I Really Could Use Your Advice!!

[Prana]

Great response happynewlife.

I think everyone else offered really great advice as well.

As I said, this could all just be a very secretive person, but from the things you described, I still feel like it''s a red-flag scenario.

 

[SleepyJean98]

Hi. I tried to post last nite, but somehow it didn't end up working. I guess i need to clear some stuff up. My boyfriend's not an alcoholic. He isn't dependant on it at all, and functions fine when he doesn't drink. So it's not a huge concern of mine, altho i can see how people would pick up on that. I am mostly worried about the secret passed thing. I want to know who made him who he is. I do know some things. But not alot. I know about his passed jobs and i know some of his friends. But even his friends do not know much about his passed. My roommate is pretty worried. She is my very good friend and she does not know what to think about him. She thinks its really weird that he has not told me about his childhood or really anything passed the last 5 years. I get the feeling that his passed is not full of hard partying, or anything scandelous. I feel like there must have been some kind of tragety or something. But I don't know for sure. Anytime i start moving towards that direction when we're talking, he avoids it. But the rest of his life is an open book. Right now is an open book. I agree that there are red flags. I don't like to rush things, and i feel a bit rushed. My parents think hes the best thing thats ever happned to me, and they are very happy we are dating. They did not like my ex at all. i am open to living with him, but i need to know more about him first.

Monarch-what made you look into your ex's passed?

lovely-loo--thanks for posting, I can definately see your concerns, and i think i need to pay more attention to warning signs. My ex was very controling and it took me a wile to see it, but lucky i figured it out before we went threw the wedding.

ok. I should go back to work. Lunch is almost over. Thank you to everyone who answered, i really apreciate your help. Thats why i joined.

 

[treefrog]

Hi,

Let me preface this by saying we don't know you and we don't know him so our responses and opinions are based solely on what you write. There's certainly much more to you both than that. I don't personally know anybody here but I've been around long enough to see that they are some of the most supportive and caring people around.

The fact that your roommate is worried leaves me worried. Unlike us, she knows you and she knows him. Her worry truly worries me. I value her opinion because she is not in the relationship. She sees it from a bit of an outside view... just not quite as outside as us. I fear you have a case of tunnel vision. You're involved in it and aren't necessarily seeing things to the right or left of the situation.

If he wants to move forward and you still don't know his past, I think it's safe to say he will likely never open up about it. Are you ok with that - never knowing??? The possibilities for what he has done or has had done to him in 27 years is endless. If it was all good, he'd share so that implies to me that there is some bad stuff in there. Personally, I'm not sure I'd be able to sleep at night with that kind of worry. Maybe he seems fine now because he has done a 180 but I'd still like to know the important details of somebody's past; particularly if that was somebody I was considering moving in with and/or marrying.

I guess people in the witness protection program end up somewhere. I'm seriously contemplating the possible reality of that.

Looking forward to the other responses but I'm remaining in a very large red flag status. I encourage you to talk to your roommate some more about it... just because she knows you both.

Treefrog

 

[monarch64]

SJ, I'm glad you came back to respond. Sometimes we scare people away here! To answer your question, I decided to look into SO's past because he seemed uncomfortable discussing certain things such as family. I wanted to know more and he asked me to be patient. Things were moving quickly between us, and before I became emotionally invested in the relationship I really needed to know if there was something possibly sinister about his past that I needed to know. He has only lived in the area for about 4 years, and therefore he probably could've told me whatever he wanted and I could've chosen to just believe it. Instead, I decided to do some verification of what he'd told me about himself on my own. Everything checked out for the most part, except that I found he might have embellished a couple of things but I can live with that

.

People like to think they are good judges of character, that they can see right through someone's b.s. etc. Well, that may be true for a select few. But for the most part I think we are all susceptible to the charms of others if we're open to them and we really want someone in our lives. I just think it's really important to know everything you can about someone before you go trusting them so much that you'll set up a household together.

Knowledge is power.

