Im scared about my fiances bachelor party!!

[bluestar13]

Ok so i have a dilema with my fiances bachelor party...From the very begining when they began to plan it I let them know keep it clean. I was ok with a stripper as long as it doesn''t get out of hand, let her do her little show and go home. I trusted the best man would understand such request since he has been married for 6 years now.

To my surprise and disgust they were planning a 3 stripper show...thats not what upset me...the package they were getting involved the strippers having sex with each other with all kinds of toys in front of everybody....My fiance finally told me because it seems that it wasnt going to happen anymore because it was too much money....

I was furious, upset, hurt, disapointed, you name it!!! we argued about it all night. He insisted that he told them it was too much. My issue is that had they had enough money they would of gone ahead as planned...I explained my concerns to him and how disrespectful I thought it was but I dont know if he understands completely my hurt because the next day he acted like nothing. A few time he said its just watching them, I told him i dont care if its just watching its not right..

I''m not sure I want hime to have a party anymore...I need some advice

 

[cindygenit]

Well... I have never been to a bachelor party (LOL) but that does sound a little more "dirty" than your usual bachelor party. I thought it was just a stripper doing a show for 15 mins!!!! And lots of drinking. And loud music.

 

[bluestar13]

His brother had a stripper for one of his birthdays and I attended. The show was ok not too dirty, it was what I expected. I even got a lapdance lol...i was fine with it which is why I was ok with him having a stripper. He kept trying to excuse it with saying that my bachelorette party was going to be just as bad. No way I stopped him right there and set him straight...I made it very clear to my mother in law and maid of honor that I dont want no over the line show...no taking my clothes off or anything like that. I go out of my way to make sure that I dont do anything disrespectful toward my husband!!! I cant stop thinking about what could of happened...I trust my fiance and I know he wouldnt cheat on me but I am not ok with him wanting to see girls doing themselves at his party.

I want to get over this but I''m am truly hurt...i trusted him not to ever put us in this kind of situation and here we are

 

[cindygenit]

Date: 10/9/2009 2:58:14 AM
Author: bluestar13
His brother had a stripper for one of his birthdays and I attended. The show was ok not too dirty, it was what I expected. I even got a lapdance lol...i was fine with it which is why I was ok with him having a stripper. He kept trying to excuse it with saying that my bachelorette party was going to be just as bad. No way I stopped him right there and set him straight...I made it very clear to my mother in law and maid of honor that I dont want no over the line show...no taking my clothes off or anything like that. I go out of my way to make sure that I dont do anything disrespectful toward my husband!!! I cant stop thinking about what could of happened...I trust my fiance and I know he wouldnt cheat on me but I am not ok with him wanting to see girls doing themselves at his party.

I want to get over this but I''m am truly hurt...i trusted him not to ever put us in this kind of situation and here we are

I have to agree with you there.

Plus, his friends are gonna make sure that he will have a drink in his hand all night, having a show like that could lead to a serious mistake on his part...

It sounds his friends were trying to hire prostitutes for the night because strippers don''t do that kind of thing. I thought they just strip.

 

[bluestar13]

I guess for the right price they can have them do anything...men think with the wrong head i swear

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 10/9/2009 2:49:46 AM
Author: cindygenit
Well... I have never been to a bachelor party (LOL) but that does sound a little more ''dirty'' than your usual bachelor party. I thought it was just a stripper doing a show for 15 mins!!!! And lots of drinking. And loud music.

Cindy, i KNOW that the ''dirty'' bachelor party goes on here in Perth.. gone are the days of the good clean fun of some girl just taking her clothes of for 15 minutes and that''s all. Some of the stuff that goes on is just absolutely wrank. Fi went to one last year and some of the things she said she did.. oh man so gross. Good thing is FI doesn''t want a show like that because she embarrassed the hell out of the bachelor.. stripped him naked and did all sorts of things apparently.

Bluestar i am really sorry that you are going through this... it is the worst feeling, and to think they would have gone ahead with it if they could have afforded it.

