getting lost in stupid stuff

[manderz]

Thanks, blacksand, for you support. I'm feeling way better today. Dad's mom will be there! I'm really excited, but also really ready for there to be a little less stress and stuff to do.

How wonderful that you have such great pieces to remember your family by! I remember reading about getting your ering made with the heirloom stone. You couldn't have picked a prettier setting for that lovely old cut! How is your planning going? You're also really close!!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Manderz, I definitely understand what you're going through. I was extremely close to my Grandmother growing up and I continued to get closer to her as I got older, so I consider myself VERY lucky. In fact, I would have considered my Grandma to be one of my very best friends. For the last 6-7 years, she has had medical issues that continued to plague her. With that, I went to visit her and my Granddaddy at least once a week to help out with some house stuff like changing their sheets (one less thing for her to do and it was getting to where she couldn't do simple things like that, as it would just wear her out). The good thing about these visits is that they allowed me to get even closer to my Grandparents. In November of last year, her health issues had her in the hospital and then they sent her to an outside rehab facility for about a month. She came home at the end of December/beginning of January this year. At the end of January, she was back in the hospital and we thought we were going to lose her. Meanwhile, on NYE (starting out 2012) my then BF told me that he wanted to propose this year and if I wanted, he would also like to get married this year. We got engaged the day before her birthday (January 28th) and she was actually still in the hospital and seeming to pull through. She ended up coming home form the hospital (much to our shock), however within 2.5 weeks, her doctors advised that the medicines that had been working for the last several years were just not working anymore and hospice was called in. We (my Grandfather, one Aunt and one Uncle, as well as myself) all decided that since we knew these were going to be her last days, we would take care of her ourselves and would do the around the clock care that she needed. In all honesty, those were the longest, hardest 8 days of my life. In the end, she knew who was there for her and while we all felt helpless and sad, we knew that she would have done the exact same thing for anyone of us. So while getting engaged was one of the happiest moments I've had, within a month I was going through one of the saddest moments of my life. All during wedding planning this year, I wished that she could have been with me. She was super crafty and just amazing with her ideas and more than anything I wanted to be able to share in those little moments with her. My (now) DH and I got married in September of this year and while I know I couldn't see her, she was totally there with us. We had about 15 raindrops that day and everyone liked to say it was her letting us know she was seeing everything.

I too have pulled away from my Granddaddy a bit and that is terrible. I feel badly and have tried to get back into seeing him every week like I used to, but I just couldn't for awhile there. It's terrible, but it just hurt so bad that I needed some distance from it. Go see your other Grandmother. She will appreciate it

Yes, your day is going to hurt because your grandmother isn't there in her bodily form...but I do think she will be there in spirit. It'll be hard, but it'll also be busy, so you're not going to be dwelling on those things like you think you will. (I found that a happy thing! I didn't want to be upset and miss out on the good stuff from our day!) Maybe think of something great you can do to honor her. I added a piece of her robe to the back of my dress because I needed her with me that day.

 

[star sparkle]

manderz- I'm so sorry you're feeling stressed and upset. Your big day is SO close, and I'm sure the proximity of it is just compounding your stress. Huge hugs, and I'm so excited for your wedding!

blacksand- Yeah, it seems that way re: florists. FI and I actually met with her on Saturday and she was SO nice and helpful, and after we discussed everything and hashed out a price, she said she'd type it all up and email it to me. It's Tuesday and I haven't gotten that yet. Sooo..yeah. She was really sweet and seemed to get the vision I'm going for, but it just seems that her communication skills aren't the best.


Aside from the florist appointment we also went cake tasting on Saturday, which was fab! We were able to choose 3 flavors to taste and they were all great, and we ended up choosing 2 of them for our cake after we were told we could do a different flavor for each tier. So one tier will be red velvet, and the other will be a tuxedo cake! Yum! We also officially submitted all of our food and beverage selections so that's all squared away.

What are you ladies doing in terms of favors? I still need to figure that out.

 

[blacksand]

So I am very nearly certain that I am getting laid off from my job tomorrow. WHAT COULD BE BETTER A WEEK BEFORE MY WEDDING AND CHRISTMAS?