ETA: my parents love my SO as well, and actually they thought I was a little nuts when I told them I had reservations moving forward with my relationship until I satisfied my curiosity about him. Also, he did have valid reasons for not sharing some things with me at first and we have since talked openly about them. It was very difficult for him but he says he's happy he has shared those things with me and it has brought us closer. Maybe there is nothing going on with your situation, I don't know. I just know that if I were you I would proceed with caution.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 4/9/2010 3:34:32 PM
Author: treefrog
Hi,

Let me preface this by saying we don''t know you and we don''t know him so our responses and opinions are based solely on what you write. There''s certainly much more to you both than that. I don''t personally know anybody here but I''ve been around long enough to see that they are some of the most supportive and caring people around.

The fact that your roommate is worried leaves me worried. Unlike us, she knows you and she knows him. Her worry truly worries me. I value her opinion because she is not in the relationship. She sees it from a bit of an outside view... just not quite as outside as us. I fear you have a case of tunnel vision. You''re involved in it and aren''t necessarily seeing things to the right or left of the situation.

If he wants to move forward and you still don''t know his past, I think it''s safe to say he will likely never open up about it. Are you ok with that - never knowing??? The possibilities for what he has done or has had done to him in 27 years is endless. If it was all good, he''d share so that implies to me that there is some bad stuff in there. Personally, I''m not sure I''d be able to sleep at night with that kind of worry. Maybe he seems fine now because he has done a 180 but I''d still like to know the important details of somebody''s past; particularly if that was somebody I was considering moving in with and/or marrying.

I guess people in the witness protection program end up somewhere. I''m seriously contemplating the possible reality of that.

Looking forward to the other responses but I''m remaining in a very large red flag status. I encourage you to talk to your roommate some more about it... just because she knows you both.

Treefrog

Treefrog, you and I think alike. I agree with your entire post. The WPP is a real possibility, I suppose.

SJ--does your boyfriend have any unexplained tattoos? Totally just curious. Sometimes things like that can be icebreakers or clues to someone''s past.

 

[dragonfly411]

Personally I''d try to find out from someone other than him. What if he has a dangerous past and he''s not telling you? What if he has done bad things and is not telling you?

On the flip side, his family could have done some horrible things to him. But that is a reality he has to face... not run from.

I personally wouldn''t recommend moving in with him.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 4/9/2010 3:59:54 PM
Author: dragonfly411
Personally I''d try to find out from someone other than him. What if he has a dangerous past and he''s not telling you? What if he has done bad things and is not telling you?

On the flip side, his family could have done some horrible things to him. But that is a reality he has to face... not run from.

I personally wouldn''t recommend moving in with him.

I think that DF has some good points here. My husband doesn''t remember a lot of his childhood, but he certainly talks about it freely, as much of it as he remembers. However, what he doesn''t remember can be filled in by his sister.

I would be concerned about his secrecy too, but it does sound like you''re ready to take things slow. Have you guys sat down and had a conversation about WHY he''s so quiet about everything? And I''ll ask again, just what do you know? Is he secretive about anything else? How much time do you guys spend together each week?

When I hear secretive past, I think marriage, divorce, criminal history, and my imagination just goes bonkers from there.

What does he do for a living? Does that give you any clues about his past? Is he college educated? Etc.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I''ve gotta be honest with you. For a 32 year old man to withhold that kind of information from you sends red flags up. Big time. Does he travel for work a lot?

I dated a guy who, for six months, refused to let me be a part of his life, meet his friends, see his house, meet his family, etc. Oddly enough, he was also very resistant to being intimate with me. He''d do everything but have sex; however, I knew he wasn''t a virgin. The details didn''t add up for me and I broke it off because I felt I was investing too much and doing all the work. Deep down I suspected he had a girlfriend. About four months after we broke up my suspicions were confirmed. He announced on FB that he had just gotten engaged to his girlfriend of three years. I mentioned it (including the part about the not having sex) to my then bf, now husband, and he said that a lot of guys who are cheating will do that. They try and act virtuous when in reality they only equate sex with cheating, nothing else equals cheating.

I know there are a lot of details here, more than you probably wanted to know, but I wanted to let you know that women are duped every day. He and I "dated" for six months and probably would have continued until I broke it off. Just food for thought.

It''s not normal for someone to be so secretive of their past and to not have a valid reason for it, even just to say "I''m estranged from my family, I don''t want to talk about it."

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 4/9/2010 5:13:29 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I've gotta be honest with you. For a 32 year old man to withhold that kind of information from you sends red flags up. Big time. Does he travel for work a lot?