I don''t really have any advice to give you. I don''t think you can stop him having a party but maybe you could talk them going to an actual strip club, that seems alot less dirty than the private party in the back yard stuff.

I hope that you can get through all of this in one piece without fighting with your Fi too much, i hope you can find a compromise that you can both be happy with.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 10/9/2009 2:31:40 AM
Author:bluestar13
Ok so i have a dilema with my fiances bachelor party...From the very begining when they began to plan it I let them know keep it clean. I was ok with a stripper as long as it doesn't get out of hand, let her do her little show and go home. I trusted the best man would understand such request since he has been married for 6 years now.

To my surprise and disgust they were planning a 3 stripper show...thats not what upset me...the package they were getting involved the strippers having sex with each other with all kinds of toys in front of everybody....My fiance finally told me because it seems that it wasnt going to happen anymore because it was too much money....

I was furious, upset, hurt, disapointed, you name it!!! we argued about it all night. He insisted that he told them it was too much. My issue is that had they had enough money they would of gone ahead as planned...I explained my concerns to him and how disrespectful I thought it was but I dont know if he understands completely my hurt because the next day he acted like nothing. A few time he said its just watching them, I told him i dont care if its just watching its not right..

I'm not sure I want hime to have a party anymore...I need some advice

I would have been upset if I were in your shoes but I wouldn't have spent all night arguing about it. In your FI's mind his buddies wanted to throw a party which he said was 'too much' and in the end it didn't happen. Ultimately you should trust him and not let things escalate even if his friends are thoughtless in wanting to throw a trashy party

 

[susied]

To echo what some have already said, you have to decide what you''re comfortable with and let him know that. I agree with you though, what they are proposing would make me uncomfortable and has the potential to get wayyyyyy out of control, like cindygenit said.
Stand your ground - if you are tailoring your party to have fun but still respect him, it would be nice of him to do the same. Good luck!

 

[cocolaw]

i''m sorry, watching girls have sex? that is so far past the line of acceptable behavior for a bachelor party, in my opinion. i really hate how men started having strippers at bachelor parties, some women were OK with it, others felt like they had to be OK with it, and so now it is expected. and men are taking it even further to watching (and if they are being undressed then participating in) live, real sex and we are supposed to be OK with it because it is a bachelor party? the bachelor party is supposed to be celebrating the fact that your fiance is getting married. he is not single...far from! the theme of these bachelor parties seem more like giving fiance what he would want it if he was single and it was his last night on earth. i just don''t understand it.

i told my fiance that if there were any strippers or visits to strip clubs, then it would not be a bachelor party because there would be no impending wedding. i''m not a prude--i would not have cared if he saw strippers early in our relationship, but right before we get married? no way.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 10/9/2009 9:14:25 AM
Author: cocolaw
i''m sorry, watching girls have sex? that is so far past the line of acceptable behavior for a bachelor party, in my opinion. i really hate how men started having strippers at bachelor parties, some women were OK with it, others felt like they had to be OK with it, and so now it is expected. and men are taking it even further to watching (and if they are being undressed then participating in) live, real sex and we are supposed to be OK with it because it is a bachelor party? the bachelor party is supposed to be celebrating the fact that your fiance is getting married. he is not single...far from! the theme of these bachelor parties seem more like giving fiance what he would want it if he was single and it was his last night on earth. i just don''t understand it.

i told my fiance that if there were any strippers or visits to strip clubs, then it would not be a bachelor party because there would be no impending wedding. i''m not a prude--i would not have cared if he saw strippers early in our relationship, but right before we get married? no way.

Ditto. I was just having this discussion with DH. I''m so tired of hearing about instances where the woman asks her fiance either not to have strippers, or have certain (reasonable) rules, and it''s broken. I''m sorry you''re going through this bluestar. Bottom line, if you asked them to keep it clean, your wishes should''ve been respected. And while you can''t expect his friends and best man to follow the rules, your FI should. I can see why you argued about it; he only told you about it because it wasn''t going to happen. So he was going to let it happen?

