Ladies, how do you feel about aging?

[ennui]

Oh, before I forget ... missy said:

I don't feel 50 whatever 50 is supposed to feel like that is. I feel good. In my head I feel 25 still.

That never changes. People in assisted living still feel 25. I'm convinced that it's our shell that ages, our spirit never does.

 

[missy]

Oh, before I forget ... missy said:

I don't feel 50 whatever 50 is supposed to feel like that is. I feel good. In my head I feel 25 still.

That never changes. People in assisted living still feel 25. I'm convinced that it's our shell that ages, our spirit never does.

Yea to that. Feeling 25 with the wisdom of older has its benefits. As long as one feels well too. Being able to do do everything one still wants to do so it is a win win as for now. Aging is not for sissies after all as the saying goes. Stay tough and stay strong stay smart and maximize your health and you can remain young into old age.

 

[CJ2008]

The invisibility factor is seen in trendy popular places to dine out, women over 40 aren't particularly sought after in these places, LOL, or they get a lousy seat by the kitchen. It comes when you walk into say a party and heads no longer turn; that phenomenon is noticed by most women as they get older, they no longer can command a room simply by being in it. Unless you become obscenely wealthy and even then, still questionable. Trying to get waited on in stores as an older woman versus young and attractive.

I held up really well until about 45, then I started to see aging happening. From 45-55 its just been one flipping thing after another which I won't enumerate because the fact is even though I'm not young and pretty any more I"M STILL HERE!!!!

Like ennui said, it's not about men necessarily, it's about society.

Invisible for the most part. (not that I ever commanded a room just by being in it - but I used to get my fair share of looks. I hardly get any looks from younger guys now - when I do get checked out it's by older men. But like I've said before I realize even noticing this or caring is more about self confidence than anything else. This "caring" of who's looking at me or who's not has been with me all my life. Not good.)

I feel mostly like momhappy and LLJsmom feel - sucks - even though it's good to remember there ARE pros to it.

The other day walking out of the deli where I get my morning coffee an elderly woman called me "ma'am". I wanted to yell at her "I am MISS to you!"

But I am doing what I can to still maintain myself - mostly making sure I eat clean and exercise, wear sunscreen, go a little edgy with my nail colors, make sure I don't get any soccer momish looking haircuts, dress appropriately but with little touches of edginess. What would be really sad to me is giving up. So I hope I never get to the point that I feel it's not worth trying.

What makes it worse for me also is that I don't quite accept myself all that much either. I am a loner, and more and more I have less desire to ever go out of the house! I just love being home with DH and the cats. It's heaven.

 

[House Cat]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.


There, that's the secret!

 

[lyra]

I've become so used to being invisible I've often been caught saying really inappropriate things in public. Apparently I can still be heard, but not seen. Good to know. I flat out roared at a kid whose slouchy jeans started to actually fall off in the mall one day. He was SO embarrassed. Oh well.

 

[CJ2008]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.

There, that's the secret!

I don't get it

Apparently I can still be heard, but not seen.

 

[Calliecake]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.

There, that's the secret!

I don't get it

Apparently I can still be heard, but not seen.

I know all to well the feeling of being invisible. I have never been a raving beauty but you do notice this whole invisible thing woman talk about. It bothers me but not enough to get me wearing yoga pants in public. I don't want everyone seeing that much of me! I will take being invisible over hearing "what the hell is she thinking walking around in those yoga pants". Too funny House Cat.

I completely understand how you feel CJ. I also don't want to ever give up and try to dress nice and fix myself up. I think you just come to the realization that it's not going to get any better than this appearance wise and learn to deal with it. Let's face it we are never going to be in our 20's or 30's again. I guess I just try to settle for looking good for my age.

Girls, if are unhappy about this whole aging process just wait till you are in your 50's. That is when you really notice the chances. My whole body and face started changing dramatically around 53. Its been my experience that nothing ages a woman like menopause does. I remember hearing about 10 years ago that once menopause hits the aging process comes on like a freight train and is unstoppable. I remember laughing at the comment. Now that comment doesn't sound funny to me at all!

 

[Calliecake]

deleted due to putting in the wrong thread.

 

[momhappy]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.


There, that's the secret!

I'm not sure I get this either. The only time that I wear yoga pants in public is if I'm going to a work out

 

[CJ2008]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.

There, that's the secret!

I don't get it

Apparently I can still be heard, but not seen.