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

So I am very nearly certain that I am getting laid off from my job tomorrow. WHAT COULD BE BETTER A WEEK BEFORE MY WEDDING AND CHRISTMAS?

WHAT?!!? HOLY CRAP!! Why do you think this?

 

[blacksand]

On Friday, my boss sent me a link to a job posting in another department. She said she thought it would be a good fit for me, and although she would be sad to see me go, she thought I should apply. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get all my work done before my vacation (plus, you know, all my wedding stuff), so I didn't get a chance to talk to her about it until Monday. I told her it did sound good, but I was surprised she sent it to me right before my vacation (I am also not really sure I qualify, but I appreciate her vote of confidence). I explained to her that I had a busy week with all the projects I needed to complete before the wedding. She told me to cancel one of the trainings she had previously insisted I do before my vacation and to schedule a meeting with the head of the department hiring for the new position. She was very serious about my doing this immediately. It is a horrible time for me to be thinking about applying for a new job, but I gathered from her tone that it was serious, and that there would likely be cuts coming soon. She basically wanted me to get out while I still could. I do appreciate that she is trying to look out for me, and I know the decision is not hers. Still, I thought the cuts were coming in January, and I would have time to apply for the other position and look for other options. But today, she scheduled a meeting for tomorrow for herself, me, and the DIRECTOR OF HR, who does not just come to our meetings. I have seen this woman like four times. She is not just coming to chat. I asked my boss what the meeting was about, and she said she "just wants to touch base before I leave for vacation and detach from work." But, you know, with the director of HR present, because that's normal.

So I am 99% sure they are going to do it tomorrow, ironically only a few hours after the pot luck bridal shower they are having for me. Awesome stuff. I do not blame my boss, but my company really sucks.

I did meet with the other department head about the position she sent me, and I'm updating my resume to send it to him now. I really don't think I have the background they are looking for, but I'll just have to try to sell myself. SO not what I need to be dealing with the week before my wedding. I have never been so stressed in my life.

 

[star sparkle]

Oh no!!!!! Major hugs and dust coming your way.

I'm so so so sorry this is happening. What a crappy thing to do at such a crappy time. Ugh, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now.

DUST for the new position!!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

On Friday, my boss sent me a link to a job posting in another department. She said she thought it would be a good fit for me, and although she would be sad to see me go, she thought I should apply. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get all my work done before my vacation (plus, you know, all my wedding stuff), so I didn't get a chance to talk to her about it until Monday. I told her it did sound good, but I was surprised she sent it to me right before my vacation (I am also not really sure I qualify, but I appreciate her vote of confidence). I explained to her that I had a busy week with all the projects I needed to complete before the wedding. She told me to cancel one of the trainings she had previously insisted I do before my vacation and to schedule a meeting with the head of the department hiring for the new position. She was very serious about my doing this immediately. It is a horrible time for me to be thinking about applying for a new job, but I gathered from her tone that it was serious, and that there would likely be cuts coming soon. She basically wanted me to get out while I still could. I do appreciate that she is trying to look out for me, and I know the decision is not hers. Still, I thought the cuts were coming in January, and I would have time to apply for the other position and look for other options. But today, she scheduled a meeting for tomorrow for herself, me, and the DIRECTOR OF HR, who does not just come to our meetings. I have seen this woman like four times. She is not just coming to chat. I asked my boss what the meeting was about, and she said she "just wants to touch base before I leave for vacation and detach from work." But, you know, with the director of HR present, because that's normal.

So I am 99% sure they are going to do it tomorrow, ironically only a few hours after the pot luck bridal shower they are having for me. Awesome stuff. I do not blame my boss, but my company really sucks.

I did meet with the other department head about the position she sent me, and I'm updating my resume to send it to him now. I really don't think I have the background they are looking for, but I'll just have to try to sell myself. SO not what I need to be dealing with the week before my wedding. I have never been so stressed in my life.

