strong-willed chatterbox daughter, can anyone relate?

[snowflakeluvr]

first of all, i am asking for no judgement because what i really need is some input, encouragement and maybe a "there there" regarding my 3 year old daughter. She will be 4 end of the month and she''s the youngest of five, oldest is 21(sister) and 3 brothers in the middle(19,14,5 1/2) gemma is strong, strong strong-willed, she screams like a B movie, she is sooo smart, she''s beautiful BUT she just doesn''t listen, EVER. last night, i prayed because all week, i have taken her and her brother who''s five to pumpkin patches and parks since the weather is so beautiful. she walks ahead, she walks behind, she buckles her carseat, she unbuckles it. i shake my head, becazuse i KNOW spomeone here has a kid like this and i want to know if they are in prison yet? (joke) i yelled, screamed, threatened, spanked, punished all week but to no avail. i can''t always just stop what i''m doing, and i don''t want to punish her brother if we are out having fun because it''s not fair to him. so in a perfect world, yes i could leave wherever, but you see, i can''t. like last night at 14yr olds soccer game, she took off running and ran the entire length of another soccer field and i had to run for my life after her. i told her the bad man could take her-it does seem to get her attention and i mean it! there are bad men and they do take little girls. i made her sit on the blanket the rest of the game. she was allowed to color adn look at books but that did not stop her from talking and begging the ENTIRE game to pwwweeeze pwwweeeze mama let me get off this stupid blanket...

i was really a devil-mother the last few days, so last night, with God''s help, I decided today I''d be calmer, more patient. It seemed to work somewhat today, but we stayed at home after I got her brother from school. He and her together is definitely the biggest catalyst for issues. when she''s here in the morning with me, she''ll do computer games, color, play with her dollhouse, she does talk/sing almost non-stop. it''s super aggravating to all of the men in this house! ha ha. i wouldn''t say she has been any more coddled than any of the otehr kids. she''s just sooo intense. i have felt like a failure at times and even worried about her safety as i was planting a few mums and she went intot he garage and i guess she tried to climb a metal shelf unit for a shovell to help me and she cut her finger. i am so afraid she''s going to do something that she can really get hurt. she''s sooo independent ALL the time. she''s affectionate and sweet and sooo adorable but she drives me insane, most minutes of my day.

i am a rather busy person, i am not a lounger, so i don''t mind activity but the screaming,whining, pleading patheticness that she does when i reprimand her drive me batrty.

Any of you have a daughter/son like this? I think she is really very very bright, maybe gifted. She is very detail-oriented with her drawing etc. Knows words to entire songs-she does so many charming and funny things, but the days are so long...

sorry this is fragmented-thinking it''s bedtime and i need to put wee ones there asap. i just need any concrete skills that may help me with this child. my first four have been generally quite compliant people(as i am too) so this is foreign to me, it really is-someone who does whatever the he** they please! thanks for any insight into my situation. i see her as a bright, determined, little person who''s going to go far in life, but it may kill me first!

thank you

 

[D&T]

Oh my - your DD sounds sooooo much like my DD and she will also be turning four in just two months! just like yours she exhibits all those traits! she is my oldest, so I can''t really quite give you any advice, other than we have many different methods of discipline. My DD is a chatter box, and she talks and sings to herself quite a bit (think of the Monster''s Inc movie...lol) She also really have two volume (extremely loud and can''t hear a darn thing) Because she is the oldest, sometimes the best thing for us to do with her is to have her be "mommy''s" helper with her sister, or chores around the house. Sorry to make this short, I actually have to run... but I want to come back and chat some more. hang in there sweetie.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

thanks d&t-i should have said that she does listen at times and at times oh so sweetly, like she will say "coming mudder" and she does have excellent manners(unless she''s screaming "that''s MIIIINNNNNEEEEEE gimme that" ...she can be quite the ham, very funny but it grates on you ya know? she is finally asleep, as is her 5yr old bro, so somehow the day fades away and it doesn''t seem so daunting...must be the wine hee hee

 

[somethingshiny]

Your daughter sounds much like my best friend''s daughter who is now 13. I remember when she was about 4 and she kept singing in the grocery store, really loud and made-up lyrics. Her mom told her to stop several times and was getting embarrassed when other shoppers began staring. Finally, my friend was done and did the mom-gritted-teeth-almost-yell of "shut your mouth", her daughter turned to her and said "It is my mouth and I will do with it what I wish," very matter of factly. Two or three years later she had been "grounded" for misbehaving. She was telling the story of being "punished in her room," when she was asked how she could keep that from happening (thinking the answer would be to listen to her mother) she replied. "yes, escape" and told how she could get out her 2nd story window, shimmy along the roof and get down to her bicycle to drive to her Nana''s house. She has cracked me up for years but I imagine being her mother was very trying at times.

She is now a lovely young lady. She has a great head on her shoulders, can relate to just about anybody, has been commended for taking her summer time to be with a mentally handicapped boy, is asked repeatedly to take part in extracurricular activities in which she gets to participate in rocket building and other cool things. She is funny without being obnoxious and has more common sense that many adults. She knows her boundaries and her responsibilities. She tests her parents like any child that age, but she is going to be an extraordinary woman.

I know my friend used "grounding" as punishment. When she was younger, she''d be "grounded" from TV or her art supplies, as she got older it was from her bike or the park, now it is from her phone or her friends. But, I think she kind of grew out of the more anecdote-worthy behavior on her own. Communication seemed to be the real key. The girl was/is so smart, her mom could really sit down with her and explain things to her and she understood. They talked about why she was feeling a certain way, knowing what was expected of her, when she could go nuts and when she had to sit quietly. These talks also created a great mother-daughter bond between them.


You have been blessed with an outgoing and bright child. You''re her mother for a reason and you''re doing a great job!

 

[VegasAngel]

Well, your daughter & mine would probably get along great, want to do a playdate?

I don''t want to go into detail about what my daughter is like because I feel bad writing out what annoys me about her. A few times I have typed up long posts (In your thread & also the spirited kids thread) only to delete them. I will just say that I feel ya.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

thank you something shiny and vegasangel,
i swear i had typed up a post and you know who just came in and messed with the mouse and deleted it! UGH

yesterday was good, today i hope...we are going to a pumpkin farm after big brother gets out of kindergarten. it seems that the two of them together is often a catalyst for bad times. but of course i can''t keep them separated day and night.

i think gemma will turn out alright-she seems to be a happy, self-confident child. maybe i could learn a little from her? she doesn''t seem to have any fear of trying things or of worrying about what others think. maybe that''s a good thing.

vegasangel-i do feel a lot of guilt over the amount of time i spend being in a negative frame of mind because of gemma''s attitude and push-back personality. i love her to bits and she is a refreshing change after having 3 sons in a row(her older sis is 21), but it requires LOTS of energy to deal with this one.

motherhood is why i eat chocolate every darn day!

thanks girls. hope y''all have a great weekend, wherever you are