For you mommies out there I have some questions

[Kay]

I was pretty relaxed about my diet while I was pregnant. My OB said to avoid excess alcohol or caffeine and unpastuerized cheese. Caffeine was easy -- I don''t drink coffee or soda, and I didn''t mind giving up green tea because it is unsafe, but I still had a chai latte every couple of weeks. I had an occasional glass of wine, which my OB said was fine. I ate sushi a few times and even had tuna tartare once. I was religious about my vitamins and tried to eat healthily overall, but had the occasional Big Mac or bowl of ice cream (ok, so the ice cream almost nightly by the end).

On the other hand, I am very careful about what my daughter eats. She had bad excema when she was a few months old, which sometimes correlates with a higher risk of food allergies. Our ped said not to introduce solids until after 6 months. Then we started introducing one new food every 4 days. Thankfully, there have been no allergic reactions so far. Other then when we are traveling, DH and I make all of DD''s baby food -- we steam or bake fresh fruits, veggies and meat, then puree or coarse chop to a consistency she can handle. About 2 months ago, we started letting her have occasional snacks like graham crackers or animal crackers. She only drinks formula and water. She turned 1 today, and has her check up tomorrow, so I need to ask her ped about when we should switch from formula to milk (I hope soon because formula is damn expensive). We do not plan on giving her juice any time soon because it is much healthier to eat a piece of fruit (more fiber and less sugar) and then drink water for thirst. Fortunately, DD loves water. Her great grandmother (who eats way too much junk food like chips and cookies herself) gets upset when we won''t let her give DD "treats" like cookies or cake, but we are being pretty firm about it so far.

 

[KimberlyH]

It sounds like there is a family concensus that your SIL is a bit overboard, people are entitled to their opinions but don''t necessarily need to share them with her. As long as she and her husband are in agreement that''s all that matters. While I don''t understand the cheese thing, I actually am pleased when I hear people are watching their childrens'' diets as so often it''s the opposite and the childhood obseity epidemic in the US continues to worsen as a result.

As for the coworker, complaining is annoying, but what she''s doing makes sense to her and is likely at the suggestion of her doctor (and Doctor Google, unfortunately). A ditto to Ebree regarding her experience, if getting pregnant was difficult for her or she suffered a loss prior to this pregnancy her fears may be heightened which has caused her to lean towards the extreme. I miscarried prior to my current pregnancy and as a result I am much more cautious this time around. I don''t talk to anyone about it, aside from my husband, because it''s no one''s business and it''s not something worth complaining about but I don''t consume deli meat and caffiene along with a host of other things that I wasn''t so worried about the first time around. Her choices don''t mean you should have to hear about it, so I''d simply change the subject or avoid discussing her pregnancy with her.

Parenting has taken on a new bent, as it does with every passing generation, and the latest seems to be towards being overbearing. In the grand scheme the food issues are minor, especially compared to what some parents do to "protect" their kids.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Your coworker sounds like somebody who just complains a lot. Bad morning sickness is one thing, but to complain constantly about giving up foods in order to create a life doesn''t demonstrate much perspective to me. I''d be annoyed too.

If you can''t avoid her, I''d try initiating a different topic of conversation or just not really responding when she complains. I have a friend at work who recently began sponsoring what''s basically a high school sorority, and she constantly gossips about the students'' personal lives. I couldn''t be less interested, so I always try to bring up a grownup topic of conversation before she starts in on who has no self-esteem now that her boyfriend broke up with her. And if that doesn''t work, I just look bored and don''t really respond.

 

[Clio]

Date: 10/21/2009 7:09:45 PM
Author: radiantquest

For some reason she doesn''t let them have cheese. If it is a cheese type dish she will limit how much of the cheese they actually get. No string chesses or grilled cheese or extra cheese pizza for these kids.

I''ve always been pretty lax about my kids'' diets, so I''m probably the polar opposite of your SIL, but I just wanted to comment on the cheese thing. A six-month-old wouldn''t be eating cheese anyway, and it''s possible that the two-year-old shouldn''t eat much cheese for medical reasons. When my son was younger, he had some constipation problems, and the ped. warned us not to let him have much cheese. A little was fine, but too much could make the problem worse. And severe constipation over a long period of time can lead to lots of problems for young kids.

Now it''s entirely possible that your SIL is just a big old control freak with cheese issues

, but it''s also possible that there''s a real reason for her to limit cheese.

