request for dust/prayers/positive thoughts

[Okie_girl]

I know I'm not the most frequent poster, but I do feel a sense of community here. So...I am coming to you all to request dust and/or prayers and/or positive thoughts.

This may be the hardest thing I've ever written. Seven weeks ago, my partner of 17 years ended her life. It has been such an emotional roller coaster, and I keep wondering what turn in the path of life led me to this place. Slowly, slowly I am coming out of the fog. Trying to make sense of what has happened, and trying to figure out where to go from here. Deep in my heart, I know that I will be okay, but the days and nights are so long right now. Every evening, I am proud of myself for getting through the day. Then I think, wait just a minute, tomorrow I've got to get up and do it all again.

Thanks for listening (and I hope this isn't too much of a downer), and if you can spare some dust, I could sure use it.

 

[rubyshoes]

I am so sorry to read this. I cannot even imagine the pain you are going through. Many, many virtual hugs, prayers and dust being sent your way. Also many woofs and cuddles from my pets. Someday the pain will be get a little easier to bear and the good memories will make you smile. For now, my sympathies and good wishes to you. Be well.

 

[shimmer]

Dust and positive thoughts okie, I am so very sorry this happened. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for support. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you through this. Feel free to share your thoughts and anything, let this be your safe place. Please let us know if we can help you find counselling/support.

Take care.

 

[iLander]

Dust to you! Sorry you are going through this! May time heal you, make God keep you.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

I'm sorry that you are going through this Okie. I know every day seems a battle but you are doing so well! I know the morning and the nights are the worst so whenever you feel like it, please come by and talk to us. We will be here.

 

[JewelFreak]

Oh, Okie girl, you got it. Dust in piles, in pounds & kilos. This must be one of the hardest things life hands us & we don't come with a manual for working it out, unfortunately. Whatever her reasons, I hope you know that, determined as she must have been, you could not have prevented it in the long run. She must have been in profound pain and she has shed it. I'd say she's with you, wishing desperately that you can shed yours. The greatest tragedy is that so much of the torment that leads to this act is transferred to bereft survivors.

Is there a bereavement group where you might make a stop? Sharing this weight with others does help.

We stumble ahead following shock & grief, one step, one hour, one day at a time. It's a long process but it does get easier to bear. Talk to her all you want; write her if you wish; tell her the things you want her to know. She WILL hear you. Picture her listening.

Hugs heart to heart for you. I've been there; I know how steep is the path you must climb. You'll reach the top. This is a place you can let it out -- we care & wish you all well.

--- Laurie

 

[fabulousfindk]

I am so sorry to hear this, Okie. Bless your heart.

My beloved uncle took his life in 2007, two days after Christmas. He was the most charismatic, happy-go-lucky person you'd ever hope to meet. He is the LAST person anyone would ever guess would do that. But he was suffering, and he couldn't see a way out. He had reached out to my father several weeks beforehand, and my dad (a psychologist and judge) insisted that my uncle get help and he did; he started taking medication and my father helped him remove all the firearms from the house. My uncle swore there were no more guns. My uncle still found a way.

What I'm trying to say here is that I understand from watching what my father, my aunt, and my cousins all went through; the guilt and grief you must be feeling. Try and find someone to help you work through that - therapy is always worth it. Just being able to say what you're feeling out loud is SO beneficial to the healing process. And having a support system like PS is invaluable - somewhere to go when you don't necessarily know what to say but need support.

Much dust and many good thoughts to you. The pain does lessen.

 

[minousbijoux]

Every day remember that we here on PS are all surrounding you, wrapping you up in a huge hug of warmth and security and calm. It sounds like you already know that you are making it through. You must miss her terribly. Would it help to talk about her and what you loved about her?

 

[Aoife]

Okie_girl, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and pain, and for the pain that your dear partner must have been in to end her own life. Sending wishes for peace and healing to you, and to all of those who loved her. There are a lot of very compassionate people who are PS'ers, and I hope you'll reach out to them for support over the months ahead.

Unfortunately, the loss you are experiencing now is one that many of us have either experienced ourselves, or have lived in fear of. You are not alone.

 

[OneFifty]

I am so sorry that you are going through this and I am sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[iheartscience]

I am so sorry for your loss, Okie. Sending you so much dust and positive thoughts for your healing.

 

[Dreamer_D]

OKie, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are getting help and support and comfort from friends, family, and professionals. You need and deserve it right now!

 

[vc10um]

Okie, I am so sorry to hear this. I am sending you comforting thoughts and lots of healing dust, as well as lots of internet hugs. We are all here for you.

 

[rubybeth]

Oh, piles and piles of dust and positive thoughts to you! You'll be in my prayers, as well. *hugs* I have no words of wisdom, just know that you're being thought of.

 

[tyty333]

You are getting every last piece of dust I have Okie. I am so sorry. It seems like time is the only thing that helps dull
the pain with the loss of a loved one.

 

[cygnet]

I am so sorry for your loss. You are being so amazingly strong through all this and in time, making it through the day will get easier. Sending tremendous amounts of dust and hugs! We are here for you.

 

[yennyfire]

Okie, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the grief, pain and anger you must be feeling. I'm glad that you have reached out for help. That's a hard thing to do and took a lot of courage. I hope that you are able to find a way to cope with this terrible tragedy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending tons of cyber hugs....

