How would you feel about this at a kids b-day party?

[fieryred33143]

FI''s best friend''s SIL is a very kind-hearted person who adores children. Every time we visit, she grabs Sophia and disappears for an hour or so which gives me time to eat and mingle. Sophia loves her. She also works magic with older children and knows how to calm them down. She is always the entertainer for their son''s birthday party because of how well she handles children. She coordinates all of the games and even knows how to do face painting.

She is also a very beautiful (almost model-like) woman and loves to party.

Their son is 7. Every birthday party has a theme and the SIL dresses up according to the theme. One year it was Toy Story so she dressed up as the cowgirl. Another year it was Thomas and she dressed up as a conductor.

This year it was Star Wars. She dressed up as a storm trooper. As soon as I walked through the door I said "wowzers"

I''ve attached a photo of the costume and you can see it below. After my initial

, I got over it because I know her and I know how she is. I didn''t think anyone else was bothered by it since everyone was having a great time but when I went to use the restroom, I overheard some moms complaining to themselves about how inappropriate the costume was. One said she was glad she didn''t bring her teenage son to the party. Another said she was glad she didn''t bring her husband

.

What would you have thought? She did an awesome job with the kids, BTW.

 

[LadyBlue]

I think the custom will only make insecure people feel uncomfortable.

In my case, probably I will think wow, she looks sexy and I only would feel unconformable if her of my DH were doing something inappropriate. But if she is nice as always and my DH is respectful as always then, what is the problem.

If she was hosting a teenagers party, that''s a different story. Because we all know how teens boys are

 

[Pandora II]

Oh please...

We were all dressing up as Darth Vader and bashing each other over the head with the cardboard tubes from giftwrap at that age. I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest!

Or do you mean because it's a bit sexy? Again wouldn't bother me - and teenage boys from what I understand fantasize about anything in a skirt let alone skin-tight lycra.

 

[radiantquest]

I like this woman. I would have had the same reaction as you. So maybe the costume was a little tight, that doesnt mean she is being inappropriate. I doubt she ever stood in a seductive type pose. I mean was she supposed to get something that was too big? Or maybe something for a man? I hate to say it, but I think that the other women at the party were just being haters that she looked so good. She seems like a very nice person and a good fun loving mother. I would have told her that it was a awesome costume and then made a little joke about whether or not she could breathe. That is of course assuming that we would be friends and she could laugh about it and not get offended.

 

[jas]

I'm going to preface this by saying that I'm without coffee right now, so once I load up on caffeine, I may be clearer.

My initial response was: I'd be totally fine with it if her husband wore the exact same outfit.

I totally hear you that she was great with the kids and she's a great person. That's cool.

Some of the questions floating around my brain:

If this is a party for 7 year olds, why is she wearing something sexy in the first place?
Was this the only storm trooper/Star Wars costume she could find?
Could she not have put on some sports equipment (like white hockey pads) or something to make it more storm troopery?
I've done enough costume shopping (especially if this is a generic costume bought online or in a costume shop) to know that things are often labeled "sexy" -- was this labeled "sexy"? (I don't expect you to know this, of course.)

I'm not insecure about my body, anyone else's, or where my DH's eye goes...BUT...

The "blow this up" part of my mind always asks "What are we teaching children?" I work/worked with a lot of girls in my life...they are hyper aware of their bodies now...
I guess I personally would love more adult role models in girls' (and boys') lives to show you can be beautiful and talented and wonderful without focusing on the tatas.

ETA: HOWEVER: NOT COOL for the other women to cluck like that together.

Again, it sounds like your friend is an incredible person and a great role model for kids. I do question her judgement.
But man, she should totally rock that outfit for an adult party (and by adult party, I don't mean something naughty).

Just my initial thoughts...

 

[junebug17]

Oh, I don''t know, I find it a little inappropriate, I don''t remember the storm troopers from Star Wars dressing like that. Was it really necessary to wear something so clingy? Did she wear those shoes too? But, on the other hand, kids really don''t pay attention to stuff like this, they are so innocent they probably didn''t even realize how tight the outfit was, probably just had fun. I''m just not sure "sexy" is a good look for a kid''s party. This is just my opinion, of course!

