Do you think it’s possible for a guest to upstage the “host” at an event through their bling (eg at a wedding)?

[MaisOuiMadame]

If you liked Nazranaa you must watch Band Baaja Bride! It’s an Indian show as opposed to an American one and the clothes are by the most amazing Indian clothes designer ever - Sabyasachi (he is like the Vera Wang + Oscar de la Renta of indian weddings). Or just watch wedding videos by videographers (I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I watch videos of strangers in my free time but soooooo pretttttyyyyyy!) I think the show is in both English and Hindi and they took most of the episodes off the Internet unfortunately, but there are some short clips and stuff still uploaded where you can cut through all the fluff and look at the clothes and bling

Also, you can def wear Indian clothes - skin color doesn’t dictate how you look in them I can totally imagine you will look wonderful in something like a soft pink or lilac or baby blue!

Gahhh, and down the rabbit hole I go.. I now want a lehenga by Sabyasachi and I don't even have anyhere to wear this to...

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Gahhh, and down the rabbit hole I go.. I now want a lehenga by Sabyasachi and I don't even have anyhere to wear this to...

I’ll enable you - he does a lot of beautiful pastel clothes

He does make Indianised gowns btw, not just lehengas - in case you’re interested

 

[TooPatient]

I did some searching for you and I couldn’t find something that worked exactly, but I can describe it and then post some pictures.

So it was in WG, diamond and pearl (melee diamonds, not big solitaires) which is unusual since indian jewelry is usually with polki (uncut diamond) and in YG. It was a mathapatti, which is a word to describe two or three lines of stones that act like a harness to hold your maangtikka, which is the circular pendant, to the head.


This is an example of the kind of size I am talking about, though the pendant didn’t look like this.

For the one that the lady was wearing, she had pave melee rounds arranged in 3 lines (corresponding to the polki squares in the pic above), and each line of diamonds had a row of pearls on either side. The central pendant took up almost as much forehead space as the one above and then it had a huge pearl hanging from it which came slightly below the brows. The central pendant had lots of melee in a similar-ish shape and style to this below (but it had a bit more gap in places as opposed to this one which seems to have no open space at all), and instead of red stones, had pearls embedded in the pendant, and the aforementioned pearl drop which is missing in both pics:



Hope that’s at least a little bit clear, haha. It did strike me that the thing must be convertible to a pendant and she must wear it like one more often than a headpiece - the sheer number of pins taken to keep that to the head would give me a migraine.

Beautiful! The friends who showed me photos from their traditional weddings had many guests in photos wearing similar. I don't think she was trying to upstage and probably enjoyed an excuse to wear her beautiful piece. (it sounds gorgeous and I am picturing something spectacular in my head) It seems more like she was trying to dress for the occasion and look her best as a guest.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Beautiful! The friends who showed me photos from their traditional weddings had many guests in photos wearing similar. I don't think she was trying to upstage and probably enjoyed an excuse to wear her beautiful piece. (it sounds gorgeous and I am picturing something spectacular in my head) It seems more like she was trying to dress for the occasion and look her best as a guest.

I agree with you - I don’t think it was upstaging at all! It was like a two min conversation which actually made me wonder whether theoretically this is possible, if you know what I mean. Where and how does one draw the line between appropriate, bit too much, tacky but not upstaging, and “all eyes on me!” Certain things seem pretty obvious - like don’t wear a white wedding gown to a western wedding. But other things are nebulous and open for discussion, I feel. It’s not so much about this specific lady, but the concept in general

 

[dk168]

The last funeral I attended was my late partner's.

I shall not go into details, however, I was not his next of kin, therefore, I was cut off from having anything to do with his funeral arrangements.

I had a double strand of 8-9mm white Freshadama pearl necklace made by Pearl Paradise. Jeremy at PP pulled out all the stops to rush the order for me, and I went to the FedEx depot in Heathrow in London to collect the necklace the evening before I had to drive 4h to go to the town where the funeral was being held the next morning.

I wore my best watch and diamond jewellery pieces I had at the time, plus one of my large pearl rings.

Rightly or wrongly, it was my intention to upstage his family on the bling front, as I needed a morale boost, to show that I was a woman of independent means, and did not need to rely on him or anyone else for money etc., after I was pushed aside as soon as his family discovered he did not leave a will.

It worked, until something else happened during the funeral, and pushed me over the edge and I had to leave as soon as I could leg it as I did not wish to collapse into a heap in front of his family.

Hey ho - it was the darkest period of my life so far, not the most traumatic or stressful (my relocation was far more stressful), just the most emotional.

