Jewelers worst nightmare or favorite customer?

[hearts-arrows_girl]

HELP! I need some advice on Diamond buying etiquette. I am on my 5th diamond from the same B/M jeweler. And I was wondering, how many upgrades are too many before they get sick of me being unable to make up my mind. Here''s what happened. I bought the first stone, and while it was being set, I decided it had too many inclusions on the cert. I originally set a budget of $3,200, so my saleslady found me a .73 I1 G stone, I changed it that day. Then my fiance upped his budget and 2nd I got a .72 SI2 E, then before the 30 days return policy was up, I asked my fiance if we could get a 1 carat, since the .72 looked small on me. (I''m 5''10"), we did and again upped the budget and got a 1.02c VS2 E stone for $9,000, but wait, then it still looked small and my fiance said "for $9,000 I was sure it would be bigger. I then began to think, "Hey for $9,000 I could go lower color and clarity and get a bigger stone, by now I figured the sales ladies hated me, but I was on a mission to find "The Perfect Stone" (My fiance said he didn''t want to go any higher than $9,000, so I had to get the biggest stone I could with great cut in that price-range) I was able to get a 1.23 G SI1, which seemed great, but as I began looking around me, the size that looked perfect to me was 2ct. I figured I could never have one and should be happy with what I had, but the feeling kept hounting me. Whenever I would see a ring I liked on someone it was always 1.75 - 2.00, and I would slink away knowing I would not be able to get the ring of my dreams. I got these first 4 stones all within 4 months. Now 13 months later and 4 weeks before my wedding, my fiance said, how much more would it cost to get your 2ct, (he still felt my stone was smaller than he wanted.) I didn''t want to spend too much more so I figured about $7,000 more. I was wrong, I went to the jeweler soooo excited, and she had a beautiful stone for $8,000 more. A J SI1 2.00 stone. It was in my price range and looked great in the store. I was sooo happy, I cried when I saw it in my setting. The size was PERFECT! I had finally gotten to get my dream ring that I waited over a year for. I was in heaven! Then the worst ever happened! Because I wanted a 2c sooo bad, I had compromised in cut, thinking it wouldn''t make THAT much of a difference, WRONG! I went from an Excellent Cut to a Good Cut, and my new stone, although under certain light could muster up sparkle, it didn''t hold a candle to my 1.23 stone''s performance. Now I was crying out of sadness, I was too ashamed to tell anyone, that I wanted to trade in yet, another stone, I figured the sales lady would not want to work with me and be mad that I had wasted her time. And think, "What happened? She loved it yesterday!", so I was going to just keep the stone I had picked, and day after day, I kept getting sadder and sadder about having to spend the rest of my life feeling less than thrilled with my stone. (Even though the 1.23 was smaller than I wanted, the cut and clarity were perfect. I use to stare at my stone all day long because it was so sparkly and full of fire) Then I figured, I am going to muster up the courage, and just call my sales lady and explain. It had only been 4 days, so I was still within the 30 day period for returns. I am happy to say, I am no longer in a hurry to get a stone and am taking my time to get a most wonderful stone. My fiance told me to spend whatever I need and get "the perfect stone" . So for the first time in my stone buying experience, I get to pick what I want, not what costs a certain amount. This time should be the end of the journey, since I now am certain of all 4 C''s that I want. I am currently looking at Excellent cut stones and am going to go slow, and not settle for anything but exactly what I want. I am really scared, because this is it. I get married in 3 weeks, and I want the stone I get married in to be with me forever, no changing after I say "I Do"! I go to look at 4 stones next week to pick out #6 THE FINAL STONE! Please let me know if anyone else has ever gone through this, and should I be embarrassed or uncomfortable when I show my face in the showroom again. OR.....are they use to going through this much trouble to sell a diamond. My final cost will be over $20,00, so I figure, they can''t hate me too much I hope!

 

[gladyskristen]

Hi H&Agirl, what a nice FI you''ve got! I wish mine suffers from DSS (diamond shrinkage syndrome) too!

I honestly don''t see a problem with your multiple upgrade, unless the shop doesn''t like business. From what I see, every upgrade you make earns them more money, so if i were the guy in the shop, I''d be thinking "Why not? I''ve got nothing to lose.".

Anyway, that''s what a return policy is for, so as long as you''re within it, by all means go get the stone you love! We consumers are entitled to it. Who cares what the salesperson thinks? Her opinion is not worth 20K! What''s most impt is tt you get something you absolutely love. You''ll be surprised at what *some* jewelers go thru to get business anyway(read: lying thru their noses).

