Wanting but Waiting...

[Haven]

Great info, Freke. I definitely went over our insurance options just a few weeks ago during open enrollment to be sure that we went with the plan that is best for us.

So glad to hear that you have insurance available through your employer, now!

 

[megumic]

Ditto, great suggestion Freke.

We would like to have a homebirth (barring anything to risk me out...) and most insurers will not cover the costs of a homebirth. Many, including our health insurance, expressly prohibits homebirth (b/c of ACOG policy generally). That said, from much research and speaking with several midwives, generally they'll cover it so long as it is billed globally and not as a "birth," and so long as you never ever ever mention the words "homebirth" in speaking to your insurer.

In our area midwives run about $6-7k (very expensive...) for complete prenatal, labor, delivery, and 6-week post-natal care, lactation assistance, testing, etc. With the potential of having to fork over the cash by 36 weeks and perhaps not get much, or any back, it's some serious moolah, especially since we have great insurance that would cover everything/anything in a hospital.

We won't know until we get pregnant and are in the mix what we'll eventually decide to do, but yes! Sorting out insurance and possibly even Health Savings Accounts as well to figure out the right insurance policy and care are important steps to take in advance.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Hey guys,

I know I have not been around in awhile, but I wanted to give a quick update. My husband and I have gone on our Italy trip and had a blast. I don't know if you remember, but because of work we are living about 3 hours apart. He got a job that allows him to be remote. He is getting settled into his new job, but has still been gone a lot. However, he is starting to work remote more often. And now he is staying with me up to 2 weeks at a time.

We have been TTC for the last 2 months. No luck last month, this month is still a wait and see. I still have a lot of fears about being pregnant, but I think they are fears that lots of women have from looking around online.

Megumic - I believe the ACOG recently changed their position on home births. Not sure that changes anything insurance wise, but I thought I would let you know. Being that I have seen almost everything that can go wrong happen, I am little paranoid about delivering. I personally like the set up where the midwife delivers in the hospital. You get a provider trained in natural births, but back up is literally right around the corner if needed.

 

[that_someone_special]

So ... this last weekend DH and I had a scare that sent me to the ER for 7+ hours. I was in EXTREME pain in my abdomen. I was given Narco, and Morphine but they didn't work. I was then given TWO doses of Dilaudid (sp?) which finally worked on the pain. I was convinced I had huge tumors or cancer in my uterus. Great. Ultrasound was fine though, and blood came back good except for low hemoglobin. I've been on pain killers since yesterday now and think I found the culprit (TMI TMI WARNING.. TMI... a blood clot the size of my fist... or a M/C? I'm not sure).

Anyway, this got DH and I thinking that maybe we shouldn't be waiting so long.... I've always felt that I'm 27 and I still have a few years left until we can try. We have things to do. A baby doesn't fit.... HOWEVER.. I am starting to worry that by 30, something tragic COULD happen and I could get cancer or some other complication... I don't know. I guess you are never completely ready for kids and I'd rather have one 3 years sooner than not at all. It's not like I'm trying out for 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom. Getting pregnant now wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

 

[megumic]

Oh wow bean, that is so scary! Did your doctors say what caused it? Have they given you any indication if it may lead to future complications or jeopardize your fertility, ability to become pregnant or carry?? Just curious if it was a fluke or if it's something to be concerned about longer term or something that needs treatment or is an indication of something else.

No matter, I can see how it might make you feel you should go for it now. It goes from wanting and waiting to worrying and waiting and I know you're not the only one round these threads that worries about waiting! My good (much older and wiser friend) says that he thinks waiting to have kids is the dumbest thing -- the sooner you have them, the longer you can enjoy them.

Haha, you couldn't compete with 16 and Preggo if you tried! You're wise beyond 16 already

 

[blacksand]

I hope you're feeling better now, bean! That must have been so scary. Do you know if it is something that could affect your fertility? I hope not, and wish you lots of luck getting pregnant whenever you decide is best for you.

