The Official TTC for 6 Months or More Thread

[amc80]

Dani and MP, Thank you both for your input. It is helpful to hear different opinions. I think MP summed up what I was feeling better than I was able to say myself. While it's probably nothing, it could be something. And since I have the coverage, there's no reason not to explore. I'm fully aware that it could have just been luck the first two times, and that now we are just on the other side of the luck spectrum. But, in case it is something, I think it's better to find sooner rather than later.

 

[dani13]

MP, I understand what youre saying-for sure, there are those unfortunate number of patients who DO NOT present clinically with classic symptoms of a disease, but they still end up with the diagnosis. However, the odds are more in AMC's favor of not having blocked tubes at this point ( especially bilaterally) given her history.

That's all I'm trying to relay.

 

[split_shank]

How are we supposed to be all sexy when all I want to do is take a nap, I have a headache, and I want to throw up?

The joys of being fake Ovidrel trigger "pregnant".

 

[aviastar]

How are we supposed to be all sexy when all I want to do is take a nap, I have a headache, and I want to throw up?

The joys of being fake Ovidrel trigger "pregnant".

I know exactly how you feel. Turn the lights out.

amc- I am really glad you kept the appointment. I would have been tempted not to, but you listened to your gut. Didn't you suffer from some pelvic floor issues after your son's birth? Could there have been any inflammation from that or the PT to restore it that could have caused the (potential) block? In any case, the HSG sounds like a fine plan and you have the coverage for it. I hope Dani is right and it's nothing to be concerned about! And I think MP is likely right about the cyst being a possible cause of your lingering and intense O pains in recent months, so worth checking into.

MP- how are you feeling?

Tammy- thank you so much for your post! Yes, I do have plenty of endo symptoms and they do cause havoc and I would like to get that treated outside of the infertility! Which makes perfect sense that I can say that to my doctor.

BrightLight- that is such an excellent point and I hadn't even thought of that!

Thank you, SB! Hope you are feeling a little better!

So I went ahead an made an appointment with the OB surgeon for March 10. She had appointments earlier, but that gives me enough time to finish this clomid cycle and have a period before I meet with her. I made the appointment for endometriosis evaluation and figure I'll bring up the infertility stuff at the appointment.

I get the weirdest side effects from clomid. It makes me very dizzy and have horrible hot flashes. So I take it at night and then stumble around trying to catch my balance all while trying to take all my clothes off cause it's so darn hot. DH thinks it's absolutely hysterical; I have to admit it's pretty funny. Hey, if I get to feel a little wooshy before bed instead of having headaches and nausea, I'll take it!

 

[amc80]

amc- I am really glad you kept the appointment. I would have been tempted not to, but you listened to your gut. Didn't you suffer from some pelvic floor issues after your son's birth? Could there have been any inflammation from that or the PT to restore it that could have caused the (potential) block? In any case, the HSG sounds like a fine plan and you have the coverage for it. I hope Dani is right and it's nothing to be concerned about! And I think MP is likely right about the cyst being a possible cause of your lingering and intense O pains in recent months, so worth checking into.

I did have pelvic floor issues, and that's a good point. I'll be sure to mention it at my next appointment.

I have to say that the RE's office is awesome. I needed to contact the nurse...called in, left a message, and she called me back 10 minutes later. While I had her I asked if I could leave a message for the doc. He called back within 20 minutes. I love when doctors are responsive.

I needed to get my lab slip for the CD blood work since there's a chance I'll be out of town from CD1-3. If I do need to get it done while out of town I'll need to think of a good excuse for needing lab work, since my mom will be with me. I thought of telling her that it was for work (we have a wellness program and we get lowered insurance premiums if we participate), but it says the name of the practice in big letters on the top...and that includes the words "Reproductive Medicine." Maybe I'll tell her it's for my annual.

