"Frenemy" announces pregnancy, warning: VENT!

[monarch64]

I''m not venting about the fact that she is pregnant, I''m venting because I have not had contact with this person for about 9 months now and suddenly DH tells me this past Saturday that she and her husband are having a GTG to watch the Bears game Sunday and we are invited...since this gal and I have had zero communication for almost a year it was immediately apparent to me that they must be announcing their first and long-attempted pregnancy and I was being invited solely for that reason. I declined the invitation, but DH stopped by with one of his guy friends and indeed, the GTG was actually an excuse for them to announce the pregnancy.

She''s been pregnant for all of two weeks. Hasn''t even been to her first doc''s appointment yet, but has told her family and "close" friends, we were "second-tier" on the list of people to tell. That''s fine, I know people have different ideas of when it is appropriate to announce the news, so whatever.

This gal and I were pretty good friends for almost 4 years, I met her because DH was good friends with her husband and we all used to socialize frequently. However, we began having little issues where she would come to our house and point out flaws or things she didn''t like about my decor or whatever very candidly, and imo, rudely. Throughout the time I''ve known her, she and her husband also had done some things that started to freak us out a bit...it seemed like every major purchase we would make (without telling them about), they would end up with a similar or exact item a very short time later. Most recently, she received the exact same watch I currently wear...in the past it''s been little things like household appliances, and as far as big things, she now drives the same SUV as I bought and they moved into our neighborhood two blocks from us about 2 months after we did. The husband used to drive by our house checking to see if we were home, and call my DH''s cell asking where he was and why wasn''t he answering his phone because he just saw DH''s car in our garage. I know...yikes!

That is just a very brief history of what the friendship was like. When the gal started getting in little "digs" here and there with me, I decided it was time to distance myself from her and so far had succeeded. Until now...I know I should suck it up and just be gracious about this whole thing, but I am having a lot of trouble being happy for them. A couple years ago I probably would''ve been completely excited for them and gone out of my way to be supportive and friendly to her, but not now. I feel like this person is expecting me to just forget that she wasn''t a very good friend and just bring on the gifts, already.

Am I selfish/crazy/mean to just send a congrats card and get her a Wal-Mart gift card for the inevitable round of huge showers? (there was a lot of insanity surrounding her wedding, something tells me a new baby will bring even more, lol).

Ordinarily this would not be a big deal in my life...but our husbands are still good friends despite her husband''s sometimes stalker-like behavior. I guess I''m looking for some good, honest advice here. Either tell me I''m being a ninny, or tell me she knows I''m a nice person and a sucker so she''ll be sure to get a great gift out of us. LOL. Thanks for letting me vent, I hate to gossip so talking to friends is out (we all know each other on some level), and talking to DH about it might upset him and I don''t want this to be a source of contention between us.

 

[Skippy123]

Do you have to go to the GTG? I wouldn't go. I am sorry Monnie; I have been through something similar and keep my distance in these situations.

ETA: Send her a card but if you maybe a small gift card depending on how you feel. You are such a sweetie Monnie don't bother w/that girl other than the card.

 

[monarch64]

Hi Skippy! No, I did not go to the GTG...but DH went with a friend to watch the game instead.

 

[somethingshiny]

sounds like she''s just trying to butter up her "friends" for a shower. I think sending her the gift card is PLENTY!

 

[iheartscience]

I would keep avoiding the frenemy/stalker. I don''t know if I''d even send anything at all. If you feel like you need to send something, I would do the gift card idea. Yuck...nothing worse than a frenemy!

 

[Selkie]

Ugh. Heh...maybe you could one-up her and announce that you are pregnant with TWINS! No?

Seriously, a gift card is PLENTY.

 

[Kaleigh]

Monnie, did you post about them before, I remember somone posting the same thing. Not about the pregnancy, but about friends that moved into their neighborhood, copied everything they did, and were stalkers. Guess it's not that uncommon?? Hey she's only 2 weeks pregnant, a little too early to be sending her a gift card methinks. I'd let it ride for a while, see how you feel. If you want to send a card of congrats, do that....