 

[nala2000]

I would have to agree with GladysKristen. This is going to be your ring to look at everyday. It''s worth allllll of the time and effort to find THE one. As Gladys wrote each time you upgrade you are increasing your budget so that means more moneyf or them. Your FI is great, patient and understanding...He is definately a keeper.

 

[monarch64]

Um, every time you go into that store they''re making money from your upgrades/services. From what I was able to glean from your post, you''ve spent $20k in one location on five different occasions? I wouldn''t worry too much about being a PITA.

 

[Cehrabehra]

LOL You remind me of me a bit... I came here with a budget less than yours and ended up spending even more than you LOL I just didn''t buy a bunch of stones to get there The "returns" happened in my head before I bought them LOL Anyway, I can''t see how they''d be unhappy having you spend an additional 16k+ in their store LOL Not to mention, they *KNOW* anniversaries are just 55 weeks away

 

[iheartscience]

I agree with everyone else-they should be happy to see you walk in the door! I''ve worked retail for a few years and I love repeat customers, as long as they are pleasant! I doubt you''ve been anything but pleasant to them, so you have nothing to feel weird about.

Make a joke about it if you feel weird, but you definitely should not feel bad about spending $20,000 in a store!

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

Oh my God, Glady, Nala, Monarch, Cehrabehra, thing2of2, You guys all made my morning! I''ve been losing sleep over this, and now I feel WORLDS better! I was afraid it was an imposition because each time they would "give me a great discount" and work some kind of a deal out "just for me". I guess maybe they do this for everyone. Your inputs were invaluable. As soon as I get the specs on my potential stones, I will post them to get peoples advice. One that was offered said under comments: "clouds not shown". Isn''t that bad? Or one had surface graining, will that show?

 

[twodoor2]

I think one can save time shopping on diamonds if you remember that cut is the most important factor, then color, then clarity. An important thing to note is that the human eye cannot distinquish the difference between SI2 and IF that well (unless it''s an emerald cut), so it''s probably a waste of money to up the clarity above SI, just don''t go for I clarity stones. Then finally you should use all your amunitition to figure out the carat weight you can afford based on the other three C''s (cut, color and clarity). A half carat pristine white diamond that is cut to perfection can look a lot better and bigger than a one carat that isn''t cut well, or has a lesser color. I helped my sister-in-law purchase a half carat F-SI2 diamond (a gemologist once told me that''s the best combination for the most value in diamonds), and it was cut very well. It sparkles ten times better and looks much nicer than her mother''s 2 carat stone, which no one really notices that much.

I''m happy you finally got what you want, and I hope you wear it in many years of good health.

 

[MWG]

Your salesperson LOVES YOU.....her commission is going up everytime you step in the store.

Good Luck
MWG

 

[marcy]

Hi Junebug,

I agree with everyone you should get the diamond you want. Since you will be looking at your beautiful ring everyday you should definitely have the one you want and the one that is most beautiful to you. Even if you weren''t spending more money with each upgrade, they should honor the 30 day return policy with courtesy and a smile.

I suffer from buyer remorse and always try to save money then I upgrade, return it or sell it often at a loss when I tire of it being in my jewelry box. Some of my local stores aren''t very nice about returns; those stores have lost my business. When we upgraded my ering last summer my husband stuck by my side and made sure I got exactly what I wanted not what I wanted to spend and I haven''t regretted spending the extra money for a minute. He knows me well enough to know I would go for something cheaper then not stew and worry about it because it wasn''t the "best".

A lady that works for me got engaged last year and her FI doesn''t like to spend money (he can afford it he is just is thrify). She wanted a 1 ct. PC but agreed to look at something smaller to spend less money. They asked for a 3/4 ct. PC stone and the store had 2 in stock; on at $1800 and one at $2600. He said they would take the $1800 stone. They didn''t look at both of the diamonds to compare them; they didn''t look at the one they bought under a microscope; and the diamond didn''t come with any ceritification. Her stone is an H I1 with probably a good cut. She loved it until she noticed a big flaw in it and at least once a week talks to me about wanting a better diamond. She is so unhappy with it. They are getting married in July. It doesn''t sound like she''ll get to upgrade anytime soon and I feel bad for her that she doesn''t have a diamond she loves.

I''ll look forward to seeing the final product when you get it finished.