I know all to well the feeling of being invisible. I have never been a raving beauty but you do notice this whole invisible thing woman talk about. It bothers me but not enough to get me wearing yoga pants in public. I don't want everyone seeing that much of me! I will take being invisible over hearing "what the hell is she thinking walking around in those yoga pants". Too funny House Cat.

I completely understand how you feel CJ. I also don't want to ever give up and try to dress nice and fix myself up. I think you just come to the realization that it's not going to get any better than this appearance wise and learn to deal with it. Let's face it we are never going to be in our 20's or 30's again. I guess I just try to settle for looking good for my age.

Girls, if are unhappy about this whole aging process just wait till you are in your 50's. That is when you really notice the chances. My whole body and face started changing dramatically around 53. Its been my experience that nothing ages a woman like menopause does. I remember hearing about 10 years ago that once menopause hits the aging process comes on like a freight train and is unstoppable. I remember laughing at the comment. Now that comment doesn't sound funny to me at all!

Oh I get it now about the yoga pants I wear them, but only to and from the gym...although sometimes if I go to the supermarket in between, etc. I will of course still have them on. They don't look bad on me though I am thin but still curvy and with a small waist (except my butt is not full like it used to be, but it's not too hideous either at least not in clothes ) and I always wear longish shirts that cover most of it.

Yes, that's the most acceptance I've come to...look as good as I can (and realistically willing to do) for my age.

I look good for my age - but yeah - I'm scared of that turning point where it's really downhill. My upper arms even though my arms used to be one of my best features and I am muscular still my tricep area holds on to a lot of fat. I am afraid what will happen there once menopause hits. And I'm already doing Botox and I did Restylane but I know eventually that won't be enough. I hope I can get to the state some of the women here have gotten to - it's nice to hear some women love themselves no matter what.

 

[Calliecake]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.


There, that's the secret!

I'm not sure I get this either. The only time that I wear yoga pants in public is if I'm going to a work out

There way a big story in the news a few months ago about a certain brand name yoga pant being see thru. Many woman were not happy about how this looked while wearing thong underwear. I'm sure that is what House Cat was talking about.

 

[CJ2008]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.


There, that's the secret!

I'm not sure I get this either. The only time that I wear yoga pants in public is if I'm going to a work out

There way a big story in the news a few months ago about a certain brand name yoga pant being see thru. Many woman were not happy about how this looked while wearing thong underwear. I'm sure that is what House Cat was talking about.

Oh yeah the pants not being see through is essential :/ I always put my hand inside the fabric first - if they are see through or shiny I won't even try them on.

 

[stracci2000]

I've been noticing some changes this year. I'll be 51 next month.
Weird skin changes.
Dark spots on my face and shoulders. Sun damage, I guess. Broiling myself on the beach is finally catching up with me.
Crepey skin. What is this?? On my arms, no less!
Saggy knees. Bony fingers with enlarged knuckles. Now my rings spin around. Aaargh.

And about those yoga pants in public, egads!!! I think these women forget to look at their backside in the mirror.
Unless you have zero body fat, you look BAAAAD

 

[CJ2008]

One thing I'm noticing lately...

A *lot* more commercials aimed at MEN older than 40...

Yesterday I heard one say something about "let me test your manhood" (not sure of the exact words) - I think it was a Walgreens commercial.

And I see more pictures/advertisements for wrinkles and skin "fixes" for men over 40.

I thought I'd feel more like "ha! take that, guys!" but mostly, I felt sad.

I do think though that men will finally realize how crappy it feels to have society bombard you with messages that you're worthless unless you're under 40.

 

[momhappy]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.


There, that's the secret!

I'm not sure I get this either. The only time that I wear yoga pants in public is if I'm going to a work out

There way a big story in the news a few months ago about a certain brand name yoga pant being see thru. Many woman were not happy about how this looked while wearing thong underwear. I'm sure that is what House Cat was talking about.

Oh, yes I remember that story, but it was quite a while ago.
I notice a lot of female college students wear yoga pants to class. I also noticed that it's typically part of an I-just-rolled-out-of-bed look (meaning no makeup, hair pulled back into a messy, knot thingy). I used to shower and get "ready" every morning before class (makeup, hair, etc.). It's not that I got all dressed up, but I wore decent clothes. I guess my age is showing….

 

[Calliecake]

I've been noticing some changes this year. I'll be 51 next month.
Weird skin changes.
Dark spots on my face and shoulders. Sun damage, I guess. Broiling myself on the beach is finally catching up with me.
Crepey skin. What is this?? On my arms, no less!
Saggy knees. Bony fingers with enlarged knuckles. Now my rings spin around. Aaargh.

