PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[robbie3982]

Fiery, just wanted to give you some hugs. Sorry you''re having a rough time.

To everyone else, thanks for the Des compliments! I''ve been pretty busy at work and am having a hard time keeping up (with anything, blegh). We had a rough night with Des wanting to eat every hour. I''ve been bringing him into our bed when he gets up a lot at night (I figure falling asleep with him in our bed is safer than falling asleep with him balanced on the boppy in the glider), but it makes DH nervous with all the warnings about cosleeping. He convinced me to try putting him in the pnp in our room again. We tried last night and now we''re both walking zombies today. I told him that I''m done messing around, we''re going to cosleep and we''re going to just have to do everything we can to make it safe so his mission for the day is to figure out where we can put a mattress on the floor. I''m thinking Des and I are going to end up sleeping in a different room from DH, which makes me sad in theory, but in reality I don''t think it will make much of a difference. DH and I are already going to bed at totally different times, and the only thing going on in our bed is sleeping (Seriously, a baby came out of there recently! I can''t be the only one still somewhat traumatized by that, right?!)

 

[fieryred33143]

Thanks ladies, for all of your support.

When I got home last night the house was spotless (eat off the floor spotless), he was doing laundry, had given Sophia a bath, and had already cooked dinner. I wasn''t pleased. I don''t understand why it takes me to be completely over everything for him to get up and do something. We''re kind of in limbo now. I told him that we should try counseling as you ladies suggested and he is open to the idea so I''m going to do the legwork.

Date: 10/14/2009 9:04:20 AM
Author: iluvcarats

About your FI - no words of wisdom, but lots of (((HUGS))) The only baby you should be taking care of now is the one you gave birth to

Hang in there Fiery

Amen to that!

lol

As for Sophia last night I de-swaddled. I figured I''m not getting any sleep anyway so if I stay up all night with her then at least I tried to break her from it. I put her in the halo fleece sleep sack. From 8:30 until about 10pm all she did was cry and fight sleep. I finally realized that it was because she was hot. Oops

So I switched her into regular pjs, rocked her a little, and she fell asleep without a problem at 10:30. She woke up at 12:45 with a major poop explosion. She ruined her pjs and her crib sheets. FI changed everything while I washed her up, fed her, put her down again without the swaddle and she slept until 5:15. So she only woke up twice

. I just need to figure out how to keep her warm. The pjs alone isn''t enough. Maybe tonight I''ll do onesie, socks, and pjs.

Be back soon off to a meeting

 

[mela lu]

Date: 10/13/2009 10:36:33 AM
Author: PenelopeJane
If it comes to CIO, I have a question for Mela...when you decided to start, did you put Romy down for the night with a paci in? And now that he''s officially STTN and sleep trained, does he get his paci at night?

PJ - once we started CIO, which only lasted for 2 nights, we would let him fall asleep with his paci and then once he was asleep, he did not get it again. This has continued

Paci to fall asleep and then nothing afterwards. Luckily, he doesn''t wake at all in the night - so there is no issues. He''s consistently sleeping 7pm - 7 am (we have to wake him up) without a peep. I feel SO LUCKY.

Fiery - I so sorry for your troubles

. I think seeking councelling is the prudent thing to do. Clearly your DH needs to step it up on his own accord, and you need a break. You''ve been doing an amazing job!!!! But sleep deprivation is no laughing matter and it''s dangerous. PERIOD. If your DH can''t/won''t do night duty, have you considered hiring a night nurse? I know from a shallow perspective it may seem like a non-necessity, but (take it from me, who has BTDT) a solid night sleep will do you a world of good and make you an EVEN BETTER MOM on the other side. Something to consider.

DD - how did the move go? wow. ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!
Can small dogs go on board? I know bigger dogs have to fly cargo.....but the little guys?

Blen - congrats on your big changes as well.

So much more to comment on but I have to take the car in for an oil change with Romeo. Egads.

My "big" baby update is that finally, he''s slowed down on the pooping. He only poops like, 2-3 times a day instead of 8! hahaha.

 

[MustangGal]

fiery - sounds like you''re making progress! I hope eberything works out for you, and that your LO startes sleeping better.