Deep breaths! Holy smokes! Ok, this could totally be nothing, but you won't know until tomorrow. I know that right now you're probably freaking out, but you have to realize that whatever happens, it is already out of your control. Nothing that you do now will change the outcome of tomorrow, so try not to think the worst. Plus, you're doing awesome by vamping your resume and prepping yourself for a possible change. You need to focus ONLY on you and the positive things right now, so is there something you can dig into tonight (finishing up wedding crafts, having a ladies night) to get your mind off of tomorrow?

I just want to say that this totally sucks, BUT it may end up being nothing. I'm so sorry you're having extra stress added to the plate so close to your wedding!

 

[blacksand]

Thank you ladies. I'm sorry for venting. I'm just at my breaking point with all this stress. I just can't take it anymore. I want to enjoy my wedding, and I'm not sure I will be able to. FI and I have been arguing a lot, there is just so much stress. He is just starting a new job and has not yet received a paycheck, so we are completely strapped financially right now, and with vendors galore wanting payments. He should be paid this week, thank goodness, but it has been a struggle. In addition, his current job is a temp position. It seems likely they will bring him in full time for the new year, but there is no guarantee. If they do not, and I also lose my job now, I just don't know what we are going to do. I just don't know.

I sent in a resume for the other position. I really don't know what my chances are there. I think they are looking for a strong curriculum development background, and I don't really have that. I do a lot of training content development, however, and I am fairly tech savvy, so I'm hoping that will make up for it. I know they strongly prefer an internal candidate who already knows the business, so I do have that going for me, but I have no idea how many others from my company are applying for this. Mostly, though, I just feel like I am not in the right frame of mind to be applying for a new job now, and I'm not sure how great a job I did on my resume on cover letter. My head is really not in the game now. I'm a mess.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Let me tell you from experience that the weeks leading up to the wedding are RIDICULOUSLY stressful without all the extra 'life' matters getting in the way. I can also tell you that IT WILL PASS!! DH and I were driving each other nuts the 2 weeks leading up to the wedding because we just had so much stuff to finish and his mom was driving me crazy with her mood swings and basically it was just a mess! You and your almost DH will be just fine and I promise you, you will enjoy your wedding! On your wedding day, you need to live right in that moment and don't let your mind wander anywhere else except to your cute new HUSBAND!!!

I am really sorry that you have all this extra job stress (both yours and his) on your plate! Such terrible timing on everything, but I know that it will make you stronger in the end and your relationship with you (almost) DH will just get better and better. Hey, if you can get through the tough times, the good times will be even better

Good luck today and regardless of what happens, keep your head up and think of the positives. If you lose your job now, the next week will be dedicated to ALL wedding stuff and you won't have to worry about work until you're back from your honeymoon. If you still have your job, then that is fabulous! I still think you should chat with the other department about a possible move. While you may not be qualified, if you can learn quickly, it might just be an awesome change for you.

Positive thoughts and vibes heading your way!!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Any updated Blacksand? I don't know if you're less stressed (hopefully you are) because I have been thinking about this all day and have been stressed for you lol..I hope everything is working out!

 

[blacksand]

Thanks. My meeting isn't until 4:30 so I don't have a definite answer yet, but I am hearing from other departments that quite a few people have been laid off already today. So it is a pretty sure thing. I guess it's nice to know it's not just me, in a way. There seems to be a huge reduction in force going on. But it doesn't make it easier. Especially the week before my wedding.

They had a shower for me at lunch. It was really nice. They even gave me a few gifts, which I was totally not expecting at all. Everybody was so nice, except my boss, who has not made eye contact with me all day. I am sure she feels pretty badly about throwing a shower for me and laying me off a few hours later. I am sure she planned the shower before she knew, and it is just an awful coincidence, but it is really pretty low. The shower was so nice, but it was so awkward socializing with everybody knowing what is coming (I assume none of them know, besides my boss). Most awkward work gathering ever.

So I am just not doing any work today, because I can't bring myself to care. I brought in a USB drive and copied most of my work to bring it home. I want to at least have samples of my work to show future employers. My desk is a mess and I'm leaving it messy. Was going to try to clean it up but meh. I don't really care. I'll take a few things that belong to me and leave the mess for someone else to sort through. And basically I am just not doing anything on my task list for today. Whatever. I had committed to getting a whole bunch of stuff done before the wedding and was really working my butt off. But if they're going to lay me off, I will let that be someone else's problem.

