Neglecting your pets after baby comes...does it happen to everyone?

[Bia]

Long story NOT short...

I spent a long weekend at my cousin''s house to have some time with her and my nephew. It was great being able to spend a few days with the baby as they live a few hours away and I don''t see them often. Although spending time with baby and my cuz was fun, I felt sooooooo bad for their dog. A little background: My cousin and got her dog shortly after FI and I got ours. When she got her pup she treated that puppy like GOLD--bought her clothes

, spent lots of time with her, made her the baby of their little family. Whenever I would go visit, I''d bring along my dog and they''d have a blast. Now, I know that I love my dog very much. I don''t pretend she''s a human, but she is definitely part of the family and FI and I take very good care of her. This means we take her out for long walks or runs in the park every single day. Her diet is very important to us, as is her overall health. I get made fun of because of this, but that''s okay, because I am not ashamed of the fact that we take good care of her--she is, afterall, our responsibility.

Here''s the thing. When I was visiting, I noticed that my cousin is completely neglecting her pooch. When I got to the house the dog was all over me, dying for some attention! The last few times I was there for a few days I noticed her dog was being neglected but I figured with the new baby, it might take them a bit to get into a routine, so I took it upon myself to take her out for walks and show her some attention (she''s a very loveable, cuddly doggy, so that is very easy to do . This time around it really bothered me. The dog sits by the window and stares outside all day. When she has to go out, they clip her leash (that''s tied to the porch) and she has about 4-5 ft of walking space. So again, I took her out for walks and tried to show her some love. When I brought the subject up, my cousin told me that when the baby comes you no longer feel the same way about your dog. She says it doesn''t compare. Well, no sh*t. I know one can''t love their dog as much as their child, but does that mean you stop loving your dog enough to care for her properly?!

She told me the same will happen to me and I flat out told her NO WAY. My cousin''s fiancé then proceeded to tell me that maybe not in my case since we love our dog more than anyone in our family (which he said sarcastically...whatever

). I told FI that very same night and he was really upset. He loves animals and can''t stand to see people mistreat them. Now, let me say here, had this been just an oversight on their parts (too busy because they just brought the baby home) then I wouldn''t have minded, but the baby is now 7 months old. Also, I''ve noticed the way my cousin talks to her dog. She calls her ''the dog'' now

When she does call her over by her name, she doesn''t do it in a sweet way. I feel heartbroken for this dog.

Yea, they aren''t technically abusing her, but in a way they are. Dogs need to be outside and need to be walked! I know this isn''t just about the baby either because the last few times I brought my dog with me to visit, I noticed she stopped treating the dogs with respect. Once she got upset at the dogs and threw their food on the floor!

That was the last time my Sophie went there.

I don''t know what to do...

So for some of the moms here (or anyone) has this happened to you? Or have you seen this? What would you do?

 

[neatfreak]

I don''t think neglecting is the right word...but yes your pets move down a notch in the scheme of your family.

Mine certainly don''t get lavished with as much attention as they used to, but that''s just because of a time constraint. But they still get lots of love and attention. Just not quite as much as before.

That being said I don''t think what your cousin is doing is right. And if they don''t have time for the poor pup they should consider finding it a new family who does have time.

 

[Mandarine]

I agree with Neat...granted I haven''t had my babies yet.

I''m sure our little furry one will move down a notch, but that''s far from stopping his walks, etc.

 

[Bia]

I understand not lavishing them with attention...heck even I, someone who doesn''t have children, does that from time-to-time when I''m busy with school or work.

The walking thing (not to mention the hardly-any-acknowledgment thing) is unacceptable though. It makes me angry because their dog depends on them. And I can tell she''s feeling ignored. I feel terrible

A part of me wants to just stop dwelling since she''s not my dog, but at the same time I feel like telling my cousin to give her away if she can no longer care for her properly. Not that she''d listen to me...in fact, it would probably cause a big rift, and I don''t know if it''s worth it to say more than I already have.

 

[iheartscience]

I know several people who have done this (including my brother) and it honestly makes me sick. I realize children are more important than pets (that''s how it should be) but total neglect is not acceptable. Honestly, I would classify never paying attention to the dog or walking her as abusive. Dogs need attention and exercise to be healthy and happy. I mean, they could pop the baby in a stroller and go for a walk with the dog that way.