 

[simplysplendid]

I don''t think you are the jeweler''s nightmare. I''m sorry if this comes out sounding harsh : I think your fiance has been the sweetest and most patient person ever. It''s probably best to find your final soon and upgrade say a few years later for an anniversary or something. Have you thought about how he really feels about you not being satisfied with your engagement ring and changing it again and again? You were saying that you will not change the ring after the wedding but if this is really an issue, shouldn''t you not change the ring at all after the proposal which is what the engagement is meant for? I personally don''t see what''s wrong with upgrading the ring after the wedding in a few years or when the time is right (for a right budget), a lot of members here do it. Otherwise you may be putting too much pressure on the ring selection and how would you know you won''t be back at the jeweler just before the wedding because it is still not perfect enough?

 

[snlee]

Date: 6/16/2007 1:02:49 AM
Author:hearts-arrows_girl
I get married in 3 weeks, and I want the stone I get married in to be with me forever, no changing after I say 'I Do'! I go to look at 4 stones next week to pick out #6 THE FINAL STONE! Please let me know if anyone else has ever gone through this, and should I be embarrassed or uncomfortable when I show my face in the showroom again. OR.....are they use to going through this much trouble to sell a diamond. My final cost will be over $20,00, so I figure, they can't hate me too much I hope!

I know how you are feeling. I upgraded a number of times before I got married. I wanted to get married with the final diamond. I'm not sure if I'll always feel that way but I've been married almost a year and I don't want to upgrade.

I wouldn't worry about being a PITA. They love you! You are giving them business. Congrats on finding the final diamond! I can't wait to see pictures!

 

[Maisie]

I agree with what everyone else is saying. The store isn''t doing you a favour so you can''t be an imposition to them. They want your business - $20,000 is a huge amount of money!

I would advise that you take your time to choose properly. If this is to be your forever ring then you must spend time considering each diamond.

Good luck and show us the photos when you get it!

 

[neatfreak]

I wouldn''t worry about what the store thinks, but I WOULD worry about your fiance! Just make sure you don''t become the woman that can never be pleased.

 

[surfgirl]

I'm a bit surprised that everyone seems supportive of this sort of thing. I first wanted to ask H&Agirl, are you on the young side or on the older side? I ask because there was a youthfulness in how you write and if you are indeed on the young side, well, just because you *want* a 2ct straight away, doesn't mean you're in any way *entitled* to a 2ct or anything else. I don't mean to sound harsh but that's life. Just because we *want* something doesn't mean we *have* to have it. I'd be very concerned about the future spending habits of my fiance if I were your FI. Just because he's said you can "get whatever you want" with no price limit doesn't mean you should spend all his money just because you're not satisfied with all the stones you've already gone through. You started out with a $3200 budget and in one year's time you're ratcheting that up to over $20,000? Unless your FI has suddenly won the lottery or inherited a heap of money, I would find the best stone within your last price range and be done with it. If you want to upgrade after a significant anniversary like a lot of women here do (10/15/20 years, etc.), then fine. But as a newlywed, I think it's a bit of a reach, based on your described situation (unless of course your FI makes a boatload of money and is being cheap, but it doesn't sound that way from what you've said).

I know I'm not going to be very popular on this thread for my opinion but I would really think about WHY you feel the need for more than your FI seems reasonably able to afford. Marriage is about a lot more than the size of one's diamond ring.

 

[kcoursolle]

Meh, as long as you are nice about it I wouldn''t worry about what the store likes. After all you are spending a ton of money. I would, however, suggest slowing down a little bit and taking the time to think about *exactly* what you like so that it will last you a little longer before the next time you change your mind or want something bigger. This might be a little easier on your fi''s pocketbook and patience as well.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 6/16/2007 5:46:44 PM
Author: surfgirl
I''m a bit surprised that everyone seems supportive of this sort of thing. I first wanted to ask H&Agirl, are you on the young side or on the older side? I ask because there was a youthfulness in how you write and if you are indeed on the young side, well, just because you *want* a 2ct straight away, doesn''t mean you''re in any way *entitled* to a 2ct or anything else. I don''t mean to sound harsh but that''s life. Just because we *want* something doesn''t mean we *have* to have it. I''d be very concerned about the future spending habits of my fiance if I were your FI. Just because he''s said you can ''get whatever you want'' with no price limit doesn''t mean you should spend all his money just because you''re not satisfied with all the stones you''ve already gone through. You started out with a $3200 budget and in one year''s time you''re ratcheting that up to over $20,000? Unless your FI has suddenly won the lottery or inherited a heap of money, I would find the best stone within your last price range and be done with it. If you want to upgrade after a significant anniversary like a lot of women here do (10/15/20 years, etc.), then fine. But as a newlywed, I think it''s a bit of a reach, based on your described situation (unless of course your FI makes a boatload of money and is being cheap, but it doesn''t sound that way from what you''ve said).


