Timelines: lets talk about them!

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Wow, it's so great to hear that many of us are on a similar boat! This is why I love LIW - it's such a nonjudgmental space, and everyone is so good at empathizing! I really do hope everyone gets their proposals sooner than they expect. I STILL don't get why guys hold on to the ring for so long, I mean, don't they get anxious too?! I feel fortunate that I have something to focus on, I think it keeps me from going crazy. I hope that SO does propose earlier, but I also wouldn't mind getting the boards out of the way and really being able to celebrate being engaged. I have a feeling SO is waiting on me to finish studying as well.

 

[audball]

Thanks. My car was literally on its last leg, and this really good car came in on trade. He convinced his boss to let him finance it "in house", so he pays $75 a week on it. By my calculations, the car should be paid off by next December. (Although, math was never my strong suit. ). Realistically, I couldn't afford a car payment between rent, credit card debt, and my massive student loan debt.

So, yes, it certainly does mean a lot to me, and it does show commitment. Except he's in dire need of a new car, too; he's driving one that's 15 years old. So............. he'll pretty much have another payment as soon as my car is done. ARGH!!!!! lol.

It is truly a wonderful gift he has given you! How loving and supportive, all-for-one attitude.

 

[audball]

Wow, it's so great to hear that many of us are on a similar boat! This is why I love LIW - it's such a nonjudgmental space, and everyone is so good at empathizing! I really do hope everyone gets their proposals sooner than they expect. I STILL don't get why guys hold on to the ring for so long, I mean, don't they get anxious too?! I feel fortunate that I have something to focus on, I think it keeps me from going crazy. I hope that SO does propose earlier, but I also wouldn't mind getting the boards out of the way and really being able to celebrate being engaged. I have a feeling SO is waiting on me to finish studying as well.

I agree! I just love our safe space here. I too hope everyone gets engaged SOON! How great would it be for us all to graduate to BWW together?!

I don't really get why guys hold on to the ring either (except in cases where it is bought early because of the value before you're both mutually ready to take the next step). I think Andrew is also waiting to be done with school so he can focus on just celebrating and being in the moment. As anxious as I am, if that is the case, I'm happy to wait so we can have that special time. I can't lie, I will be obviously disappointed if it doesn't happen shortly after he graduates around Christmas time. He's indicated that he's feeling ready and it seems that his pending graduation is the only thing standing in the way. I'll have to repress any feelings of disappointment if it doesn't happen because we have an agreed upon timeline that will give him until mid July, but damn I would be sad if takes that long.

 

[madelise]

If your timeline passes by then a heart to heart with your SO is in order. What is his thinking behind it, what has changed and what new plan needs to be put in place. If your SO is your soft place to fall/lean on and your best friend then no topic should be off limits. You should be able to discuss anything in a safe and loving environment.

Don't worry, Missy! I got this covered:

I think we've all felt this at one time or another....

…….as an avid Redditor, with an avid Redditor BF.. with an upcoming 3rd year anniversary.. THANK YOU. I think I'm going to save this image..



JUST.
IN.
CASE.

Haha. No worries about me. I'm super open about wanting to be engaged. To the point of annoyance. I ask him almost daily when the hell he's going to do it. I've cooled down a bit recently, but when I get my moods, I can ask him like 10x in a row. In fact, I was totally fighting the urge to send that TODAY, since today marks 3 years since our first outing together. But he hasn't seen me today, so it's not too fair

 

[madelise]

Chewbacca: Nope, absolutely nothing.. I brought it up before but pretty much got the reaction that he will propose when he proposes and rather not have me know the details. I am not really sure how to go about getting any information out of him...

We are going away this weekend to a beautiful beach resort so then would definately be the perfect time. Although, there have been "MANY" perfect times during weekend getaways to cabins, Venice, Paris, Switzerland, etc., but I will not be getting my hopes up - I know better now than to do that

UM, I'M HOPING HE PROPOSES?! *DUST****** that you have a great trip this weekend, regardless of proposal. But secretly I'll hope for one for you!!


Doesn't he know he's wasting all these beautiful opportunities?