I'll keep you posted. Thanks for checking on me.

 

[blacksand]

...and it's official.

 

[star sparkle]

Hugs hugs hugs to you, blacksand. I'm so sorry, and I wish there was something I could say to make it better. Have you heard anything from the other department yet?

That shower does sound awkward, huge kudos to you for making it through it. I'd probably be so bitter and anxious that I wouldn't be able to function. Shame on your boss for not even speaking to you about it, she could have at least acknowledged what was happening and said something like "you've been a valuable employee and we'd still like to celebrate your special day before you leave."

I'd totally do the same thing you're doing and not get anything done today, and not worry about cleaning up. If they're going to treat you this way, you really owe them nothing.



On a happier note - you're almost married!!! I'm sure it's hard to think of positive things right now, but I hope you can find some peace and happiness knowing that next weekend you'll be marrying the man of your dreams and "officially" begin your lives together. If that's not happiness, I don't know what is.

 

[manderz]

Oh, blacksand, I'm so sorry! What terrible timing. And what a shame your boss couldn't even look you in the eye at your shower. I don't even know what to say. My heart goes out to you, I can't even imagine the stress you're under, now.

 

[blacksand]

Thank you, star sparkle and manderz. The funny thing is I feel better now. I mean, it's not a happy feeling at all, and thinking about how long it could take me to find a new job terrifies me, especially with FI's job situation being so unstable. We are so broke right now it is ridiculous. We are normally such good savers, but we really stretched our budget with the wedding, especially with FI being out of work for so long (he is working now, but it is a temp position, and though it seems likely it will lead to a permanent position, we just cannot be sure). But even with all this, I actually feel better now than I did before. The anxiety and anticipation was the worst. When I finally went in for my meeting and they told me, I was just so relieved to finally have it over with. I thought I might cry or something, but I was fine. My boss got all teary eyed. She was a wreck. But I was just so glad the waiting was over. And they did give me some severance pay. Not a huge amount, but it will help. Both my boss and the HR director were glad to hear that I had applied for the other job and said they would put in a good word for me. Actually, my boss went straight from our meeting to the other department head's office, ostensibly to put in said good word right there and then. He wasn't in the office, unfortunately. But she tried. I do think she feels very badly, and this was not her decision at all. I think she just couldn't look me in the eye because she feels horribly guilty. I don't really blame her for any of it, but it really does suck. The timing could not be worse.

I am telling my parents and a few close friends about this, but I'm not making any broader announcements until after the wedding. I don't want to spend the evening of my wedding having everyone tell me how sorry they are. It will be hard not talking about it, but I'd really just rather not deal with that until after the wedding.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I am telling my parents and a few close friends about this, but I'm not making any broader announcements until after the wedding. I don't want to spend the evening of my wedding having everyone tell me how sorry they are. It will be hard not talking about it, but I'd really just rather not deal with that until after the wedding.

Amen to the bolded part!

Geez, Louise! I am so sorry you're going through this! I know things seem totally nuts right now, but they will definitely calm down soon enough. I am glad to hear that you're focusing on other things and will just deal with this all after the wedding. You don't want to add more stress on top of wedding stress, so really just try to enjoy this time! I will totally be keeping you in my thoughts (and FI too) on the job front and hope everything works out for you.

PS Your wedding will be FABULOUS!!!

 

[manderz]

I agree, I think it's very wise to hold off on the broader announcements. I would have never thought of that, either. I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better, and totally understand the bit of relief you feel (I was stung along before I was let go from my last job). I know it didn't happen to me a week before my wedding, but, I've been there, and made it out to the other side. I'm sure that, though it will be uncomfortable, you will be ok, and be all the stronger for it. You will certainly be in my thoughts!

 

[manderz]

Blacksand, how are you doing?? I'm sure you're pretty stressed, with the wedding so close. You have been in my thoughts.

 

[gem_anemone]

Blacksand, dust to you and your job search. Hugs to you. That totally sucks.

On the upside I hope you are ready for your beautiful wedding! Can't wait to see pics!

