request for dust/prayers/positive thoughts

[VRBeauty]

Okie - I'm so sorry to read of your loss. I can't imagine the pain you're dealing with - and I'm glad to hear that you're reaching out to a support group and a counselor.

Hugs to and prayers going to you.

 

[TooPatient]

Okie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. Please know that you aren't alone. You are strong and every tomorrow will get just a little easier.

Please know that you aren't alone. We're all here.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[minousbijoux]

Wow, it sounds like you are doing everything you can and are in a very healthy place, all things considered. That's not to say its easy at all; just to say that you sound like you are doing exactly what you need to and making it through.

 

[monarch64]

Okie, I'm so sorry to hear this, and you have my deepest sympathies. It's good that you felt comfortable coming here to discuss what's going on and feel that this is a safe place. I have no personal experience with this issue but any time I read or hear about it, I am very saddened and also angered so I imagine what you're feeling is that times a billion. I want you to know I am here to support you. I think you're a very strong person, and I don't even know you or know much about you. Lots of love and well wishes headed your way tonight.

 

[dani13]

Okie, Im so so sorry you are going through this. There are really no words. Sending you big hugs and praying that you find comfort during this very difficult time.

 

[Enerchi]

Okie - so glad to see your post!! Keep that "silver lining" hopefullness going!! Much love and courage sent to you -- you are in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[Tuckins1]

Okie, I am so sorry for your loss! My heart goes out to you. Lots of *DUST* and (((HUGS))) to you!

 

[justginger]

Okie, I wish I had the eloquence of others here, but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry that you must go through such a difficult life experience. I hope your road to healing continues along with the assistance of capable experts. Big, big hugs.

 

[ame]

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to read this news. The biggest hugs for you.

 

[VapidLapid]

Okie_g, I am very sorry to hear this news. Know that you will be in our thoughts. And I have a lot of dust, I mean really an unusual amount of dust.

 

[Natylad]

Okie, i'm so terribly sorry for your loss and for everything that you're going through...I understand how difficult it feels for you even to get out of bed every morning, but i promise that in time everything will be so much better...You will be in my prayers and i'm sending lots of dust and positive energy your way...Please be strong...

 

[Ally T]

Oh Okie, what horrible & sad news. Lots of hugs coming your way. And remember those strong words you wrote at the bottom of your second post: you chose life; you chose love. Don't try to understand too much, as you never truly will & will send yourself demented in the meantime x

 

[Ally T]

Oh Okie, what horrible & sad news. Lots of hugs coming your way. And remember those strong words you wrote at the bottom of your second post: you chose life; you chose love. Don't try to understand too much, as you never truly will & will send yourself demented in the meantime x

 

[stargurl78]

I'm so sorry for your loss and sending lots of hugs and lots of PS dust. It sounds like you are taking the right steps and in time, things will get easier.

 

[Okie_girl]

Every day remember that we here on PS are all surrounding you, wrapping you up in a huge hug of warmth and security and calm. It sounds like you already know that you are making it through. You must miss her terribly. Would it help to talk about her and what you loved about her?

Minou, I've never known anyone like my beloved. She had a big personality. Was always the life of the party. Never met a stranger. Every workman that came to the house, every store clerk, every fast food server was her new best friend. When I walked the dogs, I'd be home in about 30 minutes. If she went with us, it was at least an hour, because she had to stop and talk to all the neighbors. One neighbor told me, "she was the spark of our neighborhood." She was generous to a fault. She'd give away her last dollar. It broke her heart to see anything suffering, be it animal or person. She tried to take on everyone else's pain so they wouldn't feel so badly. She would help anyone, but would not allow anyone to help her. She brought home strays, or found good homes for them. She was funny as hell, and had the best laugh. When she'd smile, her eyes would twinkle. She was a very good musician, played the guitar and sang, even wrote her own songs. She said I was the best thing that ever happened to her. I felt the same way about her. In the end, I think the pain of living just became too much to bear.

I do miss her terribly. Any time I go anywhere, I just want to come home and tell her all about it. I want to hold her hand while I drift off to sleep. I want to tell her how much I love her...just one more time.