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 10/9/2009 9:14:25 AM
Author: cocolaw
i''m sorry, watching girls have sex? that is so far past the line of acceptable behavior for a bachelor party, in my opinion. i really hate how men started having strippers at bachelor parties, some women were OK with it, others felt like they had to be OK with it, and so now it is expected. and men are taking it even further to watching (and if they are being undressed then participating in) live, real sex and we are supposed to be OK with it because it is a bachelor party? the bachelor party is supposed to be celebrating the fact that your fiance is getting married. he is not single...far from! the theme of these bachelor parties seem more like giving fiance what he would want it if he was single and it was his last night on earth. i just don''t understand it.

i told my fiance that if there were any strippers or visits to strip clubs, then it would not be a bachelor party because there would be no impending wedding. i''m not a prude--i would not have cared if he saw strippers early in our relationship, but right before we get married? no way.

I agree! Years ago FI and I got into a bit of a tiff over why it is completely inappropriate, in my opinion, to have strippers as a part of the bachelor party. I told him I felt strippers should be something you get for your single friends on their birthday''s. It never made any sense to me why it was regarded as the norm. Glad to see I am not the only one who feels this way!

 

[decodelighted]

Bottom line: He told them it was "too much". THEY were the ones *using* his wedding as an excuse to see freaky stuff they''re not allowed to see. Your FI was *AGAINST* it. And, you don''t really know what *WOULD* have happened if they had enough $$$. He might have put his foot down & said NO -- or left the part if things like that started happening.

So give HIM the benefit of the doubt -- and just know what you''re dealing with in terms of his "friends". Lots of bad behavior comes out of family members and bridesmaids and wedding guests also. Chalk it up to that.

If it makes you feel better -- discuss the line YOU''d be uncomfortable him crossing so he has that knowledge going into the party. He''s an adult and hopefully you trust him enough and he''s not a wuss who''d get bullied into stuff by his jerky friends. There''s a LIFETIME AHEAD of potential "opportunities". You either trust him or you don''t. Yanno?

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 10/9/2009 10:07:51 AM
Author: decodelighted
Bottom line: He told them it was ''too much''. THEY were the ones *using* his wedding as an excuse to see freaky stuff they''re not allowed to see. Your FI was *AGAINST* it. And, you don''t really know what *WOULD* have happened if they had enough $$$. He might have put his foot down & said NO -- or left the part if things like that started happening.

So give HIM the benefit of the doubt -- and just know what you''re dealing with in terms of his ''friends''. Lots of bad behavior comes out of family members and bridesmaids and wedding guests also. Chalk it up to that.

If it makes you feel better -- discuss the line YOU''d be uncomfortable him crossing so he has that knowledge going into the party. He''s an adult and hopefully you trust him enough and he''s not a wuss who''d get bullied into stuff by his jerky friends. There''s a LIFETIME AHEAD of potential ''opportunities''. You either trust him or you don''t. Yanno?

Deco i think you are SPOT on. I am one of ''those girls'' who are semi okay with strippers at a party. do i like it? of coruse not, its competetion!! but, all in all i do trust my Fi to make the right choices. for the last party i laid down my ground rules, which, he did abide by. We didn''t agree on where the stripper was (i was not okay with it at a hotel, but fortunately they wound up going to a club) but in the end it all worked out.

I think now adays it IS the groomsmen/party goers who are trying to squeze out more fun then what was discussed. do not blame the Fi, becuase he generally does not have a part of planning it. I only ask my female friends that if they TRULEY do not want fi''s to see strippers, they need to say it point blank. no prancing around the issue, or else that boundry will be crossed and both parties will be upset.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 10/9/2009 10:38:51 AM
Author: jcarlylew

Date: 10/9/2009 10:07:51 AM
Author: decodelighted
Bottom line: He told them it was ''too much''. THEY were the ones *using* his wedding as an excuse to see freaky stuff they''re not allowed to see. Your FI was *AGAINST* it. And, you don''t really know what *WOULD* have happened if they had enough $$$. He might have put his foot down & said NO -- or left the part if things like that started happening.

So give HIM the benefit of the doubt -- and just know what you''re dealing with in terms of his ''friends''. Lots of bad behavior comes out of family members and bridesmaids and wedding guests also. Chalk it up to that.

