Not feeling well.

[Gypsy]

Does anyone else get like... physically sick from stress? I haven''t been myself the last week... been eager for distraction and company, but unfocused and my attention span is nil. Plus, I''m having all sorts of physical aches and pains both my wrists are killing me and my right thumb joint and my middle back, and hip... and my knee (the one I tore). I''m naseous and I feel like I can''t breathe-- or rather like I can''t take a deep breath without feeling well... stressed. Like the bottom of my lungs are commected to my belly and there is a sinking feeling when I try to take a deep breath.

I feel like I want to jump in the car and just drive, anywhere... just to get away. and yet i''m completely immobilized at the same time... again by stress. I''m just... sinking. Like I''m on quicksand.

I need a job.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Yep. Normal for me, anyway. I spent a good 4-5 months like that earlier this year. Hang in there! Naps always helped me, although then you sleep too much... Maybe working out?

 

[Gypsy]

I''ve been napping too much. But working out is a great idea.I have a membership I haven''t used in three months... felt very good while I was working out though. Okay. Will do that today. THANKS!

 

[Gypsy]

SDL... what helps you?

 

[Mara]

if my mind is not occupied enough, i get pretty bored and tend to feel aimless...so i tend to fill extra time with working out or walking or forcing myself to get out and do things, last time i didn''t work for a few months i went to the movies a lot by myself during the day, met working friends for lunches, worked out a lot...you could volunteer more time at the shelter? i have these periods sometimes when my work is slow (i''m in sales and it can be cyclic) and i find NOT sleeping in late and watching TV is a positive thing, getting out of the house any way i can...i also try to plan out meals and stuff for us, find fun recipes to make etc.

 

[diamondfan]

Gypsy, it could be good old anxiety. I have it along with some physical stuff (which took YEARS of my efforts to start pinpointing it) and "just" stress and anxiety can cause physical symptoms, panic attacks, feeling you cannot breathe, stomach and head pain, fatigue, etc. You might have carpal tunnel if your wrists hurt and you do something with a repetitive motion, but there could honestly be a simple explanation of stress inducing physical symptoms...I am so sorry you are struggling with it!

 

[Gypsy]

Mara.. .forcing yourself. Yes, that''s it exactly. Even the shelter I''ve had to force myself this week. I''ve been trying to do things I enjoy... cooking special means that are complicated, reading books by my favorite authors, and such. Too much time on here is a bad thing... and your right about staying up late. Although with insomnia, sometimes that''s inevitable. DF and I are going to the gym tonight and I think that will be a huge help. Friends... I''d like that, but to be honest I have only one friend in NJ and while we see each other as often as her schedule permits, it''s about once every two weeks. But I will force myself more. I need to.

DF... it''s definitely anxiety. I used to get bad panic attacks but those were different... this is less intense but longer-- just as draining but in a completely different way. The joints and everything... it could be carpal tunnel in the wrists... I''ve hunted up some ice and ace bandages. The back is just from laying down too much, maybe? The knee and hips? Don''t know.

The animals are, as always, a blessing though. Little bundles of contentment and love-- I think Duncan may have decided to sleep on my chest last night just to stop me from thrashing around. He''s a love.

Haven''t been watching TV at all. Nothing on.

As for struggling with it. Thank you Diamond Fan. It''s icky... but thankfully you all have given me some sound advice on ways to cope. I''m sorry you all have to deal with it too.

 

[Kaleigh]

Stress can certainly be draining and a drag. I get stomach aches from it etc... I am sorry you aren''t feeling well. I''m not feeling too swell either with my teeth and all. How is the job search going. Painful wrists could be from arthritis?? My daughter has Juvenile rhematoid arthritis JRA and she sees a rheumatologist. Anyway, feel better and stay active. Even just taking a walk helps me.

 

[Gypsy]

Job search... well, to be honest it hasn''t gone anywhere... and this week I just have been too discouraged to try. And getting over it, made myself look and apply but... I don''t know what I''m doing anymore. Ah well...

