Has COVID changed your relationships?

[MamaBee]

What about those of you with immediate family or (formerly?) close friends with differing views and precautions? How do you manage those relationships?

I'm finding a lot of my friends while vaccinated are living a "normal" pre-COVID life - traveling, getting together with others, indoor dining, not masking, etc. They've expressed they "do not care" about getting COVID since likely they will be fine, and they can't be "afraid" and it's for their "mental health." Seems their point of view is those who are vulnerable can just stay home and isolate...

That’s exactly what I’m going through @MRBXXXFVVS1..Fortunately one of my friends understands..She’s a social worker so very tuned in to people..very caring..She accepts how I feel..I‘m not going to her son’s wedding next Saturday..I was afraid to tell her..but she was more than understanding. The other two are tired of covid so just live their life taking chances. My caring friend does too but doesn’t judge..I think the other two do to justify how they are living their life right now. Fortunately everyone is vaccinated. I feel left out sometimes but it’s my choice to not engage.

 

[missy]

What about those of you with immediate family or (formerly?) close friends with differing views and precautions? How do you manage those relationships?

I'm finding a lot of my friends while vaccinated are living a "normal" pre-COVID life - traveling, getting together with others, indoor dining, not masking, etc. They've expressed they "do not care" about getting COVID since likely they will be fine, and they can't be "afraid" and it's for their "mental health." Seems their point of view is those who are vulnerable can just stay home and isolate...

I think they are exhibiting poor judgment. I have vaccinated friends who are socializing indoors, not masking and attending big parties. I chalk that up to 1. poor judgment and 2. different risk tolerances

My DH is more generous in his assessment of these friends...he feels we all have different risk tolerances and while we don't feel comfortable living life as we did pre Covid he understands why these friends do. And he is OK with it. At least they are vaccinated so thank goodness for that but yeah that is not something I am comfortable with at this time. We don't attend parties nor do we attend indoor gatherings with family or friends. We do what makes us feel comfortable and so do they.

My family is all vaccinated but they are doing an indoor thanksgiving and my mom isn't happy that we are not attending.
I love my family but do not agree with them doing an indoor Thanksgiving at this time. They are frustrated with me and I guess you could say I am frustrated with them. But we understand each other and we have accepted it.

 

[Austina]

We are only socialising with 2 other couples, all of whom have been double jabbed, and are as careful as we are.

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

I honestly feel like "shutting down" and distancing myself from everyone (radio silence/ghosting), as no one I know really takes precautions anymore. They were taking risks before they were vaccinated, and now justify their activities because they are vaccinated and feel "safe."

Vaccinated family members want to come visit us, and are willing to strictly isolate for 2 weeks before coming, but does that erase and reset all the high risk activities they've participated in (international travel, parties, indoor activities, etc.)? Am I being unreasonable and petty with my boundaries due to my health situation? My friends say my risk is low if they are vaccinated and quarantine, and that their feelings would be hurt if they couldn't come (which is very likely). Honestly, I think there's more for them to gain (another fun, social vacation for them), and more for me to lose (physical and mental health). Not letting them visit could create "drama" and damage relationships.

I honestly don't want to hear about friends' and families' vacations or lives anymore, as their poor judgement gives me anxiety and there's not much to talk about. I'm definitely envious and jealous of well, everyone!! I put forth a lot of effort to consider how others feel, always take the high road, and am the bigger person, but that desire to cater is definitely waning and I feel as I've grown apart from...everyone...

It's extremely lonely and isolating, but it seems better for my mental health to distance myself. I wish we could find friends to form a "bubble" with, but it seems like no one is doing that anymore, especially with kids in school, etc.

 

[m-cubed]

The vaccines are here and they work. Yes, breakthrough cases can and do occur, but they are generally not severe in those vaccinated. I am not quite back to normal life (my office is still all remote), but I am getting together with friends indoors, eating in restaurants, etc. I am masking where the business requests it and generally trying to practice kindness and understanding towards those who may be more concerned. It costs me nothing to wear a mask when asked.
Now I’m not such a social butterfly that all this is happening a lot, but I went on vacation (to a low COVID locale) last month and had a friend over for dinner this week. I live alone, and the harms of remaining isolated (for little reason IMO now that we have vaccines) greatly outweigh the benefits of human contact. I have done my part. We need the unvaxxed to do their part to protect the vulnerable so the overall disease burden goes down.
I think most in the US (at least) basically agree that we need to get back to normal, but I think the vaxxed and unvaxxed differ in their understanding of the consequences of doing that when unvaxxed.