If it makes you feel better -- discuss the line YOU''d be uncomfortable him crossing so he has that knowledge going into the party. He''s an adult and hopefully you trust him enough and he''s not a wuss who''d get bullied into stuff by his jerky friends. There''s a LIFETIME AHEAD of potential ''opportunities''. You either trust him or you don''t. Yanno?

Deco i think you are SPOT on. I am one of ''those girls'' who are semi okay with strippers at a party. do i like it? of coruse not, its competetion!! but, all in all i do trust my Fi to make the right choices. for the last party i laid down my ground rules, which, he did abide by. We didn''t agree on where the stripper was (i was not okay with it at a hotel, but fortunately they wound up going to a club) but in the end it all worked out.

I think now adays it IS the groomsmen/party goers who are trying to squeze out more fun then what was discussed. do not blame the Fi, becuase he generally does not have a part of planning it. I only ask my female friends that if they TRULEY do not want fi''s to see strippers, they need to say it point blank. no prancing around the issue, or else that boundry will be crossed and both parties will be upset.

I get what you''re both saying. I think what''s a bit odd about it is that her FI said that they weren''t going through with it, not because he expressed that it was too much and that he didn''t like it but because they couldn''t afford it. I absolutely agree that ultimately the FI needs to be trusted, however, if he seemingly (speaking from the outside looking in), wasn''t disallowing it (out of respect for his fiancee), that can be problematic.

Now, speaking personally, when my DH had his bachelor party, while I wasn''t 100% ok with strippers, I knew he was going to have them. His best man wanted to take it a step further and book a hotel room with a couple of strippers and "stuff". When I express my dislike, FI (now DH), took a stand to his best man and told him that if anything is done that will make me uncomfortable, he would leave. Seemed like the right thing to do.

 

[noelwr]

if you can't trust him to make the right decisions at a stupid party (because after all it is usually someone else who organizes these things and the bachelor has to be there), how will you able to trust him when he has to make more important decisions when you're married?

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/9/2009 10:46:55 AM
Author: Diva0413

Date: 10/9/2009 10:38:51 AM
Author: jcarlylew

Date: 10/9/2009 10:07:51 AM
Author: decodelighted
Bottom line: He told them it was ''too much''. THEY were the ones *using* his wedding as an excuse to see freaky stuff they''re not allowed to see. Your FI was *AGAINST* it. And, you don''t really know what *WOULD* have happened if they had enough $$$. He might have put his foot down & said NO -- or left the part if things like that started happening.

So give HIM the benefit of the doubt -- and just know what you''re dealing with in terms of his ''friends''. Lots of bad behavior comes out of family members and bridesmaids and wedding guests also. Chalk it up to that.

If it makes you feel better -- discuss the line YOU''d be uncomfortable him crossing so he has that knowledge going into the party. He''s an adult and hopefully you trust him enough and he''s not a wuss who''d get bullied into stuff by his jerky friends. There''s a LIFETIME AHEAD of potential ''opportunities''. You either trust him or you don''t. Yanno?

Deco i think you are SPOT on. I am one of ''those girls'' who are semi okay with strippers at a party. do i like it? of coruse not, its competetion!! but, all in all i do trust my Fi to make the right choices. for the last party i laid down my ground rules, which, he did abide by. We didn''t agree on where the stripper was (i was not okay with it at a hotel, but fortunately they wound up going to a club) but in the end it all worked out.

I think now adays it IS the groomsmen/party goers who are trying to squeze out more fun then what was discussed. do not blame the Fi, becuase he generally does not have a part of planning it. I only ask my female friends that if they TRULEY do not want fi''s to see strippers, they need to say it point blank. no prancing around the issue, or else that boundry will be crossed and both parties will be upset.

I get what you''re both saying. I think what''s a bit odd about it is that her FI said that they weren''t going through with it, not because he expressed that it was too much and that he didn''t like it but because they couldn''t afford it. I absolutely agree that ultimately the FI needs to be trusted, however, if he seemingly (speaking from the outside looking in), wasn''t disallowing it (out of respect for his fiancee), that can be problematic.