Yikes on your tooth, I know it''s feeling better than the Alvin day, but I''m sure it''s still throbbing and having mouth pain is awful. Really awful. I''m sorry it isn''t healing faster for you.

I''ve actually got a little dread going re: arthritis... it''s quite prevalent in my family, unfortunately. My thumb is what''s got me the most worried there... so far though the joint hasn''t gotten hot or swollen, it''s just become a chronic ache and weakness. I can''t grab and lift things with my hand properly anymore and it''s been going on for about three weeks.

Will definitely try to stay active. Going to the gym tonight at 9:00pm. Which should be nice because it''s less busy there at night.

Hope you feel better Lisa.

 

[Rowan]

I could have written your post. I get like that a lot. Be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. Have you ever heard of Fibromyalgia, or Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome? Stress can certainly do a number on your body. I got really sick after returning from a week-long trip to attend my brother's wedding back in June. It was an emotional roller coaster ride and as I was putting my luggage in the car to go to the airport, my back seized up and was excruciatingly painful for several days and I had flu-like symptoms and basically spent a week in bed when I got home. I tend to have a lot of issues with my back due to stress/anxiety. I wish I knew what to tell you that would help. Except be good to yourself. I really hope you're feeling better soon. Oh, and working out should help, just don't overdo it.

 

[Gypsy]

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia... about 3.5 years ago. I was in a very bad car accident and even after physical therapy I was in a great deal of pain. The impression I got was that it was a ''catchall'' disease... like Lupis-- not that it''s not real, it is (my mother has Lupis), but that it''s a compliation of symptoms type thing. I had the pain for about a year and after massage therapy three times a week it went away. Don''t know what this is... but I''m sorry you have it too. I worked out a little tonight, just my upper body as my knee is having screaming fits still. And I made myself the equivalent to chicken soup tonight. Finished my book and well... now I''m here. Chocolate is something I may want to look into. LOL. Endorphins.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I could be wrong but it sounds more like depression than just stress. It is amazing what stress can do to your body and mind but depression is much worse. There is no quick was to "snap" out of it if this is the case. Just takes time. I think once you get a job you will feel much better. Hang in there!

 

[Rowan]

Yes, unfortunately, Depression/Stress/Anxiety/Physical stuff all are great friends of Fibro. It can be like a visious cycle. There are still many doctors who don''t put much stock in it as a real disorder because it is so hard to pin down and there are so many different symptoms. I''m learning to see the signs and try to head things off when I feel what I call an episode coming on, but sometimes it just hits me right out of the blue. It sounds like you know how to baby yourself when you need to and that''s a good thing. Chocolate...that''s an excellent idea.

 

[jadeleaves]

Honey I just saw this thread - hope you''re feeling better!

Button has struck again! It''s 5.30am on a SATURDAY - my first chance to sleep in all week, and he''s doing somersaults in my belly aleady

 

[Gypsy]

No Tacori I don''t think you are wrong. I went to the doctor today. It''s back. After my car accident I had a lot of anxiety/ panic issues and the next thing I knew... thye had diagnosed me with depression and fibromyalgia. Doctor said the depression is probably back... has probably been back for a while, and I''ve priobably been willfully ignoring it. Yuck. Oh well. Gave the dog a bath today... got some important errands done... and went to the doctor and the pharmacy. Will work out tonight. Working out is vital now.


Jade... maybe he''ll be an angel when he pops out to make up for all the tumbling now?

 

[hlmr]

Sorry you''re not feeling well gypsy. I know how down I feel when I am not working! That''s smart to make yourself work out....do you take any classes where you could bond a little with other members? I know that it is hard to reach out when you are feeling depressed, but if you can, do it.

Sending you warm, happy wishes....

