Stay at home wives?

[Lauren8211]

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/08/05/lw.nokids.nojob.wives/index.html

Interesting article about wives without children who stay home and take care of the house.

Thoughts? Opinions?

 

[allycat0303]

Hmmm...well I think that there''s a lot to do in a house. I think making a beautiful home is a big task, if the woman feel fulfilled doing that, then all more power to them.

I really took offense to the whole "status symbol" and a "extreme and visible luxury." That nearly blew the top of my head off, because I don''t see a human being as a *status symbol*. It just would not be right for me. EVER. And I would hate to think what would happen if after 10-15 years of making a beautiful home for themselves, they got divorced. And potential employers saw an advanced degree with no job history. I think that would be a waste.

 

[Lauren8211]

I was kind of intrigued by the article, and almost offended by some of the comments down at the bottom. (Those are some seriously debate-oriented statements!)

I never really considered staying home without kids as an option. I'm almost certain I'd get bored. Also, after working for a degree, I'd definitely feel like it was a waste for me to just stay home.

Definitely, it would be "easier" on both parties for one to make money and one to stay home, so neither has to worry about the other, but at what sacrifice I'm wondering. I'd be afraid to lose my identity as a woman if I stayed home, and just become someone's wife. Not to say that that is what happens, but that would be a concern of mine. Plus I hate cooking.

Would any of you other ladies stay at home and take care of the home, without children?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

My husband stays home (after getting out of a very stressful career). He prefers the title "Stay-at-home-doggy-daddy".

We have a 2-bedroom apartment, so taking care of the home doesn''t exactly take all day. He usually does some adventure during the day (usually hikes a local mountain with our dog), goes rock climbing, spends time on the beach, whatever he feels like doing that day. He only stays home long enough to do the chores, then he''s off.

I, personally, LOVE it. I don''t have to do the chores anymore, he''s so much happier, it''s been wonderful. He''s not going to stay home forever (unfortunately), but I''m still lobbying for him to stay home when we have kids.

 

[oobiecoo]

I will have spent most of my summer staying home. Normally I do have classes but even in the fall I''ll only be a half-time student. I love cooking so I like that I have the time to do it along with all of the other chores around the house. I am responsible for paying bills and running any errands as well as keeping up with DH''s HUGE family so I''m always busy. And when I''m not "working"... I enjoy decorating and making our apartment more home-y. I think its a good idea as long as the wife isn''t sitting at home on her bottom and eating bonbons all day. If I weren''t taking classes and still had no children then I''d also volunteer... probably on a Ballet Guild.

 

[diamondfan]

I am not sure if I did not have kids that I would be able to stay at home all day...now, I do a lot of the house stuff during the day while the kids are at school, and I am theirs when they are done with school. I have the dog too...

I guess it would depend on how intricate your home was to run. Also, if you have a husband who travels a lot and wants you available to get on a plane quickly and be with him...or he entertains a lot at home and needs you to be able to put things together for him...

 

[princesss]

NEL, I love the "Stay-home-doggy-daddy"!

 

[Bliss]

Sure! If I ever need a break, I would have no trouble taking a sabbatical to write, take up new hobbies, rededicate myself to volunteer work and travel some. FI is happy with it as long as I'm happy. And I would support him if he ever wanted to take a break. It's not a mantle of doom that one must wear forever. A lot of women go back to work if they get bored or even with a renewed sense of purpose or new career path. I don't see a thing wrong or retro about it. You're always the educated bright woman with or without a job and that affects everything you do in the world, right?

Plenty of women out there are working themselves to the bone and have hollowed out eyes, are always stressed and yelling at hubby or kids... for the other women who are going to work happy and fulfilled. I'm not saying one is better, but that if staying at home is better... that's awesome, too. My mom and her friends didn't work and they all played tennis, shopped, worked hard to raise us and had a great time. They were very busy being housewives, but they seemed a whole lot happier all around. But then those were different times, so I guess the pressure wasn't there then as there is now for women to be accomplishing huge things.

I think running a household and having joy in your heart is a huge thing, though. I think it's just as huge as running a Fortune 500 corporation. Sometimes it isn't about what you do that makes you happy, it's how you do it and who you do it with. You could be in a horrible job, but if you have purpose and an awesome support network, you can do it joyfully.

I think it's just putting it into perspective -- to take pride and joy in either what the job allows you and your family to do or to take pride and joy in the work directly. At the end of the day, a corporation is a corporation. It eats and spits people out depending on who's in charge. People work their entire lives and see 401ks disappear like Enron or they get replaced by younger, cheaper talent. So it's kind of refreshing not to give your life's work and blood to a job and instead turn it toward your loved ones. Retro schmetro.

On one's deathbed, I never heard anyone say, "I wish I worked more."
They all say, "I wish I had spent more time with my loved ones."

