Splitting the check for group dinners

[KimberlyH]

One group of friends takes turns paying the bill. All of the rest of my friends tend to split the bill evenly, as long as consumption is about the same. I would never make someone feel awkward if they consumed less and paid less, but I wouldn't think twice about paying half even if I consumed less because it usually evens out over time with us. That doesn't sound like the case and I think they were out of line for making you feel bad.

 

[strmrdr]

I refuse to play that game and just ask for separate checks.
Solves the problem.

 

[Dannielle]

On most occassions we ask for seperate bills.. it saves alot of the hassle if people want to pay individually, otherwise we just split it equally, even if I haven''t been drinking (FI doesn''t drink due to a medical condition, so this has come up quite often).

 

[chiapet]

Thanks for all the responses! I''m so relieved to hear that most of you would have done exactly what I did!
I''ve never tried asking for separate checks. This is the first time anyone has made that comment to me

Usually when I go out with close friends we take turns paying the check. When I''m out with a big group (10 or more people) we just split the check evenly, even though I''m the only one not drinking. I think that''s why I was so ruffled last night when that guy made the comment. Maybe he was drunk?

The drinks were $14 EACH and they all had 2-3 drinks each person. There''s no way I''m paying for that bill!!! I''ll have to try asking for separate bar check next time.

 

[chiapet]

atroop, hello fellow Manhattan non-drinker! Do people ask you "Why don''t you drink?" I got so sick of being asked that question that started making up crazy answers

 

[Haven]

It depends on the group of friends. We have one group that always splits the bill according to who ate and drank what, another group that always splits evenly, and then several couples with whom we take turns paying for the meal.

DH and I definitely drink the least out of all our friends, so we have ended up paying more than our share a few times. But I think in the end it evens out, so we don''t worry.

 

[Camille]

Date: 7/11/2009 9:26:03 AM
Author: beau13
This

all sounds strange to me..but I guess everyone has different practices when dining with friends.
If there''s 4-6 of us, and we have asked friends to go out to dinner, it is assumed that we will pay (since we invited). The waitress usually asks ''will this be one bill?'', at which time my husband answers yes! It doesn''t matter how many drinks someone has ordered, or who had desert and who didn''t, we just claim the bill and pay!

I have to agree on that one, Dutch treat if you''re inviting. Nice people tend to be reciprocative.
Every circle is different. Some acquaintances insist on separate checks [even for a cup of tea] it doesn''t bother me one bit, love their company

There''s another group of 9 ladies that GTG once a month for dinner/drinks ''one bill'' the consumption is similar and It has worked for 8 years, even though I''m not a drinker, I''m particular w/my food so it''s even.

 

[honey22]

Ditto to paying for your own drinks! It''s not fair that you don''t drink and have to pay for others. Alcohol is expensive, and I wouldn''t even dream of expecting my friends to cover my drinks, especially if they weren''t drinking themselves.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/11/2009 9:26:03 AM
Author: beau13
Now I''m curious as to what happens when the guys go out together and buy rounds...a pitcher of beer lets say! Should the guy who had two glasses of beer, be expected to pay more than the two guys who only had only ONE glass of beer, from the pitcher ? Surely when my husband buys a couple pitchers of beer for his buddies, he''s not keeping track of how much each of them consumed! However..there are those guys (gripping the wallet tightly lets say), that will never buy a round!! EVER! But..if those are the friends you choose to hang with, then you just accept the fact that they are like that. (I know of a few who take advantage of having dinner/drinks bought for them almost always, but they will very seldomly return the favour).

me and 4 or 5 other guys go out and drink every friday nite,this friend (if he shows up) will never buy a round while the rest of us take turn buying.he notice a round cost about $25-$30,anyway i guess this one time he finally felt guilty of not buying drinks,he said..."i''ll buy this round" everybody was

i then went over to the bartender and quietly ordered a $100 per shot Cognac

when the bartender came by to collect the tab i pointed to this cheap friend of ours and said...he''s buying.the bartender said...$125 please !! he said..WHAT ? how much? (i think he S**TED in his pants

) bartender said...$125,then pointed to my drink alone was $100.