Note: I don’t have kids, nor am I in contact with fragile/immunocompromised folks, so my risk assessment may be different compared to those who have small kids not eligible for vaccines or are immunocompromised, etc.

 

[m-cubed]

I honestly feel like "shutting down" and distancing myself from everyone (radio silence/ghosting), as no one I know really takes precautions anymore. They were taking risks before they were vaccinated, and now justify their activities because they are vaccinated and feel "safe."

Vaccinated family members want to come visit us, and are willing to strictly isolate for 2 weeks before coming, but does that erase and reset all the high risk activities they've participated in (international travel, parties, indoor activities, etc.)? Am I being unreasonable and petty with my boundaries due to my health situation? My friends say my risk is low if they are vaccinated and quarantine, and that their feelings would be hurt if they couldn't come (which is very likely). Honestly, I think there's more for them to gain (another fun, social vacation for them), and more for me to lose (physical and mental health). Not letting them visit could create "drama" and damage relationships.

I honestly don't want to hear about friends' and families' vacations or lives anymore, as their poor judgement gives me anxiety and there's not much to talk about. I'm definitely envious and jealous of well, everyone!! I put forth a lot of effort to consider how others feel, always take the high road, and am the bigger person, but that desire to cater is definitely waning and I feel as I've grown apart from...everyone...

It's extremely lonely and isolating, but it seems better for my mental health to distance myself. I wish we could find friends to form a "bubble" with, but it seems like no one is doing that anymore, especially with kids in school, etc.

I think you are being reasonable with concern about your own situation, but I think you’re being a little unreasonable with those who do not have the same situation. The activities you list aren’t high risk for those who are vaccinated - that was the whole point of getting vaccinated! I am absolutely empathetic towards your situation, but I think it’s unreasonable to say no one can go and do things because you can’t. If your family loves you enough to isolate for two weeks, let them come see you. It will be good for you and for them.

 

[Lookinagain]

Vaccinated family members want to come visit us, and are willing to strictly isolate for 2 weeks before coming, but does that erase and reset all the high risk activities they've participated in (international travel, parties, indoor activities, etc.)? Am I being unreasonable and petty with my boundaries due to my health situation? My friends say my risk is low if they are vaccinated and quarantine, and that their feelings would be hurt if they couldn't come (which is very likely). Honestly, I think there's more for them to gain (another fun, social vacation for them), and more for me to lose (physical and mental health). Not letting them visit could create "drama" and damage relationships.

I would think if they are vaccinated and quarantine for two weeks before they visit, and perhaps also take a test, then you should be okay to see them. If after they get there, they start going out and about, then that's a different situation. But you could at least see them at the very beginning of their trip before they have done any socializing.

 

[Austina]

@MRBXXXFVVS1 it’s only natural to feel worried about being exposed to the virus through other people. You can’t control what they do, only what you do and the choices you make. We hadn’t seen our only child for 21 months, but decided to visit as soon as we were able. We had to be double vaxxed and have a negative PCR test before we were able to fly internationally. All our documents were checked before we were even allowed to check in, so we felt ‘safe’ about getting on the plane. Our DS and DIL decided to get PCR tests too before we arrived, and we all agreed that we wouldn’t see anyone else while we were there. I actually felt a lot less anxious than I thought I would travelling, and I have to say that people in the airports were respecting distancing and everyone was masked up. Lots of announcements on the plane about wearing your mask correctly, and the cabin crew were telling people to put their masks back on as soon as they’d finished eating and drinking.

We have been ultra careful throughout, my DH was paranoid about getting covid and deemed too old to treat, and it did make me more anxious too. My friend, double jabbed, recently got covid but said it was like a really bad cold and has now recovered.

We still mask up in shops and anywhere crowded, even though we’re no longer legally required to, we take all the precautions we can, but we are trying to lead a somewhat more ‘Normal’ life now. It’s never going to be the same as it was before, but we’ve adapted.

I hope you can find a safe way forward.

 

[Cerulean]

Yes, it has.
Most of my friends did not surprise me and they got vaccinated as soon as they were eligible.
And wear their masks and take safe Covid measures.

However some people did shock me and it has changed how I feel about them.
I lost all respect for a few people. People I did like and care about.