DK

 

[jaysonsmom]

This thread reminds me of my own wedding (western style, I had a white ball gown type dress).My college roommate and close friend (a shapely print model) wore this sparkly red figure-hugging gown with a plunging neckline to my daytime wedding (think Jessica Rabbit), no other accessories needed! To be honest, I didn't think she stole the show or took away from the bride (me). I still felt like the most beautiful woman in the room. My friends and family who looked at my wedding albums made comments about her inappropriate attire, but she is who she is, and I could not picture her in a demure, tame outfit just to "let me shine". To me, the bride will always be center stage, now matter how flashy a guest is....and guests shouldn't have to change the way they dress/accessorize just so that they become a wall flower!

 

[doberman]

Well I dont know much about Indian weddings, but I'm about to learn very soon! I have never felt that it's possible to upstage a bride by anything you're wearing. And I do know that Indians put great stock in how to dress for occasions. My daughter in law to be had quite the serious outfit for her Indian dance show, everything was worn for a reason.

Phrases like "stealing her thunder" and "upstanding the bride" are just ridiculous. But I'm a crotchety old bat.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

i

The last funeral I attended was my late partner's.

I shall not go into details, however, I was not his next of kin, therefore, I was cut off from having anything to do with his funeral arrangements.

I had a double strand of 8-9mm white Freshadama pearl necklace made by Pearl Paradise. Jeremy at PP pulled out all the stops to rush the order for me, and I went to the FedEx depot in Heathrow in London to collect the necklace the evening before I had to drive 4h to go to the town where the funeral was being held the next morning.

I wore my best watch and diamond jewellery pieces I had at the time, plus one of my large pearl rings.

Rightly or wrongly, it was my intention to upstage his family on the bling front, as I needed a morale boost, to show that I was a woman of independent means, and did not need to rely on him or anyone else for money etc., after I was pushed aside as soon as his family discovered he did not leave a will.

It worked, until something else happened during the funeral, and pushed me over the edge and I had to leave as soon as I could leg it as I did not wish to collapse into a heap in front of his family.

Hey ho - it was the darkest period of my life so far, not the most traumatic or stressful (my relocation was far more stressful), just the most emotional.

DK

sending a non covid hug accross many many miles of sea

 

[Tekate]

No I don't.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

The last funeral I attended was my late partner's.

I shall not go into details, however, I was not his next of kin, therefore, I was cut off from having anything to do with his funeral arrangements.

I had a double strand of 8-9mm white Freshadama pearl necklace made by Pearl Paradise. Jeremy at PP pulled out all the stops to rush the order for me, and I went to the FedEx depot in Heathrow in London to collect the necklace the evening before I had to drive 4h to go to the town where the funeral was being held the next morning.

I wore my best watch and diamond jewellery pieces I had at the time, plus one of my large pearl rings.

Rightly or wrongly, it was my intention to upstage his family on the bling front, as I needed a morale boost, to show that I was a woman of independent means, and did not need to rely on him or anyone else for money etc., after I was pushed aside as soon as his family discovered he did not leave a will.

It worked, until something else happened during the funeral, and pushed me over the edge and I had to leave as soon as I could leg it as I did not wish to collapse into a heap in front of his family.

Hey ho - it was the darkest period of my life so far, not the most traumatic or stressful (my relocation was far more stressful), just the most emotional.

DK

I’m so sorry for your loss and everything you went through. And I’m proud of you for managing to stand up for yourself in a way that was not visible to others but was a source of strength for you. The way we dress and bling etc can be armour in a way and sometimes it’s very necessary. I find myself dressing with much more care and trying my absolute hardest when I have to deal with people who don’t have my best interests at heart - it is a reminder to myself that I have my own back and that I am more than enough. A very, very big hug for you.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

This thread reminds me of my own wedding (western style, I had a white ball gown type dress).My college roommate and close friend (a shapely print model) wore this sparkly red figure-hugging gown with a plunging neckline to my daytime wedding (think Jessica Rabbit), no other accessories needed! To be honest, I didn't think she stole the show or took away from the bride (me). I still felt like the most beautiful woman in the room. My friends and family who looked at my wedding albums made comments about her inappropriate attire, but she is who she is, and I could not picture her in a demure, tame outfit just to "let me shine". To me, the bride will always be center stage, now matter how flashy a guest is....and guests shouldn't have to change the way they dress/accessorize just so that they become a wall flower!

I agree with this completely. I have a few friends who are really not very showy/blingy people - they don’t like to dress up much. I absolutely would not want them to change that for an event that I host. I remember I hosted quite a big formal party a couple years ago (dress code was black tie), and I had a friend show up in a simple floaty black dress, knee length, no bling except a pair of small pearl studs. Technically, she was underdressed, but I’d rather she be comfortable than meeting the specifications of the dress code. I don’t want her to change who she is.

Well I dont know much about Indian weddings, but I'm about to learn very soon! I have never felt that it's possible to upstage a bride by anything you're wearing. And I do know that Indians put great stock in how to dress for occasions. My daughter in law to be had quite the serious outfit for her Indian dance show, everything was worn for a reason.