 

[chiapet]

Ha ha ha! Dancing Fire, that''s funny

I know guys have their own system about who pays for what round but don''t you find that the system changes when there''s a female present? BTW, most guys can put away gallons of beer in one sitting! And not have to pee! I don''t know how they do it.

 

[D&T]

we have a couple friends that we go out with usually whenever we visit our family in another state, and they drink, but they know we dont drink. So I thnk they are more aware of only buying one drinks per person. Anyhow, with them we always take turns paying the full check. They''ll pick up the tab one day, then we pick up the tab another day. We''re close friends, so we''re ok with it. But with other friends, even the ones that don''t drink, we just like to ask for separate checks, and we usually tell the waiter/waitress this upfront.

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 7/11/2009 11:39:26 AM
Author: chiapet
atroop, hello fellow Manhattan non-drinker! Do people ask you ''Why don''t you drink?'' I got so sick of being asked that question that started making up crazy answers

I''m from Manhattan to, and i proudly said "I don''t drink"

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/11/2009 2:45:10 PM
Author: chiapet
Ha ha ha! Dancing Fire, that''s funny

I know guys have their own system about who pays for what round but don''t you find that the system changes when there''s a female present? BTW, most guys can put away gallons of beer in one sitting! And not have to pee! I don''t know how they do it.

yes,we let her pick up the tab.

 

[LadyBlue]

If everybody it''s the same or almost the same, like maybe some with have an expensive dish and someone else a glass of wine, let''s said 10 usd difference. We split.

But if we are having dinner and someone asked for a 25 dish and 20 of drinks, and we had just a 15 usd dish and water,

, we don''t split the check.

 

[chiapet]

Date: 7/11/2009 3:24:34 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/11/2009 2:45:10 PM

Author: chiapet

Ha ha ha! Dancing Fire, that''s funny

I know guys have their own system about who pays for what round but don''t you find that the system changes when there''s a female present? BTW, most guys can put away gallons of beer in one sitting! And not have to pee! I don''t know how they do it.

yes,we let her pick up the tab.

LOL!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 7/11/2009 9:09:32 AM
Author: neatfreak
Generally I feel that splitting the tab is fair assuming everyone had similar consumption. And usually that works out over time among friends-and you know what? If it doesn''t exactly work out I don''t care because I am not cheap and won''t quibble about a few dollars among friends. But I do REALLY hate it when on occasion we go out with people who want to nickel and dime everything (and who make a good living so these are not my poor graduate school friends because then we usually get separate checks). And whoever said these are usually the people who order the most expensive thing, drink a lot, etc. and expect others to subsidize their consumption is exactly correct! Always the same people.

BUT that being said-if someone comes out and doesn''t drink, or orders only a small dish, etc. I always speak up for them if they won''t when the bill is being divided. I find that usually no one gives that person flack if it is someone ELSE who says ''Hey-Chia should only put in $15 instead because she didn''t drink''.

Luckily this rarely happens to me and my friends...we usually either split the bill evenly these days or one couple will take the check and the other one will get it the next time. Not a big deal among my usual circle here. I am a little scared to encounter these types of people now after reading all these horror stories because we are moving and will have to make all new friends.

You''ll be okay hon.

We do the bill swapping thing too, where one couple pays then another. I like that.

And I too speak up for someone that has ordered significantly less than others have.

And I have freinds in graduate school or who aren''t doing as well as we are, and sometmes we''ll just pick the bill up entirely, with no expectations of a next time.

The other thing is, we have A LOT of vegetarian friends, and their meals, just because of the nature of them tend to cost less than ours do. So, in many cases splitting evenly isn''t really fair to them, and so we''ll just split the bill, but I always say something like.... but we''ll take the tip and tax since we ordered more expensive entrees.

And really, I prefer going out in smaller groups. That''s just my preference. So, like I said, it works out... and we make sure that it does.

