HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged!!!

[GearGirly]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Yes do it now! I am so sentimental it would be hard for me to upgrade after my wedding, I think I would just have to settle for another additional ring! So I say do it since what's the big deal if money is not an issue! I bet it will be totally stunning and exactly what you want!

 

[Monnyjay]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

My advice would be to upgrade to the 3 carat now, if that is what you really want and your partner is happy for you to do so. It's a beautiful ring, but if you feel it's now big enough, best to sort it out now!

 

[Sunstorm]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

OP, you two are such a beautiful couple, congrats on your engagement!

What you should do, only you two can decide together with your fiancee, however, it may not even be that this ring is not right, it could just be that diamonds are truly addictive and you will always find others, new ones that you fall in love with. Diamonds are really like chocolate, one is not enough and it is hard to stop, know this from experience. However, I do think that it is possible to feel satisfaction with what you have, if not forever, but for periods of time. Yes, as long as you only want more diamonds or new ones but not a new husband, all is good. All the best to you two, you deserve it!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I didn't have time to read all the posts, but I wanted to say congratulations and you are a beautiful couple!

I don't know why people get bent out of shape when someone changes their mind about something. If you two can afford it, I say upgrade now before the wedding! You may not have known that radiants can be deep and face up smaller than some other shapes. I think a 2.5 ct. ideal cut round in a cushion setting like msop's would give you a lot more finger coverage and bling factor than what you have now. It is rare to find a radiant with the light performance of an ideal cut round. The other option would be an oval as they face up larger than many shapes, but like radiants, you really have to know what to search for to get a well cut one. You will save money if you can go to the upper 2 ct range as opposed to 3 cts as there is a big price jump at the next carat mark.

As to the wedding band question, I think the e-ring needs to be the star and I like a simple 2mm diamond wedding band (or whatever best matches the shank of the e-ring).

 

[motownmama]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

DiamondSeeker - I actually like your motto "When in doubt, don't!"

 

[momhappy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I didn't have time to read all the posts, but I wanted to say congratulations and you are a beautiful couple!

I don't know why people get bent out of shape when someone changes their mind about something. If you two can afford it, I say upgrade now before the wedding! You may not have known that radiants can be deep and face up smaller than some other shapes. I think a 2.5 ct. ideal cut round in a cushion setting like msop's would give you a lot more finger coverage and bling factor than what you have now. It is rare to find a radiant with the light performance of an ideal cut round. The other option would be an oval as they face up larger than many shapes, but like radiants, you really have to know what to search for to get a well cut one. You will save money if you can go to the upper 2 ct range as opposed to 3 cts as there is a big price jump at the next carat mark.

As to the wedding band question, I think the e-ring needs to be the star and I like a simple 2mm diamond wedding band (or whatever best matches the shank of the e-ring).

I don't get where people got bent out of shape? Posters are entitled to their opinions just as OP is entitled to hers. If one starts a thread, opposing viewpoints should be welcome too. Not to mention the fact that OP herself must have questioned her sanity a bit if she felt compelled enough to start a whole thread about it. I mean, it's not like someone upgrading after years of marriage - it's a discussion about upgrading after having received the ring 3 short months ago. If you ask me, that's discussion-worthy and it sounds like OP was genuinely seeking opinions from others who might have more experience. As I said before, the majority here seems to think that an upgrade might be in order, but that doesn't mean that other viewpoints shouldn't be expressed (and worth some consideration). I think that sometimes people assume that jealousy must be at play (in other words, some folks might object to an upgrade simply because they are jealous), but I haven't gotten that impression here. I think that folks have offered some valuable advice/thoughts/opinions and this really isn't about do or don't do it, but rather a discussion about thoughts on the matter.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I just expressed my own opinion and did not point out or quote anyone else's. It is a general opinion based on seeing many threads like this in the past.