Mela - love the pooping update

So Kyle did find the dog dish again last night, after he shreaded the junk mail in the living room, so he took a strip of newspaper into the kitchen and proceeded to try his hand at paper mache. Twice.

Maybe he''ll be artistic?

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 10/14/2009 11:21:40 AM
Author: MustangGal
fiery - sounds like you''re making progress! I hope eberything works out for you, and that your LO startes sleeping better.


Mela - love the pooping update

So Kyle did find the dog dish again last night, after he shreaded the junk mail in the living room, so he took a strip of newspaper into the kitchen and proceeded to try his hand at paper mache. Twice.


Maybe he''ll be artistic?

Lol Mustang-that is a daily occurrence at my house! I have a strange feeling my babies will be as obsessed with paper shredders as their dad.

 

[robbie3982]

Have you guys seen this? Over Half of SIDS Deaths Occur While Co-Sleeping

I tried to find other things about the study, but can''t seem to find anything. The article seems to be confusing suffocation deaths with SIDS though and it incorrectly lists pacifier use as a known SIDS risk factor.

I think it''s a bunch of bs, but I''m also sleep deprived and we were planning to start co-sleeping to fix that. Can anyone else find more info on this new study? Any other thoughts on this article?

 

[MustangGal]

Robbie - Don''t know much about articles on SIDS/cosleeping, but we co-slept some at the begining. We have a king size bed, so we just put the baby up near the headboard and made a "hole" between our pillows for him. He wasn''t rolling at the time, and would just wiggle a bit. We don''t move much in our sleep, so we never had problems. I know Blen co-sleeps, maybe she''ll have some advice for you? I''ve seen a positioner type thing at BRU made for co-sleeping, or you could get one of the type that goes on the side of the bed.

 

[fieryred33143]

Robbie, I agree with you. I think its a lot of bs, particularly:

Pillow use, swaddling, maternal smoking, preterm birth, and fair or poor health were all more common among SIDS infants than among the other babies.
Since when is swaddling a SIDS risk? When they can turn over yes that makes sense but by then, they shouldn''t be swaddled.

 

[robbie3982]

Thanks, mustang. DH and I are talking about putting a mattress on the floor to make it as safe as possible. He''s supposed to be figuring out where the mattress will fit today (he works from home).

Fiery, I didn''t catch the swaddling part. Yeah, that doesn''t make sense either. If swaddling increased SIDS risks, why would they swaddle in the hospital? Even if the baby is old enough to roll over, it seems like being swaddled and being unable to roll back would be a suffocation risk, not a SIDS risk.

 

[neatfreak]

Robbie That story may be BS but there was a great study DD posted a number of months back. And there is an additional risk to SIDS type deaths while co-sleeping. The risks are lessened considerably by not using fluffy pillows, big comforters, or using a "sidecart" co-sleeper rather than having the baby sleep in your bed with you.

Many SIDS deaths do occur while "cosleeping" but you need to remember that not all people "cosleeping" are really cosleeping if you know what I mean...this includes all types of people and all definitions of "cosleeping" so someone being conscientious, without being drunk or drugged out, has a smaller risk than the overall rate implies.

That being said you guys need to do what works for your family!

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 10/14/2009 12:59:54 PM
Author: neatfreak
Robbie That story may be BS but there was a great study DD posted a number of months back. And there is an additional risk to SIDS type deaths while co-sleeping. The risks are lessened considerably by not using fluffy pillows, big comforters, or using a ''sidecart'' co-sleeper rather than having the baby sleep in your bed with you.


Many SIDS deaths do occur while ''cosleeping'' but you need to remember that not all people ''cosleeping'' are really cosleeping if you know what I mean...this includes all types of people and all definitions of ''cosleeping'' so someone being conscientious, without being drunk or drugged out, has a smaller risk than the overall rate implies.


That being said you guys need to do what works for your family!

Aren''t infant deaths caused by drunk/drugged out co-sleeping parents usually suffocation deaths caused by the parent rolling on the baby though? I think I''m getting confused about what counts as a SIDS death. I''m going to look up the article DD posted. Thanks for pointing that out!

