So moms, are you a total "sap" now after having children?

[TravelingGal]

I've been thinking about this thread and I think I picked on what it really is for me...

Before having a kid, I had no fear. I didn't fear death, or pain. Yes, I thought about how I'd feel if anything happened to TGuy, and while it was heartwrenching, I could picture how my life would trudge on.

If I think about anything happening to Amelia, I can't picture anything. My mind draws a terrified blank and life does not go on. I may continue living, but I'll be a shell.

I fear her being taken from me. I fear me being taken from her too early and that she would not know how much I love every fiber of her being with every fiber of mine. I fear leaving her even late in our lives...that she'll feel the ache of missing me (assuming I'm a good mom and we have a good relationship) as much I know I'll miss my mom every day of my life when she leaves me in this world.

I want us to live forever. That's not going to happen and that leaves me with tremendous sadness when I let myself think about it. Having a child has made me feel horrifyingly vulnerable.

It makes me realize we're all mortal, and that makes me prone to crying.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 1/7/2010 2:42:12 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''ve been thinking about this thread and I think I picked on what it really is for me...

Before having a kid, I had no fear. I didn''t fear death, or pain. Yes, I thought about how I''d feel if anything happened to TGuy, and while it was heartwrenching, I could picture how my life would trudge on.

If I think about anything happening to Amelia, I can''t picture anything. My mind draws a terrified blank and life does not go on. I may continue living, but I''ll be a shell.

I fear her being taken from me. I fear me being taken from her too early and that she would not know how much I love every fiber of her being with every fiber of mine. I fear leaving her even late in our lives...that she''ll feel the ache of missing me (assuming I''m a good mom and we have a good relationship) as much I know I''ll miss my mom every day of my life when she leaves me in this world.

I want us to live forever. That''s not going to happen and that leaves me with tremendous sadness when I let myself think about it. Having a child has made me feel horrifyingly vulnerable.

It makes me realize we''re all mortal, and that makes me prone to crying.

Tgal, that was a beautiful post.

The highlighted is something I have felt over the past few months. I get home and am grateful to have arrived safetly because that''s one more day with Sophia.

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 1/7/2010 2:42:12 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''ve been thinking about this thread and I think I picked on what it really is for me...

Before having a kid, I had no fear. I didn''t fear death, or pain. Yes, I thought about how I''d feel if anything happened to TGuy, and while it was heartwrenching, I could picture how my life would trudge on.

If I think about anything happening to Amelia, I can''t picture anything. My mind draws a terrified blank and life does not go on. I may continue living, but I''ll be a shell.

I fear her being taken from me. I fear me being taken from her too early and that she would not know how much I love every fiber of her being with every fiber of mine. I fear leaving her even late in our lives...that she''ll feel the ache of missing me (assuming I''m a good mom and we have a good relationship) as much I know I''ll miss my mom every day of my life when she leaves me in this world.

I want us to live forever. That''s not going to happen and that leaves me with tremendous sadness when I let myself think about it. Having a child has made me feel horrifyingly vulnerable.

It makes me realize we''re all mortal, and that makes me prone to crying.

OMG, TGal, this whole post has me in tears! I completely understand and agree with every word of this but you said it much more eloquently than I could have. It would make me cry to even try to put it in writing! You''re a great mother!!

 

[ChinaCat]

100% what TGal said.

And my bond with my own mom, while already strong, has gotten immeasurably deeper. The thought of losing either my son or my mom paralyzes me. Circle of life and all, I guess!

 

[packrat]

ChinaCat, I''ve not read that book so I''ll have to check it out!

Tgal, that was lovely!

 

[AmberWaves]

Now this whole thread had me welling up, until I got to Tgal''s post and started crying.

I recently cried during a Simpson''s episode (the one where Homer eats the "poison" puffer fish sushi and makes a list of all the things he wants to do before he dies). When Marge wakes up the morning she thinks he''s going to be dead, and he''s sitting in the chair looking out, and she gets to her knees beside him (before realizing he''s alive) I CRIED. When Homer said goodbye to his kids that night while they were sleeping? CRIED. I''m crying at THE SIMPSONS now.

Since our girl is only 6 weeks, I''m still in the frustrating "PLEASE SLEEP" phase, and just when I think I might not be cut out for this motherhood stuff, she gives me a gummy smile and I know- it''ll get better. I have a beautiful little girl who I am living for now.

LYRA: LOVE that book. My grandma had it and I made it a habit to give it to all the kids born in our family. Also love The Giving Tree.

 

[taovandel]

Amber---The Giving Tree is my favorite...


Yesterday, I went to a work christmas party and one of my co-workers came over to me and was rubbing my sons cheek and told me to "never let him go." She almost had me crying because I know how tough it is for her to be around babies....She lost her son two years ago when he was nearly 20 years old (accidental gun shot). She told me my son was the first baby she had the strength to buy something for since his death. Her husband had made her a necklace from the funeral home that has her sons thumb print on it and his birthstone was above it. It was just really emotional knowing that when she looks at my son she thinks of the loss of hers.....