I know I''m not going to be very popular on this thread for my opinion but I would really think about WHY you feel the need for more than your FI seems reasonably able to afford. Marriage is about a lot more than the size of one''s diamond ring.

I don''t think H&A girl sounded like she thought she was entitled to a 2 carat diamond in her original post...just that it looked best on her and it was her dream ring. Plus, she said she was ashamed that she even wanted to change the 2 carat diamond she already has, but she just wasn''t totally happy with its performance. And it sounds like her fiance brought up the upgrading a few times, not just her. Plus she didn''t seem very worried about the money, so why not? I mean, I love my diamond, but if my fiance was up for me ugrading I sure as hell would do it!

I''m surprised you took her post the way you did, really. I guess that''s the internet and the written word for you-everyone interprets writing in different ways.

 

[simplysplendid]

Date: 6/16/2007 6:48:19 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 6/16/2007 5:46:44 PM
Author: surfgirl
I''m a bit surprised that everyone seems supportive of this sort of thing. I first wanted to ask H&Agirl, are you on the young side or on the older side? I ask because there was a youthfulness in how you write and if you are indeed on the young side, well, just because you *want* a 2ct straight away, doesn''t mean you''re in any way *entitled* to a 2ct or anything else. I don''t mean to sound harsh but that''s life. Just because we *want* something doesn''t mean we *have* to have it. I''d be very concerned about the future spending habits of my fiance if I were your FI. Just because he''s said you can ''get whatever you want'' with no price limit doesn''t mean you should spend all his money just because you''re not satisfied with all the stones you''ve already gone through. You started out with a $3200 budget and in one year''s time you''re ratcheting that up to over $20,000? Unless your FI has suddenly won the lottery or inherited a heap of money, I would find the best stone within your last price range and be done with it. If you want to upgrade after a significant anniversary like a lot of women here do (10/15/20 years, etc.), then fine. But as a newlywed, I think it''s a bit of a reach, based on your described situation (unless of course your FI makes a boatload of money and is being cheap, but it doesn''t sound that way from what you''ve said).


I know I''m not going to be very popular on this thread for my opinion but I would really think about WHY you feel the need for more than your FI seems reasonably able to afford. Marriage is about a lot more than the size of one''s diamond ring.

I don''t think H&A girl sounded like she thought she was entitled to a 2 carat diamond in her original post...just that it looked best on her and it was her dream ring. Plus, she said she was ashamed that she even wanted to change the 2 carat diamond she already has, but she just wasn''t totally happy with its performance. And it sounds like her fiance brought up the upgrading a few times, not just her. Plus she didn''t seem very worried about the money, so why not? I mean, I love my diamond, but if my fiance was up for me ugrading I sure as hell would do it!

I''m surprised you took her post the way you did, really. I guess that''s the internet and the written word for you-everyone interprets writing in different ways.

You see, she started off by asking for help on diamond buying etiquette and how many upgrades are too many before the jeweler gets sick of her being unable to make up her mind. I wouldn''t worry about how a jeweler thinks, they just want her money. I thought she would be more concerned about how her fiance really feels.

 

[Skippy123]

I bet they LOVE having you as a customer.

 

[suzi]

Date: 6/16/2007 8:06:36 PM
Author: simplysplendid

Date: 6/16/2007 6:48:19 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 6/16/2007 5:46:44 PM
Author: surfgirl
I''m a bit surprised that everyone seems supportive of this sort of thing. I first wanted to ask H&Agirl, are you on the young side or on the older side? I ask because there was a youthfulness in how you write and if you are indeed on the young side, well, just because you *want* a 2ct straight away, doesn''t mean you''re in any way *entitled* to a 2ct or anything else. I don''t mean to sound harsh but that''s life. Just because we *want* something doesn''t mean we *have* to have it. I''d be very concerned about the future spending habits of my fiance if I were your FI. Just because he''s said you can ''get whatever you want'' with no price limit doesn''t mean you should spend all his money just because you''re not satisfied with all the stones you''ve already gone through. You started out with a $3200 budget and in one year''s time you''re ratcheting that up to over $20,000? Unless your FI has suddenly won the lottery or inherited a heap of money, I would find the best stone within your last price range and be done with it. If you want to upgrade after a significant anniversary like a lot of women here do (10/15/20 years, etc.), then fine. But as a newlywed, I think it''s a bit of a reach, based on your described situation (unless of course your FI makes a boatload of money and is being cheap, but it doesn''t sound that way from what you''ve said).