My nephew is still in the NICU, but we got to visit with him and hold him this weekend. Oh dear God, I just about melted when I held that tiny, beautiful little thing in my arms. Cutest baby ever. He makes the sweetest little noises, and his little feet are ticklish. Then we went back to FSIL and FBIL's house and helped them wash all the baby clothes and assemble the new rocking chair (they've been a little overwhelmed lately, surprise!). Even that, just being around all the baby things, made me feel all fuzzy inside. Even FI said he is so ready to start trying, as soon as we're married. I wish we didn't have to wait so long. But I am loving being an "auntie" so far. Alex pulled out his feeding tube yesterday and has been taking his bottles normally since then, so we are really hoping he will be able to go home in a day or two. I hope we'll be able to visit with him again this weekend in his own little nursery.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Popping in to say.. Bean! What a terrible experience. I hope you're feeling better. Because you're 27 you may, in theory, have 10 years left of easy baby-making... but maybe not. And you certainly are not a teen mom!

I could be wrong, but in the grand scheme of things having children three years early doesn't seem like a big deal. In our household the difference amounts to a bathroom renovation and maybe one big vacation. We'll end up doing those things no matter what, a baby just adjusts the timeframe. As Megumic said, I would rather enjoy my family for an extra three years than wait and instead _____________. (Fill in blank with, 'Add a few thousand to savings', 'take a couple vacations', 'sleep in', etc)

If emotionally and financially you and your DH could handle a child, then maybe it is a good time to try? (no pressure!)

 

[that_someone_special]

I think you guys are right. I guess the biggest thing I wanted to do was move out of our condo into a house- and we have been working our butts off with renos, and small upgrades. We do have 3 bedrooms and right now one is ours, then an office, and then the "cat room" haha.. which holds litter boxes and storage and stuff. I just felt like "next year" or "in the future" was a better time.. but not anymore.

I have an appt this friday with another gyno to figure everything out. WARNING MORE TMI TMI TMI... since last night I've passed about 4 more blood clots the size of golf balls.. and after each one I feel better! So I'm not sure what happened completely, but I am glad that it's getting out of my system I've managed to lose 7-10lbs since sunday too! (water weight, fat, etc etc but I'll take it!).

It's amazing, my rings which are usually really tight every summer are actually loose.

 

[that_someone_special]

I hope you're feeling better now, bean! That must have been so scary. Do you know if it is something that could affect your fertility? I hope not, and wish you lots of luck getting pregnant whenever you decide is best for you.

My nephew is still in the NICU, but we got to visit with him and hold him this weekend. Oh dear God, I just about melted when I held that tiny, beautiful little thing in my arms. Cutest baby ever. He makes the sweetest little noises, and his little feet are ticklish. Then we went back to FSIL and FBIL's house and helped them wash all the baby clothes and assemble the new rocking chair (they've been a little overwhelmed lately, surprise!). Even that, just being around all the baby things, made me feel all fuzzy inside. Even FI said he is so ready to start trying, as soon as we're married. I wish we didn't have to wait so long. But I am loving being an "auntie" so far. Alex pulled out his feeding tube yesterday and has been taking his bottles normally since then, so we are really hoping he will be able to go home in a day or two. I hope we'll be able to visit with him again this weekend in his own little nursery.

Yay on the healthy baby news! Being an Auntie is pretty cool though You can be the fun one

 

[blacksand]

bean, I think if you wait for all the conditions to magically fall into place, you'll be waiting a long time. As long as you are ready, and able to meet the needs of a child, I think anything goes. FI and I live in a rental house. I love it, and we have lots of space, but we don't own it. FI originally wanted to wait to TTC until we could buy a house. I vetoed. I don't want to wait until I'm too old. We have a great house in a lovely area with room to expand the family, and it's completely affordable. We have enough money left over for a nice savings. I wouldn't be too upset if we stayed in this house forever, but realistically I know we will want to buy someday. Most likely, we will not be able to buy a house as nice as the one we live in now, so I'm not really in a huge rush. I guess I just figure...whatever. We'll figure it out. We know we will be able to provide for any children we have, one way or another. Nobody's going hungry. I grew up in an apartment with parents who struggled to pay rent. We clipped coupons and did the best we could. So I didn't get the Power Wheels or the amazing talking doll I wanted for Christmas. I think I probably turned out better for it. My parents were awesome, my physical needs were always met and I had all the love and support a child could ever hope for. I'm not saying everyone who wants a kid should have one with no regard for finances, but I do think, if you have a loving, stable home (which you do), a kid would be lucky to have you, regardless of whether you live in a condo or the mansion of your dreams. You'll figure it out.