 

[monarch64]

Date: 11/13/2007 11:14:55 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Monnie, did you post about them before, I remember somone posting the same thing. Not about the pregnancy, but about friends that moved into their neighborhood, copied everything they did, and were stalkers. Guess it''s not that uncommon?? Hey she''s only 2 weeks pregnant, a little too early to be sending her a gift card methinks. I''d let it ride for a while, see how you feel. If you want to send a card of congrats, do that....

Yup, same couple, good memory Lisa! That was probably almost two years ago that I posted a thread about them, it was something to do with keeping up with the Jones''. Anyway...I agree it is way too early to be sending her a gift, I was just thinking ahead to her shower and what would be appropriate for me to give in light of the deterioration of our friendship and the fact that I know (from hearing her say it in reference to other people) that she will be expecting something grand from us. She and I have actually attended several showers over the years for others, and she has always found a way to tell me I spent too much or that I''m too extravagant, but then she''d follow up that comment with "I can''t wait to see what you get me for my shower when I''m pregnant!" Yes, the audacity, lol! Things like that are examples of why I chose to let the friendship peter out, I never wanted to hurt her feelings by giving her a dose of her own medicine, but at the same time I felt life was too short to have someone that miserable and willing to take it out on everyone else in my life. The sad thing is that her husband (while a little crazy, still has a man-crush on DH but is much less forward now) is a super nice guy and I don''t want his and DH''s friendship to suffer more because I cannot make amends somehow with the wife. The whole thing is just unfortunate...and I feel terribly guilty sometimes for disliking her so much!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Hey I also remember that thread!! Don''t give all the credit to Lisa!!! Give me a little too!

...imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

Yeah right!...Who ever wrote than didn''t have THE only pair of blue Manolos!!! I feel for you. You are darned if you do and poopy if you don''t. But I would lean towards the don''t column. As much as possible. I think men can form bonds and friendships in light of the wifes issues. Men don''t get the nit picky emotional attacks we do. If they have an issue ...it is addressed...settled...never brought up again....if your hubby is determined to endure the stalker...so it goes. You know it has been done with out the wifes being buddy buddy.

I am normally leaning towards be the better person, turn the other cheek etc, etc, but this is different...SHE IS NUTTS. You know when I visit someones home I constantly notice or admire or comment positively on something new. I would never say...ehhhyou! That brown is not right with that brown!! She has a screw loose. The only person that would do that would be an extremely insecure one. Trying to belittle everything...to make her look better.

I would try to distance myself....you are busy the shower night...or any other time. You continue she is surely going to get tired of the trump game. Hopefully someone else has better taste than you do...and she will start to copy them.

I agree get busy and make twins...TRUMP THOSE STALKER sickos!! Or you could get some custom hand beaded itty bitty bikinis made. Oohhhh that was mean. It didn''t come from me....no it didn''t!

DKS

 

[decodelighted]

Send a card ... into which you''ve enclosed a few articles advocating the wisdom of waiting until after the first trimester to announce.

 

[diamondfan]

You are not a ninny. She sounds a bit off and as that started becoming clear you were smart to pull away, nicely, but still removing yourself. I have had a couple friends like this. You do NOT need this in your life. Try to have minimal contact, let hubby keep up his relationship with her man, and keep a low profile. How dare she come in your home and insult you with passive aggressive remarks? And then copy you? Sounds like she is not a good friend to have. You can always send a nice little card, and a gift, which would seem to be proper, but I would not go overboard. She sounds like she likes attention and likes to be the know it all in the neighborhood. Let her, since she will not likely change, but just avoid her as much as possible. So sorry you are dealing with something unpleasant resurfacing. I would hope motherhood might soften some of this, but who knows? Probably not!