 

[momhappy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Yes, and even though I quoted your post, my post was sort of in regards to general observations too - others have mentioned that some folks have gotten bent out of shape. I respect your opinions diamond seeker and enjoyed reading your post

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Yes, and even though I quoted your post, my post was sort of in regards to general observations too - others have mentioned that some folks have gotten bent out of shape. I respect your opinions diamond seeker and enjoyed reading your post

Thank you so much for clarifying! I misunderstood, and the feeling is mutual!

 

[nala]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Even though I think that you have come to your decision already, I think very few posters answered your actual questions. You wanted to know if DSS is legit and how we deal with it and if you are playing with fire. Sorry your thread got derailed. There are certain posters who will always try to twist questions and try to psychoanalyze the poster's intent and mask their comments under the idea that since you asked, you should be OK with whatever advice anyone dishes you, even if it's not related to your question. Welcome to PS.


Now, is DSS legit? For some, it is and maybe this is how some posters should have replied to your question, by sharing their experience and what they learned. My experience is that my DSS was a reaction to obsessing completely on my new diamond, and the more that I learned about it, the more that I wanted it to be better. I began to notice diamonds more, and to lust after the bigger ones. Size, I erroneously believed, was the holy grail, without even realizing if the big diamonds that I was eyeing were greatly cut. So I embarked on a size quest and ended up compromising, because even though I could spend more, I am very practical and know that a diamond is not necessarily the best investment.

How do you deal with it? Again, another opportunity to share a personal experience, and not to question your sanity.I did a lot of research and opportunity cost analysis. I could spend more, but I could also invest that money more wisely. At the end of the day,what would make me happier? So when I finally realized that a 2.20 carat would make me happier than an investment gain, it became worth it for me to upgrade. But it didn't happen overnight for me. I also ventured into the estate market and shopped for other fine pieces of jewelry.Because I buy estate, I probably can recoup most of my money invested, if I ever had to sell. Whereas, if I keep going and going after the biggest and best diamond, I don't think I will ever recoup that cost.

Are you playing with fire? Maybe this is the question that most PSers attempted to address, and focused on, which is why you thought you were being bashed. My response for me is, as my hubby always says, when will enough be enough? So is upgrading playing with fire for you? That is up to you. Do you intend to stop?

This is meant to be my post. Not an attack on any other PSer's. So I hope I haven't unwillingly gotten into some screaming match with any out there.

 

[momhappy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

^I saw quite a few posts addressing OP's actual question on DSS (by Niel, HappyNewLife, LLJsmom etc.) just to name a few.
It's certainly an interesting thread. Keep us posted OP

 

[strength]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I would be so pissed off if my girlfriend wanted a different diamond, but that's me, after the 30 plus diamonds I looked at, but also I'm not a Manhattan-ite. If he says you are good to go, then just go for it.

 

[HappyNewLife]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

HappyNewLife - may I just ask you where you got the stars necklace that you're wearing in your ring shot? It's exquisite!

Thank you! It's from Tiffany & co from 2009. I've seen it on ebay recently

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Okay, I didn't answer how did I deal with it. I just answered the "what do you think" question! I was totally happy with my original 1 ct ring for years. I found PS when my husband said he would get me a new diamond ring set for our anniversary in 2006 and learned all about diamond quality. We bought one diamond that year (1.6 cts), I sold it about 5 years later and got another diamond around the same size, and then last year I upgraded (2.3 cts). So I support changing and getting what you want as long as you can afford it and your fiance (husband, in my case) doesn't care! That is how I dealt with learning what I wanted through experience! (Getting off the forum once you settle on a ring is probably a last bit of good advice!)

 

[Bigmikey]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Interesting discussion, here's another male point of view. Bottom line, if my gf wants a bigger rock, she'll get a bigger rock since we can afford it. But I wouldn't want my gf walking around with a huge rock on her hand everyday basically telling someone to mug her. Anything over 2.5ct to me says, mug me please. And if you can't wear your ER everyday feeling safe, then what's the point?

