I dont know why I want a bigger ring

[diamondseeker2006]

In addition to all that has been said, I suspect he doesn''t really have the money for the upgrade if his credit isn''t good enough for his own real estate deal.

 

[asscherisme]

RUN!!!!! He is a con artist and asked you to do something illegal and treated you like a bad little child when you would not. Run!!!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 7/19/2007 12:07:02 AM
Author: WorkingHardforSmallRewards

And if he did buy the ring then I can tell you as a male, the mind set for a man to treat his fiance like that is not one that you want to be living with, GUARANTEED. So even if he does get scared if you offer him his diamond back and bring out the ring he may have bought for you. His mindset and beliefs would not change just for that, and like I said, those beliefs required to treat you that way are simply not something any person should have to live with.

So do not back down, but do some things to really take care of yourself right now, because it sounds like you can afford it, and I think you will def need it. Just don''t use up all you money

I have a few things to say, but what else is new??? I can''t help that I''m long-winded!!!

WHforSR...I appreciate your giving a guy''s perspective on this topic. My FI may not be the most romantic or sensitive individual at times, but he would agree 100% with everything you said...actually, he could have written much of what you wrote himself! Maybe that''s why I always enjoy your posts! All that aside, I think it''s important for DG to understand that this situation she has eluded to isn''t normal to anyone, male or female.

DG...you still have not told us how long you''ve been with this man, just that you''ve been engaged for about a year and expect an upgrade every year. That sounds great out loud, but that is not realistic by most people''s standards, and if he does not have good enough credit to buy a house, he certainly cannot afford to keep you in the style you would like to become accustomed to. You have a great job and you can and should treat yourself...I have never expected a man to buy me jewelry, so I have bought much of it for myself, and you should do the same if that''s what you would like to have. When you DO meet a man who loves you unconditionally, he''ll put a beautiful ring on your finger, one that hopefully won''t leave you wanting more in the coming years.

I also agree with SDL...I know that I will never upgrade my stone to something different or larger, whether it be 10, 20 or 30 years down the road. I was fortunate enough to be able to choose my own diamond and setting, and knowing that my FI wouldn''t be okay with an upgrade later on down the line without getting his feelings hurt, I made sure I got something I could love for the rest of my life, and I did it at a bargain price, so he loves it, too. I would never make my FI feel that he didn''t do enough for me by asking him for something larger, and though I know my ring is larger than most first e-rings, keep in mind I''ve been in and out of this man''s life for 15 years already, so we figure we''re already on our version of an upgrade. That doesn''t mean I''m against upgrading and adding to anything that could possibly go on my ears, wrists, neck, other fingers, etc...

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 7/18/2007 8:29:21 PM
Author: DiamondGirlxja
Thank you all for your posts. Like I said before the mortgage fraud would only be caught if he defaulted on the mortgage and I didnt feel comfortable taking a chance like that especially when my first house is my primary residence and is homestead exempted in the state of florida as my primary residence. I went with my gut and declined the investment. I dont think he is a con man just someone who wanted to use someone elses credit (with better credit for a better rate) in an investment he saw in his eyes as a gold mine.

I didnt see it that way nothing is free. Nothing is too good to be true. There is a reason the builder is giving those properties away for those prices. When your fiance brings business deals into the relationship and makes the relationship about business there is no where to go from there.

I will never forget what he did. Asking me to do something I wasnt comfortable with and then punishing me with it afterwards in the form of denying me something I had my heart set on all year and he always talked about it. And, not only that it shows what kind of person he is and I am not going to marry someone whos behavior is do this for me and ill do this for you. If you dont then I wont do xyz for you.

Thanks,

Excellent decision.

You may not think he''s a con-man, but some of these people will string on their targets for years. The stuff someone like this is capable of is just incomprehensible, because a normal person would not even be able to think up let alone carry out such elaborate deceptions. I think you have narrowly escaped being seriously had.