I dated a guy who, for six months, refused to let me be a part of his life, meet his friends, see his house, meet his family, etc. Oddly enough, he was also very resistant to being intimate with me. He'd do everything but have sex; however, I knew he wasn't a virgin. The details didn't add up for me and I broke it off because I felt I was investing too much and doing all the work. Deep down I suspected he had a girlfriend. About four months after we broke up my suspicions were confirmed. He announced on FB that he had just gotten engaged to his girlfriend of three years. I mentioned it (including the part about the not having sex) to my then bf, now husband, and he said that a lot of guys who are cheating will do that. They try and act virtuous when in reality they only equate sex with cheating, nothing else equals cheating.


I know there are a lot of details here, more than you probably wanted to know, but I wanted to let you know that women are duped every day. He and I 'dated' for six months and probably would have continued until I broke it off. Just food for thought.


It's not normal for someone to be so secretive of their past and to not have a valid reason for it, even just to say 'I'm estranged from my family, I don't want to talk about it.'

Ditto.

And it is especially not normal when someone is expressing they are eager to move in and so forth.

I have also dated men in the past who were more secretive. I don't think any of them were necessarily ever up to anything negative - I had some very 'serious" relationships with them. But, that secrecy was a HUGE barrier to a healthy, loving and emotionally intimate relationship. There is a reason they are in the past...

If he has that much of a hard time discussing his childhood he needs a therapist - it's about time he finds much healthier ways of living with his past then just ignoring it ever occurred. Many people have had some rather tragic events in their past. I don't like referring to events as "tragedies" as they are just part of living even if they are extremely, extremely painful events...but I do dare say that there are some things that happened in my past that were either very difficult...or that I had shame about for a good many years before I learned how to accept myself. In any case, I did not refuse to share those things emotionally with others or just ignore entire swaths of my life ever happened at all. Healthy people - and people who WANT to BE healthy people for themselves and their relationships - learn healthy ways to deal with these things. But I suspect there is a lot more to it then a bad childhood or a tragic event.

Regarding the alcohol, you sound as if you are making the decision that he is NOT dependent. I don't think whether he is or isn't is something any of us here, or you, can make based on this post at least. But, have you discussed with him his views on alcohol? Can he go without drinking everyday? What happens if he does not have his two scotches at night? Can he go out at night and not drink? Even alcoholics can FUNCTION fine when they are not drinking. That is why there are terms such as "functioning alcoholics". I work with one of them. Not all alcoholics are passed out on the floor all day and can't hold a job. It can still cause a lot of problems. Be honest with yourself..you would never have mentioned it if you did not have any concerns at all.

As for how your parents look at your dating your boyfriend as the "best thing that's ever happened to (you)...aside from the fact that people aren't trophies to be awarded to other people, and I should *hope* that you have a lot of wonderful things happen in your life that you strive for that truly ARE personal accomplishments, you should not make relationship decisions based on what your parents think as this is your life and they are not privy to all the details of what goes on. Do they know how secretive he is? Do they know how he drinks two scotches every night? Do they know you have concerns? However, I will leave that aside and just say YOU are a special person too, don't sell yourself short or rush into things with this guy believing HE is great just because he is NOT like your ex at this point.

 

[Rachel9]

I would listen to your roomate. Background/research across country only takes minutes for an average PI {$70-300 hr} sorry can''t post links here. He''s protecting someone or taken imho.

 

[SleepyJean98]

I think that the alcohol needs to be put on the backburner for a while. Alcohol use and abuse is already on my radar and I know what my limits are. My main concern in this is why he''s so secrative. He has given little hints about his passed here and there, but he won''t talk about it openly, which is what I want. I guess i just excepted his privacy for the first 6 months, and it''s only been recently that I''ve been quesstioning why i don''t know any of this. I think that he and i need to sit down and have a talk. I shouldn''t have to piece together things from things he''s saying. If he really wants to be with me, he needs to talk to me about it, and at least give me a hint what the heck happend in his passed.

He has his bachelors degree and he works for a bank. I am not afraid that he is leading a double life or something. he and i spend all weekend together, and some week nights as well. He lives in a town about an hour away, so we have to travel to see each other. I have seen, and stayed at, his house. He does not have kids, and has said he''s never been married or even engaged. There are no unexplained tatoos, or anything like that. He has told me about that. He drinks the scotch on ice. Sips them while he relaxes.