 

[fieryred33143]

From my understanding, the death is considered SIDS if an investigation was conducted and they couldn''t find a cause of death (i.e. death to an otherwise healthy infant). And its considered suffocation if there was something blocking their air passage. That''s whaty I have read on SIDS vs Suffocation

 

[robbie3982]

Thanks, Fiery!

If anyone can find that article that Dreamer posted, could you please repost? I apparently suck at finding old posts. It doesn''t help that Dreamer posts a ton either! Lots to go through.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 10/14/2009 1:25:05 PM
Author: fiery
From my understanding, the death is considered SIDS if an investigation was conducted and they couldn't find a cause of death (i.e. death to an otherwise healthy infant). And its considered suffocation if there was something blocking their air passage. That's whaty I have read on SIDS vs Suffocation

Yep I believe that's right. SIDs really covers a whole range of things...it's basically if they don't have any other explanation it's SIDS.

It was a long time ago Robbie...maybe DD will remember?

It's a pretty well known thing though that the percent of deaths w/ cosleeping is much higher than we would expect. But as I mentioned before that definition of cosleeping is very loose.

Why not just get an arms reach cosleeper or something and try that? That's the safest way if you want to cosleep.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 10/14/2009 2:08:03 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 10/14/2009 1:25:05 PM


Why not just get an arms reach cosleeper or something and try that? That''s the safest way if you want to cosleep.

I guess I just don''t really see how that would be much different from having him in our room, next to us in the pnp bassinet. If I have to really sit up/wake up to get him into bed with me to feed him each time, I don''t see the benefit. Plus, I''m so tired that I''m likely to fall asleep while feeding him, which I think would be much less safe in a bed that we haven''t taken all precautions in since we''re not co-sleeping.

 

[cara]

delurking to procrastinate by method of looking up SIDS... There's a recent review article in the New England Journal of Medicine (2009 Aug 20, 361:795)for those of you with access and time, which says:

"Risk-reduction recommendations include putting infants to bed in the supine position on a firm mattress, preferably with a pacifier (mechanism unknown) and in a shared room (but in a separate bed). Prone and side sleeping, overheating, bed sharing, soft bedding, and smoking by mothers during pregnancy or around infants should be avoided."

Separate article says swaddling clearly increases the SIDS risk for babies put to sleep on their stomach (above the normal risk for putting babies to sleep on their stomachs), but it is not clear that it has an effect for babies put to sleep on their backs.

Robbie, the authors say SIDS deaths are characterized by "sudden death of a seemingly healthy infant during a sleep period" that are unexplained by situation and autopsy. SIDS deaths are a subcategory of Sudden and Unexpected Infant Deaths (SUIDs), which includes all causes. Thus in an ideal world those deaths from accidental suffocation or congenital defects would not be attributed to SIDS, but of course the system isn't perfect. Some studies have looked at SUID rather than SIDS and overexaggerated SIDS risks associated with co-sleeping, but apparantly you don't need to a drugged or drunk parent to get an increased risk with cosleeping. The objections to some of the co-sleeping studies also had a whiff of class outrage mixed in with legitimate objections - poverty is a big risk factor for SIDS, and poverty-driven co-sleeping (lack of money or space for a crib) might have a different risk level than co-sleeping as practiced by those with more money or choice in the matter.

Fiery, sorry you are having trouble with the FI at home. Hope counseling gets you all somewhere.

 

[robbie3982]

Thanks for the info, Cara!

 

[fieryred33143]

Robbie,

I thought I''d pass along co-sleeping info from Dr. Sears website. I know people have opinions on them (some think they''re too conservative) but I think they have a lot of good tips on co-sleeping safely:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp#

We haven''t co-slept as our bed is too small and FI and I are both big people. However, I do sleep with Sophia in our bed frequently (with FI on the couch). When I do, I always use a sleep positioner and put her as far as I can from me (safely). I absolutely love when she''s in bed with me. It really does make it easier to nurse at night. I usually position her on her side with the positioner, I take a nap while she feeds, and as soon as I feel that she has stopped I put her on her back. I have never fallen asleep completely while she is nursing.