 

[monarch64]

Oh DKS...you make me laugh as always, my dear! I should''ve known you would remember my previous thread about this couple as well! You have the silliest yet most sage advice! Of course DH and I have joked about the competition between us two couples and "trumping" them with a pregnancy, but to be quite honest I think one of the reasons we HAVEN''T done the kid thing yet is because we felt like they were waiting for us to get pregnant so they could do so as well. It''s the strangest thing, and the biggest turn off. (A couple years ago, this gal kept coming to me saying "when are you and M. going to have a baby?" She kept complaining that her husband wasn''t ready. Then finally last Christmas she told me his present to her was telling her she had the greenlight to go ahead and start trying with him to get pregnant. Isn''t that strange? And what do you know, along with that, the diamond studs she''d been telling me she''d always told him would be her "push" gift suddenly materialized as well. It has taken them since then to now to get pregnant, I imagine it was quite the struggle--she is full of drama and I doubt that made the road to achieving pregnancy any easier.) Enough about that...you''re right, DKS, she is Nutts with a capital "N." That is why I''ve tried to steer clear of her for this long! I thought by now she would''ve given up on me and realized that I am not interested in her happenings whatsoever. But it seems like this is her attempt to pull some passive-aggressive crap and no matter what I do I''m sure I''ll end up having to deal with her anyway.

I think my mother would probably tell me to just do the gracious thing and send a nice congratulatory card, and then for her shower just do the minimal gift-off-the-registry thing except find an excuse to not be physically present at the shower(s.) The selfish, somewhat bitchy part of me is rearing its ugly head right now and wishes I could just shun her completely, but that''s not how I was raised and at least if I semi-cave everyone involved will get some sort of satisfaction. Yeesh, there''s a bad apple in every barrel, isn''t there?

 

[monarch64]

Date: 11/14/2007 12:53:16 AM
Author: decodelighted
Send a card ... into which you''ve enclosed a few articles advocating the wisdom of waiting until after the first trimester to announce.

Hello to one of my favorite snarksters! LOL! As always you''ve offered exactly the sort of advice I can giggle about in the privacy of my own readings here on PS! I was told yesterday by one of her "inner circle" pals that she''s been heard saying she''d rather enjoy the pregnancy and all the happy moments now even if it doesn''t "stick." Oh, my. Don''t quite know what to make of that...but having never experienced pregnancy, I''m not one to have an opinion on the subject.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 11/14/2007 12:58:24 AM
Author: diamondfan
You are not a ninny. She sounds a bit off and as that started becoming clear you were smart to pull away, nicely, but still removing yourself. I have had a couple friends like this. You do NOT need this in your life. Try to have minimal contact, let hubby keep up his relationship with her man, and keep a low profile. How dare she come in your home and insult you with passive aggressive remarks? And then copy you? Sounds like she is not a good friend to have. You can always send a nice little card, and a gift, which would seem to be proper, but I would not go overboard. She sounds like she likes attention and likes to be the know it all in the neighborhood. Let her, since she will not likely change, but just avoid her as much as possible. So sorry you are dealing with something unpleasant resurfacing. I would hope motherhood might soften some of this, but who knows? Probably not!

Thanks Caroline. Low profile I can be, no problem...I hate to interfere with the husbands'' friendship and indulge her silliness anyway. And you''re correct, it is very wrong of her imo to be invited to my home as a guest and make remarks about faults she finds with anything in our house. She told me once upon a time that when she first met me, she didn''t think I would ever be friends with her, and it sounded to me like she thought I would think I wouldn''t think she was good enough or something. So in my mind, I feel like she doesn''t accept herself and therefore isn''t very accepting of others and their differences. I can only hope she does experience some softening during her pregnancy and that she doesn''t pass her close-mindedness off to her child. She has told me in the past that my soul isn''t really saved and I''m going to hell (I can forgive her for that, everyone believes different things), and that my marriage is doomed because I don''t mind if my DH looks at Playboy magazine, and of course that DH and I are almost way too old to be starting a family (when we were 29 and 36.) Yup, that''s the kind of special personality I was dealing with...

Ohhh, and the thing that led to our falling-out last year was that we were invited to her home on New Years and she decided to make this very public comment about me being vegetarian and supposedly being so healthy, but how could I drink alcohol and wasn''t that detrimental to my health? Yeah...thanks for inviting me over for New Years'' cocktails. And then publicly judging me with no provocation whatsoever.

I must be nuts for even starting this thread. I think I just needed to commiserate, thank you all.