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Gypsy, I have dealt with depression my whole life so I can really relate. Just remember it isn''t your fault. It is a chemical inbalance. I am usually pretty good at pulling myself out of it but when I was a jr. in college it got so bad that I sought out professional help (well, for the second time, the first was when I was in 6th grade). It was a very hard thing for me to do. I was on Paxil for a year and it helped. After a year I just wanted to see if I could cope without and its been 5 years. Of course I have had what I consider normal sadness and moods since then but I was very bad. I try to be careful to know when I need or don''t need intervention. It sounds like maybe some sort of medication could really help you. Don''t believe Tome Cruise. Sometimes we need a little more than just working out. (((hugs)))

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Gypsy, I''m really sorry to hear this! I''ve been so preoccupied with diamond stuff that I haven''t looked in this folder much at all. Our son struggles with the anxiety and depression, and honestly, when things aren''t going well with him, it cause me to have it, too! But yours certainly is complicated by the pain you''re experiencing, and I am hoping you''ll get some relief very soon! {{{hugs}}} from me, too!

 

[diamondfan]

Gypsy, we have another thing in common! I have fibro as well, and major generalized anxiety, with panic attacks occasionally. I have been an insomniac for years, have migraines since I was 10, irritable bowel and gastro esophageal reflux. I went from being fit, energetic and feeling pretty capable to someone who sleeps a couple of hours a night, has chronic pain and is miserable. Most doctors want to give you a pill and send you home. Then, after my third child, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune thyroid illness but they felt it was dormant and did not treat it. Now I have major issues, and I know a lot of them are from the thyroid. After countless doctor appts, mri''s, neurological tests, blood tests, sensory tests etc (I was scared it was ms based on symptoms) I come to find out that this autoimmine thyroid illness is causing me issues, and mostl of the symptoms I have been complaining about for over two years could be caused by this thing! Bottom line? Try to minimize stress, hard to do but vital. Nurture yourself and do not attempt to be Superwoman. Also, exercise and eating right are VITAL. I was feeling so crappy and my metabolism was so messed up that I literally had days where getting out of bed to take my kids to school was almost impossible for me. My dh just does not comprehend what it is like to feel this way and that stresses me out too!!!! Take each day at a time. I know none of this is life threatening which is great, so I try to get the most out of each day while I feel great and allow myself downtown if I do not feel well. A bit tough with three kids, but thankfully I have help. It will get better, just know that you are not alone!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Bless your heart df! My son has many of those issues as well. So my heart goes out to you. As mom''s, we feel the pain of watching our kids suffer. But it would be very hard to manage those issues when you are the mom!

I''ll have to tell you, my son has had some serious problems over the last few months, and I have used PS as my escape into a happier world. He seems to be saying some very postive things today, though, so maybe we are headed toward some better days!

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 7/15/2006 11:06:07 AM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Bless your heart df! My son has many of those issues as well. So my heart goes out to you. As mom''s, we feel the pain of watching our kids suffer. But it would be very hard to manage those issues when you are the mom!

I''ll have to tell you, my son has had some serious problems over the last few months, and I have used PS as my escape into a happier world. He seems to be saying some very postive things today, though, so maybe we are headed toward some better days!

It is, and I hate it. There are times where I have had to get in bed with a terrible migraine and I have had to go to the emergency room, and thankfully I have good help. The way my dh works and travels I would not be able to function. I know my oldest is pretty understanding, I do all I can, and try to be at every home sporting event, school play, concert, etc...but sometimes then I pay the price later. It is just what I have to deal with, and since I want to be there as much as I can for my kids, I push myself for that. But honestly there are days where I go back to bed after taking them to school, spend the day in bed til I have to get them and come home after any activities they have and get into bed. I am hopeful this next round of doctor visits coupled with the proper treatment will have me feeling better and better as times goes by. Sucks to be 40 and feel this bad! I hope your son is doing better, I can totally relate to it and hope something works for him!