 

[janinegirly]

Robbie, I only read the last few posts, but I co-slept with my LO from 3-4.5 months roughly. It started as just mornings and evolved into full time (at night). She also was on her tummy. Sorry if this is annoyingly repeptitve (since I've gone over my situation a bunch of times), but thought I'd share since it worked for us. Basically we had some flat head concerns so had her on her tummy. Co slept so that I could watch her close since I was worried about tummy sleeping after all I'd been told. In any case. I know for me, there was no safer place for her to be than in bed with me. But I did take a lot of precaustions. There were no pillows near her and DH was not there a lot of nights (he was at our new house prepping) and when he was, he got booted to the guest room! And I'm a light sleeper-- I don't move around all out of it. I was constantly opening my eyes during the night. So I just knew it was perfectly fine, to hell with what everyone else said. And her head turned out perfectly shaped, and I really loved those nights I spent with her. I especially loved having her open her eyes and see me! At 4-5 mo's, I transitioned her to her crib...with no issues.

Anyway, it worked for me, but alot had to do with me knowing my sleep habits. I also read Dr. Sears a bit which is pro co-sleeping. It was kind of interesting knowing that someone out there actually supported it, b/c before that it seemed like something I shouldn't tell people I was doing! Again, this is just what worked for me/us.

good luck with it all!!

 

[Puppmom]

I need to threadjack here - Robbie, what kind of camera do you use? Those pics of your LO are amazing! Besides the fact that he''s GORGEOUS, the clarity is perfect. DH and I are in the market for a new camera.

 

[mela lu]

Date: 10/14/2009 11:21:40 AM
Author: MustangGal
So Kyle did find the dog dish again last night, after he shreaded the junk mail in the living room, so he took a strip of newspaper into the kitchen and proceeded to try his hand at paper mache. Twice.
Maybe he''ll be artistic?

HAHAHAHA. This story is TOO funny. Love him!!!

 

[E B]

dreamer- I hope the move went/is going smoothly!

Pandora- How is Daisy feeling?

fiery- I'm sorry it took a serious kick in the pants (metaphorically speaking) to get your FI to help out. Hopefully this will be THE change? I agree that counseling might be helpful. Hugs.

Mustang- How funny! Everything is so fascinating at that age, huh?

Robbie- A similar article about the same study said this: Much of the elevated risk appeared to be attributable to drug and alcohol use among the parents.

I think if proper steps are taken to create a safe sleeping space, it's perfectly safe. We don't fully co-sleep yet (he's in his co-sleeper until about 5:00 a.m.) but we plan to once he outgrows the Arm's Reach. And when we do, that last couple of hours in the morning, we put him between us, push the pillowcases toward the headboard, and the blankets around our waists. I get cold easily while sleeping, so I just wear a thermal or hoodie that can easily be pulled up/unzipped.

To the moms with older LOs- when did you start using a lightweight stroller? We have the Uppababy at home, but are traveling for the holidays and don't want to take it with us. Many of them say for 3 months and up, but I've read they may not be good for babies under 6 months, and Henry will be 5 months at the start of travel. Hmmmm.

Visiting a pumpkin patch this weekend for a carving pumpkin.

Halloween's pretty special to me- not only was it the first day six years ago that my husband and I first 'hung out,' it was that morning one year ago I found out I was pregnant with Henry. Oh, how your life can change in a single year.

 

[Pandora II]

Robbie, I''ve given up any kind of feeling that ''perhaps I shouldn''t'' and now co-sleep completely with Daisy.

We have a small king-size bed, and it''s reasonably low down, also have a memory foam mattress which is great as it''s hard for them to roll around on as they sink in, and I have the mini Arms Reach Co-Sleeper which I keep against my side of our bed so there is no danger of her falling out. I use pillows for me and a feather duvet and DH has a separate duvet at the moment. Neither of us move much at night and I''m now a super-light sleeper.

Daisy always cuddles up against me but lying flat on her back. If she needs to feed then she just fumbles around with my top until she finds the boob - I''m lucky in that I still don''t have excessive milk and so don''t leak at all, so I just wear a loose t-shirt to bed. She''s not a snacker unless she''s feeling off colour (after shots etc) so she will sometimes wake me if that side is finished and we''ll both turn over to a different side.