 

[stebbo]

You really don't need to get so worked up over her. Immitation is flattery and they wouldn't copy if they didn't look up to you, even want to impress you. If it annoys you then maybe you have to ask yourself why it annoys you. Their pointing out of flaws too is just trying to boost themselves. I feel a bit sad for them actually.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 11/14/2007 1:20:10 AM
Author: stebbo
You really don''t need to get so worked up over her. Immitation is flattery and they wouldn''t copy if they didn''t look up to you, even want to impress you. If it annoys you then maybe you have to ask yourself why it annoys you. Their pointing out of flaws too is just trying to boost themselves. I feel a bit sad for them actually.

Stebbo, you''re probably right. Apparently there is something inherently wrong with me because I can''t justify why someone would ever come into my home and make very rude comments about the way I''ve chosen to decorate it. I suppose I should just feel sad for her because she wasn''t raised right or taught to be tactful. I guess if I felt poorly about myself and was trying to boost my ego, it would be alright for me to go to someone else''s home and tell them their artwork was "weird," and "looked cheap." But I should expect that homeowner to smile cordially and just dismiss my negative and rude comments because obviously I feel bad about myself. And then when I also point out that the homeowner''s kitchen needs to be remodelled even though it is unusually clean and tidy and all in working order, I should expect that homeowner to graciously offer me more ice from the outdated refrigerator and pour me another drink.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Monnie, your mother and I agree. The nice part of me, the part of me that was raised just like you... would also encourage you to be do a nominal gesture. There is never any regret in kindness.

Frankly the first itchy thing that came to mind...was you were waiting to get your body in premium condition with a year of exercise and healthy eating and purge all the toxins and preservatives out. As you believe in giving your baby the best head start you can.

Then I realized she would realize your baby would be some sort of super nova and no telling what she would do knowing she really didn''t do all she could to prepare for pregnancy. Her junior would be substandard to your bionic baby.

I realized that was really itchy. I was ashamed I thought of it. I really don''t normally think that way. I must be cranky...Or I have really taken this attack on you too personal.

Back away form the forum DKS...they can all get along without you...for one night at least! Ha ha.

DKS

"I would never have a baby in September...to close to back to school and Christmas...need to have a spring baby!!" Just reminding you what she would say if it were your announcing your pregnancy!!

 

[surfgirl]

You have described a stalker man-friend and a beotch of a girl friend. And you want to know if it''s YOU? Seriously? Monarch, read my cyber lips:

IT. IS. NOT. YOU! IT. IS. THEM. THEM. IS. WEIRD. CREEPY. WEIRD. STAY. AWAY. FAR. FAR. AWAY!

Seriously? This sounds like the stuff Movies of the Week are made from. I can just see the TV Guide description:

"Monnie and Mack thought they''d found the perfect life. Perfect house, perfect jobs, perfect friends. Until something went horribly wrong. Meet the neighbors. Sure they seem normal. But nothing is normal in MonnieHood..."

She sounds like a shrew. If you dont want to be friends with her or associate with her, I wouldn''t feel bad about not even sending a card. But since she sounds like she''s fishing for shower presents, if you must, I''d send a card with well wishes (the kind pre printed on the card, not the kind you write yourself when you really care...), and be done with it. But I''d wait until after the offspring is hatched. Why send two cards? Save the postage babe!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 11/13/2007 11:14:55 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Monnie, did you post about them before, I remember somone posting the same thing. Not about the pregnancy, but about friends that moved into their neighborhood, copied everything they did, and were stalkers. Guess it's not that uncommon?? Hey she's only 2 weeks pregnant, a little too early to be sending her a gift card methinks. I'd let it ride for a while, see how you feel. If you want to send a card of congrats, do that....

Exactly what Miss Lisa and DiamondFan said!!! I too remember the thread Mon and I would do the same as L + D suggest, let it ride for now and perhaps send a card if you want to.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 11/13/2007 11:33:18 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 11/13/2007 11:14:55 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Monnie, did you post about them before, I remember somone posting the same thing. Not about the pregnancy, but about friends that moved into their neighborhood, copied everything they did, and were stalkers. Guess it''s not that uncommon?? Hey she''s only 2 weeks pregnant, a little too early to be sending her a gift card methinks. I''d let it ride for a while, see how you feel. If you want to send a card of congrats, do that....