 

[radiantquest]

The coworker has not lost a baby before. This is her first time trying and her first time conceiving. I think she is doing it for atention. You cannot have a conversation with her without her whining starting. Everyone is irritated about it.

As far as my SIL goes I am sure that it is healthier for them, but to me some foods are a nostalgia thing for me. Everytime I see or hear an ice cream truck I remember childhood. Raviolis remind me of childhood. I guess it is better for them to eat healthier at a younger age, it just still seems like overkill.

 

[meresal]

Date: 10/21/2009 8:01:20 PM
Author: Blenheim
They''re stricter than I am, but there are people who think that I''m too strict and some who think I''m too lax... everyone has their own opinion.

Date: 10/21/2009 2:51:34 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 10/21/2009 2:27:59 PM
Author: meresal
I''ve definitely heard worse.

Technically you aren''t supposed to eat those things as pregnant, but it just depends on each person and what they are comfortable with. I can understand how it would be annoying to listen to her complain about it all the time though. Especially at 4 months, I would think she would be used to it by then.

As for your sister, every mom is different. My sister has a 5 y/o and she is not allowed to have caffine or sugar. So when my niece has sugar on special occassions she gets SO excited, and it is HILARIOUS!

She shoved her face in a whole bowl of ice cream one Christmas Eve and then proceeded to run aroudn the restaurant in circles no more than a minute later. Sooooo funny!!
FWIW, I don''t think that mashed potatoes are ok for a 6 month old. I also would only feed another persons child what the mom gave me, or I would ask the parents before trying to give a child something. (Maybe this is just from being around my sister though.)
However, she is the mom and she can raise her kids however she feels comfortable. That is just how it is.

Why wouldn''t you give a 6 month old mashed potatoes? It''s one of the earliest recommended foods.

We make our mashed potatoes with milk or cream, and you''re not ''supposed'' to introduce cow milk until 12 months (or at least that''s the official recommendation in the US)... but I''m pretty sure that recommendation is to keep people from replacing breastmilk/formula with cows milk before that age. I think the official age here when you can introduce yogurt is 8 months, so I don''t see any issues with mashed potatoes after that age. Do they recommend sooner in the UK? Or do you make mashed potatoes with just potatoes?

I''m in the south (US) and our mashed potatoes tend to be "lumpy" and have a stickier taste. (If that makes sense). If the mashed potatoes are runny/milky, then by all means, but I''m not entirely sure that my 6 month old, whenever it comes to that, will have the ability to process something so thick. Does that makes sense?
Yougurt is very smooth and will slide down the throat, the mashed potatoes that I am thinking of are thick, and though perfectly fine for a 2 year old, I just could not give to a 6 month old.
To answer you question, we do make mashed potatoes with milk, but I''m guessing we don''t use as much as you do. FWIW, I use much more milk in a gravy than I would in mashed potatoes. Ours don''t fall off your fork when you turn it vertical.

 

[meresal]

Date: 10/22/2009 11:14:12 AM
Author: radiantquest
The coworker has not lost a baby before. This is her first time trying and her first time conceiving. I think she is doing it for atention. You cannot have a conversation with her without her whining starting. Everyone is irritated about it.

As far as my SIL goes I am sure that it is healthier for them, but to me some foods are a nostalgia thing for me. Everytime I see or hear an ice cream truck I remember childhood. Raviolis remind me of childhood. I guess it is better for them to eat healthier at a younger age, it just still seems like overkill.

RQ, do you remember ice cream and ravioli from before the age of 3 though?

Lots will change once the kids go to school and the mom can see how other mom''s are. My sister was crazy overprotective and very stirct on the "schedule" when my niece was an infant and before the age of 4. Since turning 4, my sister has become more lax (still strict about sugar and napping), and has realized that things will be ok if she has a little of something new here and there.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 10/22/2009 11:14:12 AM
Author: radiantquest
The coworker has not lost a baby before. This is her first time trying and her first time conceiving. I think she is doing it for atention. You cannot have a conversation with her without her whining starting. Everyone is irritated about it.

As far as my SIL goes I am sure that it is healthier for them, but to me some foods are a nostalgia thing for me. Everytime I see or hear an ice cream truck I remember childhood. Raviolis remind me of childhood. I guess it is better for them to eat healthier at a younger age, it just still seems like overkill.