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Interesting discussion, here's another male point of view. Bottom line, if my gf wants a bigger rock, she'll get a bigger rock since we can afford it. But I wouldn't want my gf walking around with a huge rock on her hand everyday basically telling someone to mug her. Anything over 2.5ct to me says, mug me please. And if you can't wear your ER everyday feeling safe, then what's the point?

Bigmikey, I certainly appreciate a fresh perspective. If it would not be safe where u are, or where the OP is, then it is defintely not advisable. If she moved in circles and locales where safety is of a concern then a bigger rock it is. I have a family member who has a car and driver and basically goes only to places that are secure. She wears a 5 carat daily. I don't think safety is even a question in her mind. Wearing Her 5 carat Is probably like putting on a coat or socks to her.

 

[Circe]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Interesting discussion, here's another male point of view. Bottom line, if my gf wants a bigger rock, she'll get a bigger rock since we can afford it. But I wouldn't want my gf walking around with a huge rock on her hand everyday basically telling someone to mug her. Anything over 2.5ct to me says, mug me please. And if you can't wear your ER everyday feeling safe, then what's the point?

Bigmikey, I certainly appreciate a fresh perspective. If it would not be safe where u are, or where the OP is, then it is defintely not advisable. If she moved in circles and locales where safety is of a concern then a bigger rock it is. I have a family member who has a car and driver and basically goes only to places that are secure. She wears a 5 carat daily. I don't think safety is even a question in her mind. Wearing Her 5 carat Is probably like putting on a coat or socks to her.

And an additional point ... if somebody is desperate enough to be resorting to attacking strangers for their stuff, they'll probably be willing to do it for considerably less than a two and a half carat diamond. My dad was violently mugged three times when I was a kid (New York was special back in the day), and he didn't look wildly affluent: he just looked better off than the broke-ass teenagers who were mugging him. If that sort of thing is a concern, my - completely serious, not even a tad facetious - advice would be to spend the money that might go towards a diamond on cabs late at night, moving to a better area, self-defense paraphernalia, or all of the above. Assuming basic safety concerns are taken care of, basic common sense (turn it in to your palm if you're in a sketchy or underpopulated area, insure it, and be prepared to give up in case of the threat of violence) should probably cover you, excepting really bad luck. So assuming that's the case, nothing to lose ....

 

[quaddio]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Wanted to add my opinion such as it is. I see this situation as different from DSS which is where one becomes conditioned to view the size of a diamond/ring as smaller over time. This case seems to be the OP having thought she knew what she wanted initially but the reality 'on finger' was different. This is the challenge with first time purchasing as in this case - we don't know what we want as well as if we were purchasing a replacement or 'upgrade'. When you think about size it can be pretty arbitrary '2 carats is good number', and OP didn't have experience to base her estimate on. I think a range of factors contributes here, particularly the relative size/shape/dimensions of a radiant.

Haven't we all had this experience? When we think 'I like the look of wedge heels, I know my size at Nine West' and order something that just doesn't look right once we get it home. Likewise in the store we're basing decisions on limited inputs - I buy a shirt based a preference for neutrals and knowing I wear an XS in Ann Taylor, and even if it looks good in the dressing room that doesn't mean it will go with the rest of my closet or fit with my lifestyle - dry clean only wtf?!?!

The stakes are higher with a diamond ring of course, and even moreso when expectations are so high as with a 2 carat diamond ring. I think in this case OP is figuring out how big the diamond should be for a ring that she and her future husband expect to look substantial. I skipped many responses in this thread but wanted to encourage OP to get the ring of her dreams. Don't feel bad that you are still in the process of figuring it out, enjoy your engagement and keep posting gorgeous photos.

 

[newbie1234]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

as someone has mentioned on here, other thing to consider is lifestyle. If you're like Kim Kardashian, all you do all day is being primed and groomed to look good, you have maids, nannies, chefs, bodyguard. A humongous rock is fine. If you're the mere mortal like me ( ) I'm a nurse working for a very busy hospital, have 2 very active boys, have a big suburban house without a maid. After work, I have to cook, clean, take care of the boys, the house, the husband... a 3-carat ring would get in the way of me doing my daily duties. And if I can't freely wear my ring anytime, anywhere, then whats the point... Just my 2 cents to help OP decide...