Would you consider taking her dog and keeping her? We actually found a home for my brother''s neglected cat and then he refused to give her away at the last minute since she was "part of the family." I don''t know about you, but I don''t lock people and animals who are part of my family in the basement and never pay attention to them. A month or two later when he came to his senses and was willing to find her a home, our friend who was willing to take my brother''s cat had already gotten another cat and couldn''t take my brother''s cat. So she remained locked in the basement until he was able to find her a new home months later. It still honestly fills me with rage to think about how awful he was to that cat, and how selfish he was to refuse to give her away to a home where she would actually be given attention and love.

When you adopt an animal, you''re making a commitment to take good care of that pet until it dies. People like your cousin treat pets as accessories and once they find a new thing to pay attention to they toss them aside like an old stuffed animal.

 

[MustangGal]

My SIL did this with her cat when she got a puppy. The cat got kicked out of the house, and eventually died from a bad reaction to ringworm medication. I thought the same would happen to the puppy when they had a baby, but amazingly she was able to handle both.

We have 1 large dog, 3 cats and a 6 month old baby. The dog doesn''t go on as many walks at the moment, but it''s also 110 degrees outside so we wouldn''t be walking this time of year anyway. We do have a fenced yard, and DH takes him out to play. One of the cats loves the baby and purrs all over him and lets him yank her ears. The other two ignore the baby, but still get attention from us.

I would maybe mention what you''ve noticed, and suggest they find a new home for the dog if they don''t have the time to care for it properly.

 

[MsP]

Date: 8/28/2009 3:40:52 PM
Author: thing2of2

When you adopt an animal, you''re making a commitment to take good care of that pet until it dies. People like your cousin treat pets as accessories and once they find a new thing to pay attention to they toss them aside like an old stuffed animal.

... I agree with this, but it''s not a total sin to rehome a pet. If you can''t give the pet the attention you once could, admit this to yourself and find someone who can. It''s a win-win. You no long have the guilt and responsibility, and the pet gets the love and attention it deserves.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think that''s why Scarleta''s post is relevant (https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/for-pet-lovers-could-save-a-pet-warning-it-may-bring-tears-to-your-eyes.123497/)

I do feel that people use puppies as practice for having a baby. I also feel that people use rescue as a safety net or some type of bail out service when their dog becomes a "hassle". I was recently working with a member on the board of our local breed club on an article about this issue because we''ve seen a correlation between bad breeding and increased rescues (there is always a readily-available bailout service for them). In any case, I never understand the lack of foresight when it comes to pet ownership and family planning.

Your cousin''s dog is eventually going to become destructive from lack of physical or intellectual interaction. Then it may become aggressive, which will be the perfect excuse to get rid of "the dog".

DH and I love our dogs. Both have their CGC certifications and Byron is a certified water rescue dog. Bo is in training for water rescue and we show him. We take them to the dog park every day and have a dog walker who takes them to the park for 2 hours in the middle of the day. I go to two separate grocery stores every week for their meat because they have different dietary needs. I''m in my local breed club''s rescue chapter. I go to nearly every regional breed event offered. Heck, DH and I took our dog to see Niagara Falls last year because we thought he''d like it. STILL, I feel I only spend a SMALL fraction of my day focused on my dogs. D and I were on our breeder''s waiting list when I was 21 and I had no intention of having kids for many years, yet our focus was STILL on choosing a breed that was fantastic with kids. Also, we are a very active couple who chose a more low energy breed (though we did focus on high-energy lines within the breed) because we KNEW that when we had kids, we simply wouldn''t be as active and we wanted a breed whose energy needs would be met with 1-2 walks per day. Our breeders grilled us with questions about family planning because they''ve heard the same story 100 times.

Because we work with rescue I''ve heard your cousin''s story 100,000 times and I just get absolutely sick of hearing it. I don''t get it. I never have, never will. Even if a person doesn''t have the foresite to plan better, it''s still no excuse for not acting like an adult and living up to your responsibility. I don''t have kids yet, so I might not really "get it", but if I ever neglected my dog to the point where I was chaining him to the porch as a form of exercise, I''d be absolutely ashamed of myself.

 

[vespergirl]

Well, I agree with the fact that your pets definitely don''t get as much attention as before the baby, but that is no excuse to neglect or abuse the animals. It does, however, put the family more in "perspective." Before I had my baby, I treated my Pomeranian like my baby, but once I had my son, I definitely have my priorities in order, and I no longer anthropomorphize my animals. I never thought that my perspective would change, but it does once you have a real baby of your own. My pets are beloved and well cared for, but they are still animals, not people. I take care of my child first in the morning, then the cat and dog get fed and taken out. And, in the early days of my baby''s life, in the dead of winter, my dog was definitely getting less walks, and instead I would let her run around our fenced yard instead (sorry, I''m not going to expose a baby to a blizzard so I can take him out with me to walk the dog).