 

[fieryred33143]

Jas

You and I are on the same page, totally.

If I did not know her, I would have questioned her judgment too. From the front, I felt yeah this is a little inappropriate. From the back...it's a lot worse.

My FI did not attend the b-day party because he was working so I couldn't get a male's perspective. He showed up much later and he asked "so how inappropriate was K's outfit?" I guess when he was inside getting a drink they were joking about her using the outfit later that evening..in a

kind of way. So she definitely knew this was a sexy outfit.

Junebug: yes, she wore those shoes.

 

[junebug17]

Just throwing this out there as food for thought...What if a teacher wore this to school at Halloween? Would we be as accepting?

 

[dcgator]

Hey Fiery,

My first response when seeing that is wow, that looks like something I could never pull off, lol. So, I imagine your friend is pretty good looking to pull that off.

I tend to agree that outfit may be a bit racey for a kid''s party. All nice person/good mom stuff aside, I imagine some college-aged girl wearing this to a costume party or something to that effect. I would never imagine it was meant for a kid''s b-day party. Either way, I don''t think it makes her a bad person or a bad mom, just that probably was a poor choice of outfit/decision. I don''t think the kids will be "scarred" or anything like that.

That being said, do you think she just wanted to dress up and possibly not be seen as just a mommy throwing a birthday party? Is she a SAHM? Maybe she just wanted to dress up and since she knew adults were going to be around, she wanted to have a good time and show off her clearly amazing body?

Whatever her reasoning, I do not think that it justifies the other ladies being catty though. I agree with PP that they were just being jealous b/c they couldn''t pull off that kinda outfit. No one makes the right decision all the time, and this might have been one of those times. Just to save the negativitiy from the other moms, it might be worth you (a friend) mentioning about how that might not have been the right outfit choice. I would imagine it would be better to hear about it from you versus the nieghborhood gossip. Just a thought.

 

[TravelingGal]

My gut reaction as a mom is:

Hot damn, I''d look like the michelin man in that outfit and that b*tch looks hot. I''m jealous!

 

[Prana]

Unless she is totally naive, how could she not question whether this outfit was appropriate? Nothing against her personally, but I really don''t think it was appropriate for a kids'' birthday party. I just find it to be a strange choice of attire- she could have acheived the storm trooper outfit with a pair of white sweatpants and a white shirt or something of the like.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 3/15/2010 11:32:46 AM
Author: girlface
Unless she is totally naive, how could she not question whether this outfit was appropriate? Nothing against her personally, but I really don''t think it was appropriate for a kids'' birthday party. I just find it to be a strange choice of attire- she could have acheived the storm trooper outfit with a pair of white sweatpants and a white shirt or something of the like.

Ha! My catty, love handled mama side says the same thing.

My realistic, practical side says a white shirt and sweatpants would probably make her look like she was just going to the gym.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:44:18 AM
Author:fiery
FI''s best friend''s SIL is a very kind-hearted person who adores children. Every time we visit, she grabs Sophia and disappears for an hour or so which gives me time to eat and mingle. Sophia loves her. She also works magic with older children and knows how to calm them down. She is always the entertainer for their son''s birthday party because of how well she handles children. She coordinates all of the games and even knows how to do face painting.

She is also a very beautiful (almost model-like) woman and loves to party.

Their son is 7. Every birthday party has a theme and the SIL dresses up according to the theme. One year it was Toy Story so she dressed up as the cowgirl. Another year it was Thomas and she dressed up as a conductor.

This year it was Star Wars. She dressed up as a storm trooper. As soon as I walked through the door I said ''wowzers''

I''ve attached a photo of the costume and you can see it below. After my initial

, I got over it because I know her and I know how she is. I didn''t think anyone else was bothered by it since everyone was having a great time but when I went to use the restroom, I overheard some moms complaining to themselves about how inappropriate the costume was. One said she was glad she didn''t bring her teenage son to the party. Another said she was glad she didn''t bring her husband

.

What would you have thought? She did an awesome job with the kids, BTW.