 

[momhappy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

^Having a big diamond doesn't necessarily imply that one has a "Kim Kardashian" lifestyle. Many women do all of the things you mentioned (cook, clean, raise families, work, etc.) and they still wear large rings.

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Wanted to add my opinion such as it is. I see this situation as different from DSS which is where one becomes conditioned to view the size of a diamond/ring as smaller over time. This case seems to be the OP having thought she knew what she wanted initially but the reality 'on finger' was different. This is the challenge with first time purchasing as in this case - we don't know what we want as well as if we were purchasing a replacement or 'upgrade'. When you think about size it can be pretty arbitrary '2 carats is good number', and OP didn't have experience to base her estimate on. I think a range of factors contributes here, particularly the relative size/shape/dimensions of a radiant.

Haven't we all had this experience? When we think 'I like the look of wedge heels, I know my size at Nine West' and order something that just doesn't look right once we get it home. Likewise in the store we're basing decisions on limited inputs - I buy a shirt based a preference for neutrals and knowing I wear an XS in Ann Taylor, and even if it looks good in the dressing room that doesn't mean it will go with the rest of my closet or fit with my lifestyle - dry clean only wtf?!?!

The stakes are higher with a diamond ring of course, and even moreso when expectations are so high as with a 2 carat diamond ring. I think in this case OP is figuring out how big the diamond should be for a ring that she and her future husband expect to look substantial. I skipped many responses in this thread but wanted to encourage OP to get the ring of her dreams. Don't feel bad that you are still in the process of figuring it out, enjoy your engagement and keep posting gorgeous photos.

Very true! This also occurred to me. And one person's 2 carat diamond could be another person's purse.

 

[msop04]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Wanted to add my opinion such as it is. I see this situation as different from DSS which is where one becomes conditioned to view the size of a diamond/ring as smaller over time. This case seems to be the OP having thought she knew what she wanted initially but the reality 'on finger' was different. This is the challenge with first time purchasing as in this case - we don't know what we want as well as if we were purchasing a replacement or 'upgrade'. When you think about size it can be pretty arbitrary '2 carats is good number', and OP didn't have experience to base her estimate on. I think a range of factors contributes here, particularly the relative size/shape/dimensions of a radiant.

Haven't we all had this experience? When we think 'I like the look of wedge heels, I know my size at Nine West' and order something that just doesn't look right once we get it home. Likewise in the store we're basing decisions on limited inputs - I buy a shirt based a preference for neutrals and knowing I wear an XS in Ann Taylor, and even if it looks good in the dressing room that doesn't mean it will go with the rest of my closet or fit with my lifestyle - dry clean only wtf?!?!

The stakes are higher with a diamond ring of course, and even moreso when expectations are so high as with a 2 carat diamond ring. I think in this case OP is figuring out how big the diamond should be for a ring that she and her future husband expect to look substantial. I skipped many responses in this thread but wanted to encourage OP to get the ring of her dreams. Don't feel bad that you are still in the process of figuring it out, enjoy your engagement and keep posting gorgeous photos.

Very good post, quaddio! [emoji106]

 

[msop04]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Wanted to add my opinion such as it is. I see this situation as different from DSS which is where one becomes conditioned to view the size of a diamond/ring as smaller over time. This case seems to be the OP having thought she knew what she wanted initially but the reality 'on finger' was different. This is the challenge with first time purchasing as in this case - we don't know what we want as well as if we were purchasing a replacement or 'upgrade'. When you think about size it can be pretty arbitrary '2 carats is good number', and OP didn't have experience to base her estimate on. I think a range of factors contributes here, particularly the relative size/shape/dimensions of a radiant.