Honestly, everything else just takes a back burner when you''re adjusting to life with a new baby. Once the baby was a few months old, and the weather was nicer, we would all take walks together, and now that my son is a preschooler, we all go to the park and play fetch together. Same with the cat - he can really play with her now, so she gets double attention - not just from me, but from DS as well.

The whole family has to adjust when a new baby comes into the house - but still, if it proves to be too overwhelming and pets are being neglected or abused, I definitely think it''s more humane to find the pets a new home.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/28/2009 3:57:23 PM
Author: MissPrudential

Date: 8/28/2009 3:40:52 PM
Author: thing2of2

When you adopt an animal, you''re making a commitment to take good care of that pet until it dies. People like your cousin treat pets as accessories and once they find a new thing to pay attention to they toss them aside like an old stuffed animal.

... I agree with this, but it''s not a total sin to rehome a pet. If you can''t give the pet the attention you once could, admit this to yourself and find someone who can. It''s a win-win. You no long have the guilt and responsibility, and the pet gets the love and attention it deserves.

I don''t think it''s a win-win at all. The pet owner gets bailed out of his responsibilities, but what happens to the dog? Most don''t buy from responsible breeders, so the dog ends up in a shelter. Many don''t make it out of the shelter. Even in the best case scenarios, changing families is very hard on a pet. Is that better than having an irresponsible owner? Maybe, but I definitely wouldn''t consider it a win.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/28/2009 3:57:23 PM
Author: MissPrudential

Date: 8/28/2009 3:40:52 PM

Author: thing2of2

When you adopt an animal, you''re making a commitment to take good care of that pet until it dies. People like your cousin treat pets as accessories and once they find a new thing to pay attention to they toss them aside like an old stuffed animal.

... I agree with this, but it''s not a total sin to rehome a pet. If you can''t give the pet the attention you once could, admit this to yourself and find someone who can. It''s a win-win. You no long have the guilt and responsibility, and the pet gets the love and attention it deserves.

I agree that rehoming is the best solution in situations like these, and said so in my post. However, someone should get a pet with the expectation that they will take care of it for as long as it lives, regardless of their own life changes. Rehoming shouldn''t be in the back of your mind when you get a pet. (General you here, obviously.)

And in my brother''s case (and I bet in the cases of many other people like Bia''s cousin), he was too selfish to find his cat a better home. He wanted to be able to enjoy her a few times a week when he felt like petting her...the rest of the time, he locked her in the basement or outside and forgot about her. Thankfully a serious talking to/guilt trip from my mom got him to realize he was being incredibly selfish and neglectful.

Was it a surprise to Bia''s cousin that she would someday have a kid? And that cats and dogs (especially small dogs, which I''m assuming this dog is since the cousin used to buy outfits for her) can live well into their teens? I know my brother and his wife planned to have at least 3, maybe 4 kids for years before they actually had them. People should think major decisions through fully before just thinking "PUPPY! Wheeee!" and bringing one home.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/28/2009 4:39:39 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 8/28/2009 3:57:23 PM

Author: MissPrudential

Date: 8/28/2009 3:40:52 PM

Author: thing2of2

When you adopt an animal, you''re making a commitment to take good care of that pet until it dies. People like your cousin treat pets as accessories and once they find a new thing to pay attention to they toss them aside like an old stuffed animal.

... I agree with this, but it''s not a total sin to rehome a pet. If you can''t give the pet the attention you once could, admit this to yourself and find someone who can. It''s a win-win. You no long have the guilt and responsibility, and the pet gets the love and attention it deserves.

I don''t think it''s a win-win at all. The pet owner gets bailed out of his responsibilities, but what happens to the dog? Most don''t buy from responsible breeders, so the dog ends up in a shelter. Many don''t make it out of the shelter. Even in the best case scenarios, changing families is very hard on a pet. Is that better than having an irresponsible owner? Maybe, but I definitely wouldn''t consider it a win.

Yep, ditto this. Never thought I''d be dittoing one of your posts, NEL, but it seems like we agree 100% on pet issues!

