How do you cope with bereavement?

[JulieN]

I'm happy to hear that your family is supportive and gets it.

 

[JanesJewels]

Thanks, Julie. I know I am lucky in many ways but that's mixed in with so much sadness. I didn't appreciate being commanded how to feel tonight, by someone who has experienced loss and should have known much better.

Thanks for responding. xxxx

 

[JanesJewels]

I wonder how Eliot is doing, after the terrible shock of her friend's and friend's daughter's murder. Hope she comes back and lets us know.

 

[VRBeauty]

JanesJewels: I haven't checked in here in the past few weeks... I just saw your end-of-the year post. I don't know the right words... it looks like you're beginning to emerge from the grief a bit? I'm glad to see that you're able to think of fond memories. I'm climbing out of the pit. I can go for long periods when it feels like the pain and acute feelings of loss have subsided, and then - I'm knocked back off my feet again. But mostly I'm starting to accept the loss. For a long time I also felt bad for my mother, having to leave the home and family and quilting etc. that she loved so much. Now it's easier for me to see how terribly her illness (and the chemo treatments) damaged her and limited her enjoyment of life, and to appreciate that she's no longer in pain.

My oldest brother is now facing his own battle with an aggressive form of cancer. He and his wife and medical team are discussing his options this week. He hasn't yet recovered from a long hospitalization - he was hospitalized for eight months, ending the week after my mother died - which will limit his options and most likely rule out surgery. My mother, a former nurse, fought hard for my brother during his first bout with cancer back when he was a teenager. One thing I am grateful for is that she won't have to watch this round.

I'm sorry you're finding yourself alone in your grief. I'm in the age group where many of my friends and acquaintances have lost parents recently, or are helping aging parents. But I think you're right about the chasm between those who have gone through this kind of grief and those who haven't. And of course, empathy in general comes more easily to some people than to others. I hope you'll soon find someone with whom you can safely share your feelings.

 

[JanesJewels]

Hi VRBeauty, thanks for responding to me. Yes, I am beginning to emerge a little, thanks to my family and the supportive articles about grieving that I read online.

Thanks also for sharing your experience. It certainly is an up-and-down process. Like you, I appreciate that my mother is no longer in pain. At Christmas 2013 she was in a lot of pain, and I would much rather that it was I who suffered through bereavement this year than her suffering on and on so she could be here with us. You mentioned that you have a lot of friends who have recently lost parents and that it's common in your age group. Would you mind sharing their approximate ages, or an age range? I'm curious to know roughly when this happens for most - i.e. in which age group the parental deaths are most clustered. Honestly, by 39 I would have expected quite a few people to have lost a parent, but as you know this isn't my personal experience.

I hope your dad is doing OK, and that he is eating properly. I think you were concerned about that.

I am so, so sorry to hear about your brother's latest battle with cancer. So very sorry. That''s tough, and I'm sending you hugs and sympathy across the miles xxx