 

[monkeyprincess]

aviastar, that's great you have an appointment lined up to evaluate the possible endo. I really do think that it is best to check these things out sooner than later, especially if it is causing other problems for you. Wouldn't it be awesome if it turns out you don't need the appointment? Wow, that's crazy the clomid affects you so much. Did you mention that to your midwife? I hardly even notice when I take it other than I occasionally get headaches in the morning. I get that from femara too.

amc, that's great you can still get your bloodwork done even if you are out of town (assuming you actually end up needing it). I have had to travel so much lately, and it sometimes really hard to get everything lined up to coincide with appointments. I'm thankful that I have a lot of flexibilty at my job, so I don't have to do a lot of explaining when I leave for an appointment. I know there are some jobs where it would be hard to explain all the appointments without revealing the purpose. If you don't want to tell your mom, needing bloodwork for an annual exam is probably a good excuse if you can't slip away without notice.

SS, that's interesting about the trigger. I've never really thought about that because when we trigger, we usually do an IUI. But come to think of it, we always try to BD a couple times for insurance after the IUI, and it always seems like such a chore, and I'd rather just go to sleep. Maybe that is why! TTC is so not romantic sometimes. Hang in there soldier - you can do it! Good luck this month. I hope you get another BFP very soon.

AFM, I'm, let's see, 5dpiui, which means I'll be going crazy about a week from now and obsessing over pretend lines on tests. I kind of wish I could just stay in the first half of the 2ww a little longer to avoid all of the neurotic crazy stuff that happens in the second half.I'm out of town again tonight and tomorrow, and after that, fingers crossed and knock on wood, I might be done traveling for work for awhile. I'm so ready for a breka from all the airports and nights away from DH and my son.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Bright!!!!!!!! I know this is late, but I am so excited for you!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!

 

[Loves Vintage]

MP - Glad to hear you will be traveling less. I actually haven't traveled yet since S was born, and I feel like I probably should! I could certainly arrange a work trip or two. I'll put that on my list of things to do! Yes, I hear you on the craziness that ensues toward the end of the two week wait. I wish there was a way to box that all up and send it to crazy town. It is the worst part for me, as evidenced by prior posts here! Really interesting about your house selling so soon. Hope your inspection went well. I pretty much only watch HGTV! I should have been a real estate agent!! Good luck with the waiting. Fingers crossed for you!

Aviastar - Glad to hear you have that appointment in place. I wonder if you should try another drug to avoid the clomid side effects?

AMC - Good for you for being so proactive! Will you be able to schedule the HSG next cycle? Hoping you don't need to!!

BrightLight -

SB - Interesting about the estrogen. I had never heard that before. With full injectible cycles, I haven't needed it, so like your RE suggested, that would likely resolve the issue with your lining. Fingers crossed for you!

AFM - Still here! If there's no miracle this cycle, I should know by next week, and will then start the IVF cycle. I will be on bcps first. Retrieval would be at the end of March, which seems a long way away! I've been doing acupuncture, not taking herbs, and all around really enjoying not thinking too much about ttc.

 

[JGator]

BrightSpot, thinking of you and your bean. How is your apartment after the flood? When's the next ultrasound? Sending positive, sticky thoughts your way.

Sending BFP wishes to everyone else here!

 

[monkeyprincess]

LV, well, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for a little miracle this month, and if not, I hope the next couple of months are relaxing for you and help you prepare for the process. The end of March does seem like a long time away, but when I think about how fast time has gone since Christmas, it doesn't seem that far away. I really feel positive for you that you will be pregnant soon one way or another. The house inspection went great. The inspector found a few minor things, but the buyers accepted the house as is, so we don't have to fix anything and now we just have to make sure the house appraises and the financing goes through, and then we'll close next month. It's so funny because we were such picky buyers and had a bunch of things we wanted our seller to fix, and they agreed to fix everything. I figured we would run into the same thing, but our buyers are being just as accomodating as our seller was to us. I was pleasantly surprised at how easily both transactions went. We did feel a bit guilty when we found out the people buying our house have two kids, and we felt like our house was too small with just one baby and wanted to move before we had more kids. Now, we have the opposite problem, and I worry that we'll only end up with our one child in a house that could easily accomodate at least 3 or 4. Life is so ironic sometimes.