I know I''m not going to be very popular on this thread for my opinion but I would really think about WHY you feel the need for more than your FI seems reasonably able to afford. Marriage is about a lot more than the size of one''s diamond ring.

I don''t think H&A girl sounded like she thought she was entitled to a 2 carat diamond in her original post...just that it looked best on her and it was her dream ring. Plus, she said she was ashamed that she even wanted to change the 2 carat diamond she already has, but she just wasn''t totally happy with its performance. And it sounds like her fiance brought up the upgrading a few times, not just her. Plus she didn''t seem very worried about the money, so why not? I mean, I love my diamond, but if my fiance was up for me ugrading I sure as hell would do it!

I''m surprised you took her post the way you did, really. I guess that''s the internet and the written word for you-everyone interprets writing in different ways.

You see, she started off by asking for help on diamond buying etiquette and how many upgrades are too many before the jeweler gets sick of her being unable to make up her mind. I wouldn''t worry about how a jeweler thinks, they just want her money. I thought she would be more concerned about how her fiance really feels.

Yeah, I kinda think maybe there should be a little more thought about what the FI is thinking/feeling than what the people at the jeweler think! There really is a significant jump in budget from $3200 to $20,000 in a very short time (and you aren''t even married yet!!!)

I think it''s good that you are taking your time with this decision now (finally...lol) because it sounds like that''s what you should have done in the first place. I know this isn''t the most prevalent idea on this board, but I am not really sold on the idea of "bigger is better" for just the very reasons you have illustrated in your posts. Often times I think people sacrifice some of the things that make a stone truly beautiful just to maximize the size. And they very well might end up with a diamond that isn''t nearly as pretty or that will actually satisfy them in the long run.

I went through something very similar myself. When I first got engaged, my FI did not have the financial means to get me a very large stone. He had a budget, and he did the best with what he had to work with. He actually put more emphasis on the setting than the actual stone. Looking back, I realize that the stone was probably a very nice stone (it sparkled like crazy and as hard as a looked, I could find no visible flaws) But not being satisfied with the size of the stone, I upgraded to a new diamond within a couple of years. But in doing so, I had to also get a different setting, since the original setting would not accomodate the larger stone. I have had a few other "upgrades" since then, and the ring I have now actually resembles my original ring (as far as the setting and the shape of the center stone) only with a MUCH larger center stone than I started out with. My first diamond was a .50 carat, and the one I have now is 1.20 carat. For me, that was substantial. But sometimes I am sad, because I gave up that original ring of my in my quest for the bigger and better stone. I am happy with the ring as it is now, but often wish I had been happy with my original for a while. Maybe I would have been able to keep it, and STILL have my upgrade years later, now that my husband financially in a place to afford it. I have been married for 15 years now, and my husband given me many gifts of jewelry over the years. In addition to my many upgrades, I have an anniversary ring, diamond earrings, a very expensive diamond bracelet, and various jewelry containing other precious gems. But I no longer have that very first ring that he proposed with and that I was wearing on the day we exchanged our wedding vows. And I will never have that ring back. And I often regret that.

Not to lecture you further, but sometimes I think we can put way too much emphasis on "the ring" or "the diamond" than we do the sentiment behind the gift. Don''t get me wrong...I''m all for being happy and having what you want. You should be stuck with a ring that you don''t like, or feel like you "settled". But I think you should try avoid pushing your FI too much further, and make this latest upgrade (the one you are currently working on) your last for a while. I would hate to see you cross the line and have bad memories attatched to your engagement ring. It should accompanied by nothing but good juju. Good luck on finding that perfect diamond!

 

[Maisie]

I don''t think that HA Girl is asking our opinion on what her FI is thinking about all the upgrading though. She is asking about how the vendor is viewing her. Only she knows the situation with her FI and his finances and if he is happy for her to spend it we shouldn''t criticise them.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 6/16/2007 1:38:43 PM
Author: hearts-arrows_girl
Oh my God, Glady, Nala, Monarch, Cehrabehra, thing2of2, You guys all made my morning! I've been losing sleep over this, and now I feel WORLDS better! I was afraid it was an imposition because each time they would 'give me a great discount' and work some kind of a deal out 'just for me'. I guess maybe they do this for everyone. Your inputs were invaluable. As soon as I get the specs on my potential stones, I will post them to get peoples advice. One that was offered said under comments: 'clouds not shown'. Isn't that bad? Or one had surface graining, will that show?

Welcome to PS

'clouds not shown' is mentioned in the comments section of the grading report for the sake of completeness. Surface graining is a non issue too in most circumstances.

