Step daughter and the gyno

[radiantquest]

When should she go? Her mother is in her life however she is an idiot. At what age or state should a young girl start going to the gynecologist. She is 13, has her menstrual cycle and I am just wondering if I should get her to see the lady doctor or if she can still wait a little while.

What tells you when?

 

[Pandora II]

I don''t know about the USA, but in the UK you would start to go for pap tests every 3 years starting from the first year of being sexually active. Otherwise there is no need to see anyone unless there is an actual problem. Here a GP would do pap tests or contraceptive advice/prescribing - I know for all of you it''s a gyno, we would only see one of them for a major issue for which you were referred.

 

[somethingshiny]

Most of the people I know go for the first time after being sexually active or if there seems to be a problem.

At 13, even with a period, it would be very scary and probably unnecessary. You certainly don''t want her to have a bad experience and not want to return.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I know people who weren''t sexually active until their 20s and therefore didn''t go until then.

I definitely don''t think there''s any rush. I went around 15 or 16 because I thought maybe I had a yeast infection (I think it was just normal moisture, though), and the doctor took me to her office and was like, "So, you must really be here because you want to talk about sex, right?" And I was like, eek! No! I just thought there was something wrong with me!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 10/17/2009 1:29:19 PM
Author: somethingshiny
Most of the people I know go for the first time after being sexually active or if there seems to be a problem.

At 13, even with a period, it would be very scary and probably unnecessary. You certainly don't want her to have a bad experience and not want to return.

Ditto, I am no expert but I would say she is too young and it isn't necessary yet.

http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/medical-treatment/40538.html This might be helpful.

 

[mia1181]

Hmmm interesting question.

I didn''t start going until I was sexually active. But my parents were also not big on routine/well- visits to the doctors unless we needed shots.

My friends growing up only went to the gyno if they wanted to go on birth control for heavy/ irregular periods, acne or use the first two excuses because they were sexually active and didn''t want their parents to know.

I would say have your step-daughter track her periods like they teach in health class and if anything is abnormal or if she has any questions then take her.

 

[cara]

I think the US guidelines say when sexually active or 18, whichever comes first. Or if/when there's a gyn-related problem.

But 13 prior to sexual activity is the right time for the HPV vaccine if that hasn't been taken care of, though a regular pediatrician might handle that.

ETA: I went in at maybe 15/16 yro for my first gyn exam because I had an infection, and didn't find it traumatic because I was in so much pain, I knew something was wrong and just wanted to be diagnosed. So 13 might be a bit young but I definitely wasn't scarred by going in a few years after that. If anything, exams by my longtime pediatrician started to feel a bit awkward in my teens because I felt like he had known me for so long and was a 'kid' doctor. I certainly never in a million years would have asked him for birth control, if I was in a position to need it (and plenty of girls are sexually active at some point prior to 18.) Just my perspective.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I was always told when she becomes sexually active OR turns 18. Whichever is first unless there is a problem. I started going at 14 for really painful/heavy periods but even then I don't think she gave me a PAP until I was older.

ETA: I would say it was NOT a good experience being examined so young. I know kids are having sex earlier but since I was not being examined, even in a medical setting, was kinda traumatic. Hold off as long as possible.

 

[fieryred33143]

Ditto tacori. My first visit was at 15 for really bad cramping and a heavy period. My first pap was at 19 though.

 

[Kaleigh]

No rush, she''s too young IMHO. I''d wait till she''s sexually active.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Ditto Tacori. 18 or sexually active- whichever comes first.

