Should I ask DH to buy me a christmas present?

[MichelleCarmen]

I could always get drunk and spill beer all over their gifts

 

[lyra]

Date: 11/11/2009 12:35:23 PM
Author: MC
I could always get drunk and spill beer all over their gifts

LOL! Yeah, that would only confirm what a horrible, horrible person you are.

I wish you didn''t have to put up with this at all. I will say though, that yes, your kids know what''s going on. My kids are grown now, and sometimes I''m aghast at the bad memories they have about similar situations when I thought they had no clue at all!

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Kind of in the vein of PP''s post (though nowhere near as funny as hers, sorry), MC, have either you or your husband *directly* asked any of the people from whom you expected a gift why you did not receive one? For instance, of the woman who made the pottery? What did the woman who made the pottery for everyone but you have to say when you asked why she decided to exclude you? Or have you so far been too hurt and stunned to ask directly?

MC, it makes me sad to hear that this has been happening to you. It''s not hard to see how painful this must be for you. If you''ve avoided asking this Q directly for fear of more pain, well, maybe it''s finally reached the point where the pain is equal with either option (confrontation vs. postponing/avoiding) so you might as well ask directly, you know? And sooner rather than later, so you can work with facts rather than fears?

It''s a scary idea, to be sure. Be good to yourself, sweetie.

 

[tlh]

That seems odd to do this at the holidays. It is possible they don''t recognize they are excluding you... though unlikely since they never got you a return gift - knowing you get them one every year... I mean dang! Not even the last minute, yes, omg where is MC''s gift... oh I must have left it upstairs..(and quickly wrap one of the general gifts I''ve picked up JUST IN CASE I forgot someone...(ie gift cards, bath and body baskets, or one of those cocoa/popcorn preassembled gift basekt from target...))

This is crazy UNACCEPTABLE... and has been going on for years. I think that this should be addressed BEFORE you go celebrate - by your hubbie. He should call up his family the queen bee- ask if they are doing another girl only gift exchange and yet again this year excluding his WIFE. If they do plan to exclude you again this year- than perhaps they can do the gift exchange either before you and the children arrive or after you and the children leave.

HUGS! You shouldn''t have to leave to feel comfortable- because that may be the new tradition... I''m going to starbucks- anyone want anything... and then the little hens qluck out their orders....

THIS IS NOT THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!! I''M SO ANGRY FOR YOU!

 

[aliceinwonderland]

I feel really terrible for you! I think that you should buy yourself nice presents and address them to yourself and sign their names on the from section! (Get somebody else to do it so it's not reconginzable). Then act so touched and thankful that they included you.... "I'm so thrilled you got me such a thoughtful gift and that you included me, I've felt that you really didn't like me b/c I've always watched everyone else open gifts and been left out. This means the world to me, thank you!" *cue the tears What are they going to say...."actually we didn't give you that" knowing that they are complete monsters and bought you NOTHING! They may actually feel so bad that they are shamed into some good behaviour. I think a follow up from your DH is in order along the lines of ...I save your @ss this year and bought her some gifts if you ever pull that garbage again and exclude her it will be the last time we visit!

If that's not an option for you I think you need to seriously tell them that their behaviour has made you feel so unwelcome that you are not planning on going until they are willing to have some true Christmas spirit!

Alice!

ETA: the gifts shouldn't be over the top, just in line with what they give to the other women!

 

[tlh]

BRILLIANT!

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 11/11/2009 12:35:23 PM
Author: MC
I could always get drunk and spill beer all over their gifts

no, you get drunk and spill beer all over THEM!

mz

 

[partgypsy]

It is your and your husband''s decision how to run your household, it''s none of your business that you decided to be a SAHM! (I have the opposite "problem". On my Dad''s side the older female relatives see me in this pitying light that I "have" to work and don''t have a husband that supports me (never mind it''s my own decision to have a career, it''s somehow lesser than being a SAHM with a husband that brings home a big check!) So don''t worry: no matter what your decision half the people out there will think you are making the wrong decision.

My suggestion, just based on my own personality and what I feel the season represents. Since they don''t give you a personal gift, don''t give them one either. Give them one instead reflective of you and your own values of charity and inclusiveness (which differs from theirs). I would give them a donation in their honor to World Vision, Oxfam, Heifer fund, or numerous other charities that help needy families. That way you are recognizing them by giving them a gift, someone will benefit from that gift, and while they have your gift they will reflect on what heels they are.

 

[orbaya]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:30:08 PM
Author: MC

Date: 11/10/2009 1:20:51 PM

Author: Kaleigh

I think it''s pretty rude of them !! I wouldn''t even go , but that''s just me. To sit there and be humilaited year after year? No thanks!!!

There isn''t much of a choice because we have kids. They wouldn''t understand why I''m boycotting a holiday. . .

I think it''s high time that you start your own family traditions. That way, you won''t feel like crap in front of those old witches, and your kids won''t think you''re boycotting Christmas.

 

[Squirrly]

while my family has not been excluded from anything and all my aunts and uncles by gifts for all us cousins equally, my parents are the odd ones out a lot and when my FI came here for thanksgiving he noticed that my family was kinda on the outskirts.

now this just stems from us not living as close together as everyone else, but this is something that if it continues, your childrens'' future SOs will pick up on, as well as your children (who have probably noticed already)

please get DH to point out to them that you are their family, or if he''s not comfortable with talking to them all, maybe just having him talk to his mom. your family shouldn''t be treated second rate.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 11/10/2009 3:35:49 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Screw that, you need a new family

Your kids won''t miss that get together one little bit if you guys all take off for a fun vacation over the holidays instead. Just pack the kids gifts up and go.

I love your responses PP!

MC you should come and spend the holidays here with me! If you leave now in your boat you might just arrive in England somewhere around Christmas time!