Bright, keep us posted when you get a chance on how things are going with your pregnancy and with your apartment. I hope all is well with you!

Firecracker, good to see you post again. I hope everything is going well with you and your beatiful little twins!

Aviastar, SS, SB, BL, and everyone else, I hope you have a great weekend!

 

[amc80]

AMC - Good for you for being so proactive! Will you be able to schedule the HSG next cycle? Hoping you don't need to!!

Thanks, I'm really glad I went ahead with it. I will have the HSG done next cycle, yes, but really hoping it won't be necessary

How long does it usually take to get SA results back? I'm trying to figure out when DH should take care of that. Also, I was told he needs to abstain for three days prior to the sample. What is the longest he should go before the sample? I'll likely be out of town in the days leading up to the SA and I'll need to let him know if he needs to do some "homework" on his own.

 

[monkeyprincess]

amc, in the RE's office where DH has done his SAs, the sign says that you should abstain no more than five days and no less than two days. We have always been able to get DH's results back the same day, and really, there's no reason it should take a long time because they have to do the analysis immediately after receiving the sample. Depending on how quickly the office provides results, you shouldn't have to wait long.

 

[amc80]

amc, in the RE's office where DH has done his SAs, the sign says that you should abstain no more than five days and no less than two days. We have always been able to get DH's results back the same day, and really, there's no reason it should take a long time because they have to do the analysis immediately after receiving the sample. Depending on how quickly the office provides results, you shouldn't have to wait long.

Ah, okay, thank you. I just needed to know how far before our test results/game plan appointment we needed to get it done. And no more than five days, perfect.

BrightSpot, thinking of you and your bean. How is your apartment after the flood? When's the next ultrasound? Sending positive, sticky thoughts your way.

Thinking of you as well!

 

[royalasscherlover]

amc, good luck with your tests. I hope everything comes back fine and it is just a matter of being a little more patient. Easier said than done, I know!

MP, good luck staying off the crazy train! I'm 5dpo today and right there with you...We're also looking for a larger house since what we have now isn't really workable with kids, but after the lining disappointment last weekend I did wonder if it's worth doing right now when we're not sure the kid thing is going to work out.

aviastar, so glad you have an appointment for the endo. I hope it helps both with fertility and your quality of life!

LV, thanks for the info on the full injectibles. Sending good thoughts your way and glad you are enjoying your break!

brightlight, thanks for the idea of estrogen after ovulation. I will have to ask about that. Good wishes for you too.

Not too much to report here, just trying to get through the tww.

 

[BrightSpot]

Ltl, thanks so much!!

amc, good luck with your testing! I think you're wise to get things checked out early on, especially since you have insurance coverage. I hope it's nothing (& even better that you don't even need the appointment), but better to be proactive.

SB, thinking of you in your 2ww & hoping for wonderful news soon!

MP, I'm glad to hear your crazy travel schedule has calmed down for a while. That must've been exhausting & so difficult to schedule around fertility treatments! Congrats on things going so smoothly with the sale of your house! Hopefully there will be more good news on the way for you soon, friend.

Brightlight, thank you, dear. Thinking of you & hoping you're well.

aviastar, sorry about the clomid side effects! I got hot flashes from it too, so I took it immediately before bed. Usually I'd just wake up, throw off the covers & go back to sleep. I hope your appointment with the OB surgeon goes well & that you get some relief! I really do think your insurance should cover this if it's presented as endo rather than a fertility issue. (Also hoping for good news for you soon!)

SS, good luck!

LV, I'm glad you've been taking a mental break from ttc. I hope this is a miracle cycle for you, but if not, I really think you'll have success with IVF. It sounds like you'd only be on bcp's for a couple of weeks, right? Let me know if I can help with any questions.