Now, speaking personally, when my DH had his bachelor party, while I wasn''t 100% ok with strippers, I knew he was going to have them. His best man wanted to take it a step further and book a hotel room with a couple of strippers and ''stuff''. When I express my dislike, FI (now DH), took a stand to his best man and told him that if anything is done that will make me uncomfortable, he would leave. Seemed like the right thing to do.

I agree with Diva. FI should have told them no out of respect your your feelings. Money or no money, your feelings should have been more than enough to put a stop to it.

I don''t think being nervous about a party like this says the OP doesn''t trust her FI. FI could be the greatest guy out there. It is his FRIENDS who sound like the biggest problem for trust. As others have stated above, it is a party for the bachelor. His friends organize it and he shows up. And they spend the evening pouring alcohol down him and possibly pushing him (remembering the lack of brain cells functioning thanks to all the alcohol) into doing something that is WAY past what OP is comfortable with.

 

[MagsyMay]

I''m sorry you''re going through this. Although it sounds like your FI was against this from the beginning, I''ve seen first hand how even when the bachelor says no to certain activities at his birthday party in advance, sometimes guy friends just get carried away and do it anyway. Sometimes I think it is more about the other guys wanting to celebrate and get crazy than even about what the bachelor wants (and I''ve especially seen this with married male friends that want another big shot at having fun, getting crazy, escaping temporarily the "boring" married life that so many of them complain about).

Oddly enough, I''ve attended a bachelor party of this type before where the girls went way beyond stripping (I stayed in the kitchen with another girlfriend at the time, and the groom''s Dad, ha, that was awkward), but it did teach me one thing. First of all, most, if not all of these girls have several bouncers/security in attendance and they do not let you get out of hand or do inappropriate things to the strippers! The thing was, most of the guys there (including my now FI) were pretty grossed out and mostly just laughed the whole time in disbelief. Having been there with my now FI at the time and seeing that for myself, I''m way less likely to flip out when his time for a bachelor party comes along because I actually get it now when guys say "oh it''s not sexual or it''s not about the strippers" etc. Your FI is a grown man and no friends of his are going to pour alcohol down his throat all night to the point that his free will is compromised.

I don''t disagree with you that it is disrespectful of him to have originally planned something that was beyond what you are comfortable with, but it does sound like he was against it from the start. I think you should just try to talk about it again and hopefully he will see how his reaction hurt your feelings even more than the fact that he was possibly going to have a wild bachelor party. I don''t think you should "forbid" him to have a party of any sort though because I think that rarely is the answer to the problem. Good luck sweetie!

 

[violet3]

I''m sorry bluestar

. I haven''t read the other responses, but I personally HATE striippers. However, I wouldn''t be opposed to them at FIs bachelor party, as long as it was tame, like you said. I WOULD NOT like the kind of bachelor party that was planned for your FI. It doesn''t sound like it was your FI''s idea, though, so i personally would be far more angry with the best man, than I was with your FI.

At this point, I wouldn''t demand or ask that your FI not have a bachelor party. I don''t think that''s fair, if you were OK with him having one from the beginning. If you trust your FI, and i assume you do since you are getting married, then I wouldn''t tell him not to have one, because it will only reflect poorly on you and make him think you don''t trust him. It may also cause some resentment from him that could carry over later on.

Sometimes i think it''s hard for guys to say "no" to peer pressure, not that that is an excuse, and it does sound like your FI said no to that request. I know it''s hard, but i would try to let it go.....

FWIW, i would be a little hurt too (hugs)

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I don''t think I''m prude. FI has gone to strip clubs. I''m certain he''s seen other adult reading materials or websites. Whatever- that''s fine. I don''t care. Really.

But your description of that bachelor part made my JAW DROP.

Did noone else have that reaction!? That absolutely blows me away. I 100% would *freak* if FI''s groomsmen planned a party like that, and I would seriously consider calling off the wedding. That''s disgusting. Paying women to have sex in front of you? Really? REALLY?

