Im scared about my fiances bachelor party!!

[Italiahaircolor]

I think this crosses all sorts of lines and comfort zones, and I don''t think any sane person could fault you for being upset. Watching 3 girls have sex on floor...I shudder at the mere thought.

So, I think you need to lay it out and play it straight. The fact that your wishes weren''t respected from the get...well thats a problem. This is a night to cap off his singlehood...not a chance for him to go buck wild. You need not mince words here...your trust has been shaken and if he wants a bachelor party that you''ll go along with, then it needs to be simple and stripper free. If he cannot do that for you, his future wife, then...you need to decide how to draw your line in the sand.

I personally feel that bachelor parties make guys go crazy. Seriously. I think they are so "ego driven" and over blown that normally rational, responsible, loving men are swayed by peer pressure and good times goes bad quickly. I remember a handful of weeks ago my neighbor was having his bachelor party...the house was overrun by men, and at one point while I was on my deck I witness what could best by discribed as "grappling" going on...blinds smashed and the groom screaming about a hole in his wall. Now, normally my neighbor is very quiet...I''d never have thought that his party would be so unruly. But, though a bunch of guys together, add alcohol and everything goes down hill quickly.

Anyway, I think you need to firmly set your rules...this is a party, nothing more and nothing less...but you''re getting married, and nothing should put that in danger.

 

[jaylex]

Wow. I feel terrible for you in this situation. But my "views" on this sort of thing are not the "norm" and neither are my fiance's luckily.

We both feel that men are very visual and more visually driven than women (women are more "emotionally" driven).
So he considers seeing another woman naked "cheating" on me to a certain degree. In his opinion, anything that would make him think of another woman sexually is disrespectful to me and our relationship that we work so hard to protect. He told me that if his best man doesn't honor his request of not having a stripper PERIOD, then he will walk out right away.

He also told me that if I wanted a stripper at my party (which I don't) that he wouldn't care because he feels like women react differently to male strippers than men do to women strippers. To a woman, seeing a stripper is like "oh! that's so funny! ha ha.. naked guy! he's hott!" (reference "The Proposal")... but to a guy, seeing a stripper is like... well... we all pretty much know lol. add in alcohol and unruly friends cheering it on? no thanks.

It's funny because when I tell people this, they like to make comments like "yeah.. he tells ya that to your face" and stuff like that but in all honesty, it's how he feels. He gets away in movies or just turns to talk to me instead when there is a scene with naked/topless women.. I'm not even talking ****.. but movies like "wedding crashers" where the girls drop naked onto the bed. He doesn't want me to ever think that he is thinking of someone else or like I have to compare my body to a strippers or a naked move star.. I think any girl can appreciate that.
I feel so lucky that he thinks this way and it can only help a relationship to not have that "stuff" in the mix IMO. I really don't see how strippers could benefit a relationship?


I don't blame you for feeling like the three stripper sex toy fiasco is WAY out of line.. and i really don't blame you for being uneasy about him having a party at all now. I do think that your man's "best" man was extremely disrespectful to you in trying to plan something as pornographic as that for his bachelor party.

My fiance and I have decided to go on a weekend "getaway" with our parties instead. Together. Drinking, fun, bars... but if my fiance is going to see anyone naked that night, you better believe it's gonna be me lol.

Sorry if I threadjacked

I can ramble sometimes lol.

 

[jaylex]

Date: 10/9/2009 3:37:28 PM
Author: Bliss
I am so sorry, I would be very upset as well.

I just don''t get why certain guys would want to do this the day before going into a church and saying holy vows that will mean more than anything else in their lives. Even stranger is that the guy arranging this with the dancers/prostitutes has been married for 6 years! I wonder how his wife would feel about that?! I would also have a problem if he had a friend whose idea of supporting his groom-to-be buddy is to hire prostitutes to perform a three way act.

I don''t think you are being unreasonable at all. But maybe he doesn''t get it and is honestly clueless about how you feel in this instance. We''ve had threads on PS like this before and sometimes it seems like the guy just truly does not get it. Or maybe to him, it''s just a rite of passage. I don''t get it, personally. Even typing out the possible reasons why he wouldn''t get it are a little over my head. Just trying my best to be objective.

I''ve always wondered that too!

What a strange world we live in. lol

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 10/10/2009 1:42:03 AM
Author: jaylex

Date: 10/9/2009 3:37:28 PM
Author: Bliss
I am so sorry, I would be very upset as well.

