how do i break the news to my wife that i want to change my wedding band?

[sna77]

Ive been thinking that I want to change my wedding band. Nothing drastic, I just want it to be a bit wider. I have a 4.5 mm Tiffany lucidia in platinum. I got the thinner band because I''d never worn rings and was thinking the thinner it is the more I''d like it/be less annoying to me... Now that I''ve gotten used to it, I think I''d prefer the wider, 6mm band...

The biggest issue is the sentimental attachment she has to it... Then what do I do with the old one? To me if I drop 1900 on a new band if like to hawk the old one on eBay to make some of that "upgrade" cost back... My guess is that she won''t be crazy about that idea... Oh my current band is engraved with the date of our wedding too.

Open to suggestions... I polled 3 guy friends who all said to just go out, buy the new one, not tell her and hope she doesn''t notice. Ha

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Keep the one you have and learn to enjoy it! It''s engraved!!! You can''t just go and switch that.

 

[Kaleigh]

Talk to her and tell her what you told us. She would notice if you switched it out. You can have the wider one engraved with the same thing. But talk to her, I bet she''d be more understanding than you think... Good luck.

 

[dani13]

Explain to Lin that you would like something different, Im sure she will understand- I think I would if MH felt that way about his ring. But definitely keep the old ring- dont sell it- it was blessed on your wedding day, you got married with it, etc.- I would be too sentimental to sell it. And if you get a new band, get that one engraved too!!!!

Good luck, you'll be fine!!!

 

[violet02]

Date: 8/31/2008 3:35:54 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Talk to her and tell her what you told us. She would notice if you switched it out. You can have the wider one engraved with the same thing. But talk to her, I bet she''d be more understanding than you think... Good luck.

Agreed. I really wanted my FI to be happy with his band no matter what... bottom line. If he wanted to change it then so be it. I''ve been tinkering with my wedding band and a spacer for the last month.. at first my FI was upset because he thought I didn''t like what he''d gotten me but once I explained it was a fit and comfort issue he was understanding about it.

Go for the one you want while it''s still early! Later on might be a bit tougher.

 

[joflier]

I agree, she would most likely notice. Just tell her......or just drop something in coversation, like - "You know, I really wish I had gotten a wider band. I think it would look better on my hand." Or something of the sort, and see how she responds.

My hub has 2 bands (neither of which are the original from our wedding) for blingy and non blingy, and I've never really given it too much thought.

 

[AprilBaby]

Be honest and ask her...then put the old one away for a while and don''t be hasty wanting to get rid of it. It has sentimental value to her I''m sure and maybe you can think of something else to do with it.

 

[sna77]

Date: 8/31/2008 3:32:34 PM
Author: MC
Keep the one you have and learn to enjoy it! It''s engraved!!! You can''t just go and switch that.

Ha! I was totally not expecting a response like that on this forum! Once you hit 1k posts its a rite of passage to upgrade your e-ring!

Sitting on the beach now... Could accidenly "lose" it in the ocean now. Ha

Seriously though... Everyone thinks I should keep the original? Do most ladies that upgrade keep the original stone?

I''m just bummed I have to buy myself a ring, when wife bougt the first one.

 

[bem3231]

What I find really funny is that your guy friends honestly thought that you could just get a new one and she would never notice? I think that might point to a fundamental difference in assumptions of attention to detail between the sexes!

I would keep the ''old'' one, being as it was the one that you got married with.

 

[sna77]

One of my guy friends literally bought 3 of the same ring. He figured it wa just a matter of time before he lost one, and this way his wife would never know. Haa

 

[swingirl]

Everyone has a different sentimental attachment to their original ring. I upgraded and put my original stone in a pendant and have the originals saved in a box. Your best bet is to talk about it and express your preference for a wider band. I think most people want their spouse to have a comfortable fitting band that they like. But she probably doesn''t want you to sell the original, especially with the engraving.

 

[Dee*Jay]

I would not be bothered at all if my husband wanted to change his ring. (He is actaully on his third ring almost 10 years into our marriage, but that is because he keeps losing them... ) First of all, tastes can change (look at all of us women who have switched out our rings!) and second, you had never worn a ring before your wedding ring so how could you absolutely know what you wanted?

My advice is to brooch the subject with Mrs. Sna about getting the wider band, but keep the thinner one too. Maybe wear that on special occasions, like out to dinner for your anniversary, that sort of thing, so she knows it is still meaningful to you?