I do use the Co-Sleeper at the beginning of the night so that I can read in bed, then when she wakes up I''ll bring her in with me. It was wonderful to have when she was teeny tiny and I was very worried about sleeping with her as she had no real concept of space or ability to defend herself - now she''s quite capable of belting me one if she wants me to move over or wake up. I do love waking up in the morning and seeing her face right up close to mine and these huge brown eyes looking at me followed by a huge grin, although the preceding attempts to open my eyes, feel my teeth and remove my brains through my nostrils are not always appreciated...

On the DTD side, we''re in the same boat. Tried once after 3 months and it wasn''t a fab experience for either of us. Big TMI here...I still have a lot of pain from my stitches although it is improving very slowly - I had a lot of internal stitching as well as a good 2 inches externally - and the trauma from the birth and having a catheter in for 3 days left me with very severe bladder control issues, again improving but doesn''t do wonders for making me feel desirable. As you can imagine, DTD is not exactly high on our agenda, fortunately it was never a major component in our relationship and so DH isn''t that bothered by it - plus I think watching 3 OBs stick their hands up my hoohaa to try and turn her followed by what he describes as a slasher movie in theatre have rather influenced his feelings towards my nether regions!

 

[Pandora II]

Daisy is still bruised, but seems fairly cheerful. I had to go to the hospital to have some blood-tests done (check my iron levels) and one of the nurses suggested I popped over to paediatric ER to have her checked over.

I wouldn''t have bothered, but since the death of Baby P last year - who was on the at risk register yet still was horrifically abused and killed - they are all overly cautious and I would probably have been reported if I hadn''t after being advised to. As it is they will notify my GP, my Health Visitor and Social Services as a matter of protocol...

Anyway they were really nice round at ER, weighed her (16lbs), checked her over and had a feel of the area - she shrieked like mad - and gave us the all-clear. Definitely no breaks or depressions and her eyes are fine, so just a very nasty bruise and a big fright.

MGAL - Yay for sculpture at such a young age! Too funny.

Fiery - Hang on in there, take space and time for you and I hope he has really changed for the right reasons and not just in a temporary attempt to get you back.

Mela - SSTN, I am soooo jealous! Glad the pooping is getting better for you all.

Ebree - Have fun with the pumpkins. We don''t celebrate Halloween in a big way here, although I LOVE pumpkin carving and usual do a lantern.

November 5th is our big celebration - Guy Fawkes Night/Bonfire Night - in commemoration of the attempt to blow up the Houses of Parliament. We have big bonfires and fireworks and effigies are burnt on the bonfire - normally the Pope (the original significance of the whole incidence was tied up with Catholicism) or a leading world politician - Bush used to get done quite often I''m afraid. It''s a great family evening out believe it or not!

 

[Blenheim]

Robbie - as someone earlier said, we are bedsharing. The risks are pretty similar once you factor out drugs, alcohol, inappropriate bedding, inappropriate sleeping surfaces (sofa, chair), and non-caregivers sleeping with the babies (as they tend to be less aware of the baby and less careful about things). Since there have only been a handful of days in which I feel sleep deprived with our current sleeping arrangements, I feel that it probably helps minimize some other sources of danger... like all the driving we do. And so in my head at least, it just all cancels out.

I hear that James McKenna has a book on cosleeping, which a couple of the women in my newborn care class recommended, but I can''t say anything about it from personal experience.

Ebree, that was another case where parental judgment and following babies cues just came into play. I figured that by "6 months" they probably meant that the baby''s able to sit on his own or mostly sit on his own, as that''s the one major milestone I can think of happening around that time that would relate to suitability of a stroller, and sitting unassisted came at 5 months for George so I started using those kinds of things then. JMHO, of course. And pumpkins sound FUN!

Fiery - thinking of you.

 

[Blenheim]

Oh yeah... I had a question. When you''re feeding your baby, do you spend most of that time gazing lovingly into their eyes? George is ALL business when he eats - he''s just fixated on the breast and doesn''t generally look anywhere else - and so I just read or surf the web. My mom thinks that this is somewhat neglectful and that nursing should be an intimate time where we just gaze lovingly into each others eyes, and she brings it up at random times... Just wondering what other people do.