I just know that i know that i''m not ok with knowing nothing. Which is where i am now.

There are so many quesstions, i know i didn''t answer them all, and i would like to.

Monarch, your line here, "Things were moving quickly between us, and before I became emotionally invested in the relationship I really needed to know if there was something possibly sinister about his past that I needed to know. He has only lived in the area for about 4 years, and therefore he probably could''ve told me whatever he wanted and I could''ve chosen to just believe it." really stood out to me. How did you approach the quesstions you askes him?

I am sorry i am all over the place...

 

[decodelighted]

The word is "past", not "passed". His past. I *passed* by a store window the other day ... but people''s histories are their *past*.

That''s my only advice for now. The others have it covered.

 

[monarch64]

Ok, so he works for a bank, that''s (probably) a good indicator that he does not have a criminal history. That said, are you 100% sure he works for a bank? Or has he just told you that. I''m not asking questions like that to make you feel stupid or to antagonize, I''m just making sure you KNOW, you''ve seen him go to work or you''ve been out with him and his co-workers, or met people from his job, etc.

The drinking...ok, let''s not focus on the drinking. It is something that bothers you and it is possible he drinks too often and sometimes when he drinks all he can talk about is his hopefulness as far as a relationship with you. There is cause for concern there certainly, but you are adults and can deal with that issue if need be. (Not that I''m condoning excessive drinking or anything, but sometimes people just go through phases where they drink more than usual.)

How did I ask my SO questions and get him to open up? Honestly, after several weeks of me being concerned when he kept asking me to be patient the worry that he was up to no good started to bother me so much that finally one night I sat him down and told him point blank that I would not go forward with the relationship if he did not divulge some things about his past. He became upset, it was a difficult moment, and then he spent about 3 hours telling me a lot of things that really weren''t my business. Well, life just isn''t fair sometimes and I know this sounds callous but I had a right to know details about him when I had been forthcoming (even about things I may not have wanted to share.) A healthy relationship takes two people willing to trust each other enough to share things that are painful. It''s an ingredient that the concept of intimacy needs. Intimacy and trust go hand in hand, and build a strong foundation for the painful and tough things life will throw at you both should you choose to stick together in the long run. See where I''m going with this? If I hadn''t pinned him down when I did, I doubt if I would know more now than I did not too many months ago. For the record, I''ve been with my SO for ~7 months, roughly the same amount of time you''ve been with yours.

If you really need to know specifics, find a way to see a copy of his resume. Ask him what his high school mascot was. What town he grew up in. Did he attend college? Was he in the armed forces? Bring things like that up when you''re talking about jobs or college stories, or whatever. If you pay attention to little details it should be easy to piece together sort of a timeline of what''s been going on in his life since high school. Other things you could ask him are has he ever been in the hospital? Ever broken a bone? You know those email forwards people send with 20 questions? Tell him you got one of those from a friend and you were curious about how he would answer some of the questions. The resume would really help you figure out the past five years, though. I''d try to get a look at that first and foremost.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 4/9/2010 6:25:32 PM
Author: decodelighted
The word is ''past'', not ''passed''. His past. I *passed* by a store window the other day ... but people''s histories are their *past*.


That''s my only advice for now. The others have it covered.

God, THANK YOU DECO! For taking one for the team here. Honey, please use a spell checker, you''re not doing yourself or your credibility any favors.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 4/9/2010 6:25:32 PM
Author: decodelighted
The word is 'past', not 'passed'. His past. I *passed* by a store window the other day ... but people's histories are their *past*.


That's my only advice for now. The others have it covered.

Thank you! Grammar and spell check is our friend.

 

[princesss]

Date: 4/9/2010 6:38:10 PM
Author: monarch64
Ok, so he works for a bank, that''s (probably) a good indicator that he does not have a criminal history. That said, are you 100% sure he works for a bank? Or has he just told you that. I''m not asking questions like that to make you feel stupid or to antagonize, I''m just making sure you KNOW, you''ve seen him go to work or you''ve been out with him and his co-workers, or met people from his job, etc.

I cannot ditto this part enough. I know anecdotes are not science, and they''re not reliable things to base your choices on, but let me tell you - even just meeting the coworkers can keep you from becoming one.