I just don''t get why certain guys would want to do this the day before going into a church and saying holy vows that will mean more than anything else in their lives. Even stranger is that the guy arranging this with the dancers/prostitutes has been married for 6 years! I wonder how his wife would feel about that?! I would also have a problem if he had a friend whose idea of supporting his groom-to-be buddy is to hire prostitutes to perform a three way act.

I don''t think you are being unreasonable at all. But maybe he doesn''t get it and is honestly clueless about how you feel in this instance. We''ve had threads on PS like this before and sometimes it seems like the guy just truly does not get it. Or maybe to him, it''s just a rite of passage. I don''t get it, personally. Even typing out the possible reasons why he wouldn''t get it are a little over my head. Just trying my best to be objective.

I''ve always wondered that too!

What a strange world we live in. lol

Some guys just think differently to women. As far as the OPs FI is concerned he said the party was ''too much'' and I guess he can''t understand why she''s soooo upset about it. In his mind, he wasn''t going to CHEAT on her and she''s still the woman he''s going to marry

 

[honey22]

Ok, I will be totally honest here. I don''t mind if my FI looks at **** *with me or by himself*, goes to the strippers, whatever as long as he doesn''t touch. I know he is coming home to me and I am secure in that notion.

However, I do think these kinds of sex shows (and that''s exactly what they are, sex shows, not strip shows) do cross the line of decency at bucks nights. I don''t think they are classy or necessary.

I am in no way bisexual, but I do appreciate a womans body. I think a strip show can be done sexily and with taste, but shows with multiple woman and sex toys are just too much in my opinion.

 

[Treasure43]

I completely understand why you would be upset and I''m sorry you''re having to go through this. I would suggest an honest discussion with your FI about how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Personally my FI and I have talked about it and he''d rather go to a sporting event with his friends and not drink excessively (because he hates the hangovers in the morning). I will probably end up going somewhere to a bar with my girls and drinking but we agreed that neither of us wants strippers at their parties. I would also suggest reversing the situation and asking him how he would feel if you were to watch naked men at YOUR party. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Ugh, don''t you just get that sick to your stomach feeling thinking about your FI/DH engaging in those activities? I have a lot of guy friends and I''ve heard a lot of stories. Lots. I had a friend who got married a few years ago and his bachelor party involved a stripper, um, how shall I say this.... putting objects in "female places" and the groom had to retrieve them..... with his teeth. I think I vomited in my mouth upon hearing that. Filthy, disgusting. Bleh.

I have made it very clear to FI: you may go to a strip club, you may get a lap dance, you may NOT go to the private room and you may NOT have personal strippers hired to come to anyone''s home or hotel room. Bluestar, I''m sorry you''re dealing with this, but I think it''s good that you''re getting this all out in the open BEFORE it happened as opposed to AFTER. Sometimes guys are just idiots and there''s nothing we can do about it. I hope you work everything out!

 

[bee*]

Date: 10/10/2009 5:51:00 AM
Author: honey22
Ok, I will be totally honest here. I don''t mind if my FI looks at **** *with me or by himself*, goes to the strippers, whatever as long as he doesn''t touch. I know he is coming home to me and I am secure in that notion.


However, I do think these kinds of sex shows (and that''s exactly what they are, sex shows, not strip shows) do cross the line of decency at bucks nights. I don''t think they are classy or necessary.


I am in no way bisexual, but I do appreciate a womans body. I think a strip show can be done sexily and with taste, but shows with multiple woman and sex toys are just too much in my opinion.

You have summed up exactly how I feel. I have no problem if D wanted to go to a stripclub, look at **** etc, however I think a sex show for a stag night is crossing the line.

 

[cindygenit]

Date: 10/9/2009 5:33:01 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree

Date: 10/9/2009 2:49:46 AM
Author: cindygenit
Well... I have never been to a bachelor party (LOL) but that does sound a little more ''dirty'' than your usual bachelor party. I thought it was just a stripper doing a show for 15 mins!!!! And lots of drinking. And loud music.

Cindy, i KNOW that the ''dirty'' bachelor party goes on here in Perth.. gone are the days of the good clean fun of some girl just taking her clothes of for 15 minutes and that''s all. Some of the stuff that goes on is just absolutely wrank. Fi went to one last year and some of the things she said she did.. oh man so gross. Good thing is FI doesn''t want a show like that because she embarrassed the hell out of the bachelor.. stripped him naked and did all sorts of things apparently.