Yup, same couple, good memory Lisa! That was probably almost two years ago that I posted a thread about them, it was something to do with keeping up with the Jones''. Anyway...I agree it is way too early to be sending her a gift, I was just thinking ahead to her shower and what would be appropriate for me to give in light of the deterioration of our friendship and the fact that I know (from hearing her say it in reference to other people) that she will be expecting something grand from us. She and I have actually attended several showers over the years for others, and she has always found a way to tell me I spent too much or that I''m too extravagant, but then she''d follow up that comment with ''I can''t wait to see what you get me for my shower when I''m pregnant!'' Yes, the audacity, lol! Things like that are examples of why I chose to let the friendship peter out, I never wanted to hurt her feelings by giving her a dose of her own medicine, but at the same time I felt life was too short to have someone that miserable and willing to take it out on everyone else in my life. The sad thing is that her husband (while a little crazy, still has a man-crush on DH but is much less forward now) is a super nice guy and I don''t want his and DH''s friendship to suffer more because I cannot make amends somehow with the wife. The whole thing is just unfortunate...and I feel terribly guilty sometimes for disliking her so much!

I would steer clear of anything to do with this woman. Seriously! I am appalled that she is assuming she will receive something ''grand'' from you for her baby! Has she not realised that you aren''t friends anymore?

Send a card saying congratulations and leave it at that! I don''t think she is silly enough to pursue you and ask where her gift is..... and if she goes to your mutual friends complaining, it will just make her look petty.

 

[lyra]

I would sure hate to be living so close to these creepy people. You are right to keep your distance. I agree with everyone else, send a gift card when appropriate. Sheesh, isn''t it way too early? Crazy person there.

 

[Joolskie]

Whatever you do... do not put away that ten-foot pole. As she is only two weeks along, I wouldn''t do anything right now. If you should happen to run into her, offer a pleasant congrats. When you receive the shower invite, politely decline and pop that gift card in the mail. It really sounds as though this "friend" is more trouble than she is worth. Keep the distance going. Get a 20-foot pole if you need one.

 

[butterfly 17]

HI, she sounds just like my sister in law and I found that the best thing for that relationship was to just steer clear of her all together. My husband (it''s his sister) still goes over for parties and takes the kids with him, but I always have some excuse why I can''t go. It used to bug me that he would bring the kids with him, but I learned to get over myself, as it is his family and I suppose they have a right to see my kids.

People like that can be so toxic to your well being. I remember always complaining about my SIL, how she was always putting down everything, my house, my car, my kids, my job and I was always trying my hardest to make her like me.

Now it''s been over 3 years that I have not spoken to her and the one time I attempted to talk to her, when her grandfather passed away, she walked away from me. My life is so much less drama-ful now that she is out of the picture. I have a lot less to complain about and think about.

JUst a funny story, but when I bought my first house I wanted a Weber grill with a side burner. I remember telling her which one I wanted and that my husband didn''t get it because he said we would never use it and it would be a waste of money. We bought the one without the sideburner.

Fast forward to two years ago. Some relatives from France came to visit and we offered to take them out to eat. They were staying at my SIL''s house, so we had to go over to pick them up. It had been one year I had not spoken to her or been to her house, by this time.

We drive over to her house and I agreed to wait in the car while my husband gets his cousins in her house. As we drive up, guess what is blocking the driveway so we can''t park? The Weber grill that I had wanted a few years back. The box was sitting in her driveway right in the middle and unless we were blind, there was no way we would have missed it, plus the fact that we couldn''t park in her driveway because of it.

It was 7 or 8 pm and a Friday and the box was complete, not broken or cut up. So, it was obviously put there for me to see. I just laugh because that just showed the extent of how much she wanted to show me this grill that she bought. The grill I wanted....

I should tell my DH to tell her I got a 3 carat diamond and see if she buys a 4 carat one.....perhaps I can slowly make her broke...

Anyway, sorry to veer off, but I would send her a card and a gift certificate for $40 and call it a day..