Quoted from expert Sir JQ
Surface Graining is structural irregularity. You can see it with a microscope. The graining may resemble faint facet junction lines, or cause a grooved or wavy surface. They look like polishing lines, but they often cross facet junctions where polishing lines don't. It is a natural characteristic of the diamond crystal, and not a reflection of the cut quality.

Many times a grading report will list surface graining, pinpoints, additional clouds, etc. as 'not shown.' The report is just noting that these things exist for sake of thoroughness. 'Not shown' means they are non-issues.

Good luck with the rock!!

 

[suzi]

Date: 6/17/2007 5:43:49 AM
Author: Maisie
I don''t think that HA Girl is asking our opinion on what her FI is thinking about all the upgrading though. She is asking about how the vendor is viewing her. Only she knows the situation with her FI and his finances and if he is happy for her to spend it we shouldn''t criticise them.

My apologies, then. It just seemed pretty drastic going from a budget of $3200 and less than one carat to $20,000 and 2 carats in a short time. I have heard similar words come out of my husband''s mouth (the part about spend whatever it takes to make sure I''m happy) only to find out later than he was more than exasperated with me! As others have said, she shouldn''t be so focused on what the jewlere thinks and just make sure she is getting what she wants. This is a pretty major upgrade, and a very large sum of money to spend on a shiney rock. She should make sure it''s going to be worth it (and I don''t mean just monitarily) in the long run.

It''s easy to get caught up in diamond shrinkage and upgrade fever. I mostly lurk here, but I have read a lot of threads here on the subject, and see where people are losing sleep over this kind of thing. I''ve been there myself, so I know how easy it is to get caught up in wanting bigger, better, or just plain different. Her wedding is coming up REALLY SOON, and I think she might want to focus on that a bit, too. I would hate to see anyone be so caught up in the ring, or the quest for the perfect stone that they start they lose focus on the important things and start their marriage big time in debt for a diamond, that''s all. But then again, I''m fifteen years beyond all that madness, so what do I know?

 

[LisaW]

Date: 6/17/2007 11:37:14 AM
Author: sipper

Date: 6/17/2007 5:43:49 AM
Author: Maisie
I don''t think that HA Girl is asking our opinion on what her FI is thinking about all the upgrading though. She is asking about how the vendor is viewing her. Only she knows the situation with her FI and his finances and if he is happy for her to spend it we shouldn''t criticise them.

My apologies, then. It just seemed pretty drastic going from a budget of $3200 and less than one carat to $20,000 and 2 carats in a short time. I have heard similar words come out of my husband''s mouth (the part about spend whatever it takes to make sure I''m happy) only to find out later than he was more than exasperated with me! As others have said, she shouldn''t be so focused on what the jewlere thinks and just make sure she is getting what she wants. This is a pretty major upgrade, and a very large sum of money to spend on a shiney rock. She should make sure it''s going to be worth it (and I don''t mean just monitarily) in the long run.

It''s easy to get caught up in diamond shrinkage and upgrade fever. I mostly lurk here, but I have read a lot of threads here on the subject, and see where people are losing sleep over this kind of thing. I''ve been there myself, so I know how easy it is to get caught up in wanting bigger, better, or just plain different. Her wedding is coming up REALLY SOON, and I think she might want to focus on that a bit, too. I would hate to see anyone be so caught up in the ring, or the quest for the perfect stone that they start they lose focus on the important things and start their marriage big time in debt for a diamond, that''s all. But then again, I''m fifteen years beyond all that madness, so what do I know?

I think the jeweler is very pleased, as I would be if someone spent $20,000 in a store I owned. I agree with Sipper, too. It makes me sad to see people so caught up in materialism that they can''t sleep at night.