Be sure to come back and tell us about your trip, engagement or not!!

 

[madelise]

MBKRH I'm sorry your timeline passed you by! You don't have one with your SO, not even a vague one?

Sadly, no.
I can't bring it up- I don't want him to think I'm a gold digger. Next month it'll only be our 18 month anniversary. There's still time.

He once told me how his ex was constantly shoving rings and stuff in his face, and it turned him off so much. It probably didn't help that she was 8 years older than him, and completely nuts. Or so I've heard, from MANY people.

So, that's why I'm laying low. No wedding **** laying around. No ring talk. No talking about friends' engagements/weddings/etc.
I'm taking the nieve approach.
He'll bring it up when he's ready (I'm certain it's a financial issue at this point). And until he's done paying off my car, it WOULD be really sh*tty on my part to bring anything up engagement related, IMO...........

I know, I know the timeline thing isn't quite the same as talking about rings. But, they're all connected, and I know him well enough that he'll think "Okay first she wanted a timeline. Next she'll be asking when we can go look at rings, then she'll want to do this..........."

Like I said- I'm laying low. (for now)

Aw, poor MBKRH! That sucks that his previous relationship has had these lingering affects on him.. But c'mon, 1.5 years later, and you guys can't talk future? Can you guys at least talk about future plants together, non-engagement, but like.. when he'd like to marry? No lovey dovey smooshy wooshy ring/wedding/colors/bridal party talk, just a simple, "At what age/at what point in your life would you like to be married?" Ask for his own, personal timeline?

But I agree with everyone else… that him paying for your car > engagement ring. NO man would pay for expensive crap like that on just "any" ol' girlfriend.. and car/house/food that kinda stuff.. that stuff's the important stuff. E-rings = luxury.

 

[madelise]

OKay...since we're spilling secrets, here's mine:

We have a ring!!!! But like I said, we have always discussed that it won't happen until at least after graduation. This time next year would be my absolute earliest guess.

*runs away*

YAY!!! You can't come here on a BLING forum and talk about having a RING IN THE HOUSE without sharing PICTURES!!

YOUCRAZYGIRL. I can't keep a secret like that. Yes, pics, NEW pics please! I need some blingporn to help ease the pain of my midterm I just took. I'm no alcoholic, I'z a blingaholic… now gimme pics!

 

[MayFlowers]

We have never really had an official timeline. We had planned to get engaged summer of 2011 after I had graduated. But, that plan was made before his brother passed and then I couldn't find a job. So, that plan was a no go. Ever since then, we haven't really had a set time, but more of personal accomplishments we wanted. I needed to find a stable and secure job (check!), and we wanted to buy a house (check!). Now it's just a waiting game.

I was pretty disappointed though when he didn't propose after he got his last bonus. I understand that it was a better choice financially to make sure that we were able to get through closing on the house and buying some furniture. But, since he had told me he was waiting for his bonus to propose, I was really disappointed when he didn't, which I made very clear in a conversation to him. I basically told him that if he was going to give me a set time, then he needed to stick to it because I couldn't handle the disappointment.

So, we don't have a specified date that it has to happen by. I did tell him after we closed on the house that he couldn't wait forever though. I know he wants to surprise me so he hasn't given any hints as to when it will happen. Through previous conversations, I know he is thinking a wedding either sometime between Fall 2013 and Summer 2014. So, by planning measures, it should happen before June/July of next year. He knows I want it sooner and so, I don't think he will make me wait that long. But if he wants to get married in the fall of next year, he better get moving! I try not to ask about it everyday, but waiting is so hard. We have been together 5 1/2 years and we first started looking at rings and planning things 3 years ago!

 

[antiquesparkler]

I think my SO is waiting because there are a few things we want to take care of beforehand around our house (a new furnace...etc) and we also want to pay cash for our small wedding. Also, there is a lot of wedding craziness around us right now... his sister was just engaged and is planning their wedding. We are sort of waiting to see when it will be. We dont want to step on their toes... and they have been together FOREVER. I just sort of feel like giving her HER time.

Panda, I want pictures of this ring stat!