That is so gross!!

FI is thinking about not having a bucks night at all... I think he just doesn''t want to offend me. However, I will make sure my brother takes him to a strip joint and get a lapdance LOL

Bluestar, i stand by my opinion. And i agree with honey and bee!!! A sex show is WAY over the line for a bachelor party.

 

[sonnyjane]

Date: 10/28/2009 12:23:18 PM
Author: christinestar9
I hope he enjoyed the girl on girl sex show, because the intimacy of our relationship has been destroyed.

I know this is kind of off-topic, but I wouldn''t judge your SO based on what some OTHER sleazy guy posted on the internet. Your SO didn''t do those things, this guy did. Just because those services are provided doesn''t mean your SO took advantage of them. I''m sorry that you''re having problems in your relationship as a result of his night out, and I''m not the biggest fan of strip clubs, but I am a realist, and unless you have proof that your SO did these things, I wouldn''t condemn him.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 10/28/2009 12:40:08 PM
Author: sonnyjane

Date: 10/28/2009 12:23:18 PM
Author: christinestar9


I hope he enjoyed the girl on girl sex show, because the intimacy of our relationship has been destroyed.

I know this is kind of off-topic, but I wouldn't judge your SO based on what some OTHER sleazy guy posted on the internet. Your SO didn't do those things, this guy did. Just because those services are provided doesn't mean your SO took advantage of them. I'm sorry that you're having problems in your relationship as a result of his night out, and I'm not the biggest fan of strip clubs, but I am a realist, and unless you have proof that your SO did these things, I wouldn't condemn him.

Um...yeah.

Did your fiance *write that review, christinestar9? If he did then obviously any of us would be upset. But if he didn't then I think you are over-reacting big time.

*editing because apparently I don't know the difference between right and write lol!

 

[sctsbride09]

Christinestar9- that is so absolutely disgusting. Im sorry to be dense, but please tell me that was not your bf that wrote that review. Even if it wasnt, I dont blame you for your anger. Im a big believer in having respect for your SO, and to me, seeing other women naked is NOT respectful. If that was my dh, I do believe our relationship would be damaged as well. The things going on in that club (per the review) are nasty, and they should be shut down. What kind of woman with even a SHRED of self dignity would do those things? Ugh! sorry for going off subject.. ETA- this is coming from a person who is not cool with her DH being in strip club AT ALL. To me, it constitutes cheating, and dh agrees.

 

[princesss]

Date: 10/28/2009 12:46:43 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 10/28/2009 12:40:08 PM
Author: sonnyjane

Date: 10/28/2009 12:23:18 PM
Author: christinestar9


I hope he enjoyed the girl on girl sex show, because the intimacy of our relationship has been destroyed.

I know this is kind of off-topic, but I wouldn''t judge your SO based on what some OTHER sleazy guy posted on the internet. Your SO didn''t do those things, this guy did. Just because those services are provided doesn''t mean your SO took advantage of them. I''m sorry that you''re having problems in your relationship as a result of his night out, and I''m not the biggest fan of strip clubs, but I am a realist, and unless you have proof that your SO did these things, I wouldn''t condemn him.

Um...yeah.

Did your fiance right that review, christinestar9? If he did then obviously any of us would be upset. But if he didn''t then I think you are over-reacting big time.

Ditto. Just because all of that CAN happen at the club doesn''t mean it DID happen with your SO. Different clubs have different vibes. Your SO may not have even been around for the show, or he may have chosen not to watch it. Besides, if you trust him not to touch any other girl, that includes strip clubs. And I''m guessing you wouldn''t have agreed to marry him if you didn''t trust him. So give him the benefit of the doubt and don''t judge him the same way you judge the guy that wrote the review.

 

[christinestar9]

.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/28/2009 12:49:15 PM
Author: sctsbride09
Christinestar9- that is so absolutely disgusting. Im sorry to be dense, but please tell me that was not your bf that wrote that review. Even if it wasnt, I dont blame you for your anger. Im a big believer in having respect for your SO, and to me, seeing other women naked is NOT respectful. If that was my dh, I do believe our relationship would be damaged as well. The things going on in that club (per the review) are nasty, and they should be shut down. What kind of woman with even a SHRED of self dignity would do those things? Ugh! sorry for going off subject.. ETA- this is coming from a person who is not cool with her DH being in strip club AT ALL. To me, it constitutes cheating, and dh agrees.

