New Girl, New Story, NEED HELP!!!

[Mickeylover]

Hi!!! I'm new here, I'm 27 and in pre-engagement limbo . . . My boyfriend will be 27 next week, we have been together 2 years, and have talked about marriage, but lately allot of friends, my brother and people we know have gotten engaged and married.. so I got in a Nagy-sometimes crying stage of talking about marriage with my boy . . . I asked him to tell me the truth because i didnt want to waste my time because I am not super young, he told me " of course I want to marry you, I'm just not ready,.. you have a secure relationship with me, just wait. . . I want to make new businesses and I dont want to get engaged because of pressure, I LOVE YOU just wait please" ... we have a serious relationship, we are together all the time (we do not live together), my family loves him, his family loves me. . . we hang out together with both our families,.. everything is great!! were just NOT ENGAGED!!!. . . . every once in a while he mentions things like "our home" . . . "our kids" . . . . stuff like that. . .

I used to talk about our future all the timeee!!! I think I over do it!! I need to be strong, I even gained weight (like 12 pounds) because of anxiety eating, until he told me like a week ago "baby your tummy is a little bigger" so I freaked out ha ha started going to the gym and got on a Diet, because I realized that i was falling on a self-caused depression . . I dont want to get crazy everytime some gets engaged, I dont want to push him away with my pressure . . . HELP LADIES!!!!! and I crazy??? or is this normal??

 

[Mickeylover]

LIW I need your advice!!!

 

[princesss]

Honestly, this sounds kind of...extreme. It sounds like you've got a solid relationship, your boyfriend is committed and goal-oriented, and things are going well. In the grand scheme of things, 2 years isn't that long (though I know it can feel like it). When you're getting stressed, take a few deep breaths and find something that relaxes you. Go for a run, start yoga, knit - just do something that makes you happy.

 

[Mickeylover]

Thanks for the reply, that's why I got in LIW so you girls help me ease my mind. . . I WILL WAIT more Because im really in love with him an reading your posts will give me strength thanks Princess!!! hope you have a lovely day...

 

[SMC]

Everyone has a different timeline. I met my bf at 27 and we dated for 4 years before I started pressuring him to get engaged. I don't really think the pressuring helped the situation at all. He knows that you're ready, you just have to give him time to come around to it. In the meantime, relax!

 

[princesss]

No worries - trust me, I know waiting for things can be rough. My BF and I have been together for a year and a half and it's all been long distance. At this point I'm so anxious to be with him some days it physically hurts. But we are where we are and getting worked up about it won't do anything. I try to ask myself if what I'm doing (pouting, crying, etc) is constructive. If not, I try to focus myself and do something that will actually help the situation. It doesn't always work (I had a pretty epic meltdown Saturday night), but it helps more often than not.

 

[Mickeylover]

Thankyou!! thats exactly what i need to read!! I've just open my new office and I'm used to being active all day, so now I have lot of time alone with my thoughts (because business is slow) and well I've gone a little crazy thinking stupid things . . . But now im changing, I got a secretary so I can leave my office and go to the gym, I enrolled an Art class and stuff like that . . . working on my self to get thinner and healthier, of body and mind haha . . . thankyou for the reply!!!

 

[Mickeylover]

Yes PRINCESSS it is rough sometimes.. and I Cry and go crazy sometimes too, and NO it is not constructive. . . sometimes I'm my own shrink, and I think to myself -men are very straight forward, and they wouldn't put up with the nagging, crying and craziness if they didn't love us- and its even worse if they do it because they feel pressured . . . But sometimes my hormones betray me an the craziness starts again hahahha, so now instead of going crazy I'll write to you girls for help. . .

 

[madelise]

I'm not sure what you need help with? Why are you crying?

Your anxiety comes through your text/typing. There's nothing left to do but wait. Pressure never does a many any good. He needs to come to terms himself, and do things on his own terms. Sometimes pressure makes a man move, but in the end, that choice wasn't truly his and he may question it. The ball's in his court, and he knows you're receptive. And welcome to the LIW boards.

