adlgel
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2008
- Messages
- 460
I live in the US. I was legally declared my mother's guardian (both guardian of person and guardian of estate) 3 years ago. 6 years ago she had two strokes which affected her short term memory but fortunately did not affect her mobility or other aspects of her life and also has dementia. We have been able to manage her living situation to allow her to remain in her home which is what she wants until very recently. We had someone come in once a week to fill her pill box and I had groceries delivered weekly (I live over an hour away). However her situation has declined such that this arrangement is no longer workable so we are planning to move her into a memory care facility. The problem is she will physically no longer leave the house - not for a dr. appt, not for a hair appt, etc.
She seemed worse off than normal last week and we tried to get her to go to the hospital and she refused. When my husband and I tried to physically get her off the couch last week she started hitting and kicking at us. I eventually called 911. They attempted to cajole her into going for an hour to no avail and while they agreed she should be seen, her situation was not truly emergent. I, stupidly, did not have my guardianship papers with me but the EMTs said that even if I had them they could not have forced her to go as that would be considered kidnapping given they deemed her sufficiently competent (she could tell them her name, birthdate and address). I have since found out that they should have taken her upon my request so next time I will have my papers with me and tell them to call their supervisor if they refuse.
We obviously want to move her into a facility. But it's clear from this recent experience that she will outright refuse to go. Therefore, we cannot envision in any practical way how we will actually get her to leave her house. And in the off chance we can trick her into leaving, we cannot envision how we will get her to leave the car when we pull up to some strange facility. I called around to a bunch of my county resources today - Adult Protective Services told me to call my local police. Local police told me to call Sheriff's department. Sheriff's department told me to call Dept of Aging. Dept of Aging told me to call Adult Protective Services so round and round we go. Basically it seems that no one has any actual way to move an unwilling senior out of their home and into a facility even when that is what the legal guardian has decided to do.
Has anyone encountered this situation before? I know that many have parents who are unwilling and have to be cajoled. But this is beyond that. My mom will literally refuse as evidenced by her interaction with the EMTs. And due to her brain issues, she is incapable of processing thoughts rationally. Short of drugging her or waiting for a medical crisis which renders her incapacitated, we don't know how to make this move happen. Has anyone gone through this specific issue related to moving a loved into into a senior living facility?
She seemed worse off than normal last week and we tried to get her to go to the hospital and she refused. When my husband and I tried to physically get her off the couch last week she started hitting and kicking at us. I eventually called 911. They attempted to cajole her into going for an hour to no avail and while they agreed she should be seen, her situation was not truly emergent. I, stupidly, did not have my guardianship papers with me but the EMTs said that even if I had them they could not have forced her to go as that would be considered kidnapping given they deemed her sufficiently competent (she could tell them her name, birthdate and address). I have since found out that they should have taken her upon my request so next time I will have my papers with me and tell them to call their supervisor if they refuse.
We obviously want to move her into a facility. But it's clear from this recent experience that she will outright refuse to go. Therefore, we cannot envision in any practical way how we will actually get her to leave her house. And in the off chance we can trick her into leaving, we cannot envision how we will get her to leave the car when we pull up to some strange facility. I called around to a bunch of my county resources today - Adult Protective Services told me to call my local police. Local police told me to call Sheriff's department. Sheriff's department told me to call Dept of Aging. Dept of Aging told me to call Adult Protective Services so round and round we go. Basically it seems that no one has any actual way to move an unwilling senior out of their home and into a facility even when that is what the legal guardian has decided to do.
Has anyone encountered this situation before? I know that many have parents who are unwilling and have to be cajoled. But this is beyond that. My mom will literally refuse as evidenced by her interaction with the EMTs. And due to her brain issues, she is incapable of processing thoughts rationally. Short of drugging her or waiting for a medical crisis which renders her incapacitated, we don't know how to make this move happen. Has anyone gone through this specific issue related to moving a loved into into a senior living facility?