My nephew finally came home yesterday. He is tiny, but healthy! I can't wait to hold him again. Mom and Dad understandably want a little time to themselves at the moment, but I hope I'll be able to visit again next week. I can't stop buying baby clothes. Seriously, I can't stop. It is pretty great being an auntie. I'm trying to take a break from wanting a little one of my own and focus on how awesome this little guy is for now.

 

[that_someone_special]

blacksand, that is awesome news! I think focusing on the little one right now will help with baby fever too

I went to my doc appt today and the doctor didn't seem too concerned but we do have a plan in place now. However, there was a strange line of questioning that went something like this:

"How many full term pregnancies have you had?" -doc
"None"
"How many miscarriages or non-full term?"-doc
"None"
*he looks at me from above his glasses*
"So you haven't had any kids? Why not?"

LOL I took that to mean.. "Woman, you are not getting younger..."
I think it could come across as rude, but I found it funny.

I also agree that I think I could be waiting forever for the "right conditions" to have a baby ... so why not now

I am actually going back on BC though for a bit to regulate my periods and lose a bit of weight, and then the Doc and I will go from there.
Oh, and hubs too

 

[megumic]

Hey guys,

I know I have not been around in awhile, but I wanted to give a quick update. My husband and I have gone on our Italy trip and had a blast. I don't know if you remember, but because of work we are living about 3 hours apart. He got a job that allows him to be remote. He is getting settled into his new job, but has still been gone a lot. However, he is starting to work remote more often. And now he is staying with me up to 2 weeks at a time.

We have been TTC for the last 2 months. No luck last month, this month is still a wait and see. I still have a lot of fears about being pregnant, but I think they are fears that lots of women have from looking around online.

Megumic - I believe the ACOG recently changed their position on home births. Not sure that changes anything insurance wise, but I thought I would let you know. Being that I have seen almost everything that can go wrong happen, I am little paranoid about delivering. I personally like the set up where the midwife delivers in the hospital. You get a provider trained in natural births, but back up is literally right around the corner if needed.

That's great you've been TTC recently. Can take time and patience for all of the conditions to be just so. Good luck! Pop over to the TTC sticky thread if you've got questions. They're full of wisdom, insight and knowledge over there.

And as regards the ACOG position on homebirth, you are correct. Seems they broadened their position January of this year. I wonder if our health insurer has also followed suit and changed pace as well...will have to check on that! Thanks!

 

[mayerling]

I haven't posted here for ages, but I'm happy to report that FH and I have agreed to TTC as soon as we're married - in early September. Yay!!!

I'm going to go out and get those pre-natal vitamins today!

 

[megumic]

I haven't posted here for ages, but I'm happy to report that FH and I have agreed to TTC as soon as we're married - in early September. Yay!!!

I'm going to go out and get those pre-natal vitamins today!

Woo hoo! That's so exciting! We'll be starting to TTC in early October, so we'll be TTC buddies. Be sure to do some research on prenatals before yuo decide which ones to go with. Some can make you nauseous for one reason or another. Also look for a good folic acid content!

 

[mayerling]

I haven't posted here for ages, but I'm happy to report that FH and I have agreed to TTC as soon as we're married - in early September. Yay!!!

I'm going to go out and get those pre-natal vitamins today!

Woo hoo! That's so exciting! We'll be starting to TTC in early October, so we'll be TTC buddies. Be sure to do some research on prenatals before yuo decide which ones to go with. Some can make you nauseous for one reason or another. Also look for a good folic acid content!

Will do. At the moment my main concern is not to get too obsessed about TTC so as not to end up stressing myself out. I have OCD so I'm my own worst nightmare

 

[lliang_chi]

Nausea/constipation usually comes from the iron content in prenatals. You don't need the iron until you're actually pregnant, so you can just take folic acid. Gummy prenatals have no iron so that should help with avoiding nausea

OK, I'll stop crashing your thread now...

~LC

 

[mayerling]

LC, I'm in the UK and I don't think brands on sale in the US are necessarily on sale here; I'll have to check. What does folic acid actually do?

 

[amc80]

LC, I'm in the UK and I don't think brands on sale in the US are necessarily on sale here; I'll have to check. What does folic acid actually do?