 

[appletini]

Date: 11/14/2007 1:05:13 AM
Author: monarch64


I think my mother would probably tell me to just do the gracious thing and send a nice congratulatory card, and then for her shower just do the minimal gift-off-the-registry thing except find an excuse to not be physically present at the shower(s.) The selfish, somewhat bitchy part of me is rearing its ugly head right now and wishes I could just shun her completely, but that''s not how I was raised and at least if I semi-cave everyone involved will get some sort of satisfaction.

Monarch,
I had also been wondering what had been happenening with these neighbors. If it were me, even though I didn''t like the person, but we had a lot of mutual friends I would follow your mother''s advice. This way you are still smelling like a rose but don''t have to go out of your way for anything. Plus with online registries you can just have the gift shipped to her or to the hosue of the hostess, you don''t even have to drop it off.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 11/14/2007 1:20:10 AM
Author: stebbo
You really don''t need to get so worked up over her. Immitation is flattery and they wouldn''t copy if they didn''t look up to you, even want to impress you. If it annoys you then maybe you have to ask yourself why it annoys you. Their pointing out of flaws too is just trying to boost themselves. I feel a bit sad for them actually.

Easy for you to say, you, guy.

Something copied here or there is one thing, but when it gets to the point where you''re lying about where you got something (been there, done that), it turns into irritating, creepy, and finally, get a life, OF YOUR OWN.

I too remember a thread similar to this, not sure if it''s the same one. At any rate, I would also hold off, and send a card when the time arises.

 

[tberube]

Date: 11/13/2007 10:29:10 PM
Author:monarch64
I'm not venting about the fact that she is pregnant, I'm venting because I have not had contact with this person for about 9 months now and suddenly DH tells me this past Saturday that she and her husband are having a GTG to watch the Bears game Sunday and we are invited...since this gal and I have had zero communication for almost a year it was immediately apparent to me that they must be announcing their first and long-attempted pregnancy and I was being invited solely for that reason. I declined the invitation, but DH stopped by with one of his guy friends and indeed, the GTG was actually an excuse for them to announce the pregnancy.


She's been pregnant for all of two weeks. Hasn't even been to her first doc's appointment yet, but has told her family and 'close' friends, we were 'second-tier' on the list of people to tell. That's fine, I know people have different ideas of when it is appropriate to announce the news, so whatever.


This gal and I were pretty good friends for almost 4 years, I met her because DH was good friends with her husband and we all used to socialize frequently. However, we began having little issues where she would come to our house and point out flaws or things she didn't like about my decor or whatever very candidly, and imo, rudely. Throughout the time I've known her, she and her husband also had done some things that started to freak us out a bit...it seemed like every major purchase we would make (without telling them about), they would end up with a similar or exact item a very short time later. Most recently, she received the exact same watch I currently wear...in the past it's been little things like household appliances, and as far as big things, she now drives the same SUV as I bought and they moved into our neighborhood two blocks from us about 2 months after we did. The husband used to drive by our house checking to see if we were home, and call my DH's cell asking where he was and why wasn't he answering his phone because he just saw DH's car in our garage. I know...yikes!


That is just a very brief history of what the friendship was like. When the gal started getting in little 'digs' here and there with me, I decided it was time to distance myself from her and so far had succeeded. Until now...I know I should suck it up and just be gracious about this whole thing, but I am having a lot of trouble being happy for them. A couple years ago I probably would've been completely excited for them and gone out of my way to be supportive and friendly to her, but not now. I feel like this person is expecting me to just forget that she wasn't a very good friend and just bring on the gifts, already.


Am I selfish/crazy/mean to just send a congrats card and get her a Wal-Mart gift card for the inevitable round of huge showers? (there was a lot of insanity surrounding her wedding, something tells me a new baby will bring even more, lol).


Ordinarily this would not be a big deal in my life...but our husbands are still good friends despite her husband's sometimes stalker-like behavior. I guess I'm looking for some good, honest advice here. Either tell me I'm being a ninny, or tell me she knows I'm a nice person and a sucker so she'll be sure to get a great gift out of us. LOL. Thanks for letting me vent, I hate to gossip so talking to friends is out (we all know each other on some level), and talking to DH about it might upset him and I don't want this to be a source of contention between us.