 

[Gypsy]

Tacori, Diamondseeker, and Diamond Fan. I''ve actually been struggling with it since my first year in lawschool. I was diagnosed with depression then... but once I finally got to a proper doctor I was put on some meds and eventually found my way out. Then the car accident right after lawschool triggered it again. And well... driving phobias (still have trouble driving on rainy nights), generalized anxiety and insomnia were added to the mix permanently it seems. As a result, though I''ve been ''depression free'' for a few years... I''ve been on Paxil this whole time (4 years) because of the phobias and the anxiety (done lovely things for my figure too). On trazadone for sleep. And on Buspar to ''boost'' the paxil. I was also on Ativan, Klonopin and a whole host of stuff they put me on when I was too sick to research what was going on... and before I knew it I was completely dependant on that crap... took me 6 months of weaning slowly and a new doctor to finally be free of that stuff. So it wasn''t a complete shock that it''s back, but well... I was in denial. I was hoping that it was something normal not another ''episode''... my current MD (not the one who put me on Paxil right after the accident) knows that I won''t go on anything like Xanax or Ativan again... so he''s researching what I should do... he personally doesn''t like Paxil... but to pull me off of it and put me on something else is ... well I''d have to get off the Paxil and start on something else that will take 3 months at least to kick in... and I''m not in a position financially where phobias, panic attacks, and horrible anxiety attacks are an option for 3 months. I''m just... scared right now. And DS... like you said, others around me might get sucked in. My fiance has been babying me all week, putting up with my moods and working fom home insead of going in to the office. And even though it''s scarier here alone with my thoughts than when he''s here.... I have made him promise to stop babying me as of Monday (tried to get him to do it as of today... but no go)... and go back into the office. He will get sucked in and then it will be the blind leading the blind. He''s very understanding... probably too much so.

You both sound like wonderful moms... although I hear some of the guilt and anger in you Diamondfan... I KNOW what you mean, and I think you are great. I want my mom. But well... I can''t. She''d me a mess, and there isn''t much she can do to help... so. I''m not going to tell her. That''s one of the good things about living so far away from her... she doesn''t have to get sucked in to this either. Diamondseeker... she''s been there... where you are, and I don''t want to put her through that again.

Alright well... My fiance is after taking me out for the evening... and well, it''s a good thing, so I''m going to go along with it.

Thank you all for your kindnesses, your sympathy, and your comfort. It means so much.

And Tacori... as for Tom Cruise... well, what can you say about a man who constantly talks out of his arse? He''s a moron.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I hope you had a nice evening out, Gypsy.

I totally understand the meds dilemma. We''re in that situation as well. It is a very hard place to be. I hope you will find the best solution for you!

 

[isaku5]

I''m sending goodhealing vibes your way too, Gypsy and lots of hugs.

I can relate to your symptoms only too well having been there myself. I won''t bother you with all the sordid details, but my symptoms started back in 1985 with no diagnosis until ''92.

It was stress related, no doubt about that, but even worse many "friends" dropped me because they thought "it" was catching. That''s when I found out who my real friends were.

Luckily my DH stood by my side through all of it and never once said that I should "snap out of it" as many others had said.

I did receive good therapy and tried many different meds before I found the combo that worked for me ( and weight gain was the downside for me too).

I once thought that I could do it all and do it all successfully- marriage, career, children- without a problem, but I learned the hard way that fate throws you curve balls every now and again. I''m getting better at ducking.

 

[Gypsy]

Thanks so much DS and Isaku for your support... and Isaku, thank you for sharing your experience with me. It helps, again, to not be alone. It is so lovely to have a safe place to come and talk about this... and not have to worry about anyone getting dragged down with me. So wonderful. Thank you.

 

[isaku5]

Date: 7/16/2006 12:21:44 PM
Author: Gypsy
Thanks so much DS and Isaku for your support... and Isaku, thank you for sharing your experience with me. It helps, again, to not be alone. It is so lovely to have a safe place to come and talk about this... and not have to worry about anyone getting dragged down with me. So wonderful. Thank you.

I think a lot of people feel they will drag others with them into the black hole that is depression, a very real part of the illness, but believe me, the true friends will "rescue you" and none of my real friends acted as if they had been dragged down. They were with me through the good, the bad and the just plain ugly.