Madelise, I LOVE THAT CAKE! AWESOME! I am changing that 3 to a 2 and handing that to him in February. DONE.

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Chewbacca:

We are going away this weekend to a beautiful beach resort so then would definately be the perfect time. Although, there have been "MANY" perfect times during weekend getaways to cabins, Venice, Paris, Switzerland, etc., but I will not be getting my hopes up - I know better now than to do that

Eek, THIS sounds exciting! I would love an intimate proposal! I already told my SO that I don't expect anything huge, and I definitely don't want to wait until we take our vacation in May before he proposes. Even if he doesn't propose, at least you get to go to a beach? It's getting COLD here.

I think my SO is waiting because there are a few things we want to take care of beforehand around our house (a new furnace...etc) and we also want to pay cash for our small wedding. Also, there is a lot of wedding craziness around us right now... his sister was just engaged and is planning their wedding. We are sort of waiting to see when it will be. We dont want to step on their toes... and they have been together FOREVER. I just sort of feel like giving her HER time.

Panda, I want pictures of this ring stat!

Madelise, I LOVE THAT CAKE! AWESOME! I am changing that 3 to a 2 and handing that to him in February. DONE.

Ditto to that cake!! It's perfect!
Congrats to your future SIL! My SO's twin brother just got engaged too, and after two weeks they already found their venue! They are aiming for December 2013 so I think SO is sort of stepping back too. This is his brother's second marriage and his fiance just turned 30, so they decided they were going to go on the fast track towards babies, and I guess the plan is to get her pregnant as quickly as possible, regardless of the wedding date. I almost thought my SO was joking! But it sounds like they really really want a family now.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Chewbacca:

We are going away this weekend to a beautiful beach resort so then would definately be the perfect time. Although, there have been "MANY" perfect times during weekend getaways to cabins, Venice, Paris, Switzerland, etc., but I will not be getting my hopes up - I know better now than to do that

Eek, THIS sounds exciting! I would love an intimate proposal! I already told my SO that I don't expect anything huge, and I definitely don't want to wait until we take our vacation in May before he proposes. Even if he doesn't propose, at least you get to go to a beach? It's getting COLD here.

I think my SO is waiting because there are a few things we want to take care of beforehand around our house (a new furnace...etc) and we also want to pay cash for our small wedding. Also, there is a lot of wedding craziness around us right now... his sister was just engaged and is planning their wedding. We are sort of waiting to see when it will be. We dont want to step on their toes... and they have been together FOREVER. I just sort of feel like giving her HER time.

Panda, I want pictures of this ring stat!

Madelise, I LOVE THAT CAKE! AWESOME! I am changing that 3 to a 2 and handing that to him in February. DONE.

Ditto to that cake!! It's perfect!
Congrats to your future SIL! My SO's twin brother just got engaged too, and after two weeks they already found their venue! They are aiming for December 2013 so I think SO is sort of stepping back too. This is his brother's second marriage and his fiance just turned 30, so they decided they were going to go on the fast track towards babies, and I guess the plan is to get her pregnant as quickly as possible, regardless of the wedding date. I almost thought my SO was joking! But it sounds like they really really want a family now.

Sweetpea,

Wow, they don't waste any time! Lol! I am okay with SO stepping back to give them their time. I am anxious for them to set a date though. Every time SO talks to his Mom, I am all... "So..." hehe. I think we will be engaged before their wedding but for now I am holding off on talking any wedding timelines with him until they have a date.

I have a friend who got engaged a couple months ago.... well we'll call her a frenemy (ooops!) and they are planning a September 2014 wedding. We were originally looking at Summer 2014... I am not sure how all that will play out but oh well. I will just hang out and wait for my sparkly.

Also, I too, would love an intimate proposal. Nothing extravegent. Just us.

And I am so serious about that cake. I am sending it to my friend who is also a LIW. I have a feeling she will be doing some baking soon.

 

[gem_anemone]

Haha that cake is awesome!