 

[Bia]

Date: 8/28/2009 4:30:18 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I think that''s why Scarleta''s post is relevant (https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/for-pet-lovers-could-save-a-pet-warning-it-may-bring-tears-to-your-eyes.123497/)

I do feel that people use puppies as practice for having a baby. I also feel that people use rescue as a safety net or some type of bail out service when their dog becomes a ''hassle''. I was recently working with a member on the board of our local breed club on an article about this issue because we''ve seen a correlation between bad breeding and increased rescues (there is always a readily-available bailout service for them). In any case, I never understand the lack of foresight when it comes to pet ownership and family planning.

Your cousin''s dog is eventually going to become destructive from lack of physical or intellectual interaction. Then it may become aggressive, which will be the perfect excuse to get rid of ''the dog''.

DH and I love our dogs. Both have their CGC certifications and Byron is a certified water rescue dog. Bo is in training for water rescue and we show him. We take them to the dog park every day and have a dog walker who takes them to the park for 2 hours in the middle of the day. I go to two separate grocery stores every week for their meat because they have different dietary needs. I''m in my local breed club''s rescue chapter. I go to nearly every regional breed event offered. Heck, DH and I took our dog to see Niagara Falls last year because we thought he''d like it. STILL, I feel I only spend a SMALL fraction of my day focused on my dogs. D and I were on our breeder''s waiting list when I was 21 and I had no intention of having kids for many years, yet our focus was STILL on choosing a breed that was fantastic with kids. Also, we are a very active couple who chose a more low energy breed (though we did focus on high-energy lines within the breed) because we KNEW that when we had kids, we simply wouldn''t be as active and we wanted a breed whose energy needs would be met with 1-2 walks per day. Our breeders grilled us with questions about family planning because they''ve heard the same story 100 times.

Because we work with rescue I''ve heard your cousin''s story 100,000 times and I just get absolutely sick of hearing it. I don''t get it. I never have, never will. Even if a person doesn''t have the foresite to plan better, it''s still no excuse for not acting like an adult and living up to your responsibility. I don''t have kids yet, so I might not really ''get it'', but if I ever neglected my dog to the point where I was chaining him to the porch as a form of exercise, I''d be absolutely ashamed of myself.

agreed. I know that my cousin is not an active person (she''s about 100lbs overweight and has a hard time walking for extended periods of time) that, combined with the baby, I know she just doesn''t have the energy. However, it''s still not an excuse. Owning a dog is a BIG responsibility and looking back, she did exactly as you and others have said: practiced playing ''mommy'' with the puppy and now she doesn''t want to, or feel she has the time to, show her dog attention. Chaining her dog to the porch so that she can ''go outside'' is what is making me furious. I can''t stand it!

Both her dog and my dog are small, and maybe they don''t need to be taken for long walks every day. Although, my dog has a ton of energy and being outside makes her the happiest. So I know my cousin''s pooch is suffering...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/28/2009 4:49:24 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 8/28/2009 4:30:18 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I think that''s why Scarleta''s post is relevant (https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/for-pet-lovers-could-save-a-pet-warning-it-may-bring-tears-to-your-eyes.123497/)

I do feel that people use puppies as practice for having a baby. I also feel that people use rescue as a safety net or some type of bail out service when their dog becomes a ''hassle''. I was recently working with a member on the board of our local breed club on an article about this issue because we''ve seen a correlation between bad breeding and increased rescues (there is always a readily-available bailout service for them). In any case, I never understand the lack of foresight when it comes to pet ownership and family planning.

Your cousin''s dog is eventually going to become destructive from lack of physical or intellectual interaction. Then it may become aggressive, which will be the perfect excuse to get rid of ''the dog''.

DH and I love our dogs. Both have their CGC certifications and Byron is a certified water rescue dog. Bo is in training for water rescue and we show him. We take them to the dog park every day and have a dog walker who takes them to the park for 2 hours in the middle of the day. I go to two separate grocery stores every week for their meat because they have different dietary needs. I''m in my local breed club''s rescue chapter. I go to nearly every regional breed event offered. Heck, DH and I took our dog to see Niagara Falls last year because we thought he''d like it. STILL, I feel I only spend a SMALL fraction of my day focused on my dogs. D and I were on our breeder''s waiting list when I was 21 and I had no intention of having kids for many years, yet our focus was STILL on choosing a breed that was fantastic with kids. Also, we are a very active couple who chose a more low energy breed (though we did focus on high-energy lines within the breed) because we KNEW that when we had kids, we simply wouldn''t be as active and we wanted a breed whose energy needs would be met with 1-2 walks per day. Our breeders grilled us with questions about family planning because they''ve heard the same story 100 times.