JGator & MP, thanks for checking in on me, dear friends.

afm, sorry for disappearing. I think of you guys all the time but haven't had a chance to post with all of the craziness that, apparently, is now my life. So the flood in my apartment was really bad. A water pipe burst above our closet in the bedroom. DH & I have lost probably 50-90% of our clothes & shoes (depending on how much of the clothing we sent to the cleaners is salvageable.) The apartment reeks of mold, there are holes in the ceiling & the floors are broken & buckled. We've been staying in a hotel since we got home & our cat is with my parents. Fortunately we have renter's insurance, which should help with the damages, but it's been pretty stressful, especially since our landlord seems to want to do the least possible to remedy the situation. (He hasn't even been by to see the place.) So we're trying to decide if we should wait out the repairs, which would probably take a month or so, or find a new place. We were thinking of moving anyway, but really didn't want to do so until the summer, but this situation has forced our hand. I hope things resolve soon so we can get on with our lives as the current holding pattern is very wearing.
Other than that, I'm doing ok. My next doctor's appointment is on Wednesday for an 8w scan.

So many of you are in the 2ww now. Here's hoping for a big string of bfp's!!

 

[monkeyprincess]

Bright, oh wow, that is so awful about your apartment. I can't even imagine how frustrating that must be. I hope you have good renters' insurance, so you are able to get the replacements you need and pay for your alternate accomodations. Obviously, the universe couldn't handle how much good news you've had with this pregnancy! I'll be thinking of you and hope everything goes as smoothly as possible and you are able to clean as much of your stuff as you can and get what you need replaced. Good luck on Wednesday! Fingers crossed for more and more good news, and that little bean should be looking more and more like a baby when you see him/her!

SB, I hear you on the house thing. I will say that even though it appears we bought a house with more space than we are going to need, I am much happier in the new place, and even if we just have Ev, at least he'll have a nice house to group on in and lots of play area. Good luck with the 2ww! I hope it flies by for you and that you get unexpectedly good news!

AFM, I'm 10dpiui, and I went ahead and tested this morning mainly because I wanted to see if I still had any trigger, which is ridiculous because if there had been a line, how would I have even known whether it was trigger or the real deal. I'll cut to the chase, it was negative, and now I'm feeling pretty pessimistic about my chances. I'm surprisingly not too upset, but that's probably because in the back of my mind I know that I can still get by with the "it might be too early" thought. I really do not feel like I'm pregnant though, not that I would know, but I kind of feel like I might notice something was different. DH has been really upbeat and hopeful because he thinks it was our first real shot in terms of number of follicles, lining, sperm count and follicles on the side that the tube was open, so I know he'll be disappointed and maybe finally acknowledge that we are dealing with a serious problem here with no easy solution that is not just going to go away.

 

[BrightSpot]

MP, lol, I have to admit I thought the same thing about the universe adjusting for our great news! I'm trying to view it as a blessing in disguise as much as I can. I was very solidly nested in our apartment as I'd lived there for 10 years & didn't really want to move. Well, that emotional connection has been well severed now. So maybe it's the kick in the pants we needed to move to a better space. (Though I feel a little superstitious moving so soon.) We'll see what happens.

I'm so sorry about your bfn. I had a bfn at 10dpo & a bfp at 11, so it's definitely possible, but I understand your not wanting to get your hopes up. Also, I have to say that I often found my DH's hopefulness discouraging. It felt like he was in denial about our situation. That said, when he finally seemed to "get" what was going on & started getting sad, it absolutely broke my heart.
I'm so hoping you have great news in the next day or 2. Big hugs to you.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Bright, DH bought our old house long before we met, and it was really hard for him to get used to the idea of leaving it, so I get the emotional attachment thing. As for the superstitious thing, since the decision to move has essentially been taken out of your hands (I wouldn't want to risk being in a moldy apartment while pregnant or with a young child if the landlord is one to do as little as possible), that should negate any superstitious worries, right? Good luck with your decision on where to live and the timing of it all. Hopefully, the right decision will come to you and things will fall into place just as they should.