Ditto.

Did he tell you he was going to a place with strippers? Does he know your feelings about strippers (whether it is absolutely not, have all the fun he wants, or wherever in between)?


I hope you can work through this. You married him and trust him (I assume) so trust that he didn''t do anything and move past it. Maybe discuss what is and isn''t appropriate so he knows for any future events what you are comfortable with. (up to and including not attending parties in that kind of setting if that is what you both agree is right for your relationship)

 

[sctsbride09]

Christinestar9- glad to know that was not your bf writing that review, I still feel bad for your situation though. I have to agree with TooPatient when she said to maybe try and set some bounderies if this has not been done already? If you are uncomfortable with your man being around nude women (in ANY situation) he should respect that. After all, you are his SO, the guys are just "the guys". Im sorry, but I think thats a lame guys night out anyway, do guys really have nothing better to do than pay some chick who has ZERO interest in them (besides their wallet that is) to grind on them, when most have perfectly lovely wives/gf''s at home? end vent.

 

[freckles127]

Date: 10/10/2009 1:27:58 AM
Author: jaylex
Wow. I feel terrible for you in this situation. But my 'views' on this sort of thing are not the 'norm' and neither are my fiance's luckily.


We both feel that men are very visual and more visually driven than women (women are more 'emotionally' driven).

So he considers seeing another woman naked 'cheating' on me to a certain degree. In his opinion, anything that would make him think of another woman sexually is disrespectful to me and our relationship that we work so hard to protect. He told me that if his best man doesn't honor his request of not having a stripper PERIOD, then he will walk out right away.


He also told me that if I wanted a stripper at my party (which I don't) that he wouldn't care because he feels like women react differently to male strippers than men do to women strippers. To a woman, seeing a stripper is like 'oh! that's so funny! ha ha.. naked guy! he's hott!' (reference 'The Proposal')... but to a guy, seeing a stripper is like... well... we all pretty much know lol. add in alcohol and unruly friends cheering it on? no thanks.


It's funny because when I tell people this, they like to make comments like 'yeah.. he tells ya that to your face' and stuff like that but in all honesty, it's how he feels. He gets away in movies or just turns to talk to me instead when there is a scene with naked/topless women.. I'm not even talking ****.. but movies like 'wedding crashers' where the girls drop naked onto the bed. He doesn't want me to ever think that he is thinking of someone else or like I have to compare my body to a strippers or a naked move star.. I think any girl can appreciate that.

I feel so lucky that he thinks this way and it can only help a relationship to not have that 'stuff' in the mix IMO. I really don't see how strippers could benefit a relationship?



I don't blame you for feeling like the three stripper sex toy fiasco is WAY out of line.. and i really don't blame you for being uneasy about him having a party at all now. I do think that your man's 'best' man was extremely disrespectful to you in trying to plan something as pornographic as that for his bachelor party.


My fiance and I have decided to go on a weekend 'getaway' with our parties instead. Together. Drinking, fun, bars... but if my fiance is going to see anyone naked that night, you better believe it's gonna be me lol.


Sorry if I threadjacked

I can ramble sometimes lol.

I completely agree with this and don't know if I can express it any better.

I've never understood why the bachelor party has to be marketed as such a fun night to let go of all responsibility and respect. It has been marketed as "the last night of freedom" and what does that mean? It gives marriage such a bad connotation, as the guy will die after marrying his fiance. Isn't it supposed to be marriage to, the, alleged love of your life?

Men are so much more physical. They can get aroused (I mean this literally) and excited by a picture, a video, a picture of a girl looking seductive. For women, we depend on emotional feelings, the build of trust and the feeling of protection and love. That's why, to me, strippers differ for the 2 genders.

Men react like the bachelor party is a night to get away from what they normally might get in trouble for and with unlimited alcohol, there's no limit. When we go to Chip n Dales, sure, there are barely dressed men there. But I don't think we get aroused and react physically to it. Unfortunately, it's what society dictates what is acceptable this day and age.

I just pray that our fiances would respect us enough to not let it get out of hand. They may be pressured to have strippers by his friends but it is the choices that he makes that will define him.