OMG I think we know the same couple - or at least a reincarnation of them because our friends don't want children. FI and I have very independent, unique artsy tastes in things and for a couple of years we have seen our friends respond to all of our purchases with an exact copy of their own. Sweaters, jackets, shoes, skirts, eyeglasses, flatscreen televisions, computers, now cars! I just bought a new car last week and as soon as they saw it they made plans to hit the same dealer and get the same car - color and all!

It's like single white couple sometimes! FI and I finally just bought a new DSLR camera (after years of wanting one desperately) and we vowed not to tell them because we didn't want to hear how they now want one for themselves. It's ridiculous.

ETA: and these people also do spend a lot of time passive-agressively insulting my/our personal style, that is, before copying it exactly! UGH...I guess we're not the only people who have frenemies like that..

I know that sometimes when you are close with someone, you have a tendency to mirror each other in small, cute ways - but sometimes you're not that close and the duplication of all your personal style can get overwhelming.

As far as the pregnancy thing - yes, it sounds a little petty of them to only see you when its beneficial to them. I have had "user" friends like that in the past, and I have a tendency to drop them once I notice the behavior (they always pretend as though they have no idea why). At my age I don't have time to bother with people who act in such a way. I think you were nice to think of getting her a gift card. I may not have been able to dig deep enough inside myself to do a nice thing like that.

 

[Julianna]

I am with you on the not hearing from someone for a long time and then being invited over randomly, only to benefit the inviter.

I have a friend I didn''t hear from since May. Used to hear from her once a week but after an ill-fated birthday gathering she decided not to call anymore.

Heard from her the other week, via text, wanting to know if I''d come over.........and fix her computer!

FIVE months and the first I hear from her is to spend my time, money, and gas driving over to her house and fix her computer. I feel your pain. I FEEEEEEL IIIIIT.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 11/14/2007 12:53:16 AM
Author: decodelighted
Send a card ... into which you''ve enclosed a few articles advocating the wisdom of waiting until after the first trimester to announce.

LOL! Ditto!


In reality -- ignore the whole situation. YOU were not specifically told. YOU were not invited to a baby shower. Keep your distance, do not acknowledge her condition now, and maybe, just maybe, you will be crossed off her list of potential invitees to any shower in the future. If you really want to maintain the distance that you created, do nothing. I had a friend that I had to back away from, and she chose to stay away; best darn thing I ever did for myself, and I wouldn''t dream of reopening that door!

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 11/14/2007 8:33:47 AM
Author: butterfly 17
HI, she sounds just like my sister in law...
I should tell my DH to tell her I got a 3 carat diamond and see if she buys a 4 carat one.....perhaps I can slowly make her broke...

This? Is hilarious! Thank you for making me laugh this morning Butterfly!

 

[Sparkster]

Date: 11/14/2007 2:40:06 AM
Author: surfgirl
You have described a stalker man-friend and a beotch of a girl friend. And you want to know if it''s YOU? Seriously? Monarch, read my cyber lips:

IT. IS. NOT. YOU! IT. IS. THEM. THEM. IS. WEIRD. CREEPY. WEIRD. STAY. AWAY. FAR. FAR. AWAY!

Seriously? This sounds like the stuff Movies of the Week are made from. I can just see the TV Guide description:

''Monnie and Mack thought they''d found the perfect life. Perfect house, perfect jobs, perfect friends. Until something went horribly wrong. Meet the neighbors. Sure they seem normal. But nothing is normal in MonnieHood...''

She sounds like a shrew. If you dont want to be friends with her or associate with her, I wouldn''t feel bad about not even sending a card. But since she sounds like she''s fishing for shower presents, if you must, I''d send a card with well wishes (the kind pre printed on the card, not the kind you write yourself when you really care...), and be done with it. But I''d wait until after the offspring is hatched. Why send two cards? Save the postage babe!

ROFL. This is exactly the reason why I love reading your posts, Surfgirl.