Thank you all SO much for your thoughts.

 

[yssie]

Every day remember that we here on PS are all surrounding you, wrapping you up in a huge hug of warmth and security and calm. It sounds like you already know that you are making it through. You must miss her terribly. Would it help to talk about her and what you loved about her?

Minou, I've never known anyone like my beloved. She had a big personality. Was always the life of the party. Never met a stranger. Every workman that came to the house, every store clerk, every fast food server was her new best friend. When I walked the dogs, I'd be home in about 30 minutes. If she went with us, it was at least an hour, because she had to stop and talk to all the neighbors. One neighbor told me, "she was the spark of our neighborhood." She was generous to a fault. She'd give away her last dollar. It broke her heart to see anything suffering, be it animal or person. She tried to take on everyone else's pain so they wouldn't feel so badly. She would help anyone, but would not allow anyone to help her. She brought home strays, or found good homes for them. She was funny as hell, and had the best laugh. When she'd smile, her eyes would twinkle. She was a very good musician, played the guitar and sang, even wrote her own songs. She said I was the best thing that ever happened to her. I felt the same way about her. In the end, I think the pain of living just became too much to bear.

I do miss her terribly. Any time I go anywhere, I just want to come home and tell her all about it. I want to hold her hand while I drift off to sleep. I want to tell her how much I love her...just one more time.

Thank you all SO much for your thoughts.

Oh Okie, it's been an awful couple of months I'm so sorry about your darling kitty, too, I guess the silver lining is that she's keeping your partner company now

Thank you for sharing that - she sounds like an incredible person. The sort of person who couldn't help but change your life. I really do believe that every time you think about how much you love her, she knows.

More HUGS, Okie.

 

[AGBF]

...to add insult to injury, one of my kitties passed away about 3 weeks after my partner did. He had been sick for several months, but the vet couldn't pinpoint what was going on with him. Towards the end, the vet was thinking he had some kind of blood cancer. He died very peacefully at home, and I know she was waiting for him.

For those of you who suggested professional help or groups, I am doing both. I've been attending the local Survivors of Suicide (dear lord, I never thought I'd type those words) support group, and i've been seeing a counselor. Both have been invaluable. Here's what I know: I didn't have a lot of control over the circumstances that led me to this place in my life. The only thing I have control over is my actions and my reactions. I can let this event define me, and I can become bitter and miserable, or I can pick myself up and take what lessons I can from this. I've always been a silver lining type of gal, and while at this very moment it's tough to see a silver lining, I choose life. I choose love.

I am so sorry, Okie_girl. I cannot say anything that hasn't been said before, but I can add my voice to the voices of others in the community. Yes, I know that, "time heals all wounds", but one cannot be expected to believe it applies to himself in the midst of huge loss and grief. I am sure I wouldn't have when I was grieving and I would have resented anyone trying to tell me my my grief would pass or to rush me through it! In fact, when I lost my dog and my mother within a few months of each other, I didn't even want to tell anyone!!! You are so much braver that I was!!! You are talking!!!

I send hugs and love to you...as do we all,
Deb/AGBF

 

[junebug17]

Okie_girl, I am not nearly as eloquent as many who have already posted, but I just wanted to let you know you have my deepest sympathy on the loss of your partner. I am just so very sorry, I can't even imagine how hard these past months have been for you. Your description of your partner touched me to the point of tears - she was clearly a very special, amazing person and a joy to know. my heart breaks to think of the pain she must have been in, and for you for the pain you are feeling now. I hope as time goes on you can be comforted more and more by the happy memories you have of her. Please take care and know you are in my thoughts.

 

[justginger]

Every day remember that we here on PS are all surrounding you, wrapping you up in a huge hug of warmth and security and calm. It sounds like you already know that you are making it through. You must miss her terribly. Would it help to talk about her and what you loved about her?

