Splitting the check for group dinners

[chiapet]

When you''re out with a group of people (say 4 people) for dinner and you''re the only person not drinking, do you split the check evenly? I just had an awkward moment at dinner. I don''t drink alcohol at all and my friends each had 2-3 drinks. When the check came, I put in my share for the food (we shared appetizer and each had the same entree) plus $10 to cover tip & tax. The $10 was more than enough to cover my share of the tip and tax. One of my friends mumbled something about "Not paying your share". Was it wrong that I only paid for my share of the food? I don''t feel that I''m obligated to pay for their drinks. What would you have done in my situation?
When I''m in a much bigger group of people I usually do just split the check because it''s easier but when it''s only 4 people I think it''s only fair that we each pay for what we had. Any thoughts?

 

[oneandahalfrock]

Nope, everyone has to cover their own drinks- lol, with a 6''6" husband, I''ve had to pay wayyy more than half more than once, and it was perfectly fair to me

 

[somethingshiny]

Ditto to paying for your own drinks. DH and I can throw some back, and we wouldn''t dream of any of our table-mates footing the bill!

Me thinks your friend may have thrown back more than her fair share of drinks....

 

[April20]

You have no obligation to pay for their drinks! You paid for what you were responsible for. This is the kind of thing that drives me crazy. It''s about as bad as going out as a single person with a couple and having them split the check in half, counting themselves as one "share" and you as one "share".

 

[Elegant]

I''ve been in the same situation and I think when there are four people, they should all pay their own share...I don''t drink and I have been put in the same position as you were and I can''t even fathom having to pay for their drinks...especially with such a small group. Even when I have been out to dinner with a larger group, we usually still pay our share plus tax and tip...So I am on your side!

 

[chiapet]

Whew! Thanks guys! I''ve been sitting here fuming and getting pissed off but now I feel so much better after reading your replies. At least I''m not the only one who thinks it''s unfair to foot other people''s alcohol tab. I hate group dinners with non-close friends for this very reason. It''s great that some people like alcohol but I don''t and I refuse to pay for theirs!

April20, I can''t believe couples try to count themselves as one "share" and you as the other share! That''s just insane!

 

[chiapet]

Elegant, another non-drinker! Sometimes I feel like I''m the only non-alcohol-drinker in Manhattan. Everyone here drinks like fish and each drink costs $14!!!
So here''s a question: Do you explain to people that you don''t drink and will only pay for your share of food? Or do you suck it up and split the bill?

 

[oneandahalfrock]

We usually chat about the bill when it comes- maybe my friend are too fair, but it''s usually- okay, you had the beef and a beer, $20 and I had the fish and an ice tea, $15... yada yada yada...
It''s not big deal- unless your the one stuck helping pay for their 4 drinks

 

[Kaleigh]

No way should you have to pay for their drinks.... That''s not cool in my book. Don''t they know you don''t drink?? If I had a friend that didn''t drink no way would I expect her to share the bill for the cocktails we had.... To assume you would is just rude????

 

[chiapet]

Yes, people know that I don''t drink. I''m not sure why this guy made that comment when we were settling the bill. I''ve gone out with him to different group dinners and he clearly knows that I don''t drink alcohol. He also knows that I usually split the bill without complaining when it''s a much bigger group. His comment just made me feel bad.

I guess that''s part of the challenge of group dinners.

 

[doodle]

I''ve had issues like this with friends before because I have a few friends who are REALLY cheap with their tipping, so I just started asking the server to ring my food up separately, and I never share food with anyone else unless it''s someone I know I can split a tab with fairly. I just don''t care to be made to look like the bad guy because of someone else''s FOOD, you know? It''s just too silly to let it be something to argue about, but I know how easily it can be, so I avoid the issue all the way around.

 

[Elegant]

Every time I have asked for a separate check with coworkers, etc., I get the weirdest looks from them - like - are you serious? I feel pressure either way and I avoid going out with people because of it...sometimes...

 

[jewelerman]

few of my friends drink and so its not an issue.But when we go out to group dinners i always ask the server for a seperate check.I dont care what others think about it.This way i can eat what i want,tip as I want and not worry about fair division of the bill.If someone wants to split appitizers then I would throw in a few bucks for that.You friend is rude and wrong to make the comment he did.Hes the cheap one expecting you to help pay for his food or drinks at the end of the meal.

 

[Gypsy]

Always split evenly for me. It all evens out eventually. Sometimes I want a martini, another time water. Sometimes they an expensive appetizer, and I'm happy with bread and butter. If these are people you go out with often... why nickle and dime?

The ONLY time I have made an exception to this rule is when we had plans FOR DESSERT with a friend, and another friend of that friend invited themselves AND their BF out with us, then they ordered dinner (filet mignon and lobster at Mortons) and we ordered dessert. Um. No. We didn't split the bill evenly that night.

That's just the way I am though. And most of my friends as well. Obviously if someone is sitting there having iced tea and nothing else and I'm ordering a meal, this doesn't apply. But in general... IMO things even themselves out between good friends.