I don''t blame you at all for getting into an argument with your FI over this, and I''d be annoyed if he just "brushed it off" as well. So long as he understands that you are completely unsettled and uncomfortable with that type of party (doesn''t matter if it''s not happening in the end- he should still know where you stand) and agrees that, out of respect for you, he wouldn''t attend such a party.

Awful, awful, awful. People will do anything for money.

 

[Bliss]

I am so sorry, I would be very upset as well.

I just don't get why certain guys would want to do this the day before going into a church and saying holy vows that will mean more than anything else in their lives. Even stranger is that the guy arranging this with the dancers/prostitutes has been married for 6 years! I wonder how his wife would feel about that?! I would also have a problem if he had a friend whose idea of supporting his groom-to-be buddy is to hire prostitutes to perform a three way act.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. But maybe he doesn't get it and is honestly clueless about how you feel in this instance. We've had threads on PS like this before and sometimes it seems like the guy just truly does not get it. Or maybe to him, it's just a rite of passage. I don't get it, personally. Even typing out the possible reasons why he wouldn't get it are a little over my head. Just trying my best to be objective.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 10/9/2009 10:07:51 AM
Author: decodelighted
Bottom line: He told them it was ''too much''. THEY were the ones *using* his wedding as an excuse to see freaky stuff they''re not allowed to see. Your FI was *AGAINST* it. And, you don''t really know what *WOULD* have happened if they had enough $$$. He might have put his foot down & said NO -- or left the part if things like that started happening.

So give HIM the benefit of the doubt -- and just know what you''re dealing with in terms of his ''friends''. Lots of bad behavior comes out of family members and bridesmaids and wedding guests also. Chalk it up to that.

If it makes you feel better -- discuss the line YOU''d be uncomfortable him crossing so he has that knowledge going into the party. He''s an adult and hopefully you trust him enough and he''s not a wuss who''d get bullied into stuff by his jerky friends. There''s a LIFETIME AHEAD of potential ''opportunities''. You either trust him or you don''t. Yanno?

I''m with Deco. I abhor strippers, and wouldn''t condone such a thing, but neither would FI want a ''live sex party.'' On the right day, maybe his friends could talk him into it... and I would be disgusted, even disappointed, but at the end of it all, I TRUST FI explicitly. I would have no doubt, whatsoever, that he behaved in the situation, and just enjoyed a night with the boys.

 

[cleokizzy]

sad to say this old cliche: boys will be boys. sometimes their brains are located on a different head! i would have the exact same reaction had my FI tell me the same thing but like what others have said already: stand your ground and be firm, stating that you want them to keep the bachelor party clean and hope that it will be.

it''s good that he told you what their plan is (even if it didn''t push through) albeit it wasn''t a pretty good plan. don''t kill me for suggesting this but, let him have his bachelor party and reiterate the clean fun rule. think of it as a test of how you trust each other (FI to make sure to put his foot down when the event becomes too rowdy and for you to trust his "judgment")?

 

[D&T]

Date: 10/9/2009 3:13:49 AM
Author: bluestar13
I guess for the right price they can have them do anything...men think with the wrong head i swear

lol... i''d be furious too.

unacceptable behavior and seriously.... people doing things for money like this without self resect or respect to your SO is out of line imo.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/9/2009 3:35:55 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom

I don''t think I''m prude. FI has gone to strip clubs. I''m certain he''s seen other adult reading materials or websites. Whatever- that''s fine. I don''t care. Really.

But your description of that bachelor part made my JAW DROP.

Did noone else have that reaction!? That absolutely blows me away. I 100% would *freak* if FI''s groomsmen planned a party like that, and I would seriously consider calling off the wedding. That''s disgusting. Paying women to have sex in front of you? Really? REALLY?

I don''t blame you at all for getting into an argument with your FI over this, and I''d be annoyed if he just ''brushed it off'' as well. So long as he understands that you are completely unsettled and uncomfortable with that type of party (doesn''t matter if it''s not happening in the end- he should still know where you stand) and agrees that, out of respect for you, he wouldn''t attend such a party.