And thanks for the good wishes.I forgot that you had a BFN at 10dpo, and I know last time around my test was a squinter at 12dpiui, so it is too soon to give up all hope at this point I guess, but my gut is telling me I'm not pregnant. Although with the amount of junk food I've been eating lately, you wouldn't know it by looking at my gut! Oh, and that is so sad what you said about your DH and how heartbreaking it was when he realized the extent of the situation. I'm just so happy for both of you that this little miracle finally happened after you were starting to give up all hope if it ever happening.

 

[JGator]

Bright, sorry to hear about your apartment. I think maybe you are meant to live someplace else for this next phase of your life. The sooner you move in your pregnancy the better for nesting reasons. We moved when I was 6 months pregnant and again when K was 10 months old. The good thing about being pregnant is you no one will let you lift anything! I will be checking in on you on Wednesday - sending healthy, growing vibes to your baby bean.

MP, the cycle I was pregnant with K, I had the least symptoms (no symptoms). So, you never know! Sending BFP dust to you.

 

[monkeyprincess]

11dpiui and another negative. Pretty sure I'm out. I told DH, and I could tell it just ruined his day, and I didn't get any of the "it was too early to test" talk. You're right Bright, I think I would almost rather have his overly optimistic, hopeful stuff that sometimes drives me crazy because it makes me so much sadder when I realize how sad he is about it too.

Hoping somebody else has some good news this month because I've got nothing.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Sorry to hear that, MP. I'm right there with you. I took two tests over the weekend, but have since given up, and expect AF tomorrow-ish. Not really sure of dates because I didn't keep too close track of anything this month. I have a general disinterest toward testing at this point, like I no longer feel the need to test every day up until AF.

 

[monkeyprincess]

LV, I'm sorry. It's a little trickier if you don't know exactly when you ovulated though, so I guess you better wait until the fat lady sings this time around. I know what you mean about the testing. I almost didn't test this morning because I knew what the result would be, but I just wanted to get it over with, if that makes sense, to feel the hurt now and hopefully be in a better place by this weekend because I have a family wedding to attend. At this point, I would be so shocked if a test acutally was positive that I don't think I'd believe it. I'm so thankful I've never had a miscarriage or chemical pregnancy because that would be even harder I'm sure, but I would have thought between the four IUIs and all the follicles that I at least would have had one attempted implantation or something. I guess between my questionable tubes and prematurely aging eggs, I'm a lost cause this time around.

 

[aviastar]

I'm so sorry, MP and LV. I was just thinking this morning- it just keeps getting harder to actually visualize the positive, much less the actual baby! The concept of that easy breezy hope is becoming so foreign. We all have to live with our own variations on what is 'enough' and where our lines in the sand are in the process. I find myself becoming increasingly looking forward to a resolution, of any kind. I was/am fairly aggressive fairly early, and I want to keep hitting this hard, now. Because I think by the time we get to 18 months of trying (about 7 more cycles) I will be ready to walk away. I can't fathom doing this for a whole year more without it having dire consequences on my mental health, and by extension, my marriage. So I want to have explored the lap surgery and possibly IUI and even IVF before we get to that point. At least in theory; we can't afford IVF, so it's not a practical solution for the foreseeable future. Not that we would prevent ever again, but there will come a point when I am going to have to simply give it up to God. Good heavens, all this rambling doesn't even make sense to me and it's coming out of my own head. . Anyway. I'm on board the low-spirit train, too.