 

[sba771]

I was 18 and that still felt uncomfortable. At 13 I would have seriously been scared for life. I think a good thing though would be to start a dialogue with her about ''female stuff'' in general so she can feel comfortable talking to you and approaching you about in the future. Knowing I could ask and talk to my mom about anything made it really easy when I said to her I thought it was time for me to go and about other stuff in general.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

A referral to a specialist would be required, so unless there is a presenting issue a GP could handle routine paps, rx''s, immunization, etc. Ditto to the age & sexually active parameters already given.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Camille]

Hi radiant, in our state pediatritian until 18. IMHO I wouldn't try unless is extremley necessary and/or have a close relationship with child and her MOM, those things are never fun for girls, good luck.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/17/2009 4:13:40 PM
Author: sba771
I was 18 and that still felt uncomfortable. At 13 I would have seriously been scared for life. I think a good thing though would be to start a dialogue with her about ''female stuff'' in general so she can feel comfortable talking to you and approaching you about in the future. Knowing I could ask and talk to my mom about anything made it really easy when I said to her I thought it was time for me to go and about other stuff in general.

Sba''s suggestion is great. I didn''t have anyone I was comfortable talking to about "female stuff". The best thing you can do for her at this age is help her to feel comfortable coming to you with stuff. There are a lot of mistakes I made that I don''t think I would have if there had been someone for me to talk to. She is going into a time in her life when she will really need a woman she can talk to.

My first pap was done at 15. Yes it was scary, but it was done by a woman doctor I knew and liked. That helped. Actually not as bad as I had imagined it would be.
(I was sexually active at 13 -- don''t tell my mother -- so I had the pap done earlier than the Dr would have otherwise suggested.)

 

[Elmorton]

Don''t you need to go to get birth control? I think I had my first at 16, because I had a very long period and tons of cramps, so my mom asked my dr. if birth control would help with that, which of course it did, and I believe I had to have the full exam to get a rx for bc. At that age, I remember most of my friends were talking about visiting the gyno as well.

18 seems a little late, frankly - you should probably know what that visit is like and be able to discuss these things with your doctor before going to college.

 

[Person24]

I agree 18 or sexually active. I went when I was 18 right before college, although I wasn't sexually active. My mom wanted me to get birth control "just in case."

Mom, is the type who packed condoms in my first aid kit when I went off to school . . .

I guess she just wanted me to be "prepared". My friends thought it was pretty funny.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I would say 18 or until sexually active for a gyno and annual exams. Her pediatrician should be able to handle anything that comes up in that time, including the hpv vaccine or bcps for non bc reasons.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 10/18/2009 6:03:35 PM
Author: Elmorton
Don''t you need to go to get birth control? I think I had my first at 16, because I had a very long period and tons of cramps, so my mom asked my dr. if birth control would help with that, which of course it did, and I believe I had to have the full exam to get a rx for bc. At that age, I remember most of my friends were talking about visiting the gyno as well.

18 seems a little late, frankly - you should probably know what that visit is like and be able to discuss these things with your doctor before going to college.

No. Not unless you want to be/need to be put on bc to regulate your period. I had a heavy period and have never taken bc.

 

[geckodani]

I went at 16 for the first time because of irregular periods. Otherwise would have gone at 18. If she''s not sexually active and nothing seems wrong, I don''t think it''s necessary at 13. I''d have found it traumatic at that age.

 

[anchor31]

I had a friend in school at 13 who told me her mom took her to the gyno, and she found the experience pretty traumatizing. I agree with the others who say wait until it''s necessary. I went for the first time at 18.

 

[meresal]

Date: 10/18/2009 6:03:35 PM
Author: Elmorton
Don''t you need to go to get birth control? I think I had my first at 16, because I had a very long period and tons of cramps, so my mom asked my dr. if birth control would help with that, which of course it did, and I believe I had to have the full exam to get a rx for bc. At that age, I remember most of my friends were talking about visiting the gyno as well.

18 seems a little late, frankly - you should probably know what that visit is like and be able to discuss these things with your doctor before going to college.

I''ve never taken birth control. I have two older sisters that began taking birth control at 15/16 for period regularity. Both have had major problems getting preggo, and I didn''t want to even take that chance.

I am a very far extreme, in that my mom and I weren''t close about women''s care in high school, so I didn''t go to the gyno until I found out I was pregnant at 25, about 3 months ago. I''ve never had yeast infections or any "problems" down there, and since I never knew that there could be other problems, it never seemed like a priority.