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

Hey all thanks for all the advice. I guess a little background is needed. My fiance and I are both near 50 years old and have never really gotten ourselves anything nice, even though we both have very comfortable incomes. I am not into jewelry, and have never asked him for anything else. So over the last year and 1/2, I got my ring and he got his new truck. I want this ring to be with me through out the marriage, just because I''m funny that way. My Mom has had hers for 60 years (she too changed the original stone that she herself had picked out, must be a family thing.) He never did the actual proposal thing, (I don''t count the time 13 years ago when he said he''d marry me someday) We''ve been together for 13 1/2 years and I''ve know him for 25. He also never helped pick out the stone or the ring. I am a very slow shopper, so I wanted to go myself. (He also hates to shop and would have hated the hours I took to browse.) So there is no emotional attachment to the e-ring stone for him. He is just attached to me and he knows I only really started looking around at rings and learning about diamonds on the day he said "Here''s my friends number, give him a call and he will help you" His friend worked at the B/M I use, and I have used another salesperson who is his partner too. This is probably why I have the discomfort of being unpleasable, (because they are acqaintences and I may see them again.) Neither of us had any idea what a diamond costs, so our new found knowledge was the reason for the huge budget increase. He always had the money, he just wanted to know what to expect as far as spending it. And he knows I am not inconsiderate with his money, because I offered to help pay for my extravagant choice, but although he didn''t help with the choice, He stands firm on his position of "The husband pays for his wife''s E & wedding rings" So his motto is "You shop, I buy" Works for me. And I do the same for him. Heck, his new truck cover cost me a bundle! And for those of you who thought I sounded young, THANK YOU! I am a bartender and AM very youthful, my fiance and I are 2 big kids who are crazy about each other and nurture each others quirkiness.
P.S. Thanks for the info on clouds and surface graining, 2 of the stones I will see have these, and I would hate to refuse a possible good stone.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 6/17/2007 11:37:14 AM
Author: sipper

Date: 6/17/2007 5:43:49 AM

Author: Maisie

I don't think that HA Girl is asking our opinion on what her FI is thinking about all the upgrading though. She is asking about how the vendor is viewing her. Only she knows the situation with her FI and his finances and if he is happy for her to spend it we shouldn't criticise them.

My apologies, then. It just seemed pretty drastic going from a budget of $3200 and less than one carat to $20,000 and 2 carats in a short time. I have heard similar words come out of my husband's mouth (the part about spend whatever it takes to make sure I'm happy) only to find out later than he was more than exasperated with me! As others have said, she shouldn't be so focused on what the jewlere thinks and just make sure she is getting what she wants. This is a pretty major upgrade, and a very large sum of money to spend on a shiney rock. She should make sure it's going to be worth it (and I don't mean just monitarily) in the long run.


It's easy to get caught up in diamond shrinkage and upgrade fever. I mostly lurk here, but I have read a lot of threads here on the subject, and see where people are losing sleep over this kind of thing. I've been there myself, so I know how easy it is to get caught up in wanting bigger, better, or just plain different. Her wedding is coming up REALLY SOON, and I think she might want to focus on that a bit, too. I would hate to see anyone be so caught up in the ring, or the quest for the perfect stone that they start they lose focus on the important things and start their marriage big time in debt for a diamond, that's all. But then again, I'm fifteen years beyond all that madness, so what do I know?

sipper, I dont think there is any need for you to apologize for your well-worded and heartfelt comments. No, the OP didn't ask for opinions on if this is a wise thing to do, but it's glaring to some of us that she might be a bit more concerned about her FI's feelings rather than the jeweler's.

As for being chastised because one wanted to make additional related comments that weren't exactly what an OP asked for? This is the internet. People chat. If someone isn't prepared to hear the good, the bad, and the possibly the ugly, then they might not want to post on a forum.

ETA: Junebug, we posted at the same time so I'm going to add something here. With this new information, I can now see why you want this to be "the one" ring. In fact I was/am in a similar situation and I understand that getting married later in life means something a bit different on some levels (in this case, not as many years to look forward to and enjoy an upgrade down the road). Since this WILL likely be the ring you wear forever, and as long as he can afford it, get something you love. But for the love of god, get it right this time! DONT buy a ring the day you see it. Go back and see it SEVERAL MORE TIMES before you say that's the one. They should be able to hold a stone you're interested in for at least a few days so dont make another quick decision the same day you see the ring. Make yourself wait until you are sure this time.

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

surfgirl, I think your last reply summed me up exactly. And yes, for the first time, I am going VERY slow with my decision. (and my age thing was a definite factor) My wedding and e-ring are the only rings I will ever want to own, partly because I love the way they look, but mostly because "the love of my life" made them possible!
Thank you ALL for your advice, and kind words. I am glad to say my fiance seems to love the idea of the 2ct. He actually had told someone that my 1.23 was a 1.5 - 2ct. He wasn''t lying, he just didn''t know what the carat weight of my stone was. I think from the beginning he thought my ring looked too small on me, and now he seems to be happier than ever that I am getting a size that he and I both think is suitable. I just love my guy!

 

[Maisie]

Date: 6/17/2007 1:05:29 PM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 6/17/2007 11:37:14 AM
Author: sipper

Date: 6/17/2007 5:43:49 AM

Author: Maisie

I don't think that HA Girl is asking our opinion on what her FI is thinking about all the upgrading though. She is asking about how the vendor is viewing her. Only she knows the situation with her FI and his finances and if he is happy for her to spend it we shouldn't criticise them.

