etiquette question

[waterlilly]

I am going to a family function this weekend and I am 99% certain there will be the question - "how big is that?" referring to my e-ring. Now, although I''''m not generally opposed to saying how many carats the stone is if someone asks - I would like to know - what is the classiest response to this question?

The reason being, the people who are going to ask me this question are the sort of people who ''''think'''' they are wealthy and constantly talk about money and how expensive everything they own is, and I''''d really like to rise above their BS when answering it.

I don''''t want to give a total brush off and say anything like "I don''''t talk about that" or "I''''d rather not say", I think those would be strange responses, but I don''''t want to come right out and say exactly how many carats it is either - seems tacky.



Thoughts? Thanks!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

How big is it? "The perfect size for me, thank you."

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I would just say "I don''t know - I didn''t ask."

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

MB that''s even better!

 

[FireGoddess]

I''d say "I don''t know - it''s not exactly the thought that came to mind when my boyfriend was asking me to marry him!"

 

[angeline]

Date: 9/11/2007 2:35:39 PM
Author: Madam Bijoux
I would just say ''I don''t know - I didn''t ask.''

Madam Bijoux - now that''s class!

waterlily - that should put them in their place

 

[waterlilly]

AHHHH!!!! That is PERFECT!!!

Thanks!!






I would just say "I don''t know - I didn''t ask."
Madam Bijoux

 

[havernell]

Date: 9/11/2007 2:35:39 PM
Author: Madam Bijoux
I would just say ''I don''t know - I didn''t ask.''

The only problem with this response is that, if your FI will be at the function with you, these nosy people will then just march right over and ask HIM how big your diamond is. So, if you go this route, you may need to coordinate with your FI on what his respone would be to the same question.

Could you just say something like "it''s a bit over a carat (or half carat, or whatever)"? That way you don''t have to specify how much over a carat it is...

Good luck!!

 

[waterlilly]

Crap, you are right, they would TOTALLY do that! OK, I''ll make sure he''s prepped for that type of encounter. Thanks!

What would be the equivalent classy response for him to give?!

 

[AggieTexan]

How about, "The perfect size for us."

 

[suzi]

My mom always said that a good answer to a question like that is "why do you ask?" That usually makes the person feel uncomfortable for even asking, and they will almost always change the subject.

 

[jayreneepea]

So, how big is it? Any pictures??

I''d just nonchalantely give a range like "I don''t know, a carat or so" or whatever it may be. Act like it''s no big deal wether it is 1/2 ct or 3 cts.

 

[lyra]

I love all the suggestions. I wouldn''t have the nerve to use any of them though! I think I''d be able to do the "I don''t know, about a carat or something." if I was feeling snippy. Otherwise, I''d be quite happy to round up to the next full carat. LOL!

 

[waterlilly]

Date: 9/11/2007 6:40:35 PM
Author: sipper
My mom always said that a good answer to a question like that is ''why do you ask?'' That usually makes the person feel uncomfortable for even asking, and they will almost always change the subject.

Yes...I agree - and like this response! He would have no trouble saying it either...

 

[waterlilly]

Date: 9/11/2007 6:57:24 PM
Author: lyra
I love all the suggestions. I wouldn''t have the nerve to use any of them though! I think I''d be able to do the ''I don''t know, about a carat or something.'' if I was feeling snippy. Otherwise, I''d be quite happy to round up to the next full carat. LOL!

Right, I agree, I''ll just see how I''m feeling at that particular moment - good to have both of these as options!

 

[CrownJewel]

I think the best way to "rise above their BS" is to just not care. I don''t think there''s anything "un-classy" about asking how big a diamond is, and there''s nothing "un-classy" about telling people exactly how big your diamond is. You are happy about your engagement no matter what size the diamond so answer accordingly. What is not classy is if they judge you based on the size of your diamond, but you have no control over that, so just don''t think about it.

If these are judgemental people that you''re dealing with and you REALLY don''t want to tell them what size your diamond actually is, just confuse them. If your diamond is 1 carat, tell them it is 0.25 carats. They''ll walk away completely baffled or astonished. That way it won''t seem like you''re trying to keep the size a secret. The only thing they''ll be able to say behind your back is "wow her diamond look so big for 0.25 carats!"

Best of luck at the function! Congratulations on your engagement!

 

[waterlilly]

Date: 9/11/2007 8:38:56 PM
Author: CrownJewel
I think the best way to ''rise above their BS'' is to just not care. I don''t think there''s anything ''un-classy'' about asking how big a diamond is, and there''s nothing ''un-classy'' about telling people exactly how big your diamond is. You are happy about your engagement no matter what size the diamond so answer accordingly. What is not classy is if they judge you based on the size of your diamond, but you have no control over that, so just don''t think about it.


If these are judgemental people that you''re dealing with and you REALLY don''t want to tell them what size your diamond actually is, just confuse them. If your diamond is 1 carat, tell them it is 0.25 carats. They''ll walk away completely baffled or astonished. That way it won''t seem like you''re trying to keep the size a secret. The only thing they''ll be able to say behind your back is ''wow her diamond look so big for 0.25 carats!''


Best of luck at the function! Congratulations on your engagement!

Thank you! I do agree in general I don''t mind when people ask, its just these people in particular! I know they aren''t asking out of curiosity of the ring itself, it''s simply about money money money. Annoying.

 

[Fly Girl]

Beautiful ring. I think I''d say it is well over a carat, and perfectly white and flawless.

Congratulations on your engagement!