Please stick with your decision.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 7/19/2007 12:16:37 AM
Author: asscherisme
RUN!!!!! He is a con artist and asked you to do something illegal and treated you like a bad little child when you would not. Run!!!

this is worst case.... best case is he is a selfish fool. Either way, you''re better off with someone who deserves you. Let this fish go find someone of a lower ilk better suited for him.

 

[crystalheart1]

hmm... I am with Mara. THis whole post sounds fishy. I don''t know why I want a bigger ring.. to Mortgage Fraud??

Also, the writing style from an executive?

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 7/19/2007 1:56:09 PM
Author: crystalheart1
hmm... I am with Mara. THis whole post sounds fishy. I don''t know why I want a bigger ring.. to Mortgage Fraud??

Also, the writing style from an executive?

LOL, I thought the same thing yesterday....

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

Date: 7/19/2007 2:06:36 PM
Author: iwannaprettyone

Date: 7/19/2007 1:56:09 PM

Author: crystalheart1

hmm... I am with Mara. THis whole post sounds fishy. I don't know why I want a bigger ring.. to Mortgage Fraud??


Also, the writing style from an executive?

LOL, I thought the same thing yesterday....

You guys aren't insulting the original poster are you?

I would be VERY disappointed.

If it isn't real and you believe, who cares?

If it is real, you have a real woman sitting over there on her computer all alone, heart broken her fiance of the past year suddenly looking so weak and emotionally ugly, she would certainly have a hard time handling it and here she is reaching out for support and she gets insults, criticism, and doubt?

I looks to me to believe is risk free, and to doubt can only come at a terrible cost, so what exactly do you ladies mean by those above posts?

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 7/19/2007 11:55:00 PM
Author: WorkingHardforSmallRewards

Date: 7/19/2007 2:06:36 PM
Author: iwannaprettyone

Date: 7/19/2007 1:56:09 PM

Author: crystalheart1

hmm... I am with Mara. THis whole post sounds fishy. I don''t know why I want a bigger ring.. to Mortgage Fraud??


Also, the writing style from an executive?

LOL, I thought the same thing yesterday....

You guys aren''t insulting the original poster are you?

I would be VERY disappointed.

If it isn''t real and you believe, who cares?

If it is real, you have a real woman sitting over there on her computer all alone, heart broken her fiance of the past year suddenly looking so weak and emotionally ugly, she would certainly have a hard time handling it and here she is reaching out for support and she gets insults, criticism, and doubt?

I looks to me to believe is risk free, and to doubt can only come at a terrible cost, so what exactly do you ladies mean by those above posts?

You know, I have felt the same as you for a very long time. I''m an old timer on message boards, just not this one, and women are catty LOL They''re also often bored and like to make things up (trolls). But I believe as you, it costs me nothing and if I''m really concerned there is always the old stand by - ignoring. Now, I am not bringing this up to try to slam any of the posters here, but rather to point out that this particular dance is happening all over the place and people who reach out on the internet must be prepared to find thoroughly unhelpful (or even harmful) advice. There is that to consider as well. So, I don''t pity anyone and I don''t judge anyone.... but mostly when it comes to the fantasy lives of some people reflected online, I figure - let them have their fantasy, no skin off my nose. But also, let people have their reactions - again, no skin off my nose.

 

[risingsun]

We have no way of knowing if posts on this forum are strictly factual; however, it appears as if the OP was explaining the relationship between the nixed business deal and the no-goal upgrade--at our request. It was difficult to understand, from the original posts what the actual situation was. I, too, noticed the poster's written communicaton and thought, perhaps, that English was not her first language; or that she was upset; or who knows or cares!! I agree with other posters that the OP is dealing with a man with a questionable agenda. I hope she can make a good decision, on her own behalf. If I've been mislead...oh well...it's just cost me a few words.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 7/20/2007 12:17:32 AM
Author: risingsun
We have no way of knowing if posts on this forum are strictly factual; however, it appears as if the OP was explaining the relationship between the nixed business deal and the no-goal upgrade--at our request. It was difficult to understand, from the original posts what the actual situation was. I, too, noticed the poster''s written communicaton and thought, perhaps, that English was not her first language; or that she was upset; or who knows or cares!! I agree with other posters that the OP is dealing with a man with a questionable agenda. I hope she can make a good decision, on her own behalf. If I''ve been mislead...oh well...it''s just cost me a few words.