And about those yoga pants in public, egads!!! I think these women forget to look at their backside in the mirror.
Unless you have zero body fat, you look BAAAAD

I am also noticing the crepey looking skin on my arms. I was hoping lifting weights would help this but that doesn't seem to be the case.
I keep telling myself to just be thankful for how I look today because everything is just going to get worse.

 

[House Cat]

Ok ladies, if you don't want to be invisible, wear yoga pants in public.

There, that's the secret!

I don't get it

Apparently I can still be heard, but not seen.

I was cracking a joke to the fact that men ALWAYS notice women in yoga pants!

Always!

 

[momhappy]

Ah, okay! Thanks for clarifying, Housecat.
Getting noticed in yoga pants is not necessarily a good thing… I suppose if you look good in them, that's one thing, but if you don't, then it may not be the sort of attention one might hope for

 

[Calliecake]

Ah, okay! Thanks for clarifying, Housecat.
Getting noticed in yoga pants is not necessarily a good thing… I suppose if you look good in them, that's one thing, but if you don't, then it may not be the sort of attention one might hope for

They certainly don't hide any imperfections!

 

[missy]

I've been noticing some changes this year. I'll be 51 next month.
Weird skin changes.
Dark spots on my face and shoulders. Sun damage, I guess. Broiling myself on the beach is finally catching up with me.
Crepey skin. What is this?? On my arms, no less!
Saggy knees. Bony fingers with enlarged knuckles. Now my rings spin around. Aaargh.

And about those yoga pants in public, egads!!! I think these women forget to look at their backside in the mirror.
Unless you have zero body fat, you look BAAAAD

I am also noticing the crepey looking skin on my arms. I was hoping lifting weights would help this but that doesn't seem to be the case.
I keep telling myself to just be thankful for how I look today because everything is just going to get worse.

Haha Callie, I just bust out laughing LOL and almost spit out what I was drinking. LOL this is too funny and also too true. OMG at my age if I laugh that hard I may not survive. Seriously though, thank you. I know you know I needed a good laugh just about now.

 

[ennui]

Its been my experience that nothing ages a woman like menopause does. I remember hearing about 10 years ago that once menopause hits the aging process comes on like a freight train and is unstoppable. I remember laughing at the comment. Now that comment doesn't sound funny to me at all!

It's true, because all those happy little female hormones are no longer running around your body. I heard the corollary, that women who have cycles into their 40s and 50s will look younger than their peers who have gone through menopause.

CJ2008, there's nothing wrong with staying home. I like to stay home, too. Sometimes I get home after work, and there's this huge sense of relief.

 

[LLJsmom]

Guilty. I will lululemon compression tights out to a movie or run errands on the weekend. They are very warm and very supportive, and they just feel great. Even worse, the legs are tight all the way down. However, I promise no panty lines. I've seen worse so I don't care. I don't think I look offensive but I certainly am not super skinny or tall. I guess I care more for my own comfort than other people's sensibilities. I can live with it.

 

[chrono]

It comes when you walk into say a party and heads no longer turn; that phenomenon is noticed by most women as they get older, they no longer can command a room simply by being in it. Unless you become obscenely wealthy and even then, still questionable. Trying to get waited on in stores as an older woman versus young and attractive.

My question isn't posed to Az specifically but to all the posters who feel invisible. Why does turning people's heads matter? Why does commanding a room matter? Shouldn't that be done by confidence, not physical appearance or wealth? If nobody helps me in a store, I will go flag down a store assistant myself. I am sorry but I don't see why these are concerns.

 

[momhappy]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to turn heads with your physical appearance. It's the society that we live in (valuing physical attractiveness) and it feels good to be appreciated in that way.

 

[chrono]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to turn heads with your physical appearance. It's the society that we live in (valuing physical attractiveness) and it feels good to be appreciated in that way.

If so, why doesn't anyone feel the need to change how much importance society places on a women's physical attractiveness over all else? There's the fat vs thin, young vs old, makeup vs natural skin debates, advertisements, and pressures stemming from society's expectation that a women be forever young and beautiful, rather than confident (that is not tied to her physical appearance) and smart. It seems to be a vicious cycle that women are doing to themselves.

 

[House Cat]

Guilty. I will lululemon compression tights out to a movie or run errands on the weekend. They are very warm and very supportive, and they just feel great. Even worse, the legs are tight all the way down. However, I promise no panty lines. I've seen worse so I don't care. I don't think I look offensive but I certainly am not super skinny or tall. I guess I care more for my own comfort than other people's sensibilities. I can live with it.

