so confusing! :)

[thegreattriscuit]

hmm... hopefully the new topic will be less confusing

any help here would be appreciated

So we''ve got our long distance thing going on (international, even!), and.... neither of our financial situations is really great.... mine is decent for the short to mid term but not long, and hers was pretty bad, and now just plain sucks. So with that said, the dillema:

She''s seriously considering proposing to me. I mean... "I have no idea" of course... but... she is. I mean, I suppose I could be wrong... but... yeah, she is... and I''m about 80% sure she was going to do it the next time she comes to visit me (in March).

Now, that kinda freaked me out a bit at first, as, y''know... I really, really want to propose to HER during that same time span there... but that can be worked out... y''know? I was just planning to have her e-ring ON me for the duration of the trip, wait for her to propose, and then ask HER. Maybe something along the lines of

GF: "will you marry me"
**GF shows ring, or whatever other token she chooses... if she decides to go that route at all... I certainly don''t NEED anything from her, but I just get the feeling that she''s leaning in that direction**
ME: "well, only if you marry ME"
**Show ring**

okay, soooo... I mean, yeah, it''s rough, and there would probably be some knee dropping, ring slipping, and other due improvisations in there, but you get the idea...

NOW, question number one:

If I propose BACK at her, and she figures out that I knew (or suspected) that she was going to propose, is that running the risk of her feeling that I ruined the "suprise" factor? I''ve uh... actually DONE that a time or two already with her, and really don''t want to risk doing it again with something as important as this.

And question number two:

as I mentioned, her financial situation has recently worsened... she had been making references to "a really really big secret", and all around treating it DIFFERENTLY than previous suprises she''s set out for me (did I mention she''s awesome? seriously... she''s so good to me it''s apalling), and just giving those "vibes"... then her finances went down the tube, and now "the big secret" has to be "postponed", and alot of those "pre-suprise vibes" have fallen away...

So now I''m faced with the possibility that she was PLANNING to propose with some kind of token (ring or whatever), CAN''T because of her finances, but still WANTS to... and then *I* come along, and ask HER before she has a chance to ask ME... is she going to feel cheated out of her moment? I mean... if she''s only doing it because she doesn''t think I''ll be able to work up the courage to propose to her, then that''s one thing... but if this is something she really wants to do... and has really fallen in love with the idea of getting to propose to me...

do you see the dillema? or am I just being paranoid? Should I wait untill her finances improve? Drop hints that I don''t need any kind of token (it could be a turkey sandwich for all I care, really...)??

any ideas?

 

[thegreattriscuit]

and for sanity and consistencies sake, here are the replies I recieved from the last topic:


Mimikins24:

Hi tiucsirt and welcome!!! Sorry I don''t have time to really write out a response to your question right now (I am currently in my Advanced Tax Law class and should be paying more attention!!!). I think part of the reason you aren''t getting any responses is due to the title of your thread. Maybe you could start a differnt thread with a new name asking for advice about your proposal. Oh and when I have some time later on today or tomorrow I will come back and give you an opinion!!! Good luck!!!

XChick03:

Yeah, the title is misleading.

I used to joke around with my boyfriend and tell him I was going to propose to him, but that was just to get him moving on it.

I like your idea of proposing to her when she asks you. I know I would love that and it would totally catch her off guard. About stealing the moment, I don''t know. Its tough to say since I dont know anything about her personality.

Has she been dropping hints for a while that she''s ready to get married? If that''s the case, she may just be doing because she fears you never will. Or it could be something she would really like to do, but either way, I doubt she''ll be disappointed if you present her with a ring at the same time she asks you.

Hope that helps and good luck.

 

[Mimikins24]

Hello again, tiucsirt!!! I''m back with a bit of time to give an opinion, so here are my thoughts for whatever they''re worth.

I think it would be perfectly wonderful for you to reciprocate the proposal if your lovely lady asks you. What could be more exciting than to know that the two of you are on the same page about your life together?!?

Obviously I don''t know about the previous situations where you have spoiled a surprise, but I think as long as you let her ask first, you would not be "stepping on her toes". Of course only you can determine whether this would really upset her, but from my perspective, I think it would be great to show you are just as excited about your future as she is.

There might also be the possibility that she is not intending to propose right now (you indicated 80% likely). Maybe she was planning a trip for the two of you or some other kind of a surprise when she was talking about her finances changing?

In any case, IMHO there is no better time to propose than when you feel in your heart that you are ready and want to make that commitment to your partner. If you want to commit to her with a proposal, then I think you should do that when you see her next. I don''t think that a declaration of lasting love is ever unwelcome.

Good luck with whatever you decide. There are lots of great people here that would be willing to give you a hand with ring and proposal advice if you need it. Again, good luck and do whatever you feel is right for the two of you --- only you can know your relationship well enough to determine her feelings.