Haven't we all had this experience? When we think 'I like the look of wedge heels, I know my size at Nine West' and order something that just doesn't look right once we get it home. Likewise in the store we're basing decisions on limited inputs - I buy a shirt based a preference for neutrals and knowing I wear an XS in Ann Taylor, and even if it looks good in the dressing room that doesn't mean it will go with the rest of my closet or fit with my lifestyle - dry clean only wtf?!?!

The stakes are higher with a diamond ring of course, and even moreso when expectations are so high as with a 2 carat diamond ring. I think in this case OP is figuring out how big the diamond should be for a ring that she and her future husband expect to look substantial. I skipped many responses in this thread but wanted to encourage OP to get the ring of her dreams. Don't feel bad that you are still in the process of figuring it out, enjoy your engagement and keep posting gorgeous photos.

Very true! This also occurred to me. And one person's 2 carat diamond could be another person's purse.

+2 ...this is so true!

 

[retrogamer]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Are you playing with fire? Maybe this is the question that most PSers attempted to address, and focused on, which is why you thought you were being bashed. My response for me is, as my hubby always says, when will enough be enough? So is upgrading playing with fire for you? That is up to you. Do you intend to stop?

I wanted to touch on what you have said here, Nala. I am a highly sentimental person (fyi I am male); thus I would have never wanted my wife to "upgrade" her original engagement ring, but I also wanted her to be happy. We've come to an agreement and as long as both of us agree that it isn't hurting our bottom line and we still have funds to spend on things we both enjoy, so be it.

OP: Since your fiance is on board, I would move forward with the desire; nothing will quench your desire and you will may become more dissastified.

 

[nojs]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

On DSS: could this be partly a cultural issue? I hang around PS nearly every day, but have never suffered from DSS nor from a need to upgrade. My engagement ring is sightly over 0.5 carat (AGS000 H&A however, so it helps), and in Finland this is considered huge by many people Here few wealthy people have big rocks, I have only once seen a diamond around 1 ct worn (+ my aunt has one, but she keeps it in the drawer and wears a plain band instead). I think it is also that big diamonds are considered impractical by many Finns. I feel that most in my social circle (of mostly lawyers and doctors, people who could easily afford a bigger diamond) also plan to wear their original e- and wedding rings for the rest of their lives for sentimental reasons.

That being said, if you really feel you would be genuinely happier with another diamond, you can easily afford it and that is ok for your fiancé, go for it

 

[quaddio]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I found this cool looking square radiant - not sure it fits your taste but wanted to post anyway.

http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/radiant-cut/3.25-carat-h-color-vvs2-clarity-sku-368569

 

[IAmMrsWhite]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Thank you for all of the advice. I didn't wear my ring for a week and when I put it back on it was so HUGE to me! My diamond with the halo faces up to be 3 carats so after some thought, it didn't make sense on upgrading to a larger stone just because. Hubby told me that if I wanted to upgrade later to a different style and new diamond that I could. I am fully happy with my ring and now bands! He got me 3 bands. 2 eternity bands and a rose gold band. I wear them all together or sometimes I just wear the engagement ring alone. I like to switch up the rings so I don't get bored. Getting engaged is one of my favorite memories and I remember reliving the moment over and over again. It's very easy to get obsessed with the ring and stare at ALL DAY LONG. I know that's where my DSS kicked in. Now my hubby and I happily married and I couldn't be happier with my rings. Thanks again for all of your advice and input. DSS is real but I actually tried to make sense of it all and God bless my husband who was so patient and loving with me during all of this. Thanks again!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

What a happy ending to that story!!! Beautiful pictures of your rings! Honestly, sometimes we can and do obsess about our diamonds and then change our minds on what we want. Many of us here have changed settings or diamonds multiple times. Stepping back and getting our minds off it often solves the problem! So don't start looking at threads here again!

 

[SirGuy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Thanks for checking back in and glad to hear things worked out! Those bands are striking and all together I imagine it's a bit blinding!