll be TTC around the same time! Isn't it funny how cute little ones melt their hearts? I attribute my DH's lessened fear of babies to his ADORABLE nephew. Seriously he has the most amazing little face. His brothers, on the other hand, terrify even me! They're quite the handful at 5, 3 and 1! I have no idea how SIL does it!@ hehe

 

[JGator]

Hi, Megumic, I was diagnosed with Graves in 2007 after having symptoms of hand tremors. I also had experienced waking up in the middle of the night with a racing pulse in the year prior to my diagnosis but I didn't realize I had it then. I had blood work and a thryoid scan which diagnosed the Graves. My doctor monitored my blood every 3 months and said if I didn't have any additional symptoms beyond the tremors, she would wait to treat me. 1.5 years after the diagnosis, my blood work came back normal and now my Graves is either in remission or just disappeared. It is a mystery to the doctors. I now just get my TSH tested every year as part of my annual physical. I know that you can get pregnant with Graves/Hyperthyroidism because if you go to FertilityFriend.com and search for charts for people with Hyperthyroidism with a Result of Pregnant, they are there. You will just want to be closely monitored. Also, if you can avoid the radioiodine therapy or surgery, you should because once you do that, you will eventually get Hypothyroidism/underactive thryoid and need hormone replacement therapy going forward. I wish you the best as you go through the tests, and I hope you have a mild case if that's what you are diagnosed with. There are quite a few message boards out there and websites with more information if you haven't already found them, let me know.

JGator

P.S. I just got a BFP on Monday so there is hope after this diagnosis.

 

[megumic]

Hi, Megumic, I was diagnosed with Graves in 2007 after having symptoms of hand tremors. I also had experienced waking up in the middle of the night with a racing pulse in the year prior to my diagnosis but I didn't realize I had it then. I had blood work and a thryoid scan which diagnosed the Graves. My doctor monitored my blood every 3 months and said if I didn't have any additional symptoms beyond the tremors, she would wait to treat me. 1.5 years after the diagnosis, my blood work came back normal and now my Graves is either in remission or just disappeared. It is a mystery to the doctors. I now just get my TSH tested every year as part of my annual physical. I know that you can get pregnant with Graves/Hyperthyroidism because if you go to FertilityFriend.com and search for charts for people with Hyperthyroidism with a Result of Pregnant, they are there. You will just want to be closely monitored. Also, if you can avoid the radioiodine therapy or surgery, you should because once you do that, you will eventually get Hypothyroidism/underactive thryoid and need hormone replacement therapy going forward. I wish you the best as you go through the tests, and I hope you have a mild case if that's what you are diagnosed with. There are quite a few message boards out there and websites with more information if you haven't already found them, let me know.

JGator

P.S. I just got a BFP on Monday so there is hope after this diagnosis.

OMGosh! Thank you so much for sharing your story! And congrats on your BFP!

I have literally been feeling so terrible about all of this for the past few weeks. Four blood tests, an ultrasound and an uptake scan, plus two endocrinologist appts and still no diagnosis. I have been going nuts! But your story just gave me a huge bunch of hope! DH is sitting here with me and we both cheered as we read your post b/c it's been scary and frustrating so far. THANK YOU so much for sharing your story.

I've had a hard time finding graves info online, as most is hypo related not hyper. Right now we are just monitoring and taking a wait and see approach. I was prescribed a beta blocker to deal with heart palpitations, but plan to only take it when I feel really high. I will go look on fertility friend now - I use it to chart and you can only imagine my temps are so so high as well.

Congrats again on your BFP and thank you again for sharing -- you just made me feel so so so much better

 

[JGator]

Megumic, I felt the same way. Most of the information out there is for hypothyroidism. Check out thyroid.about.com - Mary Shomon seems to know a lot about Thyroid conditions. She also has a great book which I bought on Amazon - Living Well with Graves Disease and Hyperthyroidism. I also get a weekly email from the American Thyroid Association - http://thyroid.org/friends/subscription/subscription_services.html.. You are not the only one out there with this, and I think it's good that you are going the conservative route for now with the beta blocker - I also was prescribed one to take when I didn't want my hands to shake - like when I had to give an important presentation at work. I am sending positive thoughts your way and please keep us all posted as you find out more information from your endocrinologist. Sending hugs your way.

 

[mayerling]

Thanks, Mayerling. I didn't expect to have a conversation w/DH about it last night, but he really wanted to clear things up ASAP. I feel a little silly for assuming that he was implying that my feelings were due to marketing/social pressures. It was really nice and reassuring to hear that I was so wrong! Apparently he's been thinking about it as a given that we'd try. He made it very clear that he wants to have a baby with me and that is the biggest reason that he's been working so hard on the credit stuff, and getting things in order to buy a house. Apparently he even asked his coworker that recently became a father about how paternity leave works at the company so he can be prepared for if/when. He admitted that he IS scared, to which I said "oh trust me, so am I...but that's totally normal". Pretty exciting stuff and it just made me feel all mushy inside to hear him talk about everything, so sweet.

So I was wrong about being wrong. Yeesh!

BTW you're up soon to TTC, that's great!

I know! I just started the last pack of BC!!!

 

[amc80]

Thanks, Mayerling. I didn't expect to have a conversation w/DH about it last night, but he really wanted to clear things up ASAP. I feel a little silly for assuming that he was implying that my feelings were due to marketing/social pressures. It was really nice and reassuring to hear that I was so wrong! Apparently he's been thinking about it as a given that we'd try. He made it very clear that he wants to have a baby with me and that is the biggest reason that he's been working so hard on the credit stuff, and getting things in order to buy a house. Apparently he even asked his coworker that recently became a father about how paternity leave works at the company so he can be prepared for if/when. He admitted that he IS scared, to which I said "oh trust me, so am I...but that's totally normal". Pretty exciting stuff and it just made me feel all mushy inside to hear him talk about everything, so sweet.

So I was wrong about being wrong. Yeesh!

BTW you're up soon to TTC, that's great!

I know! I just started the last pack of BC!!!

I forgot, when are you going to start TTC?

 

[tammy77]

I was going to ask her too (okay I DID ask, but went back and found it, so edited it out). She said on a page or two back that her wedding is in September, so she gets to start TTC SOON! Lucky girl!

 

[mayerling]

I was going to ask her too (okay I DID ask, but went back and found it, so edited it out). She said on a page or two back that her wedding is in September, so she gets to start TTC SOON! Lucky girl!

Thanks, tammy! I can't wait!