 

[movie zombie]

tip and tax on the drinks also are on the drinkers..........

mz

 

[Tacori E-ring]

It is SO easy for servers to split the check and 100% agree that you should not cover their drinks. I would just ask the server to split the bill for you to avoid these situations.

 

[puffy]

totally agree with what everyone else said...you are not responsible for paying for their drinks.

when we go out with a bunch of friends, we all usually just take tuns paying the bill every time. and it really isn''t said who is going to pay or whatever, it''s just who ever gets the check at the end of the meal. that usually has worked for us pretty well. or the server could easily give everyone separate checks.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I agree with what everyone else said. You should not be responsible for paying for something you did not consume. If I were questioned like that I would just say, well I put x in for the food I had and y in for tax and tip, if you add it up, I paid for what I ordered.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/11/2009 11:39:26 AM
Author: chiapet
atroop, hello fellow Manhattan non-drinker! Do people ask you 'Why don't you drink?' I got so sick of being asked that question that started making up crazy answers

yes ppl ask me why I don't drink..many times they assume I'm pregnant (again

) but I just tell them I'm not a drinker. The real reason I rarely drink is that my dad was a heavy drinker and I grew up HATING liquor...I cannot stomach when ppl cannot handle their liquor. So the thought of acting like my dad or his alcoholic parents has really kept me dry

What kind of crazy answers have you made up? Sounds like you can come up with some good ones!

 

[mayachel]

If this had happened to me chiapet, I would have looked directly at the person who was muttering and say "Actually, since I didn''t have any drinks, I just put in for my food."

Maybe they didn''t realize/remember?

Everyone in my group of friends pays for their own drinks.

 

[Bia]

We split, unless it is with my bro and his wife, in which case we''ll take turns paying. Most of my circle drinks usually one or two, so it doesn''t really matter--even if I only have one that night, it evens out at some point.

On the occasion we go out with someone who doesn''t drink at all, we''ll deduct the drinks from their tab--no biggie.

I don''t like asking for separate checks...

 

[elle_chris]

The bill usually gets split evenly if we're doing dinner among close friends unless someone was invited, then the host picks up the tab.

One year though I had a very bad experience. A good friends birthday and an impropteu birthday dinner for her. There were at least 12 of us. half the people that were there were good friends. The other half were the b-day girls friends that I've only met a few times. When the bill came, "i" assumed we were all splitting it evenly except of course for the birthday girl.

A few months later, my friend who's birthday it was told me that one couple at the table were very upset at the way the bill was split, especially since I had ordered two bottles of wine. I was shocked. First because she told my friend, and second because I didn't order both bottles just for me and my husband. I ordered them because I knew at least half the people there were drinkers and my husband is pretty good at choosing wine. I ordered for the table and even remember asking everyone what their preference was. What I don't remember is anyone is anyone saying they won't be drinking. I guess they didn't though?

However, I learned my lesson. When going out to dinner with people I don't know well, I now always ask how they want to split the bill.

 

[chiapet]

Date: 7/12/2009 8:27:46 AM
Author: atroop711

Date: 7/11/2009 11:39:26 AM

Author: chiapet

atroop, hello fellow Manhattan non-drinker! Do people ask you ''Why don''t you drink?'' I got so sick of being asked that question that started making up crazy answers

yes ppl ask me why I don''t drink..many times they assume I''m pregnant (again

) but I just tell them I''m not a drinker. The real reason I rarely drink is that my dad was a heavy drinker and I grew up HATING liquor...I cannot stomach when ppl cannot handle their liquor. So the thought of acting like my dad or his alcoholic parents has really kept me dry

What kind of crazy answers have you made up? Sounds like you can come up with some good ones!

atroop, that''s exactly why I don''t drink! I come from a loooong line of alcoholics (parents and grandparents on both sides of the family) and I started drinking in middle school since alcohol is always present in abundance in my house. But then I decided to stop drinking (and smoking and coffee) after graduate school. I never realize how socially awkward it is to be a non-drinker! We''re definitely the minorities here.
I usually just tell people "Alcohol interacts with my schizophrenic medication". That usually shuts people up real quick!