 

[vc10um]

Blacksand! I hope everything went smoothly today and that you are enjoying being a BRIDE! I hope you and your HUSBAND had an absolutely AMAZING day and you were able to stop thinking about the rest of the world for just a little while and focus on your LOVE, your WEDDING DAY, and your FUTURE!

Congratulations!!!

 

[blacksand]

I want to thank you all for your support and let you know that our wedding was AMAZING. I forgot all about the things that were stressing me out. We had such a wonderful weekend and are so happy to be married! The rest will work itself out eventually.

DH has not [yet?] been offered a permanent position at his company, but he has been asked to come back in January. So he will continue to work as a contractor for now. I do hope it will lead to something more permanent, but at least he is employed for now, and making decent money. I am not sure what direction I'll be going in, but DH made me vow to take this week and next as pure vacation time, and worry about everything else in 2013. New year, new family, new name, why not a new job? We'll make it work.

manderz! You are married! Congratulations! How did everything go? I hope your weekend was as amazing as mine. Can't wait to hear about it!

 

[manderz]

Thanks for thinking of me, Blacksand! I'm SO glad you were able to relax and enjoy your day. You look amazing in the pic you posted in the other thread.

My day was amazing! Everything went really smoothly, except for getting a slightly late start. My cousin performed our ceremony, and it just made it so intimate and special. Everyone got along well, and the food and cake were wonderful. Our family and friends were so supportive, and generous, and awesome. Everything was literally perfect.

 

[audball]

I can't wait to see photos from your weddings ladies! They are all going to be so beautiful!

Anyone else in the new planning stages just trying to figure out what the heck you want!? I am shocked at how much everything costs! I'm already completely overwhelmed and stressed about the potential cost of the type of wedding we envision. We keep coming back to eloping (which was always our original plan) which would make things more affordable. We're just not sure if that's what we want. We worry we'll regret not including our nearest and dearest.

We found a beautiful venue that does weekday events in a pricerange we can afford, but they have an exclusive caterer. We just got a peek at some pricing sheets, and goodness, for an appetizers only reception (which we thought would be cheaper!) is 65.60/person. Lord.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I can't wait to see photos from your weddings ladies! They are all going to be so beautiful!

Anyone else in the new planning stages just trying to figure out what the heck you want!? I am shocked at how much everything costs! I'm already completely overwhelmed and stressed about the potential cost of the type of wedding we envision. We keep coming back to eloping (which was always our original plan) which would make things more affordable. We're just not sure if that's what we want. We worry we'll regret not including our nearest and dearest.

We found a beautiful venue that does weekday events in a price range we can afford, but they have an exclusive caterer. We just got a peek at some pricing sheets, and goodness, for an appetizers only reception (which we thought would be cheaper!) is 65.60/person. Lord.

Traditional wedding costs are just ridiculous! This is why we opted to have family (and me!) do all the catering. It saved us a TON!! I mean, for $200 people we spent less than $2k on food. You REALLY can't beat it! And we had good food to, which was one of the main reasons I wanted to do our own catering in the first place! Is there anyway you'd be able to do this with the help of some good family or friends? We did a ton of prep work the week before the wedding (let me tell you, we worked our a$$e$ off!), but it was so worth it!

What kind of wedding were you envisioning? Maybe we can point you to some fun DIY alternatives.

 

[audball]

Traditional wedding costs are just ridiculous! This is why we opted to have family (and me!) do all the catering. It saved us a TON!! I mean, for $200 people we spent less than $2k on food. You REALLY can't beat it! And we had good food to, which was one of the main reasons I wanted to do our own catering in the first place! Is there anyway you'd be able to do this with the help of some good family or friends? We did a ton of prep work the week before the wedding (let me tell you, we worked our a$$e$ off!), but it was so worth it!

What kind of wedding were you envisioning? Maybe we can point you to some fun DIY alternatives.

Thanks Stacy! They really are crazy. I wish we had a beautiful backyard we could use free to save on the venue rental...that would be perfectly us. Unfortunately, we don't. Our families either rent apartments/townhouses/etc without a yard space OR own a huge house on a teeny lot with no privacy/space to host even our small guest list of ~40 guests.