If one does not trust the science behind the vaccine; if one does not show common sense; and most importantly if one is negligent towards caring about others safety (those who for valid medical reasons are unable to get vaccinated)- it makes me question why would I be close with that person. Luckily this did not happen but in a few cases. And with none of my friends who I consider to be close friends.

But yes, if you don't give a fig about the welfare of others that is a deal breaker for me in any relationship especially a friend relationship.

Covid has been an eye opener.
About our country.
About our world.
And about relationships.

I take each unpleasant experience and try to learn from it and become a better person.
And that includes who I let into my life and who I no longer want to be involved in my life.

A long time ago I decided I had no time for nonsense. For games. For nasty or petty people.
What I learned a few years ago (which might be surprising given my age but I was lucky and maybe a bit naive) is that nasty and petty can be so easily disguised and some people who you would never think were that way truly are. Sad but true and not everyone reveals themselves quickly. But with time the truth always comes out.

And Covid cemented my feelings about the importance of others to care about our fellow human being in a way I wasn't completely cognizant of before. I personally always cared about the welfare of others but never realized how little importance some people place on this critical value. I have no time for people who don't give a cra* about others. I always felt that way but Covid put my feelings into sharp clarity.

How you treat me is but one factor in a relationship.
How you treat others is another critical factor
and how you care about those who need help the most (the most vulnerable individuals in our population) is another critical factor. A non negotiable factor for me.
Be a decent human being (which means give a damn about others)
or stay the F away from me.
Please. And thank you.

I feel exactly the same way. I always knew I had more of a collectivist mindset, but this whole experience has cemented it.

It baffles me that people let their fear or reluctance about taking a vaccine or dislike for masks override the importance of being a responsible member of society.

Obviously no one is excited about taking a vaccine with such a short history, or wearing a mask everyday.

A society is only as strong as it’s weakest link. And if you refuse to do your part and act responsibly, I think privileges should be lost and my respect IMO.

 

[Cerulean]

I am probably taking more risks than many people here, but I’ve gotten both rounds of vaccines, wear masks indoors except around a small group of close friends and family who I call my “QuaranTeam”. Everyone else, I socialize outside or wear a mask.

I’ve travelled a small amount and flown, and go out to meals and events on occasion. Usually 1-2x monthly excursions. I’ll pick a patio if it’s available. I’ll probably do an indoor thanksgiving, but only with people who are vaccinated.

I understand the balance b/w mental health and being conscientious about not spreading the virus. It’s tricky to balance.

People who refuse to get vaccinated or wear masks…upsetting. I am traveling to my out of state office and found out that no one wears masks. (It’s in a conservative state.) I don’t often feel much anxiety for my own health as more concerned about passing it on, but this knowledge rattled me. I am torn about what to do and it is absolutely impacting my perception of my colleagues.

 

[Dancing Fire]

What is the point of being vaccinated if you still don't feel safe living a normal life?

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

What is the point of being vaccinated if you still don't feel safe living a normal life?

I am double vaxed despite continued strict isolation, because I do have to go to medical appointments and it gives me some peace of mind and protection. There's no downside of being vaxed. According to my math, I'm about 1000x more likely to have a poor outcome if I get COVID due to multiple health issues that make me vulnerable. Seeing that pretty much everyone I know has had a family member that got COVID, the benefits of living a normal life aren't worth it to me until my health and COVID conditions improve. I rather continue to isolate for a year despite significant mental health downside, to live a healthy life post COVID, than to take the risks given my situation and have a poor outcome. My mental health has a better chance of recovering than physical health.

 

[OreoRosies86]

A former friend, nurse, and anti vaxxer and I got into a heated discussion about the covid vaccine. She asked if I was getting vaccinated and I told her absolutely yes. She sent me crazy websites telling me to do “research.” I told her she had no business working in a hospital and that I was totally shocked she would send this stuff to anyone and she blocked me. Last I heard she isn’t in healthcare so maybe she was let go for refusing to vaccinated, don’t really care. She had no business attending to patients.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I am double vaxed despite continued strict isolation, because I do have to go to medical appointments and it gives me some peace of mind and protection. There's no downside of being vaxed.

Those are one of the most dangerous places to go.

 

[Cerulean]

A former friend, nurse, and anti vaxxer and I got into a heated discussion about the covid vaccine. She asked if I was getting vaccinated and I told her absolutely yes. She sent me crazy websites telling me to do “research.” I told her she had no business working in a hospital and that I was totally shocked she would send this stuff to anyone and she blocked me. Last I heard she isn’t in healthcare so maybe she was let go for refusing to vaccinated, don’t really care. She had no business attending to patients.

