Graff_Pink
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- May 16, 2011
- Messages
- 14
Hi all,
I know I haven't posted much since signing-up, but I am an avid visitor and reader on PriceScope and love all the advice, feedback, help, assistance and personal stories shared by one and all. It's really a wonderful space to learn, to share and to make connections with smart people!
I have a personal dilemma and thought this was a perfect site to seek advice... your honest opinions and comments would be GREATLY appreciated as I'm in a tough spot!
I work for a small business and over the years have become very close to the owner's family. In fact, it's a situation where we have all become a family - his and mine - and I am especially close to his wife who I consider (and vice versa) one of my best friends. I love her very much - she's a wonderful person, our children our close, we are a constant in one another's lives even outside of the office setting (where she also works, although part-time).
I have recently confirmed that the owner/husband is having an affair and is cheating on her. I know because I have seen the business credit card statements with hotel purchases, flowers, gifts etc, have seen the emails exchanged between him and this other woman, have the phone call logs where he speaks to her (early in the morning or very, very late at night) and even overheard a conversation with her setting up a date (where he lied to his wife and said he was going on business, but I knew for a fact he did not meet the person he said he was [even confirmed with that person]).
So now here I am smack in the middle of something I don't want to be. While the owner is making efforts to keep it from his wife, he's done a lousy job keeping it from me since I have access to all of the above (and need to because I am manage his business - books, HR, etc etc) - and while no, I have not seen him with this other woman I KNOW 100% that something is going on that shouldn't be. I am not only heartbroken and horrified, but am very uncomfortable having this information and not sharing it with my friend. I think he thinks he is THAT sneaky and good at this but the fact is he's TERRIBLE at it. Terrible. He has no computer savvy and doesn't realize what a trail he leaves in his wake. The only thing is - his wife isn't looking. She seems to really trust in him and everything he says. Which is a testament to true love and marriage, I suppose... but how can she be so blind? And how can he be so deceitful?
I find this a particularly touchy situation because this isn't only a matter of my friendship, but my livlihood. I do not want to work here anymore to begin with, but I feel like if I let the cat out of the bag that I will lose my job anyway. More than that, I am scared to tell my friend because she seems absolutely oblivious to what is going on and I... well, I don't want to be the person to tell her and shatter her life but I also don't want to be the person who has this information and doesn't tell her. I am torn for so many reasons.
-I love her and I don't want to lose her friendship, which I know is a HUGE possibility
-I love her and I don't want to be the bearer of hurtful and life-changing news - who am I to change her reality? Is ignorance bliss?
-I don't know how I can continue to work here either way, but I feel like such a fraud looking for a new job and planning my exit while not letting her know
-There is a possiblity she already knows and might not appreciate me bringing it up because she will be embarrassed (although my heart-of-hearts tells me she really is in the dark)
-I cannot afford to lose my job at this time (not that there's ever a good time to be out of work)
-I know that HE is doing this, not me, but at the end of the day I will be the one sharing this news... I know she very well may stay with him and work things out (which is fine), but how would our friendship not be effected forever?
I don't know what to do! I have been struggling with this for months now and I just don't know what to do, but it's making me sick and is so terribly upsetting. I thought in the beginning that he would call it off or change his mind but now the extramarital thing seems to be going stronger and with no end in sight. I have been cheated on before and I know I would want someone to tell me, but she's also been married 20+ years with two children (older, but one is still at home) and it just seems more complicated to me. I once posed her the question "would she want to know" and she said yes... but then I think... does she really know what that means?
At one time in my life I thought this was so black and white but I realize that it isn't in this situation. How can it be? Relationships are all different, people are all different. Marriages work and don't work for a variety of reasons - some people have understandings... I don't know. Maybe I'm just trying to justify not saying anything because frankly, I'm afraid. I don't want to see her hurt for ANY reason.
Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit for being strong? Brave?
Advice? Feedback? Comments? Suggestions? What do I do??