I had my CD11 ultrasound this morning; excellent response in the right ovary, which is the opposite of last time, and the left is sleeping this go round. Nice to know they both work and are taking turns. Two good candidates for O in the right, and several small 'uns, about 7 in total. Lining is thin, tech was worried about it. I still have about a week before I would normally expect O and my lining has been fine in previous cycles by then, but these follicles were larger than their previous CD11 counterparts from last cycle so maybe I'll go earlier than I think. Tech was going to consult with the RN and let me know if they want another ultrasound next week or just to wait and do CD21 bloodwork or if there is anything to do about the lining. Not any really bad news, but I'm just not feeling good about it.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Aviastar, it's always a mixed bag, isn't it? Good news on the follicles, not such good news on the lining. I'm really hoping your lining has time to catch up to give you a good shot this month. It is hard to stay positive through all of this though. If clomid isn't working for you, you could always try femara. I had thin lining on clomid two different times, but it has always been great with femara. Also, I have always responded really fast (probably too fast) to stimulation. I am almost always ready to trigger on CD9 or CD10. I wonder if that is part of the problem for me?

And I hear you on the treatment thing. I think this is our 6 month, and it is taking a toll on me and I also do think it impacts our marriage, sometimes in a positive way, but mainly I think it just adds a lot of stress and frustration, and I am always wanting DH to say just the right thing when really there isn't anything he can say to make it better, and vice versa. However,the problem I see with stopping treatment or actively TTC is that at least for the next 5-7 years, I can't imagine I would ever get to a point where I don't monitor where I'm at in my cycle and make an effort to BD around O time and wonder if I could possibly be pregnant. So even if I stop treatments altogether, the frustration will not go away anytime soon. I'm also in the middle of a moral crisis when it comes to how much intervention I'm okay with and wondering if I'll know when to say enough is enough.

Ah, what a sad bunch we are today.

 

[royalasscherlover]

MP and LV, I'm so sorry about the negative tests. The good news is that you both have plans in place for next steps, which will hopefully lead to success. Hugs. I wish that we could all understand the reason for the suffering that we're going through, but we just have to muddle through as best we can. I am still keeping my fingers tightly crossed for both of you going forward.

MP, I think your sad feeling are totally normal and I've felt many of them myself. But I don't think that you are a lost cause and hopefully you will feel better once you have a bit more time to mourn the disappointment of this cycle. One of the things the social worker in our support group reminds us is that no matter how we feel right now and how we think we will feel in the future, our feelings will likely change. I find that comforting when I'm in the dumps, to remember that even though I can't see it right now, these feelings aren't permanent.

aviastar, I hope your lining catches up soon! I can also relate to trying to sort out what is enough and when to move on from treatment. This is so hard and I know I can't go on being a weepy, depressed mess indefinitely - I miss feeling like myself and focusing on things I enjoy, rather than what cycle day it is and what appointment or med to remember. I hope all of us get good news before we get to that point.

bright, so sorry about the mess in your apartment. But I do think that it's a signal that you're ready to move on to a new exciting phase of life. I hope all goes well with your scan tomorrow.

 

[JGator]

Bright, thinking of you today at your 8-week scan.

MP and LV, thinking of you two also. Sorry to hear about the BFNs. I know you both will get your BFPs, and I really hope it's soon. You have really been through the ringer emotionally, and there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel with a new baby for each of you. Sending hugs to you and all of the lovely ladies on this thread.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Bright, thinking of you today at your 8-week scan.

A big ditto to this. I will be anxious to hear your news! As always sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way. As much as I like having you around, it is time for you to finally move on from this thread!

Thanks JGator, I appreciate the support. I know you went through a lot to get your K, so you can relate. Completely personal question, which you should feel free to ignore, but are you thinking you'll be one and done, or have you thought about at some point getting back on this crazy TTC train? I'd never ask anybody IRL, but we pretty much talk about anything personal on here anyway. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the idea of just one child and to realize that it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. I come from a family of four children, and I love having my three siblings, so I really wanted at least one sibling for Ev (and I also would love having more children myself), but it may not happen, so I need to come to terms with it.