Adequate folate intake during the periconception period, the time right before and just after a woman becomes pregnant, helps protect against a number of congenital malformations, including neural tube defects (which are the most notable birth defects that occur from folate deficiency). Neural tube defects produce malformations of the spine, skull, and brain including spina bifida and anencephaly. The risk of neural tube defects is significantly reduced when supplemental folic acid is consumed in addition to a healthy diet prior to and during the first month following conception. Supplementation with folic acid has also been shown to reduce the risk of congenital heart defects, cleft lips, limb defects, and urinary tract anomalies.

 

[amc80]

I haven't posted here for ages, but I'm happy to report that FH and I have agreed to TTC as soon as we're married - in early September. Yay!!!

I'm going to go out and get those pre-natal vitamins today!

Woo hoo! That's so exciting! We'll be starting to TTC in early October, so we'll be TTC buddies. Be sure to do some research on prenatals before yuo decide which ones to go with. Some can make you nauseous for one reason or another. Also look for a good folic acid content!

Anyone starting in late November? We are getting married on 11/27 and starting immediately. I want a buddy!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Hey guys,

I know I have not been around in awhile, but I wanted to give a quick update. My husband and I have gone on our Italy trip and had a blast. I don't know if you remember, but because of work we are living about 3 hours apart. He got a job that allows him to be remote. He is getting settled into his new job, but has still been gone a lot. However, he is starting to work remote more often. And now he is staying with me up to 2 weeks at a time.

We have been TTC for the last 2 months. No luck last month, this month is still a wait and see. I still have a lot of fears about being pregnant, but I think they are fears that lots of women have from looking around online.

Megumic - I believe the ACOG recently changed their position on home births. Not sure that changes anything insurance wise, but I thought I would let you know. Being that I have seen almost everything that can go wrong happen, I am little paranoid about delivering. I personally like the set up where the midwife delivers in the hospital. You get a provider trained in natural births, but back up is literally right around the corner if needed.

That's great you've been TTC recently. Can take time and patience for all of the conditions to be just so. Good luck! Pop over to the TTC sticky thread if you've got questions. They're full of wisdom, insight and knowledge over there.

And as regards the ACOG position on homebirth, you are correct. Seems they broadened their position January of this year. I wonder if our health insurer has also followed suit and changed pace as well...will have to check on that! Thanks!

Thanks. No luck this month (as I enjoy my glass of wine!). I am starting to lurk over at that thread, not quite sure I am ready to get that technical yet.

 

[megumic]

LC, I'm in the UK and I don't think brands on sale in the US are necessarily on sale here; I'll have to check. What does folic acid actually do?

Adequate folate intake during the periconception period, the time right before and just after a woman becomes pregnant, helps protect against a number of congenital malformations, including neural tube defects (which are the most notable birth defects that occur from folate deficiency). Neural tube defects produce malformations of the spine, skull, and brain including spina bifida and anencephaly. The risk of neural tube defects is significantly reduced when supplemental folic acid is consumed in addition to a healthy diet prior to and during the first month following conception. Supplementation with folic acid has also been shown to reduce the risk of congenital heart defects, cleft lips, limb defects, and urinary tract anomalies.

FYI - Folate is the natural form, folic acid is the synthetic. Roughly 25% of ppl cannot absorb folic acid b/c of a something or other (amino acid??) their body doesn't produce so it doesn't translate and get absorbed. I did some research on this awhile ago and cannot find it now, but if you can find a supplement with folate there is no question you'll be getting what you need. From March of Dimes website, it recommends you start taking 400 mcg before pregnancy, and then up it to 600 mcg during pregnancy.

 

[mayerling]

I took my first prenatal vitamin about an hour ago

Thankfully, I haven't had any nausea - so far so good.

 

[amc80]

I took my first prenatal vitamin about an hour ago

Thankfully, I haven't had any nausea - so far so good.

Big step!
If you can take normal multi-vitamins then you'll probably be okay. Actually if you took it an hour ago I think you're good to go

 

[mayerling]

I took my first prenatal vitamin about an hour ago

Thankfully, I haven't had any nausea - so far so good.

Big step!
If you can take normal multi-vitamins then you'll probably be okay. Actually if you took it an hour ago I think you're good to go

Yup! No problems! I think I'll be ok.

 

[amc80]

I took my first prenatal vitamin about an hour ago

Thankfully, I haven't had any nausea - so far so good.

Big step!
If you can take normal multi-vitamins then you'll probably be okay. Actually if you took it an hour ago I think you're good to go

Yup! No problems! I think I'll be ok.