 

[LAJennifer]

Sna - my hubby started with a 6 mm, milgrained edge, white gold band. It is engraved with our initials and our wedding date. After wearing it a couple of months - he realized it was a little loose on his finger and that a smaller size would fit better. His ring was a size 10 - so I bought a cheapie 8 mm tungsten ring on ebay in a size 9.5 for like $30. I figured he could wear it for a week and see if that is the size he would prefer to wear. If so, we would buy a new wedding band like the original - and just keep the original locked away. However, he liked the ebay ring so much - that is what he wears all the time. And I don't mind at all. He actually thinks the 8 mm width is much more comfortable than the 6 mm width (especially when golfing).


As for my engagement ring - it is sentimental to my husband and I could never upgrade the original ring. If I want to upgrade - I can just get a new ring and keep the original too. I actually had an exact copy of my engagement ring made (with really good sims) and that is what I wear everyday - nobody even knows the difference.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 8/31/2008 3:49:08 PM
Author: sna77

Date: 8/31/2008 3:32:34 PM
Author: MC
Keep the one you have and learn to enjoy it! It''s engraved!!! You can''t just go and switch that.

Ha! I was totally not expecting a response like that on this forum! Once you hit 1k posts its a rite of passage to upgrade your e-ring!

Sitting on the beach now... Could accidenly ''lose'' it in the ocean now. Ha

Seriously though... Everyone thinks I should keep the original? Do most ladies that upgrade keep the original stone?

I''m just bummed I have to buy myself a ring, when wife bougt the first one.

haha - My hubby has lost a ring or two surfing!

I''m not encouraging you to lie, though!

Have you talked to her about a wider ring? Maybe if you plant the seed of wanting a wider ring she''ll be receptive. When you reach an agreement talk to her to find out if she would want you to keep the original ring.

Yes, I kept my original engagement stone when I upgraded.

 

[sna77]

Date: 8/31/2008 4:19:19 PM
Author: LAJennifer
Sna - my hubby started with a 6 mm, milgrained edge, white gold band. It is engraved with our initials and our wedding date. After wearing it a couple of months - he realized it was a little loose on his finger and that a smaller size would fit better. His ring was a size 10 - so I bought a cheapie 8 mm tungsten ring on ebay in a size 9.5 for like $30. I figured he could wear it for a week and see if that is the size he would prefer to wear. If so, we would buy a new wedding band like the original - and just keep the original locked away. However, he liked the ebay ring so much - that is what he wears all the time. And I don''t mind at all. He actually thinks the 8 mm width is much more comfortable than the 6 mm width (especially when golfing).



As for my engagement ring - it is sentimental to my husband and I could never upgrade the original ring. If I want to upgrade - I can just get a new ring and keep the original too. I actually had an exact copy of my engagement ring made (with really good sims) and that is what I wear everyday - nobody even knows the difference.

This is a good idea... Just found a 6mm ring on ebay for $30 in a 10.5... Ordering it now... I''ll bring up the subject of getting a new one tonight... sounds like keeping the old one is the way to go...

OK, next subject: how do i get my wife to pay for the new band. haaa

 

[bee*]

I''m sure she''d understand if you explained it to her. You can get the new one engraved with the same date also.

 

[LuckyTexan]

I''d say just tell her... doesn''t Tiffany have an upgrade program? You''ve only been wearing it for like a month right?

 

[stone_seeker]

If there is an occasion coming up/holiday, etc just say for your present you want another wider wedding band because you want the choice from switching off from time to time. She can get it engraved also and be part of it and she will pay. Downside is, you use up a gift getting occasion for this but at least you get your new ring paid for and she can still be part of the process without sneaking around and it wont sound like you dont like the other. You may have to wear the smaller one once in a while for sentimental reasons but, who knows, you may not like the wider one after a few months so at least you have the original.

girls get to upgrade all the time, get multiple wedding bands etc. so no reason you cant.

 

[Richard Sherwood]

She will notice, don't even think twice about that. Women notice everything.

Tell her you want the wider band for your finger, but want to wear the thinner band around your neck on a chain, for sentimentality.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 8/31/2008 6:16:57 PM
Author: Richard Sherwood
She will notice, don''t even think twice about that. Women notice everything.

Tell her you want the wider band for your finger, but want to wear the thinner band around your neck on a chain, for sentimentality.

Good one! haha

 

[snlee]

Oh how funny your 3 guy friends are! Of course your wife would notice! I would talk to her and see how she feels about it.

I like Rich''s idea too if you are open to wearing a necklace.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Get the new one and:

1) stack them
2) have two--change them out depending on your outfit

3) wear the first one on a chain around neck (Rich suggestion)
4) get a different style of ring--perhaps one less costly than the T/C. Mix it up.

My husband lost his first wedding band diving in Belize and teared up when he told me he was THAT upset. It didn''t bother me in the least, but ya just never know people''s reactions. Your wife might get upset also.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Harriet]

Oh, she''d notice. Just ''fess up. I''m sure she''ll understand.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 8/31/2008 3:32:34 PM
Author: MC
Keep the one you have and learn to enjoy it! It''s engraved!!! You can''t just go and switch that.