Your co-worker might be doing it for attention who knows-sometimes complainers in work environment are subtlely trying to brag. If you don't feed into it, and just smile blankly, she'll stop or ease off. Not so sure I'd make snarky comments though!

With SIL, that's really a tougher call--since she's doing what she's thinks best. You may have nostalgia for foods from childhood, but then that's not really SIL's concern, KWIM? I've certainly seen alot of overkill/overreaction these days (in a lot of areas, not just childrearing), but end of the day each person does what they feel is right but hopefully not bringing too much pre-existing neurosis into how they raise their babies!

 

[Haven]

Your whiny coworker just sounds obnoxious, as far as all that complaining is concerned. I have a low tolerance for whiners, especially when they''re coworkers and not loved ones, so that would irritate me beyond belief.
(When I worked in a ridiculous corporation right after college they had an inside language that you were supposed to use to communicate uncomfortable things with coworkers. One of their phrases was "swe" which stood for "satisfying work environment." When people did things like complain to bring you down, you were supposed to say "Coworker, your complaining is really affecting my swe." Ha, I''m so glad I got out of there.)

Anyway . . .

As for whether or not they''re going overboard, that is of course a relative thing. I really believe that as long as someone''s choices don''t affect you or your children, then it really isn''t any of your business. (I''m talking about the rhetorical "you" here, by the way.) I imagine that my husband and I will be "those" people who others thing are going overboard, but that''s fine with me. We have our reasons for making our choices, and they are all firmly rooted in our beliefs about what is important and right.

 

[packrat]

Haven, that swe thing made me laugh! I can just hear "Dude, yer totally affecting my swe!" I worked at a company that was big into ergonomics. They had a little mascot named Ergie. I think I''ll harass JD that he''s messing up my swe.

Whiny coworkers are so irritating, RQ, I feel for ya! She sounds like an attention hog!

 

[innerkitten]

I think it''s up to each individual to decide what they want to eat and don''t want to eat or what they want to feed their children. Maybe it makes them feel safe.

 

[ellaila]

I remember that we all thought my SIL was overboard when she was pregnant with her first child back in the 90s, avoiding this food and that food. Flash forward 11 years later to when I was pregnant, and I did the same things she did and avoided the same foods she did. It''s very easy to judge someone when you''re not in their shoes but when you''re the one responsible for keeping a fetus(es) and/or child(ren) healthy, you do what you''re comfortable with. When I was pregnant with my twins, I gave up caffeine, deli meat, soft cheeses, all of it. For the most part, it was simple enough to avoid them (though yes, I did have a turkey sandwich within hours of giving birth!) and I felt like I was keeping my little ones healthier by not exposing them to potentially harmful things. It was easier for me to give up turkey sandwiches for 36 weeks than for me to deal with a lifetime of regret if something had gone wrong during pregnancy because of something that was avoidable. Do I assume that people thought I was overboard? Sure. Do I care. Not a lick.

Oh, and my kids also only drink milk and water. I don''t see a problem with that. They''ve got their whole lives to drink sugary drinks, so why get them hooked at such a young age?

 

[Sha]

Methinks the pregnant one is being a bit OCD....but to each his own. Caffeine is okay and long as it''s taken in a limited form/moderation during pregnancy - I think the limit is 300g per day? I''m not a coffee drinker but have a cup or two of green tea or week (green tea is fine as far as I''ve read - as long as you don''t drink too much or drink it too close to taking your prenatal vitamin, as it can interfere with folic acid absorption), and I''ve definitely had quite a bit of chocolate and chocolate icecream!

As well as a couple sodas here and there. I''ve also had salmon and tuna in moderation as well as a sporadic hotdog.

 

[vespergirl]

So many of those food rules are ridiculous. When I was pregnant with my son 3 years ago, I was told not to eat nuts, because it may cause a nut allergy. I continued to eat nuts, though, because it seems like all the kids with the nut allergies are the ones born to parents who avoid them (the best way to create resistance is through exposure).

Well, a year later, the medical opinion changed, and now we''re all allowed to eat peanuts again. For the record, even with my almost daily nut intake, my son has no nut allergies. I am really enjoying my peanut butter sandwiches now during my second pregnancy as well.

I also eat sushi, lunchmeat, and drink coffee. I think it''s a crime to order a filet mignon well done, so I enjoy mine medium rare, as I have always done. I also eat blue cheese and goat cheese.

