siamese3
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2007
- Messages
- 1,028
Gypsy|1479507404|4100380 said:siamese3|1479482214|4100185 said:Gypsy|1479331326|4099426 said:Thank you so much everyone for your words of support and encouragement. I do hope things turn around.
I think my husband has lost all hope. And that's really tough. He is usually my rock. And right now, things are really tough for him. I have you guys but he... he's not that social and his family is all back east. So he feels isolated. I feel very helpless with him. So it's very hard.
Hey Gypsy, This part of your post really resonated with me.. I was sorry to read of all stuff you have had to deal with. It really sucks. My husband (who is my rock) had a rough time a few years ago. He suffers from some pretty debilitating chronic pain and has from quite a while and he was really hating his job. He also is not very social.. Our relationship is kind of huge for both of us and his depression was really hard for me and hard on our marriage. He became a very negative person during this time period, and I think the chronic pain often left him feeling very hopeless and helpless. I could empathize with how he felt, but I had never seen him as a negative person before and I didn't think that that was truly who he was. It was getting hard to recognize our marriage. I see relationships, even partnerships like ours, as always changing.. sometimes balanced, but other times one person shouldering more than the other.. but hopefully not for too long. Anyway, I was able to talk it out with him and it ended up fine. I realize this isn't your experience, I just wanted to say I know how hard this can be. I hope things will look up for you and your husband.
This, verbatim IS my experience. Our husband's could be twins. My husband has chronic debilitating pain from arthritis in his spine, a spinal fusion and a nerve condition that also causes him a LOT of pain. And the treatments for these have side effects that are difficult for him. He's not very social. And our marriage is central for both us too.
I don't recognize this negative person; it's not my husband. And I am terrified for my marriage.
Your post was like... OMG, I can't explain. Thank you for sharing your story. You have given me A LOT right here. Hope and empathy. I am so grateful. Thank you.
What actually changed things for us was me telling him that I was beginning to not recognize him anymore. That I never knew him to be such a negative person and that it was really beginning to effect me and I was afraid for our marriage. I come from a very negative and
super dysfunctional family and I have worked long and hard to not have the life I grew up in. I think when I said that it was effecting how I felt about our marriage, that really made him think about things. We both value our marriage very much. We have a very close and deep connection.The job business we were able to deal with, the chronic pain, not so much.. it is still a constant struggle. While, in general, things are much, much better.. the chronic pain is kind of like a third person in our marriage.. it really is a game changer. I have suffered from depression my whole life, and it's hard to deal with your own depression, but pile on top of that the depression of your dh.. UGH! It's hard. So.. the negativity is gone, the depression lingers. The grumpiness, especially at the end of the day, is hard some days not to take personally. Chronic pain is a bitch! Add in a cat with chronic pancreatitis, who is on Prozac and can't take it when I sit in a different chair.. some days I just don't want to come home. BUT, then I think of my life without him ( my DH) my heart almost breaks right then and there. So, more hugs to you!