BTW, I'm not a non-drinker. But I SELDOM drink. And when I do it's usually at home. Or stop at one drink. We go out all the time with friends and order a couple of bottles of wine, and I'll have maybe 1/2 a glass. A couple of our friends are really into wine. But we're really into food. So at other times I'm the one ordering the surf and turf and they are getting chicken.

 

[swingirl]

At the beginning of the night can you say something like, "since I won't be drinking tonight let's keep the bar tap separate from the food."

If you never drink and they always do it never "evens out". I experienced something similar where 2 of the 3 couples ordered several very expensive bottles of wine and my husband and I did not partake. I wasn't about to split that.

It's unfortunate that you are one made to feel awkward or cheap.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 7/11/2009 1:50:54 AM
Author: swingirl
At the beginning of the night can you say something like, 'since I won't be drinking tonight let's keep the bar tap separate from the food.'

If you never drink and they always do it never 'evens out'. I experienced something similar where 2 of the 3 couples ordered several very expensive bottles of wine and my husband and I did not partake. I wasn't about to split that.

It's unfortunate that you are one made to feel awkward or cheap.

That's always a good way to handle it too. If it's a repeat problem. Like I said, for me... not a repeat issue with the people I usually go out with. But I guess if it was... swingirl's is a very classy suggestion on how to handle.

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 7/11/2009 12:30:57 AM
Author: chiapet
Yes, people know that I don''t drink. I''m not sure why this guy made that comment when we were settling the bill. I''ve gone out with him to different group dinners and he clearly knows that I don''t drink alcohol. He also knows that I usually split the bill without complaining when it''s a much bigger group. His comment just made me feel bad.

I guess that''s part of the challenge of group dinners.

The next time someone makes a comment like that, sit up straight and say, "I have no problem splitting the food bill - but I''m a non-drinker and it is unfair of you to expect me to pay for your (insert $ amount) drinks."

 

[swingirl]

Date: 7/11/2009 1:56:35 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 7/11/2009 1:50:54 AM

Author: swingirl

At the beginning of the night can you say something like, ''since I won''t be drinking tonight let''s keep the bar tap separate from the food.''



If you never drink and they always do it never ''evens out''. I experienced something similar where 2 of the 3 couples ordered several very expensive bottles of wine and my husband and I did not partake. I wasn''t about to split that.


It''s unfortunate that you are one made to feel awkward or cheap.

That''s always a good way to handle it too. If it''s a repeat problem. Like I said, for me... not a repeat issue with the people I usually go out with. But I guess if it was... swingirl''s is a very classy suggestion on how to handle.

Awww, thanks!

 

[mrscushion]

I would never attempt to split the bill equally if there were real differences in consumption (and one or more expensive drinks definitely count as that).

In a large group, if I notice someone has eaten/drank a lot less than the rest of the group, I''ll speak up for them.

Likewise, not that I''d ever be the one without drinks (yeah, right), but if it happened to me, I''d have no problem telling everyone that I didn''t have drinks and so I''m putting in X.

Maybe the guy just didn''t realize?

 

[Hera]

I come across this issue a lot with my extended family. I really don''t mind paying for an extra drink but my family has heavy drinkers and expensive taste and they make a big deal out of it if you don''t split the bill evenly. Since then, we put in our portion but last time we went out they sent me a bill stating I didn''t put enough in. I don''t think they were correct but I sent them the cash anyways. I did read on some etiquette site that you should split evenly if you were over age 30. Still, I think I would rather tally up my own part of the bill and give them the cash.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

I would never expect anyone to pay more than their share...if you don''t drink, you should not be expected to pay for them to.

 

[atroop711]

you did as you were should have. Why should you help pay for their drinks? If everyone had one glass of wine...then I would just split it evenly BUT when they are each having many drinks...no way (that adds up). The person who commented on that should stop wanting to mooch off of others. I find the cheap ppl are the ones that make a fuss.

When I was on a diet, I ordered just a main dish (which was $9). I had water..nothing else to drink. The others I was dining with had appetizers, drinks, dessert and of course their main dish. The person that got the bill said $50 per person. I gave them $20...figured that was fine for tax and tip. WELL...I got attitude from miss cheapy. She was annoyed how someone didn''t pay enough. I told her I''m the one that gave $20..she said why? I said I had a $9 meal and I think that''s more than enough. She rolled her eyes and gave me some serious attiude. Oh well..I didn''t care. More than enough times I''ve put in way more than I should..but no way I''m putting in $50 for a salad


you didn''t do anything wrong!

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/11/2009 12:02:05 AM
Author: chiapet
Elegant, another non-drinker! Sometimes I feel like I''m the only non-alcohol-drinker in Manhattan. Everyone here drinks like fish and each drink costs $14!!!

So here''s a question: Do you explain to people that you don''t drink and will only pay for your share of food? Or do you suck it up and split the bill?

hey! I''m also in Manhattan and a non drinker. At times I may have 1 glass of wine..but that''s not often. Don''t pay for drinks you haven''t had. Your friends shouldn''t want you to either

 

[MakingTheGrade]

The only time we ever split the check evenly is when we are eating family style. And even then, people still pay for their own drinks unless it was a pitcher for the table.

