How do you know if you only want one child?

[KimberlyH]

I''ve always thought if I had children I would want 2. My DH is so far apart in age from his half and step siblings (a brother and sister) that he felt like an only child and he has always leaned towards having one child if any. We''ve decided we want one for sure, at some point, and once we have one we''ll decide about number two. His reasons for wanting one are the opportunities we can provide, time and money, that would be less so if we had more than one. The other day he informed me the idea of two is much more appealing now that he heard some famous father interviewed who stated that two is easier than one because they play together, lean on each other, etc.

I don''t think having/being an only child is a bad thing, in my experience as an educator they tend to be more mature, independent, and self assured than children with siblings. Because I love being and having sister I am drawn toward the idea of two children, but as of now I think I would be content with just one as well. We shall see what the future brings.

 

[Elmorton]

Just replying to a couple points that I thought were interesting -
Pandora, when you said you were afraid Daisy might never live abroad because of being an only - whoa, that''s something I''d never thought about as an "only" trait, but it''s definitely true for me. I studied abroad for a short time, and the experience taught me that I could never, ever live that far away from my parents/family. I felt a little frantic that when I realized that if something happened, I couldn''t get home right away. My parents and just starting retirement, and I''m getting a little more comfortable with the idea of moving farther away, but I can definitely see that as being a negative to being an only.

NakedFinger - Weird, I''ve never thought of shyness as an only trait. Several of my other only friends are very outgoing, people who love to be on stage, and crave being the center of attention. That''s probably the best way to describe me as well. I suppose it makes sense that onlies could be shy (if the only didn''t get enough socialization?) but I think it''s usually that an only will get a lot of socialization - from adults - so they''re used to "performing" for them. Onlies do have a harder time relating to other kids (I''ll admit it - I had a hard time sharing. I either didn''t want a friend to have something of mine or I''d try to give everything I had away to try to make friends), but from what I understand, they typically bounce back as adults because they''re more comfortable with adult interaction.

 

[pennquaker09]

I think each couple has to decide what makes the perfect family for them. It''s not the same for all of us.

I was an only child until I was halfway through high school. Nate has a brother and two sisters. One of the things that I want for my kids is someone to call or talk to that isn''t us. When I was growing up, I didn''t have anyone to go to other than my parents and I really didn''t want to tell them everything. And I really admire the relationship that Nate has with his siblings. Mine are in elementary school and I don''t see them very often. There''s finally a girl in the family and that''s been extremely exciiting.

Personally, there were two things that I knew for sure: I wanted to be a young parent and that I wanted more than one. But, one of the things that I struggle with is, do I add more to my family or do I stop and go back to work. So, basically the question for me is not, do I want one or two (we have twins already, so check), but do I want three or four. I''m still sticking with 4. I think it''ll all depend on how the adoption process goes for us.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I was the youngest of two until I was 13 and FI was also the youngest of two. We were also both raised by single parents. To be honest, I really loved the family dynamic of just the three of us (before my mom had my little brother) and I miss it a bit now that I''m older. Sp we have similar backgrounds. I think we want two max, but we''re going to see how it goes. We''d be OK with one and we''re going to start with one, see if we like being parents/having babies, and then have another one a few years later if we decide to go for it. We have time for this (I''m 29 and he''s 34) so I''m not worried. Fi''s sister and BIL just had their second daughter at 39 and they''re really struggling with the two kid thing. In part because BIL is a selfish a$$hat who refuses to help FI''s sister with anything having to do with the girls. I know FI wouldn''t be like that, but seeing their disorganized discombobulated life is definitely not helping our decision over one/two.