Phrases like "stealing her thunder" and "upstanding the bride" are just ridiculous. But I'm a crotchety old bat.

Oh how exciting! I hope you’ll have plenty of opportunity to dress up and partake in the culture during your son’s wedding - congratulations! If you ever feel like you are approaching “over blinged” during the wedding, take a deep breath, and pile on 3 more accessories - the mother of the groom can NEVER be too blingy! The dancing is my fav part of a wedding - both the performing and the general revelry

I also agree with you on the whole “you can’t steal someone’s thunder” thing - in fact, at my wedding, I’d like to see someone try! (No really - I love looking at bling!!)

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

i NEED to be invited to an Indian wedding

 

[TooPatient]

i NEED to be invited to an Indian wedding

DH got an invite from a co-worker. The catch was that it was actually in India and he didn't give invites to coworkers until about a week before. (Unless DH had it sitting on his desk and forgot to tell me...

I would have loved to go! The photos he shared after were spectacular.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

DH got an invite from a co-worker. The catch was that it was actually in India and he didn't give invites to coworkers until about a week before. (Unless DH had it sitting on his desk and forgot to tell me...

I would have loved to go! The photos he shared after were spectacular.

We need to widen our social circles and hope for an invite a little closer to home

 

[RunningwithScissors]

The last funeral I attended was my late partner's.

I shall not go into details, however, I was not his next of kin, therefore, I was cut off from having anything to do with his funeral arrangements.

I had a double strand of 8-9mm white Freshadama pearl necklace made by Pearl Paradise. Jeremy at PP pulled out all the stops to rush the order for me, and I went to the FedEx depot in Heathrow in London to collect the necklace the evening before I had to drive 4h to go to the town where the funeral was being held the next morning.

I wore my best watch and diamond jewellery pieces I had at the time, plus one of my large pearl rings.

Rightly or wrongly, it was my intention to upstage his family on the bling front, as I needed a morale boost, to show that I was a woman of independent means, and did not need to rely on him or anyone else for money etc., after I was pushed aside as soon as his family discovered he did not leave a will.

It worked, until something else happened during the funeral, and pushed me over the edge and I had to leave as soon as I could leg it as I did not wish to collapse into a heap in front of his family.

Hey ho - it was the darkest period of my life so far, not the most traumatic or stressful (my relocation was far more stressful), just the most emotional.

DK

Sending virtual hugs. Sorry this happened to you.

I have never been in your situation, but I can relate a little to putting my bling on, and dressing up/hair/nails/makeup as my "armor" against people who I know will be looking down on me in the world. It gives me strength somedays when I need it. One time I even put on extra tall heels when I had to meet with a man who had a history of being condescending to me because I knew that in heels I would be taller than him and that would would irritate him and shift the power dynamic a little.

 

[RunningwithScissors]

Indian weddings are awesome! One of my besties is SA and she had the most elaborate wedding I'd ever been to. So much fun for multiple days!

Thanks @AllAboardTheBlingTrain for the tutorial on Indian jewelry pieces. They are gorgeous! I learn so much here on PriceScope. This place is the best!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Exactly! You are invited to any of my future celebrations going forward. And please wear whatever pleases you and bling out as much as you want!!!

Missy I somehow missed replying to this - you are so very sweet!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Indian weddings are awesome! One of my besties is SA and she had the most elaborate wedding I'd ever been to. So much fun for multiple days!

Thanks @AllAboardTheBlingTrain for the tutorial on Indian jewelry pieces. They are gorgeous! I learn so much here on PriceScope. This place is the best!

I’m glad you had a chance to attend an Indian wedding! You know, indian weddings are an extravaganza of bling and colours and clothes and dancing and revelry but the best part is the FOOD. I attend so many weddings every year and they always come in batches, and I end up gaining 5kg every wedding season and having to work out like a demon to lose it all by the next wedding season since you have to expose your stomach in 80% of outfits.

If you are ever interested in finding out more about indian jewelry I am happy to share I’m not an expert but I am one hell of an enthusiast

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I’m glad you had a chance to attend an Indian wedding! You know, indian weddings are an extravaganza of bling and colours and clothes and dancing and revelry but the best part is the FOOD. I attend so many weddings every year and they always come in batches, and I end up gaining 5kg every wedding season and having to work out like a demon to lose it all by the next wedding season since you have to expose your stomach in 80% of outfits.

If you are ever interested in finding out more about indian jewelry I am happy to share I’m not an expert but I am one hell of an enthusiast

You could start a thread ....

 

[seaurchin]

I don't know anything about Indian weddings or customs. But in general, how I'd interpret something like this would likely depend on what I knew about the person who did it.