Ugh healthcare workers not getting vaccinated actually boggles my mind!!! It’s enraging! Why are they working in medicine if they don’t trust research and science?!

 

[OreoRosies86]

Ugh healthcare workers not getting vaccinated actually boggles my mind!!! It’s enraging! Why are they working in medicine if they don’t trust research and science?!

I really have no idea. On the flip side one of my other friends is also a nurse and basically was my Covid Sherpa in the first few months of the pandemic and guided me out of spraying down all my groceries with Lysol

 

[Dancing Fire]

Ugh healthcare workers not getting vaccinated actually boggles my mind!!! It’s enraging! Why are they working in medicine if they don’t trust research and science?!

7 of my DD's coworkers aren't vaccinated on her hospital floor.

 

[Cerulean]

7 of my DD's coworkers aren't vaccinated on her hospital floor.

It’s an embarrassment to the medical community, sorry not sorry

 

[Dancing Fire]

It’s an embarrassment to the medical community, sorry not sorry

I guess they believe in "my body my choice"

 

[OreoRosies86]

It’s so weird how pregnant women who want an abortion cannot in fact get other people pregnant, but people who refuse to get the vaccine can give other people a deadly virus

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

My only holdout from living a mostly "normal" life again are that not all age groups are eligible for vaccination. Once my children can get vaccinated we will resume more normal activities. It'll be nice to go to an indoor restaurant or a show!

 

[Dancing Fire]

It’s so weird how pregnant women who want an abortion cannot in fact get other people pregnant, but people who refuse to get the vaccine can give other people a deadly virus

But those people shouldn't worry if they are vaccinated unless they don't believe the vaccine will protect them.

 

[OreoRosies86]

But those people shouldn't worry if they are vaccinated unless they don't believe the vaccine will protect them.

 

[Dancing Fire]

So you don't have a good answer?

 

[Austina]

What is the point of being vaccinated if you still don't feel safe living a normal life?

Because getting vaccinated significantly reduces the outcome being fatal if you get Covid. As my friend found out recently, she doesn’t know who infected her, but being vaccinated meant she didn’t have a fatal case, thereby proving you can’t ‘live a normal life’ when unvaccinated people are infecting others.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Because getting vaccinated significantly reduces the outcome being fatal if you get Covid. As my friend found out recently, she doesn’t know who infected her, but being vaccinated meant she didn’t have a fatal case, thereby proving you can’t ‘live a normal life’ when unvaccinated people are infecting others.

Exactly, She can't handle a common cold symptoms?

 

[Austina]

I don’t follow your logic @Dancing Fire Yes she was able to cope with Covid having been vaccinated, if she hadn’t been vaccinated, she could’ve been seriously ill, hospitalised, been left with long covid, or died.

 

[m-cubed]

But those people shouldn't worry if they are vaccinated unless they don't believe the vaccine will protect them.

Couple of things here:
Circulating virus develops mutations, and the more circulating virus, the more mutations and potential development of variants which have different pathology and/or can escape the vaccine. Viral replication is much higher in unvaxxed, but can occur in vaxxed. So we all have a strong interest in ensuring vaccination rates are as high as possible to stop further variant development which could undo the progress we’ve made with vaccination.

These vaccines don’t induce sterilizing immunity, meaning no viral replication. You can get a breakthrough case. Data is good that those vaxxed are well protected from severe outcomes, but not 100% of the time. But can they pass it on to unvaxxed kids, immunocompromised adults, etc? Maybe. We also don’t have great info on long-term symptoms (“long COVID”) in those vaxxed who experience breakthrough infection.

Am I personally particularly worried about having a bad outcome if I become infected now that I am vaxxed? No. But am I worried about unvaxxed folks who likely are taking little to no precautions of any type circulating around the community? Sure am. And I think they are largely selfish people who don’t give a fig for anyone but themselves.

 

[missy]

@Dancing Fire it is because of people who refuse to get vaccinated (with no valid medical reason) the pandemic is alive and well and will be continuing at least for another year IMO if not longer. That is right. Because of people (like you?) who will not get vaccinated thereby creating mutations that will live on and on and on. That is how it works. If we could have squashed it immediately by vaccinating everyone it would have been over by now. :/

 

[missy]

And I think they are largely selfish people who don’t give a fig for anyone but themselves.

Bingo.