Because we work with rescue I''ve heard your cousin''s story 100,000 times and I just get absolutely sick of hearing it. I don''t get it. I never have, never will. Even if a person doesn''t have the foresite to plan better, it''s still no excuse for not acting like an adult and living up to your responsibility. I don''t have kids yet, so I might not really ''get it'', but if I ever neglected my dog to the point where I was chaining him to the porch as a form of exercise, I''d be absolutely ashamed of myself.

agreed. I know that my cousin is not an active person (she''s about 100lbs overweight and has a hard time walking for extended periods of time) that, combined with the baby, I know she just doesn''t have the energy. However, it''s still not an excuse. Owning a dog is a BIG responsibility and looking back, she did exactly as you and others have said: practiced playing ''mommy'' with the puppy and now she doesn''t want to, or feel she has the time to, show her dog attention. Chaining her dog to the porch so that she can ''go outside'' is what is making me furious. I can''t stand it!

Both her dog and my dog are small, and maybe they don''t need to be taken for long walks every day. Although, my dog has a ton of energy and being outside makes her the happiest. So I know my cousin''s pooch is suffering...

If she can''t walk the dog herself, is it THAT hard to hire a dog walker?? I know over a dozen in my area ranging in costs and it is NOT THAT HARD. I always hear the excuse "we can''t afford it". Do you have a cell phone? Do you have cable? Get rid of them, problem solved. You get sick of hearing "I can''t..." when the real answer is "I''m not responsible enough to..."

 

[Bia]

Date: 8/28/2009 4:55:21 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

If she can''t walk the dog herself, is it THAT hard to hire a dog walker?? I know over a dozen in my area ranging in costs and it is NOT THAT HARD. I always hear the excuse ''we can''t afford it''. Do you have a cell phone? Do you have cable? Get rid of them, problem solved. You get sick of hearing ''I can''t...'' when the real answer is ''I''m not responsible enough to...''

Couldn''t agree more. When it''s important enough, you find a way.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Maybe you could do a quick search for dog walkers in her area? Small dogs are typically very energetic, so I really think having a scheduled daily walk would help the situation--anything to get that poor dog out of the house and off of the porch!

 

[Puppmom]

I agree with a lot of what''s been said here. Adopting a pet is a commitment for the lifetime of the pet. Far too many people treat their pets as disposable. (I say this while I''m getting some kisses from my Rhodesian Ridgeback baby!)

I feel your pain. I have such a strong empathy for animals and I feel so awful when I sense their unhappiness. I do admit that I sometimes go so far as imposing people feelings on them

DH and I always joke that our boy won''t know what hit him when we have a baby. By that we mean he just won''t be the center of our world. Right now, OUR LIVES REVOLVE AROUND THE DOG''S HAPPINESS, and we like it that way. If he''s happy, we''re happy. Once we have a baby, we will still walk our boy EVERYDAY (way too many owners don''t do this in my opinion) and invest all of the time and energy we can in his health and happiness. If you make something a priority in your life, you can find time.

I also think people are setting a bad example for their children when they neglect their pets - even if it is "just" emotionally. Children should know that you are not obliged to have a pet but, if you do, you need to invest a lot of time, energy and money into their well being.

Sorry for the "high horse" rant...this is very close to my heart.

Give that dog lots of love from his PS friends

 

[Dreamer_D]

We have a six month old and two dogs, and I will say they have definitely moved down a notch on the scale. But they are still given a lot of attention, if not as many walks as they used to get. They used to be our babies, but now they are our dogs

But we have recently run into an issue that is probably quite common -- one of our dogs seems to be ill suited to a family with small kids. She is nervous and shy and seems to be starting to show a little aggression with kids recently

I really do believe that adopting a pet is for life, but on the other hand, living with us and our loud family-to-be (more kids in the future) could be stressful for her and for us. So there are times when rehoming is a good thing. But I would never drop my dog at a shelter. If I wasn''t sure it was the *best* family, we would keep her and try to make it work.

I think the suggestions others have given are good. Hopefully you can help out without causing issues in the family!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Oh man this post really hits home.

My next door neighbors have an amazing, well-trained and behaved black lab.

And three kids.. youngest being 2.

Their dog hasn''t been to the vet in probably a year and is constantly suffering from ear infections, has a growth on her bottom (it looks so uncomfortable and apparently it will cost like 300 bucks for it to be removed but they dont have the "time" to take her into the vet), and they go on walks without the dog.