Ha! That''s what my husband tells me. Women''s upgrades are usually much more expensive. Okay, so she might be surprised, as she might have thought you ''didn''t care'' about that sort of stuff.
But personally, I prefer a wider band on a man to a thinner band, anyway (it looks so ... traditional and committed!

)
So perhaps she''ll feel the same way, and go for it. And, get the identical message engraved on the inside.
Don''t throw your old ring. Keep it safe, for future ''emergencies'', like misplacing your new one.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 8/31/2008 3:53:29 PM
Author: bem3231
What I find really funny is that your guy friends honestly thought that you could just get a new one and she would never notice? I think that might point to a fundamental difference in assumptions of attention to detail between the sexes!


I would keep the ''old'' one, being as it was the one that you got married with.

Haha, I *could * try to upgrade without telling my man, do you think he''d notice?

Unfortunately, sna, you might have to raise the $$ yourself, or perhaps have her chuck in a set amount. Or perhaps you could get it for a Chrissy gift? Perhaps having it paid from your joint savings is as romantic as it''ll get this time around!

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 8/31/2008 3:49:08 PM
Author: sna77

Date: 8/31/2008 3:32:34 PM
Author: MC
Keep the one you have and learn to enjoy it! It''s engraved!!! You can''t just go and switch that.

Ha! I was totally not expecting a response like that on this forum! Once you hit 1k posts its a rite of passage to upgrade your e-ring!

Sitting on the beach now... Could accidenly ''lose'' it in the ocean now. Ha

Seriously though... Everyone thinks I should keep the original? Do most ladies that upgrade keep the original stone?

I''m just bummed I have to buy myself a ring, when wife bougt the first one.

Ahh, but you are currently only at 895 posts..lol.
Good advice from the others - she will notice. See how you like the ebay band, then discuss with her up front...If you''re in agreement, I don''t see the harm in having the new one engraved too.

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 8/31/2008 3:28:30 PM
Author:sna77
Ive been thinking that I want to change my wedding band. Nothing drastic, I just want it to be a bit wider. I have a 4.5 mm Tiffany lucidia in platinum. I got the thinner band because I''d never worn rings and was thinking the thinner it is the more I''d like it/be less annoying to me... Now that I''ve gotten used to it, I think I''d prefer the wider, 6mm band...

The biggest issue is the sentimental attachment she has to it... Then what do I do with the old one? To me if I drop 1900 on a new band if like to hawk the old one on eBay to make some of that ''upgrade'' cost back... My guess is that she won''t be crazy about that idea... Oh my current band is engraved with the date of our wedding too.

Open to suggestions... I polled 3 guy friends who all said to just go out, buy the new one, not tell her and hope she doesn''t notice. Ha

I would discuss with her first...the ring might represent communication as well as love ect ...she might be hurt if you went ahead and ordered before asking her opinion...oh...you ordered one already...good luck and...let one of us know if you need a ride to the hospital...

 

[VRBeauty]

I''d be flattered if my guy came to me and said: ya know, when we got married, I wasn''t sure about this whole wearing a ring business, but now that I''m used to it, I''m realizing that I''m ready for a ring that makes more of a statement... like back off, I''m really taken... in a tastefull way, of course.

 

[sna77]

Date: 9/1/2008 2:30:36 AM
Author: MINIMS
I''d be flattered if my guy came to me and said: ya know, when we got married, I wasn''t sure about this whole wearing a ring business, but now that I''m used to it, I''m realizing that I''m ready for a ring that makes more of a statement... like back off, I''m really taken... in a tastefull way, of course.

I brought it up last night while sitting on the boat having drinks with a couple we are very close with.. figured strength in numbers... anyhow, after the initial shock of "those rings were blessed on our wedding day" wore off when I pointed out that we got married by a JOP who didn''t bless anything, I actually broke out the "its wider, more girls will notice it" line... which was working well till my buddy dropped the "I''ve been hit on by girls more since I started wearing a wedding ring--I think they see it as a challenge."

Anyhow, it was no big deal... I think she might want me to hang onto the original... which I agreed to do... unless Tifany has an upgrade policy, in which case I''m all over that.

Anyone know about the T&C upgrade policy? Is it just for engagement rings, or do men''s bands count also? I''m hoping for a bit of leeway, since I spent a fair amount of money with themover the last 3-5 months (my wedding band, her wedding band, and I got the groomsmen all engraved cufflinks from there)...

Oh, thanks everyone for the advice... It was very helpful in helping me form a strategy... I''ll update the thread once I''ve done something...

 

[neatfreak]

They don''t have upgrade policies for plain rings and things like that as far as I know. But it''s worth an ask for sure!