 

[decodelighted]

My DH & I were joking about this article. I sent it to him & said "Hey ... look ... I''m not a struggling freelancer ... I''m a STATUS SYMBOL!"

The recession has hurt my work load tremendously & there are many days where I *feel* like *just* a stay-at-home-wife. Its not the real situation though.

Was wondering though -- what do people think about stay-at-home-moms that never re-enter the work force AFTER the kids have left home?? Isn''t that being a "stay at home WIFE" too? That happens pretty often it seems. (My own mom, for example). Frankly its very hard to jump back into things at that point -- and the jobs that don''t require lots of experience are often times more humbling/demeaning/mindless than these (usually) at least fairly well-to-do ladies wish to endure.

However - geez, if anything is humbling/demeaning & mindless -- it''s HOUSEWORK!!!

(i should know ... groaaaaaan)

 

[Isabelle]

I have to be honest. It is my DREAM, My FANTASY, My LIFE''S WISH to be able to stay home and decorate my house without worrying about doing any work. The problem is that I can''t picture myself not doing what I do. It''s part of my identity. So I fear I''ll work until I''m dead. It''s rather sad and I feel sorry for myself.

 

[Bliss]

Date: 8/13/2008 11:11:38 AM
Author: decodelighted
My DH & I were joking about this article. I sent it to him & said 'Hey ... look ... I'm not a struggling freelancer ... I'm a STATUS SYMBOL!'

The recession has hurt my work load tremendously & there are many days where I *feel* like *just* a stay-at-home-wife. Its not the real situation though.

Was wondering though -- what do people think about stay-at-home-moms that never re-enter the work force AFTER the kids have left home?? Isn't that being a 'stay at home WIFE' too? That happens pretty often it seems. (My own mom, for example). Frankly its very hard to jump back into things at that point -- and the jobs that don't require lots of experience are often times more humbling/demeaning/mindless than these (usually) at least fairly well-to-do ladies wish to endure.

However - geez, if anything is humbling/demeaning & mindless -- it's HOUSEWORK!!!

(i should know ... groaaaaaan)

Decodelighted, you are TOO FUNNY!!!!!!! I'll bet you and DH are in stitches together all the time.

To answer your post, I think if women do go back to work after the kids are grown, they're significantly older and wiser. Most do not want to spend their remaining golden years slaving away in a cubicle, but I see many of them doing more spiritual or meaningful work... like being on boards of charities, working on fundraisers, shaping the world...ya know?

Hehehehe! You know, Buddhist monks turn HOUSEWORK into a spiritual meditative practice! LOL. They say if you take joy in it and REALLY care and put yourself into the chore while breathing and being happy to be alive, it's meditation practice! Hehehehehehe. I have yet to be enlightened in such a way, though. I HATE HOUSEWORK!!!!

If we didn't have help, there would be no nooky. LOL. I'd be snoring from exhaustion every night.

 

[Bliss]

Date: 8/13/2008 11:24:02 AM
Author: Isabelle
I have to be honest. It is my DREAM, My FANTASY, My LIFE''S WISH to be able to stay home and decorate my house without worrying about doing any work. The problem is that I can''t picture myself not doing what I do. It''s part of my identity. So I fear I''ll work until I''m dead. It''s rather sad and I feel sorry for myself.

Isabelle, maybe you WILL be able to achieve this! Then again, you might find it''s really boring and be envious of those women who are off to work doing cool things. My philosophy is, you are in exactly the place, time and situation where you should be to learn a lesson, perfect a craft or find your next adventure. So if your desire is to leave, keep your eyes open. You''re in the right place to start looking. If your desire is to find an answer, keep your mind open to possibilities! When you''re truly ready, the Universe will come knockin''. LOUDLY.

 

[vespergirl]

My mom always stayed at home as soon as she was married, and before she had children. In our culture, if she worked, it woudl have insinuated that my father couldn''t support the family on his own, which is considered the husband''s responsibility. I started staying at home once my son was born, and I may even stay home once he''s in school. I think it''s a great option if you can afford it. My husband says I act a lot happier and less stressed since I stopped working, and that makes our marriage better, because I''m not acting annoyed all the time. I think it worked for millenia all through history - middle to upper-class women never worked, and it''s only the past 40 years or so that it''s acceptable for women who don''t need a salary to work. So, this is really just a return to the "norm", historically speaking.

 

[purrfectpear]

Until the mid to late 1960''s the majority of married women kept up the house, whether there were children at home or not.Women working outside the home were still in the minority, and of those, most did it out of financial necessity, not a desire to develop an independent career.

My, how times have changed

 

[absolut_blonde]

My next door neighbour is a SAHW. She doesn't really take care of the house, though (we have the same cleaning lady- who also happens to be a close family friend of ours- and let's just say... I have a fairly good idea). And it's quite a small house to boot. As far as I know, she doesn't appear to be involved in many activities or volunteering. Nor do they seem to have much company or many friends.