Me and my bf offered to take her to college with us and live in our tiny apartment and the dad says (word for word) "no way, what do you want me to do next, give away one of my kids?" Um yeah, maybe if you took care of your dog like you took care of your kids. It makes me so sad. They also underfeed her and I feel awful. She is getting old (11-12) and she is SOOO happy when I come over.

I take her for walks whenever I take my mom''s dog on a walk, and it pains me that she can''t keep up with my mom''s dog since she is so out of shape from laying around all day... it makes me so sad....

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/28/2009 6:14:10 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
We have a six month old and two dogs, and I will say they have definitely moved down a notch on the scale. But they are still given a lot of attention, if not as many walks as they used to get. They used to be our babies, but now they are our dogs

But we have recently run into an issue that is probably quite common -- one of our dogs seems to be ill suited to a family with small kids. She is nervous and shy and seems to be starting to show a little aggression with kids recently

I really do believe that adopting a pet is for life, but on the other hand, living with us and our loud family-to-be (more kids in the future) could be stressful for her and for us. So there are times when rehoming is a good thing. But I would never drop my dog at a shelter. If I wasn''t sure it was the *best* family, we would keep her and try to make it work.

I think the suggestions others have given are good. Hopefully you can help out without causing issues in the family!

I think this is true, and people who think otherwise probably don''t have a kid.

My friend did have to rehome her lab. He needed to be walked, played with but it just wasn''t possible. He went to a great home.

Personally, that''s why I never wanted a pet - I knew if I had a kid, I could not manage both so why put everyone through the grief.

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 8/28/2009 10:01:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 8/28/2009 6:14:10 PM

Author: dreamer_dachsie

We have a six month old and two dogs, and I will say they have definitely moved down a notch on the scale. But they are still given a lot of attention, if not as many walks as they used to get. They used to be our babies, but now they are our dogs

But we have recently run into an issue that is probably quite common -- one of our dogs seems to be ill suited to a family with small kids. She is nervous and shy and seems to be starting to show a little aggression with kids recently

I really do believe that adopting a pet is for life, but on the other hand, living with us and our loud family-to-be (more kids in the future) could be stressful for her and for us. So there are times when rehoming is a good thing. But I would never drop my dog at a shelter. If I wasn''t sure it was the *best* family, we would keep her and try to make it work.


I think the suggestions others have given are good. Hopefully you can help out without causing issues in the family!

I think this is true, and people who think otherwise probably don''t have a kid.


My friend did have to rehome her lab. He needed to be walked, played with but it just wasn''t possible. He went to a great home.


Personally, that''s why I never wanted a pet - I knew if I had a kid, I could not manage both so why put everyone through the grief.

The highlighted is how we feel too. I still make sure my dogs have their needs met (walks, food, vet, affection, etc) and give them as much attention as I can, but they come second to the baby. In a way I think they are better off than before because I am home much more now. One of my dogs loves the baby and spends every minute with us, and gets lots of affection. The other dog is shy and anxious and is having a harder adjustment. Still, her needs are being met and I think she will come around. There are times when I resent the dogs for needing my attention or getting into mischief at the precise moment when the baby needs me, but they can''t help it, and that''s part of the commitment I made when I adopted them.

If people cannot take care of their dogs post baby, I think they should be honest with themselves and look for a new family for that pet. You are making a commitment for life when you get an animal, but sometimes the situation changes and you have to adapt. I think that finding a suitable new home for the pet is better than keeping the pet in a situation where neither people nor pet is happy. I would never take an animal to the shelter though, or leave him or her with a family about whom I had doubts.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 8/28/2009 11:44:11 PM
Author: TanDogMom

Date: 8/28/2009 10:01:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 8/28/2009 6:14:10 PM

Author: dreamer_dachsie

We have a six month old and two dogs, and I will say they have definitely moved down a notch on the scale. But they are still given a lot of attention, if not as many walks as they used to get. They used to be our babies, but now they are our dogs

But we have recently run into an issue that is probably quite common -- one of our dogs seems to be ill suited to a family with small kids. She is nervous and shy and seems to be starting to show a little aggression with kids recently

I really do believe that adopting a pet is for life, but on the other hand, living with us and our loud family-to-be (more kids in the future) could be stressful for her and for us. So there are times when rehoming is a good thing. But I would never drop my dog at a shelter. If I wasn''t sure it was the *best* family, we would keep her and try to make it work.


I think the suggestions others have given are good. Hopefully you can help out without causing issues in the family!