Awful, awful, awful. People will do anything for money.

You''re not alone. My jaw dropped too.

I''d be concerned that the same friend(s) would throw another party later for some other friend (birthday/bachelor/whatever) and have enough money that time. Would your FI attend that party?

FI really needs to know where you stand and what the line is between you being comfortable and you being uncomfortable. AND RESPECT THAT LINE.

Just because he is out "with the guys" does not mean he doesn''t have to respect your feelings.

 

[TooPatient]

How would FI feel if YOU had that kind of party? Would he be comfortable with a group of men stripping & doing all sorts of sex things in front of you? Possibly undressing you? Possibly touching you?
(and from the sounds of who they wanted to hire -- possibly staying after for some more, um, personal attention)

Ask him. See what he would think if the situation was reversed.

You might find that it is just "harmless fun" and "boys being boys" and him not able to stand up firmly to his friends until he imagines YOU at that kind of party.

 

[niccia]

I''ve worked in a strip club (as a bartender only lol!) and my fiance and his friends go occasionally, so I am not a prude. I was shocked by your description of the package though. No way in hell would I allow that to happen, and I would be furious too. It sounds like it was more his friends'' choosing than his, so give him the benefit of the doubt, but I would make it clear that if something like that were to happen there would not be a wedding (for me at least).

 

[TheDoctor]

Uummm..
My wedding party members planned a surprise stag/stagette with both of us there.
There were peelers of both sexes. G-sus.
Most uncomfortable moments that felt like hours/days.
Oh, yes, we individually participated in daliances with our respective "entertainers" in front of a crowd which included my parents, (hers would have been horrified to death and beyond) as well as both of my sisters, her brother, most of our common friends and a few hangers on who were included to help pay the bills.

Tell him he can go to any kind of event as long as his folks or at least his father, your father, or best, your brother are there. No worries...nothing bad can happen.

I went to a stag for a friend where his other "friends" had bought him additional services from the talent, and, although much worse for drink, he fought his captors physically to prevent even being touched by the crew of hired help contracted for the event. I have never seen that kind of resistance to anything where peer pressure is involved. Sometimes, we fear that our significant others will melt into slutland at any opportunity with the excuses of drink and peer pressure, but not all men are as easy as many would think. Especially those who are solidy in love, committed, and blissfully happy.

I have also been to fund-raiser events where male strippers were contracted to attract busloads of single AND married women (successfully!) and there were so many women cutting loose and abandoning every last shred of their moral dignity that it was appalling. Thank gawd there was no YouTube back then, lives would have been ruined.

 

[allycat0303]

hmm. I''m not crazy about the way it all happened. It seems that the primary reason it''s not happening is that it "costs too much". However, in all fairness, I would be more upset if my husband got a lap dance then if he watched 2 girls have sex with each other. I don''t know, the way I see it is that at least he''s not involved in the whole business. But bottom line, I think you have every right to be upset. It''s evident to me that it''s beyond your comfort zone, so you two need to talk it over.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 10/9/2009 10:07:51 AM
Author: decodelighted
Bottom line: He told them it was ''too much''. THEY were the ones *using* his wedding as an excuse to see freaky stuff they''re not allowed to see. Your FI was *AGAINST* it. And, you don''t really know what *WOULD* have happened if they had enough $$$. He might have put his foot down & said NO -- or left the part if things like that started happening.


So give HIM the benefit of the doubt -- and just know what you''re dealing with in terms of his ''friends''. Lots of bad behavior comes out of family members and bridesmaids and wedding guests also. Chalk it up to that.


If it makes you feel better -- discuss the line YOU''d be uncomfortable him crossing so he has that knowledge going into the party. He''s an adult and hopefully you trust him enough and he''s not a wuss who''d get bullied into stuff by his jerky friends. There''s a LIFETIME AHEAD of potential ''opportunities''. You either trust him or you don''t. Yanno?

you summed up exactly what I wanted to say! 100%

 

[oddoneout]

Eeeeewwww! I would not allow that to happen. It does sound like his friends pushed him though. Sorry I don''t have advice.