A girl I worked with had this great boyfriend. He was charming, intelligent, funny, smart, athletic, and very well off. He was a pro cyclist and had tons of corporate sponsorships, and showered his girlfriend (my coworker) with gifts. He came to our company picnic, met everybody, charmed everybody, and we all thought she''d really gotten lucky. She got laid off, and he supported her, had her live with him and really took care of her and told her to take all the time she needed to get back on her feet. They were one of those self-contained units - did everything together, rarely spent time with friends, only really went to work events (and since he was a cyclist and his races were all over the country, she couldn''t exactly meet *his* coworkers).

Maybe a month or two later I saw his picture on the news - not for anything related to cycling, though. He''d been caught robbing a bank, and was suspected in 6 other bank robberies in the area.

Nobody looks at a guy and thinks "bank robber." We were totally shocked.

I am now a HUGE fan of the "meet the coworkers" philosophy. They see each other all the time - watch their interaction. How comfortable are they? Do they seem to like him? How much do they know about him?

 

[SleepyJean98]

Date: 4/9/2010 6:46:33 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 4/9/2010 6:25:32 PM

Author: decodelighted

The word is ''past'', not ''passed''. His past. I *passed* by a store window the other day ... but people''s histories are their *past*.



That''s my only advice for now. The others have it covered.

God, THANK YOU DECO! For taking one for the team here. Honey, please use a spell checker, you''re not doing yourself or your credibility any favors.

Thatnk you for kindly pointing that out decodelighted.

As for Hudson and PinkAsscher, maybe you should be kinder in how you respond. As decodelighted pointed out, the way i was using "passed" and "past", a spellchecker would not have helped. Your responses are rude. I am not a good typist, or good at proofreading and i am very aware of that.

For the rest of you, my boyfriend is coming into town tonight for the weekend and i think i am going to try Monarch''s technique and see what he does.

 

[treefrog]

For the rest of you, my boyfriend is coming into town tonight for the weekend and i think i am going to try Monarch's technique and see what he does.

She had some great ideas. Best of luck to you this weekend. Please let us know how it goes.

Treefrog

 

[monarch64]

SJ, we tend to get a little excited over spelling and grammar here.

Good luck with your talks with your boyfriend this weekend. I look forward to finding out how everything went. Have a nice weekend!

 

[treefrog]

Date: 4/9/2010 6:38:10 PM
Author: monarch64
Ok, so he works for a bank, that''s (probably) a good indicator that he does not have a criminal history. That said, are you 100% sure he works for a bank? Or has he just told you that. I''m not asking questions like that to make you feel stupid or to antagonize, I''m just making sure you KNOW, you''ve seen him go to work or you''ve been out with him and his co-workers, or met people from his job, etc.

Great minds do think alike! Monnie, you''re a smart cookie and you''re right on the money with all of your thoughts.

Have a great weekend!

Treefrog

 

[monarch64]

Date: 4/9/2010 11:25:02 PM
Author: treefrog

Date: 4/9/2010 6:38:10 PM

Author: monarch64

Ok, so he works for a bank, that''s (probably) a good indicator that he does not have a criminal history. That said, are you 100% sure he works for a bank? Or has he just told you that. I''m not asking questions like that to make you feel stupid or to antagonize, I''m just making sure you KNOW, you''ve seen him go to work or you''ve been out with him and his co-workers, or met people from his job, etc.

Great minds do think alike! Monnie, you''re a smart cookie and you''re right on the money with all of your thoughts.


Have a great weekend!


Treefrog

Why thank you, Treefrog. This situation stood out for me as I have been in SleepyJean''s shoes recently with my own relationship. Everything has turned out to be positive, but I definitely experienced moments of anxiety over my SO''s tendency to not lay all of his cards out right away. He is also in his 30''s, never married, no children, and there were just a couple of similarities here between him and SJ''s boyfriend that caught my interest. Perhaps I have become overly cautious but again, life is short, I''m just coming out of a failed marriage and healing still, and I wasn''t always such a realist and so pragmatic. I think SJ''s anxieties can be cured with a good in-depth conversation with her boyfriend and hopefully everything falls into place for them once her curiosities are satisfied. I think she is pretty astute and aware that there may be issues and something within her is telling her to hold back until things about this man''s past are brought to light (between them). SJ, I hope we continue to see you on the LIW boards and beyond!