Our timeline was never concrete. The only things we knew for sure and agreed on were that we both wanted to be married before kid(s) and we wanted to have the kid(s) before I turned 35 (2015). That left a huge opening for exactly when engagement/proposal was to take place. We moved in together in Feb 2008, I knew I was going to marry him and I knew it would be "soon" . Neither of us were going anywhere and we both felt the same about the timeline, so I trusted that we would get there eventually.

I didn't really start longing for engagement until after we bought our house which was July 2010. My SO knew I felt this way, but we were kind of broke then and he got laid off for three months right around the end of 2010/beginning of 2011. Once he got a new job, I thought...ok NOW is finally the time! I was right! He finally asked to take me ring shopping in May 2011 and proposed 2.5 months later. So really our long term timeline goals have been met so far, but our actual proposal was about a year later than I actually would have liked. Hope that helps. DUST TO YOU LOVELY LADIES!!!

 

[gem_anemone]

I have a feeling she will be doing some baking soon.

Hahaha you girls crack me up!

 

[gem_anemone]

I try not to ask about it everyday, but waiting is so hard. We have been together 5 1/2 years and we first started looking at rings and planning things 3 years ago!

Three years LIW would be very hard! I hope something happens for you this year!

 

[pandabee]

ummmmmm all right of course I have to show you ladies a picture!!! I will start a thread...soon hehe.

I just feel awful for our LIW who have been waiting longer than some people have been dating...it's just not fair! I wish I knew what your guys were up to and could tell them to just grab life by the horns and just give you a ring because you love each other and wanna spend the rest of your lives together!!!

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

I have a friend who got engaged a couple months ago.... well we'll call her a frenemy (ooops!) and they are planning a September 2014 wedding. We were originally looking at Summer 2014... I am not sure how all that will play out but oh well. I will just hang out and wait for my sparkly.

I don't think you should move your wedding schedule around for anyone else. If you want to get married summer 2014, they'll have to deal. I'm sure her guests will be just as happy for them whether or not you get married. People get married at all times during the year. If our timeline works out, I'll be getting married with a bunch of other classmates who will also be getting married at the same time. I'm a medical student, and for us, there are times that work to get married and others that don't, so you can't hog a whole season for your wedding!

We have never really had an official timeline. We had planned to get engaged summer of 2011 after I had graduated. But, that plan was made before his brother passed and then I couldn't find a job. So, that plan was a no go. Ever since then, we haven't really had a set time, but more of personal accomplishments we wanted. I needed to find a stable and secure job (check!), and we wanted to buy a house (check!). Now it's just a waiting game.

I was pretty disappointed though when he didn't propose after he got his last bonus. I understand that it was a better choice financially to make sure that we were able to get through closing on the house and buying some furniture. But, since he had told me he was waiting for his bonus to propose, I was really disappointed when he didn't, which I made very clear in a conversation to him. I basically told him that if he was going to give me a set time, then he needed to stick to it because I couldn't handle the disappointment.

So, we don't have a specified date that it has to happen by. I did tell him after we closed on the house that he couldn't wait forever though. I know he wants to surprise me so he hasn't given any hints as to when it will happen. Through previous conversations, I know he is thinking a wedding either sometime between Fall 2013 and Summer 2014. So, by planning measures, it should happen before June/July of next year. He knows I want it sooner and so, I don't think he will make me wait that long. But if he wants to get married in the fall of next year, he better get moving! I try not to ask about it everyday, but waiting is so hard. We have been together 5 1/2 years and we first started looking at rings and planning things 3 years ago!

MF, now that you've been moved in and settled (?) do you think it'll happen soon? Did he mention something about Christmas??

 

[Chewbacca]

ummmmmm all right of course I have to show you ladies a picture!!! I will start a thread...soon hehe.

I just feel awful for our LIW who have been waiting longer than some people have been dating...it's just not fair! I wish I knew what your guys were up to and could tell them to just grab life by the horns and just give you a ring because you love each other and wanna spend the rest of your lives together!!!

You get right on that, lady!! STAT!!

And, HERE HERE! to the second part. I'd love to rattle a few LIW SO's cages!

 

[Chewbacca]

Chewbacca: Nope, absolutely nothing.. I brought it up before but pretty much got the reaction that he will propose when he proposes and rather not have me know the details. I am not really sure how to go about getting any information out of him...