I'm not sure what she does with her time, exactly, but I guess if it works for them then that's cool. I think I'd get really bored of her lifestyle, from what I know of it. I do realize not all SAHW are like her, though.


I think I could handle it if I had a very busy husband who traveled a lot or had a lot of responsibilities associated with his job (throwing fundraisers/events, etc etc etc). It wouldn't work with our current lifestyle, for a number of reasons.

Still, I think if money were not an issue for us, I would still 'work' in some capacity -- but not at my current job. I would either find something part-time, volunteer several days a week or go back to school. I would love having more free time (if I did, I would have no problem doing most of the cooking, cleaning, etc) but I'd also want something to occupy my time and give me a sense of accomplishment. I need some structure to keep me productive and to prevent me from becoming depressed.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''m at the point where I''d love not to work. But I wouldn''t want to be a stay at home wife and take care of the household. I''d like to be a stay at home SLACKER.

 

[diamondsrock]

Date: 8/13/2008 12:10:19 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
My next door neighbour is a SAHW. She doesn''t really take care of the house, though (we have the same cleaning lady- who also happens to be a close family friend of ours- and let''s just say... I have a fairly good idea). And it''s quite a small house to boot. As far as I know, she doesn''t appear to be involved in many activities or volunteering. Nor do they seem to have much company or many friends.

I''m not sure what she does with her time, exactly, but I guess if it works for them then that''s cool. I think I''d get really bored of her lifestyle, from what I know of it. I do realize not all SAHW are like her, though.


I think I could handle it if I had a very busy husband who traveled a lot or had a lot of responsibilities associated with his job (throwing fundraisers/events, etc etc etc). It wouldn''t work with our current lifestyle, for a number of reasons.

Still, I think if money were not an issue for us, I would still ''work'' in some capacity -- but not at my current job. I would either find something part-time, volunteer several days a week or go back to school. I would love having more free time (if I did, I would have no problem doing most of the cooking, cleaning, etc) but I''d also want something to occupy my time and give me a sense of accomplishment. I need some structure to keep me productive and to prevent me from becoming depressed.

I could have written this paragraph. That is how I feel too!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

I think staying at home is fine, as long as the person staying at home DOES SOMETHING!!!

My XH was a stay-at-home-husband for awhile. He was laid off from his job right after we got married, and was unemployed for about three months. He didn''t do ANYTHING the whole time he was unemployed. And believe me, it wasn''t because he was out looking for a new job all day long! He was sitting on his butt, watching TV and playing video games. Oh, and eating! He would invite friends over while I was at work and they would proceed to eat all of our groceries. So, basically, I was working a full-time job and paying all the bills, and I was also responsible for taking care of the house with absolutely zero help from him. Needless to say, there was some SERIOUS resentment building up on my part! Did I mention he''s my XH???

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I'd love to be a stay-at-home-wife! It's a bit late for that being mainly due to having two kids, however, I'd love to stay home even now that they'll both be in elementary school.

Preferably, I'd take classes, volunteer, and keep the house up. Financially, I don't see that doable, and the thought of working AND trying to maintain a household where my DH does nothing (not even cook) is really freaking me out!

I wish all women had the choice of what they wanted to do, but with a money-driven society, it's often not feasible.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 8/13/2008 12:20:45 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m at the point where I''d love not to work. But I wouldn''t want to be a stay at home wife and take care of the household. I''d like to be a stay at home SLACKER.

Well, what are we all doing on the internet? How many are at work? Seems many are wive-at-work-slackers!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/13/2008 3:24:05 PM
Author: MC

Date: 8/13/2008 12:20:45 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m at the point where I''d love not to work. But I wouldn''t want to be a stay at home wife and take care of the household. I''d like to be a stay at home SLACKER.

Well, what are we all doing on the internet? How many are at work? Seems many are wive-at-work-slackers!

Hee hee! Guilty!

But, in my defense, I''m working too! I''m drafting a Complaint right now!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 8/13/2008 3:25:30 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/13/2008 3:24:05 PM
Author: MC

Date: 8/13/2008 12:20:45 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m at the point where I''d love not to work. But I wouldn''t want to be a stay at home wife and take care of the household. I''d like to be a stay at home SLACKER.

Well, what are we all doing on the internet? How many are at work? Seems many are wive-at-work-slackers!

Hee hee! Guilty!

But, in my defense, I''m working too! I''m drafting a Complaint right now!

Don''t remind me. I feel like I get paid to surf the internet. One time I came back from vacation and caught up on a weeks worth of work in 2 hours.

TWO HOURS.

I''m an ff-at-work-slacker...

 

[fieryred33143]

Well, coming from a workaholic I think its pure crap and laziness.

Is my jealousy coming out loud and clear??