I think this is true, and people who think otherwise probably don''t have a kid.


My friend did have to rehome her lab. He needed to be walked, played with but it just wasn''t possible. He went to a great home.


Personally, that''s why I never wanted a pet - I knew if I had a kid, I could not manage both so why put everyone through the grief.

The highlighted is how we feel too. I still make sure my dogs have their needs met (walks, food, vet, affection, etc) and give them as much attention as I can, but they come second to the baby. In a way I think they are better off than before because I am home much more now. One of my dogs loves the baby and spends every minute with us, and gets lots of affection. The other dog is shy and anxious and is having a harder adjustment. Still, her needs are being met and I think she will come around. There are times when I resent the dogs for needing my attention or getting into mischief at the precise moment when the baby needs me, but they can''t help it, and that''s part of the commitment I made when I adopted them.

If people cannot take care of their dogs post baby, I think they should be honest with themselves and look for a new family for that pet. You are making a commitment for life when you get an animal, but sometimes the situation changes and you have to adapt. I think that finding a suitable new home for the pet is better than keeping the pet in a situation where neither people nor pet is happy. I would never take an animal to the shelter though, or leave him or her with a family about whom I had doubts.

Ditto Tan Dog mom... and also TGal. I sometimes think it is crazy to have pets with kids, but then I get a lot of love from them without any strings attached and without as much work as the kid (Plus they won''t hate me when they are teenagers

), and when I see how Hunter loves the dogs and finds them so *fascinating* I think "That''s why we have them, for our kids". There is such a bond between kids and their pets. I had them growing up and I loved it. So we persevere even when, like Tan Dog Mom said, they seem the get into mischief *exactly* when I am busy with the baby

 

[asscherisme]

It does not happen with everyone.

Funny story regarding my brother and this topic. My brother has always loved his dogs. I remember when he went to college thinking it was funny when I visitied him and his door was wallpapered with photos of our dog! (that we got when I was 7 and he was 9).

He moved out of his dorm sophmore year so he could get a dog. He got 2 dogs when he was 20 and at 26 got married and had a child with his wife at age 28.

Now here comes the funny part, every photo of his baby had to have the dogs in it. AND he would send me more photos of the dogs alone than the baby alone. Even as he had more kids it was dog, dog, dog, kid with dog in terms of photos.

One of his dogs died 2 years ago at age 14. Then the second last year. And he got a new puppy. And tons and tons of photos of the new dog. And then I told him that his dog is beatiful and I''m glad he loves the dog but its been months since I have seen any new photos of my nephews because all he sends are dog photos!

Now of course he loves his kids, but he definately loves his dog as well.

So, back to the question, NO, not all dogs are negelcted after kids come along. I think responsible people realize its a lifetime commitment to the dog.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 8/28/2009 6:14:10 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
But we have recently run into an issue that is probably quite common -- one of our dogs seems to be ill suited to a family with small kids. She is nervous and shy and seems to be starting to show a little aggression with kids recently

I really do believe that adopting a pet is for life, but on the other hand, living with us and our loud family-to-be (more kids in the future) could be stressful for her and for us. So there are times when rehoming is a good thing. But I would never drop my dog at a shelter. If I wasn''t sure it was the *best* family, we would keep her and try to make it work.

Hi Dreamer! Some close friends of ours found themselves in a situation similar to yours. They have 2 dogs, one of whom is slightly ornery, and a small child. When their daughter was about a year old, one of the dogs (who''s getting up there in years) started to be a little aggressive with her -- snapping and growling and such, on occasion.
Of course, our friends were most concerned about their child''s well-being, and eventually sent their pet to live with a relative. But that relative became unable to take care of the dog, and sent him back. Then our friends hired a professional trainer (as a complete last resort), who in several weeks was able work wonders with the dog, and now everyone''s getting along great!

I agree that sometimes rehoming is the only option, and it''s definitely a personal decision -- but if time & resources allow, and it''s too painful to part with your pup, I recommend trying professional help!

Good luck!

 

[Pandora II]

I''ve never been a dog person - and having an animal which has as many ''needs'' ie walking etc was never on my radar. I''ve always had cats - admittedly siamese which are more time and attention intensive than a lot of breeds, but they still do their own thing most of the time.

Before the baby was born I had two pythons and two pygmy hedgehogs and I have had to find a new home for the hedgehogs. They were very time intensive and I just felt they weren''t getting the attention they should have. I rehomed them with a friend of my BIL who runs a huge animal sancturary and actually has one of my hedgehogs sisters already. They are living with four other hogs in a huge enclosure and I can go and visit them anytime.