We are going away this weekend to a beautiful beach resort so then would definately be the perfect time. Although, there have been "MANY" perfect times during weekend getaways to cabins, Venice, Paris, Switzerland, etc., but I will not be getting my hopes up - I know better now than to do that

Good on you for keeping a level head about this, vintagelover! That does sound like A LOT of wonderful proposal locations, what a well traveled couple you are! I have been with my SO for six years (come December), so I got nothing on you!, but my SO is like yours - no details revealed! Luckily (for my calm-levels) we both agree to a Spring wedding and short engagement.. the 'timeline' makes itself! Perhaps my sneaky way inspires you?

I will have my fingers crossed for you this weekend!

 

[Chewbacca]

Thanks. My car was literally on its last leg, and this really good car came in on trade. He convinced his boss to let him finance it "in house", so he pays $75 a week on it. By my calculations, the car should be paid off by next December. (Although, math was never my strong suit. ). Realistically, I couldn't afford a car payment between rent, credit card debt, and my massive student loan debt.

So, yes, it certainly does mean a lot to me, and it does show commitment. Except he's in dire need of a new car, too; he's driving one that's 15 years old. So............. he'll pretty much have another payment as soon as my car is done. ARGH!!!!! lol.

It is truly a wonderful gift he has given you! How loving and supportive, all-for-one attitude.

I agree with Audball! What a man, IMO. It is a very solid building-your-life-together THING he is doing, which gives the good feelings!

 

[Chewbacca]

I agree! I just love our safe space here. I too hope everyone gets engaged SOON! How great would it be for us all to graduate to BWW together?!

Nooooooooo, don't you all go leaving me behind!

 

[Chewbacca]

Aw, poor MBKRH! That sucks that his previous relationship has had these lingering affects on him.. But c'mon, 1.5 years later, and you guys can't talk future? Can you guys at least talk about future plants together, non-engagement, but like.. when he'd like to marry?

A miniature day palm, perhaps?

 

[Chewbacca]

We have never really had an official timeline. We had planned to get engaged summer of 2011 after I had graduated. But, that plan was made before his brother passed and then I couldn't find a job. So, that plan was a no go. Ever since then, we haven't really had a set time, but more of personal accomplishments we wanted. I needed to find a stable and secure job (check!), and we wanted to buy a house (check!). Now it's just a waiting game.

I get the good feelings that it is right around the corner for you, MayFlowers! You are living such an exciting part of life right now - in your chosen profession, home owner, and soon to be finance! Sounds like a total dream, I actually envy you a bit!

I think my SO is waiting because there are a few things we want to take care of beforehand around our house (a new furnace...etc) and we also want to pay cash for our small wedding. Also, there is a lot of wedding craziness around us right now... his sister was just engaged and is planning their wedding. We are sort of waiting to see when it will be. We dont want to step on their toes... and they have been together FOREVER. I just sort of feel like giving her HER time.

Ahhh money gathering. So boring, so necessary! SO and I are doing a bit of the same, including the part about watching family wedding madness around us! I'm loving the distraction.

 

[MayFlowers]

MF, now that you've been moved in and settled (?) do you think it'll happen soon? Did he mention something about Christmas??

I *hope* it will happen soon. But, I'm also trying not to get my hopes up too much. I had forgotten that he did mention I would get "what I wanted" for Christmas. But, like I said, I'm trying not to hang too tightly onto anything like that. Although, every time I pull onto our street and see that he is already home, I secretly pray that he has set up some kind of proposal in the house.

As for being settled, we aren't quite there yet. We have all our stuff unpacked, but we haven't decorated or even painted anything yet. We would still like to buy new appliances (Black Friday shopping!!) and some more furniture since we currently don't even have a kitchen table and chairs. In terms of finances, we could really afford it whenever he decides he is ready. I know his family situation has held him back for a while and is still holding him back. I don't think he's quite ready to approach that whole situation.

gem, 3 years is a very long time. This past year has honestly been the easiest of it though. Now I have had real concrete things I was working toward achieving before our engagement. The first two years, we were still pretty young and though I had been bitten by the engagement bug, I realize now that BF really wasn't ready at the time. I think part of it was that I was in school and literally everyone was getting engaged. I'm glad we waited until now anyways. It just feels so right, now.