 

[Sabine]

I actually have a friend who is currently doing this. At first she was "taking a year off" to figure out what she wanted to do and finish planning the wedding, but now, a year later, the wedding is over and she has no desire to go back to work. She has told me that she takes a lot of crap from people, who insist that taking care of the house can''t take all day or be fulfilling, but she insists that it is.

If dh and I didn''t need the money, I would choose to not work. But that is because I have yet to find a job that I enjoy doing. But I don''t think I would enjoy staying home and doing housework either, so I think I would find other pursuits that would make me happy without the stress of a full-time job, such as volunteering or writing.

 

[littlelysser]

I''m currently a stay at home wife!

I was a lawyer for 7 years, miserable. My judge retired at the end of 2007...and I''ve been living off the dole (aka, DH) for the past 7 months.

I''m working on becoming a jewelry designer...thinking about real estate...thinking about having a kid...so yeah...but as for now, I am stay at home wife.

It certainly isn''t a status symbol thing...DH and I have made some pretty serious cut-backs in order to make ends meet as I''m currently a lady of leisure!

I imagine I''ll start working again at some point, but I don''t know when, so I''m enjoying it for now!

 

[pennquaker09]

I think it all depends on the lady (or man). My stepmom has a friend that used to teach but she resigned and since then, she puts in a lot of time towards mission work and other Christian activities. I think as long as you''re applying your time towards something then it is possible to stay home without having children.

Personally, if we didn''t have the twins, I would probably be working. I would do so for personal enjoyment.

 

[WishfulThinking]

I think it was a pretty poorly-written article, to be honest. Let me preface all of this by saying that I think everyone deserves to be happy and live the life they want to live without being made to feel guilty. It thrills me that women have made such huge strides toward workplace equality, but that doesn't mean that women should have to feel like they are bad for not working outside the home. To me, having options is what is so great about it.

I do take issue with what ally said about the "status symbol" part of the article. The article, like I said before, is poorly written, but I don't think anyone can realistically deny that having a one-income household is a status symbol. The woman herself [or man, himself] is not a status symbol, but the fact that someone can afford not to work to contribute income to the family is indeed a status symbol. Perhaps I come from a very different background than many PS-ers, but I know that there has never been a time in my life when one of my parents could have stayed home; we would have starved to death and been out on the street. For the vast majority of people, two incomes is essential to maintain an even passing quality of life.

Because of this, having someone stay home IS a status symbol. It's not purely a status symbol. Obviously women, or people in general, are not SYMBOLS. People are people. The act of their staying home, the position that they are in in their lives, is a status symbol. I think the article was off-base in the way they described it because they made it seem like the only reason people do stay home is for the purpose of portraying the status symbol. I don't think that is true. I think it stems from what someone wants to do with their life, combined with their financial ability to do it. The article seems a little condescending, if you ask me.

It's also worth noting that, even in the US during the 1950s, the MAJORITY of families have had DUAL-EARNING households. It is only correct to say that the majority of married women used to stay home and care for children and or the house if we are talking about white, middle to upper-class women during a very specific 2 1/2 decade period. It's a myth, a myth that sprung from a view of history that only accounts for the recognition of normalized family units [white, upper class, heterosexual].

It was then and is now contingent upon the financial ability to do it; that makes it a status symbol.

 

[diamondfan]

I think for some women, all the stress of working is not worth it financially. Even if they trained hard or went to school for years, if they hate what they do there is not a great feeling at the end of the day. If they wish to and can stay home and still make it work monetarily, and it makes their marriages better, I say great. I wonder if some women or men even might have avoided divorces if they tried this, maybe they take home less money but they are happier with their lives and with each other, which is sort of priceless to me. So you cannot buy a new 60 inch flat screen or you cook more at home or do not go on as many trips, but if you are happier in your day to day life as a result, I think it is a wonderful thing. It won't be the answer for all ills, nor would it work for everyone, but hey, why not?

And not too many years ago married women were NOT ALLOWED to work, insane but there you have it.

 

[simplysplendid]

I''m on the other end of the spectrum! I''m a career mom with two kids!
I love my family and enjoy my kids but I also love the sense of achievement from doing well in my career. There are sacrifices though, I had to limit my career somewhat. I was recently asked if I would like to be a successor to a big role in the region and I turned it down because that role requires far too much travelling and I know I will be miserable away from home that often from my family. Both DH and I are comfortable with where we are in our careers now and I don''t think I need bigger money which is going to make me less happy.

Anyway, I think I will probably stay home for the kids if my work does not give me the flexibility to work from home. I am fortunate that I can work from home and balance between career and family, though it is very hard work. If I have no kids I don''t think I will stay at home though, I won''t feel satisfied just looking after the house.

 

[Miranda]

When my kids are grown and gone I will totally be a stay at home wife. DH is just as much work as the kids! And someone needs to take care of the dog and cat!