 

[rainydaze]

hi waterlily! beautiful ring...... as for your function, since you know these people''s motives for asking are not in good taste, i think hitting them with a polite and naive ''why do you ask?'' should do the trick just nicely. that''s my favorite suggestion. they KNOW why they are asking so to call them on it (in such a way that doesn''t even give YOUR motives away) would be quite fun!

best of luck!

 

[Haven]

The "Why do you ask?" response is great as long as it doesn''t come off as a challenge.

Otherwise, you can say something like "I think it is the perfect size for my hand" or "Goodness! I didn''t even think to ask, and I certainly wouldn''t want (fiance) to think that it''s the size that''s important." If that last bit doesn''t shame them into silence, nothing will.

I love Miss Manners'' response to people who say something about how large a diamond is--a gracious "Why, it''s not nearly as big as his heart."

 

[jayreneepea]

Date: 9/11/2007 8:58:37 PM
Author: waterlilly
Oh, right, sorry Jayrenay! It''s not big compared to Pricescope standards - but it''s a 1.1, vs1, h.
here''s the only pic i have at the moment on this computer!

Errr..and no - that''s not my finger!!

Very pretty, I like it a lot!
I''d just avoid answering the question... "it''s the perfect size for my finger, thanks for asking" and then change the subject.

 

[diamondfan]

I would say it was big enough!!!!

 

[Breezee]

You can have fun in a situation like this and totally make them feel like jerks for asking the question. I would probably respond with something like this (take in mind this is a guys opinion):

Them: "So how big IS your diamond?"

You: Well... in the excitement of the moment of being proposed to by the love of my life and being asked to spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams, it kind of made something like that which really isn''t that important in the grand scheme of things seem even less important. So, your guess is probably better than mine. As a matter of fact, I''m pretty sure your guess is right. Good to see you....

Them: Uhhh....

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 9/11/2007 8:58:37 PM
Author: waterlilly
Oh, right, sorry Jayrenay! It's not big compared to Pricescope standards - but it's a 1.1, vs1, h.
here's the only pic i have at the moment on this computer!

Errr..and no - that's not my finger!!

LOL, I wouldn't think that is your finger!!! The ring is beautiful!!! Bravo!

 

[suzi]

Date: 9/11/2007 8:58:37 PM
Author: waterlilly
Oh, right, sorry Jayrenay! It''s not big compared to Pricescope standards - but it''s a 1.1, vs1, h.
here''s the only pic i have at the moment on this computer!

Errr..and no - that''s not my finger!!

Oh, waterlilly! Your ring is beautiful! I love the setting, and it looks HUGE! Congratulations.

 

[suzi]

Date: 9/11/2007 10:23:48 PM
Author: Haven
The ''Why do you ask?'' response is great as long as it doesn''t come off as a challenge.

Otherwise, you can say something like ''I think it is the perfect size for my hand'' or ''Goodness! I didn''t even think to ask, and I certainly wouldn''t want (fiance) to think that it''s the size that''s important.'' If that last bit doesn''t shame them into silence, nothing will.

I love Miss Manners'' response to people who say something about how large a diamond is--a gracious ''Why, it''s not nearly as big as his heart.''

Oh, you have to say it very sweetly, with a somewhat puzzled look on your face.

I have to say that I think it might seem a bit untruthful to act as if one doesn''t have a clue about the specs on their ring. In this day and age, even folks who aren''t as educated as the average pricescoper usually at least know the carat weight of their ring, if nothing else.

Another response would be to turn it around on the person who asks by asking them what size THEY think it is...LOL! Most people will be too embarassed to guess wrong, and will quickly drop the subject.

I''ve found that tactic works well when people ask about the color or the clarity of my diamond, too.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Oh poo waterlily you answered my question....

I was gonna be all cute and say...JUST HOW BIG IS IT??? You reuined my perfect excuse for a laugh!

I just say, "Oh you know about that big...and use my fingers like I am pinching it!!"

If they ask how many carats it is...I say "About a bushel".

I know a lady...who answers "I don''t know, but I wear a size 6 and a Double D incase you want to know how big I am".

DKS

 

[wolftress]

Date: 9/11/2007 11:50:24 PM
Author: door knob solitaire
Oh poo waterlily you answered my question....

I was gonna be all cute and say...JUST HOW BIG IS IT??? You reuined my perfect excuse for a laugh!

I just say, ''Oh you know about that big...and use my fingers like I am pinching it!!''

If they ask how many carats it is...I say ''About a bushel''.

I know a lady...who answers ''I don''t know, but I wear a size 6 and a Double D incase you want to know how big I am''.

DKS

Hehe... hearing an answer like that would make me blush.

I really don''t understand why people ask rude questions like how big a diamond is. If I''m curious, I''ll usually make a compliment relating to the size of the diamond and if no one volunteers the carat weight, I''ll leave it at that.

I like the Miss Manner''s response too. It reminds people that diamond size doesn''t always relate to how much love is shared between a couple.

 

[ccuheartnurse]

I''ve been married 3 yrs now & engaged for over 4, but I too get that same question. Only my friends/family also feel they have the right to ask how much as well. I just laugh it off & tell them that the size looks good on my finger, & as for the cost, I tell them I could have had a new car but then you know, my stone wont rust. Then I walk away laughing. Most of the time I''m just considered flakey, but the last laugh is on them. They never get the answer their looking for. LOL I do love that "why do you ask" question though. I''m gonna have to try that one next time.

Judy

 

[waterlilly]

no one has asked cost yet, of course my closest girl friends know all the specs...I think if anyone comes out and asks price, I''d have no prob giving a snippy answer or a "why would you ask that?"!