you know you just made me think of something else I have thought in old, elsewhere, debates on this.... that even if *this* poster is making it up, there are hundreds of other people who read this and the responses just might help someone else. Like you said, it costs very little.

 

[crystalheart1]

Sorry If anyone was offended , but this is the thing that really got to me.

Is driving a Mercedes 5 Series with a one carat ring really an issue...? If this helps someone that would be great,
but many women stay in abusive and harmful relationships forever, sadly.

If this a legitimate post, I would think the initial post would be about the mortgage fraud . Not still wanting to move
forward in this relationship and get a bigger diamond. Was this the first sign something was not legit.. Why was this the first post, and not the "ring search" this is a joke.

I have been divorced for many years raising my children on my own, and doing very well. My one son is starting college next year with a football scholorship, and the other is in the second year doing great.

I just can''t put my arms around some of these priorities. I also feel bad when people are getting upset and hopefully not wasting their valuable time.

 

[crystalheart1]

Date: 7/18/2007 4:38:25 PM
Author: DiamondGirlxja
I am the same as your friend. i wear my one carat drive my e550 mercedes and my 5 series

 

[kcoursolle]

I don''t normally say things this gutsy, but honestly I don''t think you should marry this man. He pressured you to do something that is A) illegal, B) could ruin your credit, C) you could get stuck with all of the payments for the "investment", D) something you didn''t want to do that he pressured you to do, E) this is a sign he might have some major credit issues that you don''t want to get stuck with when you marry him.

Not only did he do A through E, but he also denied you a ring simply because you didn''t do what he wanted you to do. He is manipulating you emotionally and with money. My guess is that he also may not even be able to afford your new upgrade.


Ditch the man and buy yourself a huge right hand ring to celebrate!!!

 

[DiamondGirlxja]

Thanks KC and everyone else for your posts. If my English was not good, it is because I am writing something that happened to me on the internet not trying to win the Pulitzer Prize or write an essay for a college class. I was just quickly trying to explain what happened. This is something real that happened to me and not a fantasy land.

I was upset about the ring and forgetting the real issues at hand: manipulation, etc. etc.

I do appreciate all of the wonderful advice and thank everyone for their comments.

My decision, obviously, is to forget about the ring and move on. I have no other choice based on the events that happened. I wouldnt sign for the house and therefore, he denied me the ring.

I think it was very vain and childish of me to want the bigger ring anyway, but I don''t know he talked about it so much that I had my heart set on it. He tried to manipulate me with the ring to sign the house, and I am proud to say I didn''t do it. Part of me was going to do it. I was going to do it for love. (really stupid)

Perhaps, my post seemed fake because I didn''t include all the details, but I was kind of confused and upset when I was posting. I feel much better now. I am over the ring and everything else.

I am so happy so many people responded frankly and honestly, and so many people felt the same way I did. I was expecting a bunch of posts saying I am ridiculous for even wanting an upgrade.

Well, anyways..Thanks again!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Good luck DiamondGirl! Take care of yourself. I agree with the others that what he did is pretty much over the line. I can''t imagine asking someone I love (or ANYONE!) to lie and commit a crime for me. So if you stay with him, just be careful and watch out for yourself.

We''re here if you need support!

 

[Independent Gal]

Just a quick thought. You asked yourself "Which do I value more: bling or my integrity and sense of self?" You came out with the right answer. No diamond is worth sacrificing your honesty and integrity for.

 

[DiamondGirlxja]

Independent THANK YOU!