It sounds to me like those women were jealous and insecure. What, do they not bring their husbands and children to the beach, where women are wearing bathing suits? Please.

She was entitled to wear whatever she wants. She probably works hard to maintain her body type, so good for her if she wants to show it off.

It sounds like she is your friend and a genuinely good person, so good for you for looking past the outfit.

 

[fieryred33143]

She definitely could have chosen a different outfit

.

None of the kids paid attention to it. There was one, around 11, that developed a HUGE crush on her as you can imagine but other than that there were 3, yes 3, bounce houses so they were all busy going crazy.

On an unrelated side note, children are exhausting

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Even if she has a great body, it''s an odd choice for a child''s birthday party. My son is 7 and would know something is up with that custome.

It''s unfortunate that all the womens'' costumes tend to be a bit inappropriate for most venues. All are skin tight and show too much of something-or-other. . .

 

[jas]

Date: 3/15/2010 11:46:40 AM
Author: vespergirl

It sounds to me like those women were jealous and insecure. What, do they not bring their husbands and children to the beach, where women are wearing bathing suits? Please.

She was entitled to wear whatever she wants. She probably works hard to maintain her body type, so good for her if she wants to show it off.

It sounds like she is your friend and a genuinely good person, so good for you for looking past the outfit.

Vesper...I actually thought about the bathing suit/beach element. I will not avert my children's attention if a fabulous body walks by on the beach. My point is that at the beach, women and men in the "I don't need a Miracle Suit" bathing suits are not at the beach primarily to entertain other people's children. Again, I have nothing against the human body in any form. I just wish we could show children that fantasticness in a female can be independent of her body. I'd like to see more of that in our kids' lives.

I also work hard at maintaining my body and, (and this is me,) I don't feel a need to show it off to my kid's friends. I'd like to think I could host a good kid's party without everyone knowing every curve of my body.

I suppose I could get behind (pun intended) the outfit more if she weren't wearing the FM shoes. If she wants to celebrate her health and fitness, awesome! I would might leave that open for possibility if it weren't for the shoes. (Also...I've worked kid parties...ya need something more athletic.)

I guess in my little world, it's all about location, location, location when it comes to awesome physiques. But that may be because I'm married to a real estate agent.

As always, your mileage may vary.

Edited for some grammar and to say I'm TOTALLY for bringing back the original nekkid Olympics. Those athletes should show off their bodies! Mmm...nekkid Apollo..

 

[Prana]

I agree with everyone who said that she should wear what she wants, and I agree that she (and every woman, for that matter) should be proud of her body. But I also think that there is a time and a place for certain things, and while I don''t think the outfit was a reflection on this womans character, I think it was a little out of place.

 

[Laila619]

I''d probably be jealous because she looks damn good!

I don''t think it''s inappropriate though. A racy french maid costume, now that would be inappropriate.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:09:25 PM
Author: jas




Vesper...I actually thought about the bathing suit/beach element. I will not avert my children''s attention if a fabulous body walks by on the beach. My point is that at the beach, women and men in the ''I don''t need a Miracle Suit'' bathing suits are not at the beach primarily to entertain other people''s children. Again, I have nothing against the human body in any form. I just wish we could show children that fantasticness in a female can be independent of her body. I''d like to see more of that in our kids'' lives.

I also work hard at maintaining my body and, (and this is me,) I don''t feel a need to show it off to my kid''s friends. I''d like to think I could host a good kid''s party without everyone knowing every curve of my body.

I suppose I could get behind (pun intended) the outfit more if she weren''t wearing the FM shoes. If she wants to celebrate her health and fitness, awesome! I would might leave that open for possibility if it weren''t for the shoes. (Also...I''ve worked kid parties...ya need something more athletic.)

I guess in my little world, it''s all about location, location, location when it comes to awesome physiques. But that may be because I''m married to a real estate agent.

As always, your mileage may vary.

Edited for some grammar and to say I''m TOTALLY for bringing back the original nekkid Olympics. Those athletes should show off their bodies! Mmm...nekkid Apollo..

Hm...does this mean I should rethink dressing up as a backyardigan for Amelia''s bday party? The outfit IS skintight...