Chewbacca, thanks for the support! I really hope it is right around the corner. Please don't envy me! I really do feel blessed right now with our situation; my dream job, his job and recent promotion, and our awesome house. But, last year was seriously the crummiest year I think we have both ever had. So, we definitely had to trudge through the mud before we got to this place in life.

 

[MayFlowers]

**double post

 

[madelise]

MF, now that you've been moved in and settled (?) do you think it'll happen soon? Did he mention something about Christmas??

I *hope* it will happen soon. But, I'm also trying not to get my hopes up too much. I had forgotten that he did mention I would get "what I wanted" for Christmas. But, like I said, I'm trying not to hang too tightly onto anything like that. Although, every time I pull onto our street and see that he is already home, I secretly pray that he has set up some kind of proposal in the house.

As for being settled, we aren't quite there yet. We have all our stuff unpacked, but we haven't decorated or even painted anything yet. We would still like to buy new appliances (Black Friday shopping!!) and some more furniture since we currently don't even have a kitchen table and chairs. In terms of finances, we could really afford it whenever he decides he is ready. I know his family situation has held him back for a while and is still holding him back. I don't think he's quite ready to approach that whole situation.

gem, 3 years is a very long time. This past year has honestly been the easiest of it though. Now I have had real concrete things I was working toward achieving before our engagement. The first two years, we were still pretty young and though I had been bitten by the engagement bug, I realize now that BF really wasn't ready at the time. I think part of it was that I was in school and literally everyone was getting engaged. I'm glad we waited until now anyways. It just feels so right, now.

Chewbacca, thanks for the support! I really hope it is right around the corner. Please don't envy me! I really do feel blessed right now with our situation; my dream job, his job and recent promotion, and our awesome house. But, last year was seriously the crummiest year I think we have both ever had. So, we definitely had to trudge through the mud before we got to this place in life.

You've got all my lucky juju thoughts with you! Or as PS likes to call it, DUST!!!

 

[audball]

I hope it's soon for all of us ladies! It would be awesome to revive BWW!

 

[MBKRH]

Thanks. My car was literally on its last leg, and this really good car came in on trade. He convinced his boss to let him finance it "in house", so he pays $75 a week on it. By my calculations, the car should be paid off by next December. (Although, math was never my strong suit. ). Realistically, I couldn't afford a car payment between rent, credit card debt, and my massive student loan debt.

So, yes, it certainly does mean a lot to me, and it does show commitment. Except he's in dire need of a new car, too; he's driving one that's 15 years old. So............. he'll pretty much have another payment as soon as my car is done. ARGH!!!!! lol.

It is truly a wonderful gift he has given you! How loving and supportive, all-for-one attitude.

I agree with Audball! What a man, IMO. It is a very solid building-your-life-together THING he is doing, which gives the good feelings!

Thank you, Chewy. He's so wonderful.

 

[MBKRH]

I hope it's soon for all of us ladies! It would be awesome to revive BWW!

It'll be a bit for me............. but I'll join you all there, someday!

 

[MBKRH]

Okay, so I asked him last night when he pictured us being engaged, and he said "ideally, within a year. The problem is the money." (So I was right). I immediately assured him "No pressure, I just wanted to know where you stand, since we never seriously discussed it before."
I went to bed smiling, and in fact, I had the hardest time falling asleep.

Mission: Find a reasonably priced ring is in full effect.

 

[pandabee]

Okay, so I asked him last night when he pictured us being engaged, and he said "ideally, within a year. The problem is the money." (So I was right). I immediately assured him "No pressure, I just wanted to know where you stand, since we never seriously discussed it before."
I went to bed smiling, and in fact, I had the hardest time falling asleep.

Mission: Find a reasonably priced ring is in full effect.

Yayyyy!!! So so exciting. Let us know if you need help searching...anything to keep is from doing what we actually need to be doing and an excuse to look up bling !!