I wasn't suggesting yoga pants for the panty lines. I was simply saying that they get you noticed.

And maybe they don't hide all flaws, but I think that it is only US who notice that. Men just see "butt in yoga pants." HA!

We are far too hard on ourselves. Admittedly, I'm very guilty of this.

I am super intrigued by compression pants. You say they are warm. Are they difficult to work out in? They sound like they are best for winter?

 

[stracci2000]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to turn heads with your physical appearance. It's the society that we live in (valuing physical attractiveness) and it feels good to be appreciated in that way.

If so, why doesn't anyone feel the need to change how much importance society places on a women's physical attractiveness over all else? There's the fat vs thin, young vs old, makeup vs natural skin debates, advertisements, and pressures stemming from society's expectation that a women be forever young and beautiful, rather than confident (that is not tied to her physical appearance) and smart. It seems to be a vicious cycle that women are doing to themselves.

I think it's a complicated issue.
Our base instinct is still to attract a mate, and get approval from men. So looking pretty will get the attention of men.
This is also power. A pretty woman will get noticed first in a room. Men are hardwired to look at pretty women.
On the other hand, looks from men can be uncomfortable, and unwelcome.
We women are in a kind of torn with this issue. We want them to look, but we don't want them to look. ???

 

[momhappy]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to turn heads with your physical appearance. It's the society that we live in (valuing physical attractiveness) and it feels good to be appreciated in that way.

If so, why doesn't anyone feel the need to change how much importance society places on a women's physical attractiveness over all else? There's the fat vs thin, young vs old, makeup vs natural skin debates, advertisements, and pressures stemming from society's expectation that a women be forever young and beautiful, rather than confident (that is not tied to her physical appearance) and smart. It seems to be a vicious cycle that women are doing to themselves.

It is a very complex issue and I don't feel that it's my job to change the societal norm. Yes, in some ways, the way we value physical attractiveness is sad, but it is what it is and there's nothing I can do to change it. I value my physical appearance (probably too much) - I wear make-up, I do my hair, I dress nice, I work out several times per week. Sure, it's nice being appreciated for things like confidence, intelligence, etc., but it feels good to be appreciated for the effort that I put into my looks too. I t makes me feel young and youth is something that I value.

 

[CJ2008]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to turn heads with your physical appearance. It's the society that we live in (valuing physical attractiveness) and it feels good to be appreciated in that way.

If so, why doesn't anyone feel the need to change how much importance society places on a women's physical attractiveness over all else? There's the fat vs thin, young vs old, makeup vs natural skin debates, advertisements, and pressures stemming from society's expectation that a women be forever young and beautiful, rather than confident (that is not tied to her physical appearance) and smart. It seems to be a vicious cycle that women are doing to themselves.

Where and how would we even begin to do this?

The feelings of low self worth/tied to our looks for most are too deep to just cast aside...

I *try* to do my part by being accepting of other women - fat, old, saggy, ugly, I try to not judge them on their looks or for how they dress as far as whether they "should" be wearing something or not as far as rolls, or stomachs or heavy legs or whatever.
I also try to do my part by talking to my niece about these things and have her be accepting of others who were not born with good looks - and also try to get to not place so much value on her good looks.

But ultimately, I know that what others are influenced by is by EXAMPLE - if I am comfortable in my own body no matter what it looks like, my daughters and nieces and whatever will pick up on that...if I am comfortable with aging because I see myself as more than what I look like, same thing, that will radiate through - but unfortunately, at least for me, it's not something I can just "will." Where it got started, who knows. I know my family - as most others, maybe - first thing anyone ever did greeting each other is comment on appearance "oh you look good your hips looks smaller" "oh you gained weight right?" etc etc - Confidence comes from within - either you have it or you don't. And confidence based on looks, or very influenced by looks, is very, very fragile. Aging will come sooner or later.

 

[ennui]

My question isn't posed to Az specifically but to all the posters who feel invisible. Why does turning people's heads matter? Why does commanding a room matter? Shouldn't that be done by confidence, not physical appearance or wealth? If nobody helps me in a store, I will go flag down a store assistant myself. I am sorry but I don't see why these are concerns.

So, when the clerk looks right at you, and doesn't see you, and turns to help a younger customer, do you grab the clerk by the arm? Yell, "HEY!" How do you flag down someone who's ignoring you?