JanesJewels
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2012
- Messages
- 248
I hope you don't mind me posting this. I lost someone quite recently and thought I was doing better, but I have so much work to do and tonight I just cannot concentrate for intrusive thoughts about it all.
I wondered how other people have coped.
I don't want to go into too much detail about the person lost in order not to upset myself. But it was 16 weeks ago tonight, an immediate relative. I talked with her on the Friday night and she was her usual self. We made plans for the next Tuesday. She'd been terminally ill for some years but in February she booked a fly cruise to another continent and was stable. She told me on that day, 16 weeks ago, that she had seen her doctor and she had months left, weeks at the worst case. So Tuesday should have been fine. We were going to go check out a friend's new house when I got there, and go do all these things. She was normal. Totally her usual self. Snappy, alert, no delay in response, no sluggishness, nothing. She was dead 17 hours later, and I still can't believe it. I got the call at 5am saying she was in hospital with two hours to live. Well, I've been doing better with the disbelief, but tonight it's back a little more.
How long did it take you to accept that your loved one had gone? Accept it deep down, I mean? Rationally I know she's gone, and I'm totally functional, I eat, sleep, see people, work, etc. But I don't think I've really accepted it. How long does it take for it to be really normal that the person is no longer there? I had another immediate relative of ours to stay, the deceased's husband, who has just left. It was so weird having him here without her, and maybe it was too soon, because right now I wake up somewhat confused about who's here and who isn't, just for a few seconds, until my "new life" comes into focus.
Don't get me wrong, I'm coping OK. But the world just seems weird. This is the first death of an immediate relative, for me. How long does it take for all the weirdness to go away? I cannot really believe that she was real, living, walking around, and now she's just gone. I mean, where'd she go? You know? I don't understand it.
How long does it take for the world to settle back the right way up, I guess is what I'm asking. And any tips on how to focus on work when your mind is with the one who has left.
Thank you in advance.
I wondered how other people have coped.
I don't want to go into too much detail about the person lost in order not to upset myself. But it was 16 weeks ago tonight, an immediate relative. I talked with her on the Friday night and she was her usual self. We made plans for the next Tuesday. She'd been terminally ill for some years but in February she booked a fly cruise to another continent and was stable. She told me on that day, 16 weeks ago, that she had seen her doctor and she had months left, weeks at the worst case. So Tuesday should have been fine. We were going to go check out a friend's new house when I got there, and go do all these things. She was normal. Totally her usual self. Snappy, alert, no delay in response, no sluggishness, nothing. She was dead 17 hours later, and I still can't believe it. I got the call at 5am saying she was in hospital with two hours to live. Well, I've been doing better with the disbelief, but tonight it's back a little more.
How long did it take you to accept that your loved one had gone? Accept it deep down, I mean? Rationally I know she's gone, and I'm totally functional, I eat, sleep, see people, work, etc. But I don't think I've really accepted it. How long does it take for it to be really normal that the person is no longer there? I had another immediate relative of ours to stay, the deceased's husband, who has just left. It was so weird having him here without her, and maybe it was too soon, because right now I wake up somewhat confused about who's here and who isn't, just for a few seconds, until my "new life" comes into focus.
Don't get me wrong, I'm coping OK. But the world just seems weird. This is the first death of an immediate relative, for me. How long does it take for all the weirdness to go away? I cannot really believe that she was real, living, walking around, and now she's just gone. I mean, where'd she go? You know? I don't understand it.
How long does it take for the world to settle back the right way up, I guess is what I'm asking. And any tips on how to focus on work when your mind is with the one who has left.
Thank you in advance.