Please help!
I know I haven't posted much since signing-up, but I am an avid visitor and reader on PriceScope and love all the advice, feedback, help, assistance and personal stories shared by one and all. It's really a wonderful space to learn, to share and to make connections with smart people!
I have a personal dilemma and thought this was a perfect site to seek advice... your honest opinions and comments would be GREATLY appreciated as I'm in a tough spot!
I work for a small business and over the years have become very close to the owner's family. In fact, it's a situation where we have all become a family - his and mine - and I am especially close to his wife who I consider (and vice versa) one of my best friends. I love her very much - she's a wonderful person, our children our close, we are a constant in one another's lives even outside of the office setting (where she also works, although part-time).
I have recently confirmed that the owner/husband is having an affair and is cheating on her. I know because I have seen the business credit card statements with hotel purchases, flowers, gifts etc, have seen the emails exchanged between him and this other woman, have the phone call logs where he speaks to her (early in the morning or very, very late at night) and even overheard a conversation with her setting up a date (where he lied to his wife and said he was going on business, but I knew for a fact he did not meet the person he said he was [even confirmed with that person]).
So now here I am smack in the middle of something I don't want to be. While the owner is making efforts to keep it from his wife, he's done a lousy job keeping it from me since I have access to all of the above (and need to because I am manage his business - books, HR, etc etc) - and while no, I have not seen him with this other woman I KNOW 100% that something is going on that shouldn't be. I am not only heartbroken and horrified, but am very uncomfortable having this information and not sharing it with my friend. I think he thinks he is THAT sneaky and good at this but the fact is he's TERRIBLE at it. Terrible. He has no computer savvy and doesn't realize what a trail he leaves in his wake. The only thing is - his wife isn't looking. She seems to really trust in him and everything he says. Which is a testament to true love and marriage, I suppose... but how can she be so blind? And how can he be so deceitful?
I find this a particularly touchy situation because this isn't only a matter of my friendship, but my livlihood. I do not want to work here anymore to begin with, but I feel like if I let the cat out of the bag that I will lose my job anyway. More than that, I am scared to tell my friend because she seems absolutely oblivious to what is going on and I... well, I don't want to be the person to tell her and shatter her life but I also don't want to be the person who has this information and doesn't tell her. I am torn for so many reasons.
-I love her and I don't want to lose her friendship, which I know is a HUGE possibility
-I love her and I don't want to be the bearer of hurtful and life-changing news - who am I to change her reality? Is ignorance bliss?
-I don't know how I can continue to work here either way, but I feel like such a fraud looking for a new job and planning my exit while not letting her know
-There is a possiblity she already knows and might not appreciate me bringing it up because she will be embarrassed (although my heart-of-hearts tells me she really is in the dark)
-I cannot afford to lose my job at this time (not that there's ever a good time to be out of work)
-I know that HE is doing this, not me, but at the end of the day I will be the one sharing this news... I know she very well may stay with him and work things out (which is fine), but how would our friendship not be effected forever?
I don't know what to do! I have been struggling with this for months now and I just don't know what to do, but it's making me sick and is so terribly upsetting. I thought in the beginning that he would call it off or change his mind but now the extramarital thing seems to be going stronger and with no end in sight. I have been cheated on before and I know I would want someone to tell me, but she's also been married 20+ years with two children (older, but one is still at home) and it just seems more complicated to me. I once posed her the question "would she want to know" and she said yes... but then I think... does she really know what that means?
At one time in my life I thought this was so black and white but I realize that it isn't in this situation. How can it be? Relationships are all different, people are all different. Marriages work and don't work for a variety of reasons - some people have understandings... I don't know. Maybe I'm just trying to justify not saying anything because frankly, I'm afraid. I don't want to see her hurt for ANY reason.
Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit for being strong? Brave?
Advice? Feedback? Comments? Suggestions? What do I do??
Please help!