 

[Mickeylover]

The help I need is just what you did, give me advice!! (Thank you for it) . . . the crying has been like 2 times ( PMS )! Its been hard to understand why he isn't ready, (selfish of me I know) I thought it was because I wasn't good enough, or pretty enough or whatever. . . I've read blogs and summaries of the book His Cold feet, and it has helped me understand a men point of view on marriage, how women are ready to take that step before men... I'm in that stage where home is wherever HE is, I can't wait for us to live together (Mexican families so living together before were married is not an option) .. I think It also has to do that 2 very dear friends have had their weddings cancelled by their exes like a month before the Big day, and that scared me.. I'm starting to be strong and patient, and NOT pressuring him because I don't want to loose him. . I have faith that my day will come

 

[Ms_Lovely]

Hola Mickeylover!!

Congratulations, your honey wants to marry you!!! Welcome to hunger games

First of all girly, I don't know what you thought but I have the market cornered when it comes to "fear my man is holding out for something better syndrome"

I'm 29, he's 33 and we have lived together for 9 YEARS and bonus: we have an 8 month old child together he's only started getting comfortable with the idea of us getting married 2 years ago!! His feet weren't just cold, honey they'd frozen off and he was walking on stumps Now, he's more excited about us getting engaged than I...well, not more than me but still a lot So, it sounds like you're in a really good place! Calma sus nervios, hermana! Take it from me honey, nagging will only prolong the process because they start to dread the engagement/wedding planning process. Also--this may not be true of your honey but it was for mine--it makes a man nervous that the nagging is what he will have to look forward to in a marriage with you. I realized that it was emasculating to my man. They NEED to be able to choose this for themselves. They WANT to take ownership of it and make the decisions about this step. You HAVE to let him take the reigns a little bit. I know it's tough but it's worth it!

 

[Mickeylover]

Calma sus nervios, hermana!

LOVED IT!!!! Latina blood???

They NEED to be able to choose this for themselves.

Thank GOD I have stopped pressuring!! and I've started giving him space and TIME, right now I'm focusing a little bit more on me, getting my summer body ON, and doing some activities to take my crazy mind off our engagement . . Thanks for everything ladies I've been in LIW for less than a day and I feel better!!!

 

[pandabee]

Welcome! I agree with everyone else...you have found a great guy who is willing to talk about your future plans and who you *know* wants to marry you. Try to relax and not worry about that, just keep in mind the big picture! Of course if you ever need to vent we are here for you. I wholeheartedely agree with the "keep calm and paint your nails" picture..normally I hate the "keep calm and..." etc pictures but that one is definitely relevant. 1) because I do love to paint my nails and I think it's completely therapeutic and 2) because you gots to keep those talons pretty for that impending bling!!

 

[Mickeylover]

Pandabee Thanks for reading and replying !!!!

Try to relax and not worry about that, just keep in mind the big picture!

If I new that you girls existed before, I know my stress would have been much less, I'm so happy to have found LIW.

Of course if you ever need to vent we are here for you.

Thank you!! It feels great that someone else is in the same "hunger games" as me! an we will help each other to keep calm and then show our bling!

you gots to keep those talons pretty for that impending bling!!

WILL DO! and when my day comes you'll see the picture

THANKS LADIES!! I'm here if you need me

 

[antiquesparkler]

Hi Mickey! I am a little late but I just wanted to tell you that I have been there! I think your plan to work on yourself is wonderful! In fact, that is my current plan as well- I am doing the Paleo diet… also known as the caveman diet… no processed foods and I am working out as much as I can. I am starting to feel great! A little pampering never hurts either… go get your nails done! Go see a movie! Get together with the girls!

A friend who recently got engaged told me to enjoy my time as a LIW (of course she said ‘almost engaged girl’ instead but… ) because once you get engaged things get a little stressful with everyone asking about the wedding, giving unsolicited wedding advice, and all the planning. Of course, I am looking forward to be engaged but she gave me a new perspective on this LIW time in our relationship.

Welcome!