Minou, I've never known anyone like my beloved. She had a big personality. Was always the life of the party. Never met a stranger. Every workman that came to the house, every store clerk, every fast food server was her new best friend. When I walked the dogs, I'd be home in about 30 minutes. If she went with us, it was at least an hour, because she had to stop and talk to all the neighbors. One neighbor told me, "she was the spark of our neighborhood." She was generous to a fault. She'd give away her last dollar. It broke her heart to see anything suffering, be it animal or person. She tried to take on everyone else's pain so they wouldn't feel so badly. She would help anyone, but would not allow anyone to help her. She brought home strays, or found good homes for them. She was funny as hell, and had the best laugh. When she'd smile, her eyes would twinkle. She was a very good musician, played the guitar and sang, even wrote her own songs. She said I was the best thing that ever happened to her. I felt the same way about her. In the end, I think the pain of living just became too much to bear.

I do miss her terribly. Any time I go anywhere, I just want to come home and tell her all about it. I want to hold her hand while I drift off to sleep. I want to tell her how much I love her...just one more time.

Thank you all SO much for your thoughts.

Oh Okie, it's been an awful couple of months I'm so sorry about your darling kitty, too, I guess the silver lining is that she's keeping your partner company now

Thank you for sharing that - she sounds like an incredible person. The sort of person who couldn't help but change your life. I really do believe that every time you think about how much you love her, she knows.

More HUGS, Okie.

Beautifully said, yssie. I completely agree.

 

[minousbijoux]

Every day remember that we here on PS are all surrounding you, wrapping you up in a huge hug of warmth and security and calm. It sounds like you already know that you are making it through. You must miss her terribly. Would it help to talk about her and what you loved about her?

Minou, I've never known anyone like my beloved. She had a big personality. Was always the life of the party. Never met a stranger. Every workman that came to the house, every store clerk, every fast food server was her new best friend. When I walked the dogs, I'd be home in about 30 minutes. If she went with us, it was at least an hour, because she had to stop and talk to all the neighbors. One neighbor told me, "she was the spark of our neighborhood." She was generous to a fault. She'd give away her last dollar. It broke her heart to see anything suffering, be it animal or person. She tried to take on everyone else's pain so they wouldn't feel so badly. She would help anyone, but would not allow anyone to help her. She brought home strays, or found good homes for them. She was funny as hell, and had the best laugh. When she'd smile, her eyes would twinkle. She was a very good musician, played the guitar and sang, even wrote her own songs. She said I was the best thing that ever happened to her. I felt the same way about her. In the end, I think the pain of living just became too much to bear.

I do miss her terribly. Any time I go anywhere, I just want to come home and tell her all about it. I want to hold her hand while I drift off to sleep. I want to tell her how much I love her...just one more time.

Thank you all SO much for your thoughts.

This just made me cry, Okie girl. I hope that at some point in my aging life, I get the opportunity to look back and say I had a love like the two of you shared. Please save what you wrote and always cherish it, because that was pure and simply, an ode to a phenomenal love.

I didn't want to say anything before, because I didn't want it to be misconstrued as jumping on but I've lost a few family members to suicide. My cousin, though, reminds me of your partner. In my cousin's case, she had tried everything in her life to feel better. You would never know unless you were close to her that she felt that way, because outwardly, she was in charge, happy, funny, driven. She felt everyone's pain acutely and when I had breast cancer, she began writing to me just because. She was there for everyone. She was the one to organize birthdays or the family reunion for her parent's 40th anniversay. Unbeknownst to me, she had made a pact with herself that if she did not find peace and relief from her internal pain by the time she was 50, she would take her life and so she did. I was so sad, then angry, and hurt and have mourned her for a long time. But I realized that she felt in a way that I could never understand, and she suffered for all of us. She was, in many ways, my Bodhisattva. Now, when I miss her and think of her, I know she is at peace.

I am sending lots of love your way. It seems that you are very deserving of love and will find it again. In the meantime, may your mourning be complete soon and may you instead begin to focus on all your wonderful memories. Some things are way bigger than we are and this is one of those that was out of your control.

Big, encompassing hugs to you and much dust for you and for your partner to be at peace.

 

[Kaleigh]

I am so very sorry for your huge loss. I have been through two but never a life partner. I hope you get all the help you can from family, friends or a support group. You sound like one courageous woman and will make it through. I wish I could give you a big hug...

Please keep us posted.