I would have barfed all over my keyboard by now

 

[megumic]

I took my first prenatal vitamin about an hour ago

Thankfully, I haven't had any nausea - so far so good.

Big step!
If you can take normal multi-vitamins then you'll probably be okay. Actually if you took it an hour ago I think you're good to go

Yup! No problems! I think I'll be ok.

I would have barfed all over my keyboard by now

Haha, can we get a barfing emoticon in here please??

I actually haven't had any problems with the prenatal I've been test-driving for a few weeks. It's called New Chapter Perfect Prenatal. So far zero nauseau. I think it helps that the dosage is 3 x day so it's smaller doses spaced out instead of a heaping pile of vitamins all at once, likely only a portion of which gets absorbed.

 

[mayerling]

[

I actually haven't had any problems with the prenatal I've been test-driving for a few weeks. It's called New Chapter Perfect Prenatal. So far zero nauseau. I think it helps that the dosage is 3 x day so it's smaller doses spaced out instead of a heaping pile of vitamins all at once, likely only a portion of which gets absorbed.

That's interesting. I really don't like taking vitamins, medicine, etc. so I find it great that I only have to do it once a day. If I had to do it more than once, I probably wouldn't keep up with it...

 

[tammy77]

I'm sort of struggling with this. I'm 34, will be 35 in March. I have two girls from my previous marriage that are 6 & 8 yrs old. DH and I just married three weeks ago. Both of us would like to have a baby, but the pressure is SO intense time wise and sometimes I just feel like crying because I wish I was 30-32 to give us a couple more years to prepare - bigger car, less erratic schedule for him, more financial security, bigger place to live (whether rent or buy) and mostly just time together as husband and wife before bringing a baby into our lives.

I'm so nervous about running out of time biologically. He's nervous about running out of time financially. We're both nervous/scared that we won't be able to get our "stuff" together in time. He says he's absolutely okay if something prevents us (be it trying but not being able to conceive, or just deciding in the end to not try) but I don't know how to handle that on my end. I know if he gets to the point of TTC, it will be because he's 100% on board with wanting a baby..and I will have failed us.

Ugh. Sorry, just don't really know how to work through all of this and our usually wonderful communication together is so strained because of the emotional charge that comes with this topic. I guess I'm officially in the "wanting but waiting" pool, I just don't know if we'll ever get in the TTC pool, etc.

 

[blacksand]

Tammy, no matter what happens, you will not have failed anyone. You have two beautiful children and a new husband who love you. If you decide to try for another, great! 34 is not so old! You have time. If you decide not to, or you try but aren't able, you have all of our support, whenever you need it, and you have a beautiful family to come home to each day. And if you have an oops before you have all your "stuff" together, I'm pretty sure you'll make that work, too! Whatever happens, you'll be just fine. Good luck!

 

[megumic]

Tammy, ditto to everything blacksand said. Also, I want to share a story that literally is so similar to what you're saying that I can't hold it back...

About two weeks after I got married, I ran into an old friend and she was telling me the story of how her third child came to be. She said she had been wanting a third for a number of years, but her husband was too scared financially and that he wanted to just be able to afford the two kids he had instead of having a third. Well, my friend (the wife) became very depressed over this and was angry b/c in her mind, the finances would sort themselves out and she was yearning so terribly. She said they struggled in their marriage for a period of time b/c she couldn't get over wanting a third and he couldn't get over his financial concerns.

Shortly thereafter, they had a breakthrough in communication and her husband finally said, "I don't want to wait any longer b/c if we wait for the finances to work out, it might be too late for me to give you want you want." And then they had another baby. I believe she was late 30's at the time.

So, I think you and this couple I know had something very in common and I'm certain many people feel this way. She said the biggest mistake they made is that they both wanted the same common goal -- financial security and a third child -- but they pitted themselves against each other instead of communicating and being understanding of each other as a team. I'm not suggesting you and your DH are doing that, however I hate to see you write "...I'll have failed us." You're both in this and wahtever you choose together is right for your family is a joint decision. In my mind, once you're married, few things in life are individual failures and successes -- nearly everything happens one way or another b/c of both of you.

I can't tell you what is right or wrong for your family, but I'm certain you guys will make the best decision you can. Either way, we're cheering for you!