Treefrog--you have a great weekend yourself!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 4/9/2010 10:53:15 PM
Author: SleepyJean98

Date: 4/9/2010 6:46:33 PM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 4/9/2010 6:25:32 PM


Author: decodelighted


The word is ''past'', not ''passed''. His past. I *passed* by a store window the other day ... but people''s histories are their *past*.




That''s my only advice for now. The others have it covered.

God, THANK YOU DECO! For taking one for the team here. Honey, please use a spell checker, you''re not doing yourself or your credibility any favors.

Thatnk you for kindly pointing that out decodelighted.


As for Hudson and PinkAsscher, maybe you should be kinder in how you respond. As decodelighted pointed out, the way i was using ''passed'' and ''past'', a spellchecker would not have helped. Your responses are rude. I am not a good typist, or good at proofreading and i am very aware of that.


For the rest of you, my boyfriend is coming into town tonight for the weekend and i think i am going to try Monarch''s technique and see what he does.

Actually, I was commenting on the spelling errors that littered her posts. Deco had the passed/past thing under control.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 4/9/2010 6:59:58 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 4/9/2010 6:25:32 PM

Author: decodelighted

The word is ''past'', not ''passed''. His past. I *passed* by a store window the other day ... but people''s histories are their *past*.



That''s my only advice for now. The others have it covered.

Thank you! Grammar and spell check is our friend.

I don''t see how my response was rude. Getting through a post full of grammar and spelling errors is difficult for the reader (well, me anyway), especially when the errors can be easily fixed with a simple right click (or dictionary check). Just a tip for future posts. I don''t have perfect spelling either!

 

[Bunny007]

Date: 4/9/2010 6:46:33 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 4/9/2010 6:25:32 PM
Author: decodelighted
The word is ''past'', not ''passed''. His past. I *passed* by a store window the other day ... but people''s histories are their *past*.


That''s my only advice for now. The others have it covered.

God, THANK YOU DECO! For taking one for the team here. Honey, please use a spell checker, you''re not doing yourself or your credibility any favors.

Big fat DITTO

 

[monarch64]

Wow. Here''s hoping the mods appoint a patrol of spelling and grammar police, it looks like we have some great candidates!

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 4/11/2010 11:14:24 PM
Author: monarch64
Wow. Here''s hoping the mods appoint a patrol of spelling and grammar police, it looks like we have some great candidates!

I hope they don''t, because I would be banned

 

[monarch64]

Date: 4/12/2010 8:51:33 AM
Author: gaby06

Date: 4/11/2010 11:14:24 PM
Author: monarch64
Wow. Here''s hoping the mods appoint a patrol of spelling and grammar police, it looks like we have some great candidates!

I hope they don''t, because I would be banned

Gaby, I think a lot of people would receive citations. English is not everyone''s first language, and even if it is, some people are not as conscientious of spelling and grammar as others. Pointing something out if it drives you insane ONCE is ok, I suppose, but multiple posters jumping in to comment only on that aspect of a thread is pretty silly. Do we really have to point out the obvious over and over?

 

[SleepyJean98]

I thought about refraining from posting, because of some of the rude remarks about my spelling. Some of you were correct, English is not my first language. I''m typing everything into Word before I post here so I hope there are fewer mistakes. For those of you with helpful advice, thank you.

We had a very long talk this weekend. I found out that he is from a deeply religious family. For a few years in high school he tried to do what his parents wanted. By the time he was 16 he just couldn''t fake it anymore. He is not a very religious person and has some serious questions about all of it. Well, when he came to his parents they threw him out. He was heartbroken and went to live with a grandmother until high school. He put himself through collage. He majored in finance and minored in philosophy. The last time he spoke to his parents was right after he graduated. This was very hard for him to tell me and I feel badly for thinking the worst.

I have been to his work before, he definitely works at a bank.

After talking he still wants to move forward a little quicker than I do. I guess that is something we will have to work on in time. Thank you for the advice.

I still have questins but am feeling much better.

 

[luckynumber]

that sounds MUCH more positive

 

[monarch64]

SJ, please don''t let others'' rude comments keep you from posting, I''m glad you came back.

Wow, it sounds like you learned a lot about your boyfriend this weekend. That is great. Hopefully you can move forward with more peace of mind now that he has shared some things with you.