 

[fabulousfindk]

Okie, thank you so much for sharing about this special lady that touched so many (human and animal) lives!

It's so important to remember all those beautiful things about her life. My aunt never really grieved... it is really so impressive that you are taking steps to speak with other people that have gone through this as well. Good for you. It can't be easy but it is SO important to the process. Bless you and I hope you still come here for virtual hugs and to escape into shiny things!

 

[yssie]

Just wanted to check in Okie, I hope you're doing okay?

Please drop us a note when you get a chance, we're thinking of you!

 

[minousbijoux]

Yssie: I'm glad you posted, because I was wondering too! Okie, were thinking of you and we'll be here if you need an ear any time...

 

[Okie_girl]

Yssie, Minou, and everyone else who posted (I'd name you all, but I'm afraid I'd leave someone out!), you all are such kind people. I appreciate every post so very much.

Thanks for checking on me. I think I'm doing okay, still very much one day at a time. I just can't bring myself to think about 3 months from now, or 6 months from now, or a year from now. I can't think about not seeing her for that length of time.

I'm finding myself very angry these days. Angry for me, if that makes any sense. Angry that I am left here alone, angry that I don't have someone to share my life with, angry that I'm the 5th wheel when I go out with friends. One of her last texts to me was "it isn't fair to you." And I keep shouting, "and you think THIS is fair?!!!!" I know deep in my heart that she would never intentionally hurt me, and her actions were borne of a despair so deep that I cannot understand it. But my head and my heart feel so disconnected right now.

I'm knee deep in probate, and taxes, and all sorts of fun stuff like that. I guess it's good that I have something to keep myself busy, but this sort of stuff is not my strong suit. And to make matters just a little worse, there are a few assets that could potentially be in dispute. For the most part, her family has been great. But, there's some family property that generates some income, and her sisters have made it clear that they think I should have no interest in that. Sadly, it wouldn't be an issue if we could have legally married. That's the way the cookie crumbles, I guess.

Minou, thank you for sharing your story. My partner and your cousin do sound very much alike. I hope you have found peace and healing!

Thank you again for thinking of me and checking on me, it means the world to me.

 

[TooPatient]

Okie -- I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't have any great words of wisdom and don't know how to make it better -- I wish I did! Just know that you remain in my thoughts.

Probate and all that sucks. I'm no good at the legal paperwork side of things, but I did all of the paperwork stuff for investment accounts (retirement, individual, joint, trust, etc). If you've got a generic question about the process or anything I'd be happy to try to answer. I know all the paperwork and switching of stuff can get overwhelming.

 

[Okie_girl]

Okie -- I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't have any great words of wisdom and don't know how to make it better -- I wish I did! Just know that you remain in my thoughts.

Probate and all that sucks. I'm no good at the legal paperwork side of things, but I did all of the paperwork stuff for investment accounts (retirement, individual, joint, trust, etc). If you've got a generic question about the process or anything I'd be happy to try to answer. I know all the paperwork and switching of stuff can get overwhelming.

TooPatient, thank you for your thoughts. Yes, this process sure does suck, and is very overwhelming! Thanks so much for your offer, at this point, I don't think I know enough to know what I don't know, if that makes any sense at all. I sure will give you a shout if I have questions, though.

 

[SB621]

OKie Girl I'm sorry I'm entering this late but I just wanted to say I'm here to offer support if you need someone. It seems like you have come a long way since you first started this thread. I hope things continue on towards another positive path for you. big hugs!

 

[yssie]

Oh Okie, that makes perfect sense. Of course you're angry! And hurt. And scared. And... lonely. How could you not be all of those things? What you're going through - so many emotions, so many questions - it must be one of the most difficult and conflicting struggles anyone could ever be faced with. I think you're an amazing person: the fact that you're finding it in you to keep going one day at a time says so much about you!!

The fact that any significant portion of our population believes that they should have any right to dictate whom others can wed also amazes me. I hope the family property disputes can be resolved amicably - my stomach churns to think about you having to deal with family finance quarrels on top of everything else

Tons more ::HUGS:: coming your way!!!

 

[stci]

I love you Okie! Send you tons of dust to help you...