I think that 16 is too young unless she has other problems, but I would definitely take her before she leaves for college, just so that she knows that it is something she should be doing every year and that it is nothing to be worried about.

 

[dragonfly411]

I didn''t start until active, which was 18 for me. I would say 16-18 is probably just fine.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

For the record the gyno I went to in highschool was a pedi gyno. She has the WORST bedside manner. It was horrible and she made me cry. Since I was on BC (for cysts and heavy periods) I did need exams but I really don''t think I had my first pap until I was 18. I was put on BC for my "issues" when I was a freshman. Took BC until I was 26 (when we decided to TTC) and got preggo the first month. I am proof that long term BC use does not necessarily affect your fertility.

 

[vespergirl]

I started menstruating at 13, and first went to the gyno at 14, for irregular/heavy periods. I didn''t find the experience at all traumatic - in fact, it was a relief to me that the dr. was so helpful and answered all my questions. My parents weren''t the type to feel comfortable talking about puberty and menstruation, or sex when I became sexually active, so I was really glad that I had a good relationship with my gynecologist.

 

[MustangGal]

I first went at 21, and was still scared stiff! I wasn''t sexually active though, and only went to get on BC before we got married.

Like others said, wait until she has a complaint, you know she''s sexually active, or 18, whichever comes first.

 

[AprilBaby]

My daughter saw the nurse practitioner at the gyno at 16 for heavy periods. She did a breast exam but no internal because she wasn''t sexually active. The NP put her on the pill to regulate her cycle and she went once a year for a breast exam/ review of BCP. At 21 they did the 1st internal even though she still isn''t sexually active, but she was comfortable because she had seen the NP for the past 4 years. They will suggest an internal IF the girl IS active before 21.

 

[radiantquest]

It seems that you guys have good advice except for the simple fact that I doubt she will run up to her father and I and tell us she has had sex. She certainly wouldn''t tell her mother. He mother has never talked to her about any of that stuff. Nothing about puberty. Nothing.

I know that I was having sex before I went to the gyno. The only reason that I ended up going was because she caught me.

I just really don''t think that she is going to tell us when she does so that means there could be something wreaking havoc on her girl parts in the mean time.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 10/20/2009 4:52:38 PM
Author: radiantquest
It seems that you guys have good advice except for the simple fact that I doubt she will run up to her father and I and tell us she has had sex. She certainly wouldn''t tell her mother. He mother has never talked to her about any of that stuff. Nothing about puberty. Nothing.


I know that I was having sex before I went to the gynecologist. The only reason that I ended up going was because she caught me.

I just really don''t think that she is going to tell us when she does so that means there could be something wreaking havoc on her girl parts in the mean time.

I think it''s great that you''re taking such an interest in your step daughter''s health, especially since it seems her mom is not.

Thirteen seems really young to me to assume she is sexually active. Can you have an honest discussion with her where you discuss sex, birth control, preventing STDs, and when the appropriate time to see the gynecologist is. Then without putting her on the spot about being sexually active, ask her if she thinks she should see the gyno.

You could also share your concerns with her pediatrician and have the pediatrician discuss sex and seeing a gynecologist with your step daughter in private.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 10/19/2009 2:15:34 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
For the record the gyno I went to in highschool was a pedi gyno. She has the WORST bedside manner. It was horrible and she made me cry. Since I was on BC (for cysts and heavy periods) I did need exams but I really don''t think I had my first pap until I was 18. I was put on BC for my ''issues'' when I was a freshman. Took BC until I was 26 (when we decided to TTC) and got preggo the first month. I am proof that long term BC use does not necessarily affect your fertility.

+1. I took bc pills since high school, got off of them to TTC and got pregnant fairly quickly thereafter.

I started going to the gyno when I was a sophmore in hs, which is when I became sexually active. My mom made me go to get bc pills and they did do an internal. It wasn''t traumatizing, but also not pleasant. I''ve gone once a year for an exam since then with no problems.

Where I live it''s customary to go to to the gyno for the first time when you''re 18 or when you become sexually active - whichever is first.