 

[gailrmv]

Quick drive by.,,,


Fiery Thinking of you. I hope that whatever is best for you and Sophia, will come to be (with regard to your relationship). I will tell you that DH and I have argued more in the first few months of parenthood than we did in the previous 5 years. The crux of the issue: Figuring out how we would reallocate the workload of running our household. Lack of sleep just sucks, and changing your entire life is just plain hard. There were definitely a few times that I felt so angry, frustrated, and just at the end of my rope. Things are not perfect (when are they ever?) but they have slowly but surely gotten better. A lot better. Just wanted to share my experience with you in case it gives you any comfort.

Robbie It's great to see you on this thread!

Co sleeping We tried it a few times, and it did not feel safe to me given that we have a smaller bed and are active sleepers. Plus, after being together all day, I like that A and I have a time apart while he sleeps in his room and me in mine. Question - for those that cosleep, do you go to bed at the same time as your baby? If not, how do you make sure they won't roll off when they are there alone?

Ebree We started using our Volo around 4 or 5 months even though it says 6 months. He was definitely ready then. My little guy always has been great with head and neck control. I think you'll be fine at 5 months.

Blen re nursing, it kind of depends. A lot of times I read a book - especially when A nursed for a solid hour and would ONLY nap while being held. I got a lot of reading done in those days! Now he nurses faster. Sometimes I read a book or surf the web, other times just sit and chill and enjoy watching him. At first nursing was kind of a chore; something I did because I knew it was good for him. Now I really enjoy it.

 

[E B]

Date: 10/14/2009 9:53:59 PM
Author: Blenheim
Oh yeah... I had a question. When you''re feeding your baby, do you spend most of that time gazing lovingly into their eyes? George is ALL business when he eats - he''s just fixated on the breast and doesn''t generally look anywhere else - and so I just read or surf the web. My mom thinks that this is somewhat neglectful and that nursing should be an intimate time where we just gaze lovingly into each others eyes, and she brings it up at random times... Just wondering what other people do.

When Henry''s really hungry, he''s all business as well. But maybe one feed a day, he''ll play this sort of game, almost, where after popping off, he looks up at me and smiles these huge smiles, then divebombs and eats for about 7 seconds. Pops off, smiles, divebombs. (Lather, rinse, repeat.) He thinks it''s pretty funny.

 

[PenelopeJane]

CDT so cute wiping his own face! DD didn't start attempting to spoon feed herself til she was like 1 so that's pretty darn amazing that Lex does.

Robbie I fully co-slept with both my kids. DH and I used separate blankets, 1 pillow each, and we both slept on our sides, maximizing space for baby. There are risks with everything...do what's right for your family. Re: DTD, we didn't even THINK about that for 5 full months after DD was born. I was breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and had 2-3 stitches. Sex was the last thing on my mind, if at all. With Axel, I only co-slept for about 3 months, and had 2 stitches so I knew what to expect which is why I OK'd it earlier than 5 months! Take your time!

fiery he should be worshipping you! I'm glad you guys are gonna work it out and get counseling. Awww Sophia and her cold little piggies. Is it weird that I'm happy when Axel has the occasional poop explosion?? It's b/c he only poops every other day and I think he's backed up and needs some relief!

Mela you ARE so lucky! I will probably do CIO eventually. I feel like I cave in and do things with Axel that I didn't do with DD cause he's my baby baby...might be my LAST baby. He's got me wrapped around his tiniest finger. I need to be strong though and think about how important sleep is. Congrats??? on 3 poops vs 8!

Mgal LOL...should get him a tiny beret.

Ebree I'm still using the snap n go. Just so convenient. Starting around 9 months with DD I used an umbrella stroller for quick trips, but most places I frequent have a shopping cart for their store so I used those the most. I love halloween. Your post made me teary eyed...

Blen when I breastfed, I always watched him or the tv, but he never gazed lovingly back at me. Sometimes a quick glance and milk smile, but that's about all I got.

 

[snlee]

Blen, when I nursed D, he rarely gazed lovingly into my eyes. He was focused on food and later when he took breaks he was busy looking around. I would get a quick glance and smile every once in a while. Even though he didn''t look at me much, I loved staring at him.