 

[jas]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:16:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 3/15/2010 12:09:25 PM
Author: jas





Vesper...I actually thought about the bathing suit/beach element. I will not avert my children''s attention if a fabulous body walks by on the beach. My point is that at the beach, women and men in the ''I don''t need a Miracle Suit'' bathing suits are not at the beach primarily to entertain other people''s children. Again, I have nothing against the human body in any form. I just wish we could show children that fantasticness in a female can be independent of her body. I''d like to see more of that in our kids'' lives.

I also work hard at maintaining my body and, (and this is me,) I don''t feel a need to show it off to my kid''s friends. I''d like to think I could host a good kid''s party without everyone knowing every curve of my body.

I suppose I could get behind (pun intended) the outfit more if she weren''t wearing the FM shoes. If she wants to celebrate her health and fitness, awesome! I would might leave that open for possibility if it weren''t for the shoes. (Also...I''ve worked kid parties...ya need something more athletic.)

I guess in my little world, it''s all about location, location, location when it comes to awesome physiques. But that may be because I''m married to a real estate agent.

As always, your mileage may vary.

Edited for some grammar and to say I''m TOTALLY for bringing back the original nekkid Olympics. Those athletes should show off their bodies! Mmm...nekkid Apollo..

Hm...does this mean I should rethink dressing up as a backyardigan for Amelia''s bday party? The outfit IS skintight...

 

[Bev]

In most cases I would say "hey, if you feel confident and comfortable wearing an oufit like that...more power to you!", but considering this was a 7 year old''s birthday party with other kids and other parents....I might have to agree that she could have reconsidered another outfit. I think it''s awesome that she''s an incredibly involved parent, but unfortunately some people (like the gossiping mothers at the party) completely overlook that and go straight to the criticism. I''m not saying that she should always care about what other parents think, but if they''re not comfortable then they may not be comfortable with their children going over her house to play etc.

Just my two cents!

 

[Kay]

Date: 3/15/2010 11:25:09 AM
Author: TravelingGal
My gut reaction as a mom is:

Hot damn, I''d look like the michelin man in that outfit and that b*tch looks hot. I''m jealous!

Ha ha, I probably would have thought the same thing. I think the catty women talking about her were probably jealous but couldn''t just admit it, so they insulted her instead.

 

[Kay]

Date: 3/15/2010 10:15:29 AM
Author: fiery
Jas

You and I are on the same page, totally.

If I did not know her, I would have questioned her judgment too. From the front, I felt yeah this is a little inappropriate. From the back...it''s a lot worse.

My FI did not attend the b-day party because he was working so I couldn''t get a male''s perspective. He showed up much later and he asked ''so how inappropriate was K''s outfit?'' I guess when he was inside getting a drink they were joking about her using the outfit later that evening..in a

kind of way. So she definitely knew this was a sexy outfit.

Junebug: yes, she wore those shoes.

Has the Princess Leia fantasy now been replaced?

Someone should send Ross a memo.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Perhaps I''ve been living in big cities for too long, but judging by the Halloween costumes around here most people would probably overlook this costume for not showing any skin.

To tell the truth, the costume wouldn''t bug me at all; the petty-minded people *gossiping* about it would, though. Blech. Nice to see folks appreciating their host''s kindness by snickering about her behind her back.

 

[Prana]

Maybe she originally bought the costume for another reason

, liked it so much that she wanted to wear it again, and decided that the theme of the bday party simply had to be star wars, so she could have the opportunity!

 

[Pandora II]

Is this costume much worse than StarTrek or Dr Who costumes? Do these women ban their teenage sons from watching that?

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 3/15/2010 11:25:09 AM
Author: TravelingGal
My gut reaction as a mom is:

Hot damn, I''d look like the michelin man in that outfit and that b*tch looks hot. I''m jealous!

Bwahaha, dammit, me too.

Here''s another thought - yes, she could have made the costume herself, but it sounds to me like she put a ton of time and effort into it already. It was easier to buy one pre-made. If she didn''t wear THIS particular costume, what else would she have dressed up as? Personally I think this looks more like the outfit Padma wore in Star Wars Episode II - you might recall it, half of the top got ripped off in a really lame fight scene lol.