And yes, I have been known to enjoy a few sips of wine at a fancy dinner in my third trimester. Absolutely no problems with my son. My mom drank moderately through the time she was pregnant with me (a glass of wine or two per week - my parents are from Europe where the alcohol comsumption guidelines are different) and my IQ tested as 138 when I was 5 years old, so I clearly didn''t suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome.

What I do find humorous are 3 friends I had who avoided rare meat, fish, nuts, and cheese while pregnant, yet all developed gestational diabetes from eating tons of chocolate and sugary crap while pregnant - even when diagnosed with the gestational diabetes, they just couldn''t turn down their chocolate cake. Yet, in their minds, that was healthier for their babies than eating a piece of fish. All three gained over 75 pounds while pregnant, and had to deliver their 9-10 pound babies via c-section. They were clucking their tongues at me for eating a steak, meanwhile I delivered a healthy weight child in a normal delivery, and only gained 35 pounds.

In order to avoid the pregnancy insanity, I recommend NOT reading "What to Expect When You''re Expecting." I intentionally avoided that fear-mongering tome, and was able to enjoy my pregnancy without worrying that breathing the wrong way with somehow damage my baby. The book wasn''t even written by a doctor.

Instead, I recommend "I''m Pregnant!" written by Lesley Regan, MD (a real doctor!). Much more informative and doesn''t use scare tactics.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/22/2009 3:50:51 PM
Author: ellaila
I remember that we all thought my SIL was overboard when she was pregnant with her first child back in the 90s, avoiding this food and that food. Flash forward 11 years later to when I was pregnant, and I did the same things she did and avoided the same foods she did. It''s very easy to judge someone when you''re not in their shoes but when you''re the one responsible for keeping a fetus(es) and/or child(ren) healthy, you do what you''re comfortable with. When I was pregnant with my twins, I gave up caffeine, deli meat, soft cheeses, all of it. For the most part, it was simple enough to avoid them (though yes, I did have a turkey sandwich within hours of giving birth!) and I felt like I was keeping my little ones healthier by not exposing them to potentially harmful things. It was easier for me to give up turkey sandwiches for 36 weeks than for me to deal with a lifetime of regret if something had gone wrong during pregnancy because of something that was avoidable. Do I assume that people thought I was overboard? Sure. Do I care. Not a lick.

Oh, and my kids also only drink milk and water. I don''t see a problem with that. They''ve got their whole lives to drink sugary drinks, so why get them hooked at such a young age?

I agree Ella. For me personally, it was also a bit of a test. I think motherhood/parenting is a lifetime of sacrifice and putting my kid first. I figured, if I couldn''t give up a few things for a few months, I have a problem.

 

[swimmer]

RQ, I hear you on the annoyance. I am currently pregnant and feel like it would be totally obnoxious/inappropriate/just plain wrong to whine about being this way since it took over a year of effort to get here. A preggo acquaintance used to whine constantly about not being able to eat things and while I didn''t tell her that I had just had a miscarriage and would love to have her inability to eat soft cheese, I was focusing too hard on not slapping her across her ungrateful face (I blame the clomid). Hopefully she has realized that a miracle is worth a little life re-arranging.

Good luck, I''m sure she will soon be whining about breastfeeding or her child running around; some people never see the joy in life.

 

[Jas12]

Ella--i totally agree with you.

I could have been called ''extreme'' while preggo--no meats, cheese, caffine etc. and i also switched to natural toothpaste, deorderant, shampoo, beauty products and cleaning products etc. but ya know what, i don''t care, it was for the health of my child. I am pregnant again now and although not as uptight, i am basically doing the same things with ocassional exceptions. it''s only 9 mos of my life! The difference is, i don''t think i moaned and whined about it for 9 mos (well maybe a few times to get DH to feel sorry for me

). She needs to get over it. It''s part of the gig, and if she thinks she''s making a sacrifice now...bahahaa. wait till the kid comes along!

RQ--re: cheeses--many ppl argue there is limited value in dairy products. They are touted as a good source of calcium but many studies actually show that due to extensive pasterization processes the enzymes good stuff in milk is cooked out of the product and actually harms the body more than aids. I have heard from a dietician that countires that consume the highest amounts of dairy also have the highest cases of osteo. My family prefers to get it''s calcium from plant sources (which is easily and readily adsorbed by the body). I don''t ban cheese etc. like your SIL does & i guess my theory doesn''t make sense if she still allows milk right, so i guess i would just secretly roll my eyes and move on....