But I''m a student, so when we go out, we''re sensitive that people have different budgets and tastes, what with loans and all. So we''d never expect each other to pay anything other than what they had.

I''m also a person who seldomly drinks.

 

[icekid]

I cannot believe people expect you to pay for their drinks

You were certainly in the right, chia. You said these were not close friends, right? It sounds like this guy was hoping to get drunk on your tab!

 

[April20]

Date: 7/10/2009 11:59:52 PM
Author: chiapet
Whew! Thanks guys! I''ve been sitting here fuming and getting pissed off but now I feel so much better after reading your replies. At least I''m not the only one who thinks it''s unfair to foot other people''s alcohol tab. I hate group dinners with non-close friends for this very reason. It''s great that some people like alcohol but I don''t and I refuse to pay for theirs!

April20, I can''t believe couples try to count themselves as one ''share'' and you as the other share! That''s just insane!

They were good friends too! I told them they needed to divide by 3 and multiple their one share by 2 to be fair! This same couple invited me over to a bbq once and asked me to bring the meat! I told them there was no way I was bringing meat for 10 people when I was one person. I was happy to bring meat for myself and a side, but nothing more. Being married now, I am super sensitive to making sure we always pair our fair share when we go out with single friends.

And on a side note, even when we go out with large groups, which we do monthly (we have an ethnic food dinner club), we always take the alcohol off the check, divide by the number of people for a per person price and then those that had drinks add that to their total. It works out perfectly everytime and everyone feels it''s fair.

 

[jstarfireb]

As a rule, I pay for what I ordered. If people want to split the check evenly, I look at the check to make sure what we paid is roughly equal. Otherwise I get a separate check!

 

[neatfreak]

Generally I feel that splitting the tab is fair assuming everyone had similar consumption. And usually that works out over time among friends-and you know what? If it doesn't exactly work out I don't care because I am not cheap and won't quibble about a few dollars among friends. But I do REALLY hate it when on occasion we go out with people who want to nickel and dime everything (and who make a good living so these are not my poor graduate school friends because then we usually get separate checks). And whoever said these are usually the people who order the most expensive thing, drink a lot, etc. and expect others to subsidize their consumption is exactly correct! Always the same people.

BUT that being said-if someone comes out and doesn't drink, or orders only a small dish, etc. I always speak up for them if they won't when the bill is being divided. I find that usually no one gives that person flack if it is someone ELSE who says "Hey-Chia should only put in $15 instead because she didn't drink".

Luckily this rarely happens to me and my friends...we usually either split the bill evenly these days or one couple will take the check and the other one will get it the next time. Not a big deal among my usual circle here. I am a little scared to encounter these types of people now after reading all these horror stories because we are moving and will have to make all new friends.

 

[beau13]

This all sounds strange to me..but I guess everyone has different practices when dining with friends.
If there's 4-6 of us, and we have asked friends to go out to dinner, it is assumed that we will pay (since we invited). The waitress usually asks "will this be one bill?", at which time my husband answers yes! It doesn't matter how many drinks someone has ordered, or who had desert and who didn't, we just claim the bill and pay!
If we have been invited out by friends, then I just assume that they will pick up the tab this time, and again, when the waitress asks if this will be all on the same bill..the person who invited us along usually says "yes", and picks up the tab.
I guess splitting the tab is easier on the pocketbook, but seems awkward, trying to figure out who owes what (kinda like when I had a roomate in University, and we split the cost of groceries). Just not our style!! I figure, we pay this time, they'll likely pay next time, it all works out in the end!

Now I'm curious as to what happens when the guys go out together and buy rounds...a pitcher of beer lets say! Should the guy who had two glasses of beer, be expected to pay more than the two guys who only had only ONE glass of beer, from the pitcher ? Surely when my husband buys a couple pitchers of beer for his buddies, he's not keeping track of how much each of them consumed! However..there are those guys (gripping the wallet tightly lets say), that will never buy a round!! EVER! But..if those are the friends you choose to hang with, then you just accept the fact that they are like that. (I know of a few who take advantage of having dinner/drinks bought for them almost always, but they will very seldomly return the favour).

 

[Upgradable]

Date: 7/11/2009 6:48:00 AM
Author: heraanderson
I come across this issue a lot with my extended family. I really don''t mind paying for an extra drink but my family has heavy drinkers and expensive taste and they make a big deal out of it if you don''t split the bill evenly. Since then, we put in our portion but last time we went out they sent me a bill stating I didn''t put enough in. I don''t think they were correct but I sent them the cash anyways. I did read on some etiquette site that you should split evenly if you were over age 30. Still, I think I would rather tally up my own part of the bill and give them the cash.

I''m wondering if part of this is based on age and where you are in your life? I''ve got three situations that may illustrate what I mean. When hubby and I invite others (or maybe family) out to dinner, we pay, the entire bill since we specifically extended the invitation. When I go out with a group of girlfriends we ask for separate checks if the server has not already inquired about that. Now, I have a girlfriend who I go out to lunch with regularly. For she and I, we alternate whose "turn" it is to pay.