One of the worst parts for me was the cognitive dysfunction (mind fog). I had taught senior English Lit for years and was rendered incapable of undestanding the plot of a Harlequin romance, much less remembering the characters'' names. It was like learning to read all over again. I subscribed to People mag. and Reader''s Digest for years before I progressed to reading the calibre of novels I used to read daily. It took a long time, but I did it. It required patience which I had even less of in those days, but it happened.

Interesting (to me, anyway) sidenote was that my best friend''s husband who knew that I had to stop teaching in ''88, said, being witty, I suppose," Give it to me; I need a break too".

Ironically, he was diagnosed with fibro etc about 8 years ago. That falls under the category of being careful what you wish for. Because we look "so healthy" people tend to think that we''re not really as ill as we say (the other downside, besides the weight gain).

From your posts, Gypsy, it sounds like you have no "mind fog" at all so keep up whatever keeps you going. Btw, your DF sounds like a definite "keeper".

 

[diamondfan]

I too have the issue that since I look okay it is tough for people to truly comprehend how bad some days are. Days you cannot even move much and days where the fatigue is overwhelming and ordinary tasks seem nearly impossible. Some days are much better than others, catch me then and I am a different person. A bad day, and I am just so bad it is not funny. I also hear, it is just a neurotic women''s illness, there is nothing really wrong. Or Fibro is not really provable, it is a catch all dx when they cannot find anything else (and believe me I have looked). Just too much to deal with, I think, and it stinks. I hope all of us who deal with this can at least take comfort that we are not alone in this and that we have support to make it a bit more tolerable!

 

[Kaleigh]

When I was in my early 20''s I had a terrible virus. I went to the doctors and all the tests came back negative. It was so maddening cause I was so sick. Part of my body would be so sore it was like I had a really hard work out. Then the next day it would spread to the other side of my body. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue syndrome and found a doc that specialized in it. That helped me tremendously as I knew It wasn''t all in my head. Although that diagnosis does seem a little vague. It lasted for over a year. Thank god that is behind me, looking back on my sysmptoms now, I wonder if that''s what I had or not. The pain was real and the fatigue was awful. I hope you feel better Gyspy, Hugs. Lisa

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Paxil was really hard for me at first. For the first two weeks I got every side effect. It was worse than the depression! I almost went off of it but thankfully I finally started feeling better. Though it made me really tired. It was a gamble to stop for me but so far so good. Of course I still have my bad days but that is normal. Bad months...not so much. I think people prone with this always have to be open to the possibility of medical help. It sounds like you have been on a lot of medications. You know yourself the best so just be careful and take care of yourself! Also knowing you are not alone really helps.

 

[Gypsy]

Tacori, yes I have been. Mostly because I was unfortunate in my doctors. My current doctor doesn't want to increase my Paxil dosage (been the same for 3 years), and prefers the 'cocktail' approach to treatment so that he can tailor it for my particular symptoms he'll increase or decrease my other medications depending on how I'm feeling. He's a good doctor and I trust him. But well... I guess what's scaring me the most is I'm feeling like this AND I'm already on meds. I research all the meds he suggests before I go on them... there are a number of doctors in my family (west coast though)... so I run things by them too. He increased my Buspar already... and I don't know if it's that or just the cycle of this, but I'm feeling better today. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Kaleigh... I wonder if that's what it was. I didn't know the Chronic Fatique was painful like that. Makes you wonder.

Daimondfan. It is hard for some people to understand because well, you do have good days, and you also have days that aren't great... but where you can put on a mask and pretend that it is for shorter periods of time. The support does help. A lot. Lidocaine patches, BTW... my new best friend.

I get short on patience and start snapping at people even on the 'okay' days... . I'm functioning... but I get irritated right quick. I have remind myself that it isn't 'me' to snap and be such a b*tch... that it's the disease. But well... it doesn't help. And most people around me don't understand because they don't know what's gong on. With my friends, well... I tell them if we are talking. But I also have a bad habit of shutting everyone close (except fiance) out when I get like this... I won't return calls, or emails... I just, don't.