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 10/21/2009 7:09:45 PM
Author: radiantquest
I know that they are the mommies and I don't argue about the choices they make. The coworker complains so much I asked her one day if she hated it so much then why did she get pregnant. I know that this is kinda harsh, but I had enough.

My SIL is super careful. When the tea situation came about it was what I considred a special occasion. We were having a family get together. She lives an hour from us so it is not as if I am corrupting her children with food tasting and tea. I hardly ever see them and honestly he could have had the sip and would have forgot all about it when she didn't offer it to him again. Or maybe he would get real excited when he saw Aunt Radianquest because he gets treats when I am around. That is neither here nor there. I just wonder why. Everyone in the family thinks she is overboard. We don't intend to undermine her, but they always get little things that she doesn't let them have when they are in the care of another family member. Hubby, me, her mother, her father, even her husband.

For some reason she doesn't let them have cheese. If it is a cheese type dish she will limit how much of the cheese they actually get. No string chesses or grilled cheese or extra cheese pizza for these kids.

fiery- as far as the acid reflux goes I don't blame that on her at all. He had it since birth so there is no way that it could be his diet. I guess the two issues meshed together. I think that they are sick all the time because she doesn't expose them to anything and they are not building up their own defense systems.

I am not trying to cause a disagreement here, just offering my thoughts but giving the children things the Mother doesn't want them to have is undermining her. It is up to the Mother what the children eat and if they are healthy and thriving which they appear to be then thats what matters, and if she finds out Grandparents etc are giving the children foods which she doesn't want them to have then she could decide to limit access to them if her wishes are being disregarded.

 

[nycbkgirl]

Speaking from someone who has in-laws that never agree with what I do..i can say that i am totally against anyone trying to say or do what is different than what the mother wants for her kids. i just had a falling out with my MIL and it is based upon the fact that she wants to do what she feels is better for my kids...NOT happening. so back to the food topic...i totally avoided caffeine and found alternative drinks and didnt have much deli meat (on occasion) and avoided sushi, alcohol thats about it. but i am totally ok with each peggo womans decision and i think its normal.

im not sure how i plan to feed my kids when they are older but i want to be sure that everyone around me respects my wishes and thats all that everyone should do!...ppl around me have been appalled that i havent gave my kids water yet (6mos) and rice cereal is the first at 6mos etc..but i follow my heart, my pedi and my research and thats all they need to know

 

[Blenheim]

I''m with NYC that it''s important to respect mama''s wishes and avoid undermining her, even if you think she''s extreme. My mom was really upset that we only have all-natural cleaners in our house and ran out and bought four bottles of bleach-based cleaners, which I avoid because I don''t think that it''s that great for us to be exposed to the fumes and because they''re not great for the environment. I felt like she didn''t respect me as an adult capable of making my own decisions.

The whining would really annoy me though.

Meresal - Ah, gotcha. We don''t use that much milk either, but I think that the reason you''re supposed to delay dairy a bit is that it''s a potential allergin, so I''m not sure how much the quantity matters? That being said, I''m sure we''ll let George have mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving, and he''ll be something like 7.5 months at that point.

 

[Mara]

to me, everyone who is preggo gets a wee bit of license to whine about it. sure you are creating a life which is to be appreciated, but it doesn't turn you into mother teresa. there are a lot changes to your mental state, your emotional state, your physical state. i think people should be generally sensitive to how hard it can be for some women to deal with. even if they thought they might be prepared, you aren't always...i don't think i was.

that said, yeah, there's only so much you can take re complaining. i complained to my closest friends (as in daily) for the first 3-4 months because i was sooooo miserable and thank god they were ok with it. after it got a bit easier with the sickness and the growing pains easing, i feel almost fine now overall and rarely even mention anything to friends except that things are going well. i also think that you can KNOW inside you are growing a life which is amazing, BUT sometimes it doesn't make what is actually happening inside any easier.

oh and i agree that even if you don't agree with what Mom wants to do, you should respect it. my own Mom and i have had a lot of discussions around my forming of opinions for this baby but even before that, even just the dog. she takes her in the car with NO SEATBELT and it drives me crazy. so i keep reminding her, you won't be able to do XYZ with the baby. i can see we have a lot of chatting to continue doing. moms are notoriously stubborn.