SB, thanks for the sweet post. You're right about the emotions, it feels unbearable at the time you get a BFN, but I know that most of the rest of the month, I'm not so consumed with the sadness and anger and am able to find reasons to be joyful. Sometimes I forget and just assume a baby will be on the way soon, and all is good, but then I have moments of clarity where I remember that it is not at all guaranteed that I'll have another baby, and that is sobering. Really hoping that your good news is on the way. I know how hard it is when you wonder if you are even capable of conceiving, and I think that is the worst part - the unknown. I assume you will try injectables a few more months if you don't happen to get pregnant this month, right?

AFM, BFN at 12dpiui. I feel like I'm handling it a little better this time, but maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. Last week, I had an opportunity to get an appointment tomorrow with the RE due to a cancellation, but I turned it down because I was still hoping this cycle would work. Kicking myself now because it would have been nice to get going with the RE because I assume I'll need to run some tests, etc., before starting anything. Oh well. I guess some forced time off will probably be okay.

 

[JGator]

MP, that is a Great question! I have mixed feelings about having a 2nd child. I have always been a baby/kid kind of person. I babysat from a young age, people always tell me I am great with kids, and I always imagined I would have at least 2 children. But, we got married late, and going through the 1 MC and Chemical and being older scares me about a 2nd child/pregnancy. Also, my sister has a son with Down Syndrome, and the odds for that are high and her son is a very high needs child which can be exhausting. I think up until now the thought was suppressed because I was so sleep deprived, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Some other thoughts that go through my head which maybe don't go through others are what will happen when DH and I are no longer here - she will not have any immediate family other than cousins who live in other states. And, that could be as early as when she is my age if we live to our 80s. And, what would we do if anything ever happens to K? I have a co-worker who lost his 7-year old to a freak accident, and I was there with him when he found out so that has always hit close to home. I also lost my father when I was 3 to a car accident so I think I worry more about losing a loved one than probably most normal people do. So, the thought of losing K would devastate us, and if she did have a sibling, that would definitely help us get through or at least have something to live for. I don't know. I am rambling. But, these are my thoughts, fears, etc. I mentioned having another to DH recently and asked him what will happen to her after we are no longer here and what would we do if we lost her, and DH said we would be devastated - let's think about it. So, I think he's not ready yet for another even though I have born the brunt of the sleep deprivation that comes along with another child. And, I'm not getting any younger - my fertility is probably half it was 2 years ago! So, we shall see. I would like another, but it would be nice if we could be guaranteed a healthy baby who also slept well from the get go!

ETA, one other thing. We/I really love to travel and that is one thing that having 1 kid would be much easier to do! I can totally imagine having one kid (slightly older) and exploring the world. 2 would push back travel a few more years, and just not be as convenient. Also, with 1 kid, college saving would be easier and we could retire earlier! My DH plans for K to go to an ivy league school like he did so that will be expensive for 2!

 

[monkeyprincess]

JGator, oh my gosh, I have had almost all of those same thoughts about losing Ev or how he will feel if DH and I are not around in his adulthood (DH is 44 already). I had a friend in high school who was an only child. During our freshman year of college she contracted menigitis on a family road trip and died, and I couldn't stop thinking about her parents and how their only child died and they'd never have grandchildren or anything. I lost track of them over time, but I've always wondered how they are doing. Not that another child would take away the unimaginable loss of a child, but I do think it would be a huge comfort and help to get through it. I've also thought about whether adoption would be a good idea for our family. I'm not quite there yet, but I guess it is always a possibility, and I'm sure we'd be able to love an adopted child as one of our own. Anyway, there are certainly a lot of things to consider, and I'll be thinking of you and hope you are able to come to an agreement and find peace in it either way.

 

[JGator]

Bright, where are you? Thinking of you and I keep refreshing to hear some good news!

MP, I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who worries about the things I worry about! Thanks for sharing. I'm truly sorry about the BFN too.