 

[phoenixgirl]

My etiquette book reads as follows:

*Each person should expect to pay his/her own share.
*Rounding is ok with big parties where it would be unreasonable to ask the server to split it. If you think you owe $58 or $61 and leave $60, that''s ok (if you saw my tax and tip question, I am one of those of people who tips 20% after tax, so I don''t think rounding down in that case hurts the server).
*If the person who owes the lesser amount says, "Let''s just split it," then it''s ok. But the person who owes more must be willing to pay more unless the other person insists.
*Disparities in who owes what can sometimes be fixed by splitting it and then having people pay more or less tip (just be sure these are people with the same tipping sensibilities or you might have your friend agree to pay the tip and then not leave enough).

 

[that_someone_special]

In my group of friends, we always split our bills according to who got what. Some of us have insane amounts of debt and weird money situations.. and I don''t mind. It''s how we roll...

But, usually, actually ALWAYS when a family member invites us out, they pay. Yeah.... even if I try, they won''t let me. ACTUALLY, no when my MOTHER invites us out, we pay our own way, when other people invite us out- we don''t.

 

[CJ2008]

With certain friends, if we go out and they pay for the whole check, we''ll get them next time.

With other friends, we split it down the middle - depending on who it is, even if splitting is "unfair" (they had a lot more drinks than we did, for example, or they had wine and we didn''t) I wouldn''t say anything because I "know" how they are and they would do the same for us.

But I have an eagle eye

for people who don''t like to pay their share or are slick with $ in any way...and I learn real fast not to buy them a round of drinks, etc., or to ask for a separate check - I don''t like to feel taken advantage of.

 

[chiapet]

Someone should come up with an Etiquette Book application for iPhones!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/11/2009 12:56:17 PM
Author: Camille

Date: 7/11/2009 9:26:03 AM
Author: beau13
This

all sounds strange to me..but I guess everyone has different practices when dining with friends.
If there''s 4-6 of us, and we have asked friends to go out to dinner, it is assumed that we will pay (since we invited). The waitress usually asks ''will this be one bill?'', at which time my husband answers yes! It doesn''t matter how many drinks someone has ordered, or who had desert and who didn''t, we just claim the bill and pay!

I have to agree on that one, Dutch treat if you''re inviting. Nice people tend to be reciprocative.
Every circle is different. Some acquaintances insist on separate checks [even for a cup of tea] it doesn''t bother me one bit, love their company

There''s another group of 9 ladies that GTG once a month for dinner/drinks ''one bill'' the consumption is similar and It has worked for 8 years, even though I''m not a drinker, I''m particular w/my food so it''s even.

I have to agree this issue is just foreign to me. I don''t remember the last time I split a bill with my good friends. While we have a racially diverse group of friends, the majority (meaning at least 51%

) of the group is some kind of asian, so we play by asian custom.

If it''s a huge group, of course we split the bill (there are 20 of us). Since we aren''t talking about that, I will say with a small group, someone ALWAYS will pick of the tab entirely. I love paying for my friends'' meals. And they also seem to love returning the favor. It often becomes an argument of who will pay. For us it''s not a matter of who is inviting (although that makes sense to me). It''s a matter of who feels like it and someone will always feel like it.

I personally don''t keep tabs on who paid when either. Even it it doesn''t even out, everyone does try to treat a lot so I just enjoy the company. A couple of weeks ago three of us went out for a meal and the tab came out to be $350. I paid for that. Yes, it was an expensive meal, but I never spend money on anything so eating out is my guilty pleasure. The next time we met, I offered to pay. I had forgotten about the other meal and my friends said "No, you just paid for a meal!" I said, "Oh...so? I don''t believe in tit for tat." But it was nice they remembered. They often treat me to nice meals too so I honestly just never think about "the last time I paid."

We are fortunate. Most of our friends are in good financial position (and the once who aren''t are so generous in many ways that I am happy to pay for them as much as possible). I like the spirit of wanting to give and pick up the tab rather than worrying about if you are going to get ripped off on the bill. That seems like such a downer.