 

[Dee*Jay]

Okie, my heart goes out to you. You SHOULD be proud of yourself every night for making it through the day, and as hard as it is, you KNOW that you CAN get up tomorrow and do it again.

We are here for you in any way that we can be.

Biggest hugs outgoing to you.

 

[Dancing Fire]

a BIG hug for you Okie Girl.

 

[Puppmom]

Okie, I am so sorry you lost your beloved partner. I hope that you are getting the support you need. I can only imagine how difficult is to wrap your heart and head around what has happened. I think that taking it one day at a time is a great start. Sending truckloads of positive thoughts your way...

 

[isaku5]

Okie, my heart goes out to you. You SHOULD be proud of yourself every night for making it through the day, and as hard as it is, you KNOW that you CAN get up tomorrow and do it again.

We are here for you in any way that we can be.

Biggest hugs outgoing to you.

I totally agree with Dee*Jay's post. Big Hugs going out to you.

 

[yssie]

Oh... dear god. Okie...


My insides froze reading this. I wish I could express my thoughts as clearly and eloquently as Laurie, and others who've already responded, but... the most I can come up with is that I'm so, so, so sorry - sorry for how much you must be hurting, sorry for how much your partner must have been hurting... the fact that you DO make it through each day is an incredible testament to your strength, and that's something to be SO proud of!

A HUGE ::HUG::, tons of dust, and many, many prayers Okie, from one cat lady to another. We love you and we're thinking of you, and we'll be here for you whenever you need us.

 

[Enerchi]

{{{{HUGS}}}} and DUST DUST DUST that each minute, hour, day brings you that little bit closer to some comfort and peace. I am so sorry you are going thru this agonizing pain. I hope that you have someone close that you can talk to.

There is so much left unanswered, so many questions and no one is able to give you the answers you want to hear. I wish we could all be there with you - one at a time - to get you thru yet another day. The fight to get thru the sadness, anger, fog--- is all worth it, Okie. One day at a time, dear friend, one day at a time.

And I am so glad you reached out to a place where you find comfort. Know we are all here any time you need us...

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Tons of dust, virtual hugs and prayers being sent your way. Just take it hour by hour, and if that seems insurmountable, minute by minute. My first husband's father took his own life and it took a long time for those left behind to deal with it. Be very kind to yourself and know this forum is incredibly kind and generous with their support.

I wish you peace.

 

[missy]

Dear Okie, I am so so sorry. My heart goes out to you. These are the darkest days and each day that you get through is something you should feel proud of and rejoice in. As Amber wrote- just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Don't think too far ahead right now. I hope you have the support of family and friends and people you can lean on and talk to and ofc you have PSers. I so wish there was something I could do for you. You may not be a frequent poster but you are certainly an important one and someone I think of fondly. How much you love your furbabies and what a kind and giving person you are. I am sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts and PS dust.

I am sorry for all those who have lost loved ones.

 

[luv2sparkle]

oh my gosh, Okie, I am so sorry. What a horrible thing all around. Many prayers for you. You will be in my thought and prayers. Please be kind to yourself. This wound is so deep it will take some time to heal to a place where the world looks even okay. I say this from experience. Hugs, big hugs.

 

[packrat]

I'm so sorry Okie. Sending you lots of good thoughts and love.

 

[Okie_girl]

I already knew this was a supportive group of folks, I've seen you rally around others in need...but you each have touched me with your posts. Here I am, a virtual stranger, and I can feel the tenderness.

Rubyshoes - I'm so looking forward to the day that the happy memories overtake the traumatic ones. Tell your babies thanks for the woofs and cuddles!

Shimmer, iLander, YT - thanks for your kind words and thoughts

Laurie - you have a way with words, my friend.

Fabulousfindk - thanks for sharing your story.

Minou - I feel the warmth and security and calm, thank you!

Aoife - there are a lot of people who loved her, so there are a lot of people missing her right now. I wouldn't wish this pain on any one. ever.

Onefifty, Thing2, Dreamer, vc10um, rubybeth, tyty, cygnet, yenny, DeeJay, dancing fire, puppmom, isaku, enerchi, amber, missy, luv2sparkle, packrat - thank you all for your kind thoughts. It means more to me than you could ever know.

Yssie - to add insult to injury, one of my kitties passed away about 3 weeks after my partner did. He had been sick for several months, but the vet couldn't pinpoint what was going on with him. Towards the end, the vet was thinking he had some kind of blood cancer. He died very peacefully at home, and I know she was waiting for him.

For those of you who suggested professional help or groups, I am doing both. I've been attending the local Survivors of Suicide (dear lord, I never thought I'd type those words) support group, and i've been seeing a counselor. Both have been invaluable. Here's what I know: I didn't have a lot of control over the circumstances that led me to this place in my life. The only thing I have control over is my actions and my reactions. I can let this event define me, and I can become bitter and miserable, or I can pick myself up and take what lessons I can from this. I've always been a silver lining type of gal, and while at this very moment it's tough to see a silver lining, I choose life. I choose love.

 

[Rosebloom]

Oh Okie, I am so sorry. I so wish no one ever had to go through this. I'm relieved to hear that you're in a group and seeing a therapist. And your attitude is inspirational. Love, hugs, prayers, dust.

 

[lulu]

So sorry, Okie. Sending you good thoughts and dust.