But seriously - most female costumes nowadays are "sexy" themed, which drives us normal people nuts. There are very few female characters in Star Wars. If she wanted to dress up, maybe she didn''t have too many options! And the fact that none of the kids even seemed to notice (because they were having fun, in a very kid-friendly way), speaks more volumes than her outfit.

 

[Mara]

If she has the bod to rock it, you go girl. I do think that women who were discussing her in the bathroom were probably insecure and catty. Women love to tear other women down instead of just saying 'rock it, mama' the way they probably should. I hope when my kid is 7 I have the body to wear an outfit like that...even if I won't hahaa.

I don't see one iota of skin showing. Actually when I read your first post fiery I thought it would be like hot pant shorts or something or big ole bazookas hanging out. Nope. Totally covered up??? Boring!! If she can wear that without her two butt cheeks looking like 'two pigs fighting under a blanket' like mine would... more power to her. Now the shoes, maybe a little over the top but what's she going to wear with that? Sneakers?

And I agree that only insecure women would not want their husbands around someone like that.

And that somehow a white pair of sweatpants and a shirt would not quite have the same effect.

 

[charbie]

Has anyone seen what spiderman wears nowadays...??? I mean, wow, that''s tight! He''s lookin HOT!

And I guess my kids shouldn''t watch the olympics for fear they might see a speedskater in an outfit like that. And forget about figure skating...tight outfits that are skimpy!

 

[jas]

I appreciate the diversity of comments on this -- I feel totally different from so many PSers. It's a weird feeling, but hey, makes it fun.

My name is Jas. I am a fuddy duddy who was raised on Murphy Brown and Designing Women and who still hasn't had coffee all day, so please "bare" with me:

I have been following this column with interest and even discussed it with DH over dinner. I feel like this is a sexy costume...and in my opinion, this costume draws attention away from her kid's birthday and towards her awesome body. I am still left wondering why at a 7 year old's party. To me (and again, this is my wee opinion) this sounds like she is appeasing her own ego...for whatever reason. Did she work hard for her body? Sure! Great! But ultimately, so what...it seems to me there is more to her than that, at least in this part of her life (dealing with kids). Does she need the world to say, "Damn! You work out at the gym! Whoo hoo for you!" Does she need external confirmation that she is taking care of her body? It sounds like she has many other gifts that (again, to me) are about sharing...being so beloved by children is something special...could she not share her talents in a way that is a brave departure from what is so the norm for females? To be beautiful and fun and loving without the sexy aspect? I cannot believe for one second she didn't know this was a sexy outfit.

I agree that this is no worse than many costumes and portrays what so many female roles in Hollywood (and video games and anime) are about. I would love to see costumes/characters/adults that demonstrate more options/realms of female characters. Humor. Intellect. Talents not involving appearance.

If this mom wants to wear this costume to the grocery, fine. If she wants to stand in front of a lecturn and lecture about string theory while wearing this costume, fine. The focus, then, is on her and her groceries/lecture. More power to her.

As an educator, I've spoken to literally thousands of girls in my life. More and more feel their self-worth is based on their body/if boys thought they were pretty/hot/slamming. They clung desperately to the few (RL) role models who were funny, brilliant, athletic...and celebrated for this...but I heard more often than not from both boys and girls some sort of prefacing comment, "She's not real pretty but...she's awesome/she's talented/she's fun."

As for the other moms, I still say bad form for clucking like that. HOWEVER, I feel this way and I am not jealous of anyone who wears that costume or anything that shows off their body. Were I there, I certainly wouldn't be slamming her with the other moms, but I would definitely have the feelings I have...not anger, just...huh..I'm not sure how I feel exactly...disappointed? Confused? Weary? I don't think it's safe to assume all of the moms were threatened/envious of her appearance. I'm sure some were, of course.

Is it this woman's responsibility to single handedly change perceptions of The Female, her power, her uses, her appeal? No. Of course not.

Again, just my .02...if you're lucky I'll post DH's thoughts on this.

ETA: Also, seriously, I'm not a prude. I'm actually wearing that costume right now as I type.