My apologies, then. It just seemed pretty drastic going from a budget of $3200 and less than one carat to $20,000 and 2 carats in a short time. I have heard similar words come out of my husband's mouth (the part about spend whatever it takes to make sure I'm happy) only to find out later than he was more than exasperated with me! As others have said, she shouldn't be so focused on what the jewlere thinks and just make sure she is getting what she wants. This is a pretty major upgrade, and a very large sum of money to spend on a shiney rock. She should make sure it's going to be worth it (and I don't mean just monitarily) in the long run.


It's easy to get caught up in diamond shrinkage and upgrade fever. I mostly lurk here, but I have read a lot of threads here on the subject, and see where people are losing sleep over this kind of thing. I've been there myself, so I know how easy it is to get caught up in wanting bigger, better, or just plain different. Her wedding is coming up REALLY SOON, and I think she might want to focus on that a bit, too. I would hate to see anyone be so caught up in the ring, or the quest for the perfect stone that they start they lose focus on the important things and start their marriage big time in debt for a diamond, that's all. But then again, I'm fifteen years beyond all that madness, so what do I know?

sipper, I dont think there is any need for you to apologize for your well-worded and heartfelt comments. No, the OP didn't ask for opinions on if this is a wise thing to do, but it's glaring to some of us that she might be a bit more concerned about her FI's feelings rather than the jeweler's.

As for being chastised because one wanted to make additional related comments that weren't exactly what an OP asked for? This is the internet. People chat. If someone isn't prepared to hear the good, the bad, and the possibly the ugly, then they might not want to post on a forum.

ETA: Junebug, we posted at the same time so I'm going to add something here. With this new information, I can now see why you want this to be 'the one' ring. In fact I was/am in a similar situation and I understand that getting married later in life means something a bit different on some levels (in this case, not as many years to look forward to and enjoy an upgrade down the road). Since this WILL likely be the ring you wear forever, and as long as he can afford it, get something you love. But for the love of god, get it right this time! DONT buy a ring the day you see it. Go back and see it SEVERAL MORE TIMES before you say that's the one. They should be able to hold a stone you're interested in for at least a few days so dont make another quick decision the same day you see the ring. Make yourself wait until you are sure this time.

Surfgirl I wasn't intending for my post to come across as chastising anyone. I apologise if I did offend anyone

 

[suzi]

Date: 6/17/2007 1:55:59 PM
Author: hearts-arrows_girl
surfgirl, I think your last reply summed me up exactly. And yes, for the first time, I am going VERY slow with my decision. (and my age thing was a definite factor) My wedding and e-ring are the only rings I will ever want to own, partly because I love the way they look, but mostly because ''the love of my life'' made them possible!
Thank you ALL for your advice, and kind words. I am glad to say my fiance seems to love the idea of the 2ct. He actually had told someone that my 1.23 was a 1.5 - 2ct. He wasn''t lying, he just didn''t know what the carat weight of my stone was. I think from the beginning he thought my ring looked too small on me, and now he seems to be happier than ever that I am getting a size that he and I both think is suitable. I just love my guy!

Junebug,

I''m glad you''ve decided to take things slow at last. It will be worth it! You should absolutely get the stone you want, especially since you don''t plan to upgrade in the future. It sounds like you did what a lot of people do the first time around...which is go out and purchase your diamond without being fully armed with the appropriate knowledge. But now you have a better idea of what you want, and what it''s going to cost you to get it. I''d advise you to read some more of the wonderful threads on this website and familiarize yourself with all the information that is available about diamonds. It wouldn''t even hurt to look at the prices some of the vendors mentioned here want for their diamonds of similar size and quality just so you know if you are getting a good deal from your B&M. I know from first hand experience that when one is spending that kind of money, the store will usually be willing to make deals with you and negotiate on the price. If you find a diamond that really speaks to you, but is more than you planned to spend (even though it sounds like you have upped your budget very nicely

) you just might be willing to get your jeweler to give you a price break, especially if you can show him that you could buy something similar for less money elsewhere. It''s worth a try, anyway.

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

Sipper, that''s exactly what happened. I went out uninformed. Plus, I was sooo excited, that I only would look at what was in the store. This time I am having them call in different stones from their other stores. I have even called around myself, just in case they might have missed a good stone, or not wanted to look that thoroughly. I have been lurking on PS for about 8 months now, and the posts have helped immensely. I appreciate your words. They are kind and correct.