Had they been animals which would ''miss'' me like a dog or a cat then I would never have rehomed, but honestly the hedgehogs were only aware that someone fed them!

I think you need to weigh up the responsibilities that you already have when you think about having children and make forward plans.

 

[steph72276]

I agree with some of the other moms here. Neglect is not the word, but our dog is certainly not the center of our world anymore, our child is. And I think that is the way it should be. Our dog still gets plenty of love, attention, food, vet visits, walks, etc., but our child comes first now.

 

[Jas12]

I think your cousing needs to pass on the dog to a caring family. It is not fair to that dog and it''s not cruel to put it up for adoption--its responsible. Pets and babies simply do not compare in terms or work nor commitment, but it is hard to prepare for that before actually living it. I think most ppl underestimate the amount of work parenthood brings. Your cousin will have to admit to herself that handling both is just not in the cards right now.
I have a good handful of friends who are obsessed with their pets and are also planning kids . One in particular talks about the dog 24/7 and is currently 5 mos pregnant. I am not going to be the smug parent of a toddler and tell her she''s silly for the extreme doting on the pooch--she''ll learn that for herself, but i hope it won''t be to the detriment of the dog. Some people are able to manage both, and she may be one of them, but you have to be realistic and organized!! i am not in that category. I have a pet lizard and i am lucky to remember to give it basic care on daily basis

 

[purrfectpear]

Nothing changed in my home. The dog was there first. My son was raised to know that the dog was a family member. If there were going to be any issues, then my son would be in the timeout, not the dog. He grew up knowing that animals are to be treated with love and respect, just as he was. He''s a doggie lover himself now as an adult.

 

[CJ2008]

I would feel the exact same way that you do...

As far as giving up the pet to a different home...I think pet owners should ABSOLUTELY approach taking on a pet with the intention of taking care of it until it dies. I cannot stand when people treat pets like they can just be disposed of when get too big, too ugly, too this or too that. And then months later they get a different pet. I know someone who goes through this cycle a couple of times a year. Sickening.

HOWEVER - I would much rather see a person being honest with themselves that they are no longer interested or have the time to PROPERLY take care of their pet ASAP - and then put the proper time and energy into finding that pet a good home.

I had a similar situation, although the pets in question were turtles - I had a cousin who was keeping them in a VERY small container. They hardly had any room to swim or turn around. I did a LOT of research and shared with her what I had found - but she didn''t change anything - it drove me crazy every time I visited. Plus, my cousin has a daughter, and the LAST thing I wanted her to learn was that it was OK to ignore what certain pets need to be happy and healthy - I wanted her to understand that it''s more than just feeding them. Finally, I started to push harder - to the point that we found the turtles a new and proper home. It wasn''t easy for me to be pushy - in some ways I felt like I was being judgmentasl, and I know she''s an adult capable of doing things as she sees fit - but I felt that risking all of that, plus possibly making her mad or having a confrontation, were worth risking for the turtles (who couldn''t speak for themselves).

So Bia, I guess what I''m trying to say is, I''d push harder, and be factual about it. So leave emotions or how you "feel" out of it - do research and show her proof - i.e., in order to be healthy, mentally and physically, dogs need to be walked x times a day. When a baby comes into a family, it affects the dog x ways. In x of homes, dogs become destructive when they are suddenly ignored. You get my point - perhaps a local vet can help you with some of those stats.

Also - have you considered taking the dog home, or are you maxed out pet-wise?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 8/29/2009 1:13:06 PM
Author: CJ2008

Also - have you considered taking the dog home, or are you maxed out pet-wise?

Bia - CJ2008 has brought up taking the dog home. What a great idea. The dog knows you and your dog and with you, I bet he''d be much happier.

When I had my first child, I was so overwhelmed that it was difficult to even get a shower in! Luckily, up until this summer all we''ve had are cats and they have been low maintainance.

I do not think it''s bad to give away a pet if the alternative is that it''s neglected. We''ve adopted out pets only because we ended up taking in a neglected cat (friend wasn''t caring for him) and also another cat who one day showed up at our door and that resulted in us having too many cats. More than we could provide the attention to, plus they all fought with each other. lol

I do not think it''s the number of pets, it''s just the type of personality a pet owner has. For some, even one pet is too much. Others are able to care for many pets as well as their babies/children.