Begonia
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2011
- Messages
- 3,314
Hey all,
Got a few minutes to listen?
My longtime friend 'Maggie' ripped into me and my son on the phone yesterday. I couldn't write about it yesterday...I was shaking.
What happened?
Not too sure. I'll tell you a bit about our history - it may, or may not, be important.
We have a long and complicated history that involves both us and our same-age sons, who are also friends. Just last year our kids changed schools (went to the same one). Our boys had been friends for years. Within weeks of changing, her son ('Kirk') distanced himself from my son 'Sam'. We couldn't understand why, and he was quite lonely for a time. Within a short time, 3 lads started to bully Sam. That was a very painful thing for my boy, and caused a tremendous amount of stress in the family. We got through it, and he slowly made some new friends. He was hurt that Kirk had abandoned him when he really needed him of course, but found joy in his new friendships.
Maggie also distanced herself in an abrasive and unkind way. She had formed a new friendship with an extremely wealthy woman and seemed excited about where that might take her. I listened on the phone a lot, but said little. I figured friendships ebb and flow, and tried to handle it with grace. It was painful however to get dumped, for both me and my son.
After a few months I heard back from Maggie. Her wealthy friend had dumped her and treated Maggie's teenage daughter unkindly. I listened and said little. Maggie seemed to have turned over a new leaf and was reaching out for friendship again. She spoke appreciatively of our past friendship and seemed a kinder person. Like a few epiphanies had happened in her world. I learned a lot, and challenged my inner doormat tendencies. Spoke up more and felt more authentic. I was really proud of both of us for getting past those hurts and of our learning curve.
Our sons are now in High School and are reforging their friendship as well. They online game a fair bit, but help each other in class. They are in the same academic program at school.
Maggie called yesterday, and I could tell she was foul about something. Her tone was biting, and sarcastic. She started criticizing my son Sam (a frequent habit) and suggested that he is poorly suited for the academic program he is in. Sam has just, for the first time ever, gotten on the honor roll. This program is about mentoring kids to achieve their personal best, and it seems to be working. Her son got on a lower honor roll. I don't compare our kids grades and stay away from those topics for the obvious reasons. Our boys know a bit about each others grades as they are in the same class, but I counsel Sam to stay mum on these subjects, as parents can get very competitive.
Our sons game online together, and she kept repeating that she was "sick and tired of hearing Sams voice on her computer". My son has a headset, so I only hear his voice, not her sons. She must have repeated that 5 or 6 times. It was way over the top. It wasn't so much what she said, but the tone and unspoken content of her words referring to my son Sam that was chilling. It was nasty.
I didn't blow up, but after a while got really angry, and got off the phone before I said something that was unfair. It was just ugly people. I could tell you more, but would have to write for pages.
Maggie called this am and left a message, which I screened. I don't want to take her call just yet as I need more clarity and perspective. Her message sounded like she was ready for round 2, quite frankly.
A few months back, I started a thread about Frenemies in your life. I am referring to Maggie.
We had made so much progress and both of us had compromised and made such an effort. I can't help but feel that with 1 phone call, she has undone all of the hard work we have both done over the past 9 months.
I'm not too sure how to handle it from here to be honest. I know I need a few days to calm down. If I talk to her now, you will all be able to see the mushroom cloud from your fair cities. I don't want to respond like that anymore, although tempting when someone goes after your boy.
I welcome your feedback and similar experiences...
Got a few minutes to listen?
My longtime friend 'Maggie' ripped into me and my son on the phone yesterday. I couldn't write about it yesterday...I was shaking.
What happened?
Not too sure. I'll tell you a bit about our history - it may, or may not, be important.
We have a long and complicated history that involves both us and our same-age sons, who are also friends. Just last year our kids changed schools (went to the same one). Our boys had been friends for years. Within weeks of changing, her son ('Kirk') distanced himself from my son 'Sam'. We couldn't understand why, and he was quite lonely for a time. Within a short time, 3 lads started to bully Sam. That was a very painful thing for my boy, and caused a tremendous amount of stress in the family. We got through it, and he slowly made some new friends. He was hurt that Kirk had abandoned him when he really needed him of course, but found joy in his new friendships.
Maggie also distanced herself in an abrasive and unkind way. She had formed a new friendship with an extremely wealthy woman and seemed excited about where that might take her. I listened on the phone a lot, but said little. I figured friendships ebb and flow, and tried to handle it with grace. It was painful however to get dumped, for both me and my son.
After a few months I heard back from Maggie. Her wealthy friend had dumped her and treated Maggie's teenage daughter unkindly. I listened and said little. Maggie seemed to have turned over a new leaf and was reaching out for friendship again. She spoke appreciatively of our past friendship and seemed a kinder person. Like a few epiphanies had happened in her world. I learned a lot, and challenged my inner doormat tendencies. Spoke up more and felt more authentic. I was really proud of both of us for getting past those hurts and of our learning curve.
Our sons are now in High School and are reforging their friendship as well. They online game a fair bit, but help each other in class. They are in the same academic program at school.
Maggie called yesterday, and I could tell she was foul about something. Her tone was biting, and sarcastic. She started criticizing my son Sam (a frequent habit) and suggested that he is poorly suited for the academic program he is in. Sam has just, for the first time ever, gotten on the honor roll. This program is about mentoring kids to achieve their personal best, and it seems to be working. Her son got on a lower honor roll. I don't compare our kids grades and stay away from those topics for the obvious reasons. Our boys know a bit about each others grades as they are in the same class, but I counsel Sam to stay mum on these subjects, as parents can get very competitive.
Our sons game online together, and she kept repeating that she was "sick and tired of hearing Sams voice on her computer". My son has a headset, so I only hear his voice, not her sons. She must have repeated that 5 or 6 times. It was way over the top. It wasn't so much what she said, but the tone and unspoken content of her words referring to my son Sam that was chilling. It was nasty.
I didn't blow up, but after a while got really angry, and got off the phone before I said something that was unfair. It was just ugly people. I could tell you more, but would have to write for pages.
Maggie called this am and left a message, which I screened. I don't want to take her call just yet as I need more clarity and perspective. Her message sounded like she was ready for round 2, quite frankly.
A few months back, I started a thread about Frenemies in your life. I am referring to Maggie.
We had made so much progress and both of us had compromised and made such an effort. I can't help but feel that with 1 phone call, she has undone all of the hard work we have both done over the past 9 months.
I'm not too sure how to handle it from here to be honest. I know I need a few days to calm down. If I talk to her now, you will all be able to see the mushroom cloud from your fair cities. I don't want to respond like that anymore, although tempting when someone goes after your boy.
I welcome your feedback and similar experiences...