Most often, when I see people dressed (what I'd consider) inappropriately for an occasion, I feel a little sorry for them. They've seemed too backward to know the basic etiquette. For ex., I've seen people wear jeans and t-shirts to fancy weddings, also a white dress to a wedding, and a sexy black cocktail dress to a funeral.

But this seems a different sort of issue, like this woman would have been expected to know the etiquette of her culture. So, if she seemed otherwise a sensible, kind person, I'd probably think she just innocently wanted a chance to wear her finest jewelry or even thought she was honoring the bride and groom by treating their wedding as an important enough occasion to wear it to. On the other hand, if she seemed the type of person who sucked all the air out of the room, seemed jealous of the bride or etc., then I'd probably think her intent was not so nice.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

You could start a thread ....

I’ll do that soon, it’ll take me a few days to find pics online and see how detailed I should get... so it’s informative without being overwhelming. I’ll tag you and RunningWithScissors when I do

I don't know anything about Indian weddings or customs. But in general, how I'd interpret something like this would likely depend on what I knew about the person who did it.

Most often, when I see people dressed (what I'd consider) inappropriately for an occasion, I feel a little sorry for them. They've seemed too backward to know the basic etiquette. For ex., I've seen people wear jeans and t-shirts to fancy weddings, also a white dress to a wedding, and a sexy black cocktail dress to a funeral.

But this seems a different sort of issue, like this woman would have been expected to know the etiquette of her culture. So, if she seemed otherwise a sensible, kind person, I'd probably think she just innocently wanted a chance to wear her finest jewelry or even thought she was honoring the bride and groom by treating their wedding as an important enough occasion to wear it to. On the other hand, if she seemed the type of person who sucked all the air out of the room, seemed jealous of the bride or etc., then I'd probably think her intent was not so nice.

Yeah I think intent def matters! In this case I’m sure her intentions were good. I brought up this question less about her than about the situation in general, ie is upstaging in general possible, and what constitutes it? My understanding from the thread is that most people here think in general not really, though you can be inappropriately dressed (too much or too little), but this may bother some people out there and may not bother some. To me, someone wearing a wedding dress and veil at a wedding would just look ridiculous, not better than the bride even if they were wearing a prettier dress, for example. And I don’t care how big and beautiful their bling is - I don’t think it overshadows the bride.

 

[kenny]

Upstaging is not a real thing.
Trees, cars, and roses are real things.
Upstaging is another made up, and agreed with thing.

Upstaging, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Is upstaging possible in situation X?
Of course it is ... because people vary ... but it exists only in the minds of some people.

It would be accurate for one to say, "To me (or IMO) by wearing that jewelry Sally upstaged the bride.
It would also be accurate for another person to say, "To me (or IMO) by wearing that jewelry Sally did not upstage the bride.
It would also be accurate for another person to say, "According to my religion, people I respect, or Emily Post, by wearing that jewelry Sally did not upstage the bride. (or did)

However, it would not be in accurate for one to say, "By wearing that jewelry Sally upstaged the bride.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Upstaging is not a real thing.
Trees, cars, and roses are real things.
Upstaging is another made up, and agreed with thing.

Upstaging, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Is upstaging possible in situation X?
Of course it is ... because people vary ... but it exists only in the minds of some people.

It would be accurate for one to say, "To me (or IMO) by wearing that jewelry Sally upstaged the bride.
It would also be accurate for another person to say, "To me (or IMO) by wearing that jewelry Sally did not upstage the bride.
It would also be accurate for another person to say, "According to my religion, people I respect, or Emily Post, by wearing that jewelry Sally did not upstage the bride.

However, it would not be in accurate for one to say, "By wearing that jewelry Sally upstaged the bride.

Very well said!

 

[SallyBrown]

I am from an old money family. British aristocracy actually. We don’t believe in ever upstaging the bride at her own wedding.

Let me see if I can find photos of myself at the last two weddings I attended.

 

[SallyBrown]

Ah, yes, here they are. This was at my cousin’s wedding. It was a rather formal affair. Even so I went light on the jewelry “bling” as you Americans call it so as not to call attention to myself:

 

[SallyBrown]

And here I am at my other cousin’s wedding. This branch of the family has considerably less money, so I was extra careful with my bling:

 

[SallyBrown]

Sorry if I offended any Brits on PS.

America is a very stressful place right now and I’m just trying to distract myself from our news.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Ah, yes, here they are. This was at my cousin’s wedding. It was a rather formal affair. Even so I went light on the jewelry “bling” as you Americans call it so as not to call attention to myself:

You have no idea how much i needed that laugh today
Thank you

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Sorry if I offended any Brits on PS.

America is a very stressful place right now and I’m just trying to distract myself from our news.

NZ is a very stressful place right now
you took my mind right off it
Thank you again

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

And here I am at my other cousin’s wedding. This branch of the family has considerably less money, so I was extra careful with my bling:

I actually love this one
But i dont like horse racing so i would have nowhere to wear it !