All the venues we have found (and liked) that would be good for a small group have exclusive caterers that don't allow outside food and the prices are way outside of what we'd be comfortable considering. I don't know why it's so hard! And I'm so not very patient when it comes to a ton of DIY stuff and can already see myself being a crazy stressed mess the whole time. Ugh. I don't know what to do.

We're honestly torn between eloping just the two of us and making it really nice and memorable without having to buy dinner/food/drinks for 40 people OR doing something for our nearest and dearest.

I just don't know how 1) anyone can actually afford to have a traditional wedding with these insane prices and 2) how you actually choose what *you* want to do that you hope not to regret.

Can you tell I'm already stressed about the whole prospect?

 

[star sparkle]

blacksand and manderz- YAY, I'm so glad both of you had fabulous weddings!!! Can't wait for pictures!

aud- Welcome to BWW (officially)!! Beginning the planning process is certainly overwhelming, I totally feel your pain. Keep us posted on your progress or even just your thoughts, and hopefully we can help!


On this end, I had been feeling like I've been making such great progress and getting so many things checked off our list. I've been getting things done right and left, and then today I had a complete meltdown. Over place cards. Then FI went and said something stupid, so that set me off even more and I melted down even further. WTF is wrong with me? Why do I care so much about what the damned place cards look like?!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I just don't know how 1) anyone can actually afford to have a traditional wedding with these insane prices and 2) how you actually choose what *you* want to do that you hope not to regret.

Can you tell I'm already stressed about the whole prospect?[/quote]

When do you want to get married? Would a destination wedding be possible for you? This way you can elope, but with a small group of close friends/family and save a little on the crazy costs, while getting a nice vacation out of it. It's a darn shame that you don't know anyone with a decent sized yard! Although in all honesty, you're still going to have to pay for a tent (if you want one), tables and chairs, which does add up.

I just don't know how 1) anyone can actually afford to have a traditional wedding with these insane prices and 2) how you actually choose what *you* want to do that you hope not to regret.?

I don't get it either. Plus, I would NEVER want to spend so much money on one day. I think the way that most people choose is to do the DIY thing to save money, or go into debt. To me, debt isn't worth it! You have so many expectations from everyone on what your wedding should be like and the first thing I did with those was throw them out of the window! It was our day and I did a lot of non-traditional things because it was more us and less everyone else. You just have to prioritize your wants list and go from there. Also, I changed my mind about wedding stuff and didn't actually fully decide on the bridesmaids dresses until April (got married in September). I had one thing in mind for decorations and I changed my mind. You just have to sit down and thing of what will make your day the best day it can be. While I went with stuff I liked before getting engaged, when it came down to making actual decisions for the big day and not just dreams, I realized I wanted something totally different than what I thought I would. And it all turned out to be extra fabulous and beautiful in our eyes and that is all that mattered to us!

 

[chloeishere]

Cost wise, without a doubt I would have eloped if my parents hadn't told me like 10 years ago that they'd cry if I did, and that they would help pay. Even so, we're going to go overbudget/ out of pocket. What are you going to do?


I feel like I've spent the last 3 months in a near-constant fog of getting lost in stupid stuff.

I can't wait till this is over. Two months and two days to go!


I'm not good at this stuff.


Okay, back to looking on the bright side.

 

[vc10um]

aud, have you checked with some non-traditional venues? Do you live near a large university at all? Many will have lovely gardens/conservatories/arboretums available at reasonable rental rates. Also check with local B&Bs (you can often rent the Inn for the whole weekend, and the bonus is your absolute nearest and dearest have a place to stay) who can probably accommodate parties of your size. DH and I got married a restaurant's private banquet facility. Check with your favorite places to see if they have private rooms or banquet facilities...often times the venue rental fee is minimal or nil, since they'll be getting all your food $$. My sister is getting married at the Zoo...100 people, $11,000 budget, and while that and photography eat up most of the money, the venue is all-inclusive (with the exception of decor and cake, but the on-site bakery is awesome and reasonably priced) and requires little additional ornamentation.

If you've already checked out these types of facilities, I'm sorry, but I just wanted to make sure you hadn't left anything out!