Can I try on your ring?

[Luvz2Run]

Hi PS'ers!

I know there have been several posts on the topic of allowing people to try on your e-rings, but I am not asking what people think about it in general or whether I am right or wrong to feel the way I do on this topic. My question is a little different.

I know that when I receive my e-ring, I will not want anyone to try it on. Period. That includes family and close friends. There are many things that I don't mind sharing, but my e-ring will not be one of them.

But how do you politely refuse a family member or close friend who sweetly and nicely asks to try on your e-ring? I have no problem saying no to strangers, but I still can't figure out how to say no to family members and close friends. I don't want to be rude, and I certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or offend anyone.

I'm not superstitious, so I can't use that as an excuse.

I don't think telling them that it's very special to me and I want to be the only one who ever wears it would work either.

I have read about explaining how the ring is only insured if damaged by the owner. However, I can easily imagine someone saying "Oh please, I'm not going to drop your ring."

Any other ideas?

 

[iheartscience]

I would just say "I know it's weird, but I really want to be the only person who's ever worn my engagement ring. I hope you understand!"

If they don't back down after that, well, I don't know what to tell you! I guess make sure it's tight enough that they can't grab it off your finger when you're not looking?!

 

[KimberlyH]

I would respond very simply "I don't take it off" or something close to that. The more you try to justify and explain the more people will push.

 

[Elmorton]

You know, I only had one friend ask to try it on - and she prefaced with "Do you ever take off your ring?" - I said "Nope, not really," and she said "Oh.." and when I asked why she explained that she would like to try it on (which I didn''t mind at all). Usually, if one of my friends is looking at it closely, I''ll just slip it off and hand it to them, and that''s how someone else winds up trying on my ring. The only time I''ve tried on a friend''s ring is if she''s taken it off for some reason or just handed it to me.

If someone does directly ask, I would just say "FI intended it for my hand, but I don''t mind at all if you''d like to look" and extend your hand so your friend/family member can see it up close - on you. That''s a lot like your #2 (which I think is the best option, I think anyone would understand that and not question it, personally). I really don''t like the 3rd excuse posted (insurance) because I think you''re right - while I''d understand, I''d be a little hurt if someone said that because it implies that the person asking is a complete klutz or not capable of handing something valuable.

Hope that helps!

 

[Luvz2Run]

thing2of2, KimberlyH, Elmorton: Thanks for the great suggestions!! I think all of those are very polite yet clear responses that would be perfect for family and close friends.

KimberlyH, you''re right about not wanting to spend time justifying things. I wouldn''t really want my refusal to turn into a debate with them giving me reasons why I shouldn''t feel the way I do and why they should be allowed to try on my ring, which I can totally see happening if I don''t keep it brief.

 

[ang3199]

Personally, I''m flattered if anyone thinks my ring is nice enough to ask to try it on.

But people are different. So in your case, I would simply say, "I''d rather not take it off" or something similar to that.

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 1/22/2008 4:05:05 PM
Author: thing2of2
I would just say ''I know it''s weird, but I really want to be the only person who''s ever worn my engagement ring. I hope you understand!''

I agree. Prefacing anything with "I know this is weird/strange/crazy/whatever" usually ends up working out well b/c everyone has crazy quirks, and everyone can kind of identify with the "weird" factor.

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/22/2008 5:47:12 PM
Author: Fancy605

Date: 1/22/2008 4:05:05 PM

Author: thing2of2

I would just say ''I know it''s weird, but I really want to be the only person who''s ever worn my engagement ring. I hope you understand!''

I agree. Prefacing anything with ''I know this is weird/strange/crazy/whatever'' usually ends up working out well b/c everyone has crazy quirks, and everyone can kind of identify with the ''weird'' factor.

totally agree with this-this is definitely the answer I would give if they ask to try it on.

 

[diamondfan]

I think you can just say you are not comfortable and leave it at that, and if pressed, you can say that it is a special item to you and you just feel better about being the only one who has had it on. You are entitled to your feelings. It is not really important at the end of the day if anyone else agrees or thinks it odd. It is your decision.

 

[joflier]

I know for me, I don''t mind if someone wants to try it on, but my knuckles are fairly large, so with certain rings, it takes me a while to pull and twist them off......It may be a bit of a cop out, but just say something like, "its a tight fit, and hard to get on and off.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/22/2008 3:53:24 PM
Author:Luvz2Run
Hi PS''ers!

I know there have been several posts on the topic of allowing people to try on your e-rings, but I am not asking what people think about it in general or whether I am right or wrong to feel the way I do on this topic. My question is a little different.

I know that when I receive my e-ring, I will not want anyone to try it on. Period. That includes family and close friends. There are many things that I don''t mind sharing, but my e-ring will not be one of them.

But how do you politely refuse a family member or close friend who sweetly and nicely asks to try on your e-ring? I have no problem saying no to strangers, but I still can''t figure out how to say no to family members and close friends. I don''t want to be rude, and I certainly don''t want to hurt anyone''s feelings or offend anyone.

I''m not superstitious, so I can''t use that as an excuse.

I don''t think telling them that it''s very special to me and I want to be the only one who ever wears it would work either.

I have read about explaining how the ring is only insured if damaged by the owner. However, I can easily imagine someone saying ''Oh please, I''m not going to drop your ring.''

Any other ideas?

OK first of all, any STRANGER who asks to try on an engagement ring is whack, and should be left in your dust asap.

Secondly, why WOULDN''T telling someone it''s very special to you and that you want to be the only one who wears it NOT WORK?? What kind of family/close friends wouldn''t understand that? The same people who are in the stranger/whackjob category above?

Seriously, just like we used to say in the 80''s: JUST SAY NO.

 

[Haven]

It is your right to refuse anyone who wants to try on your ering. I think a polite yet firm "No, I don''t take it off, sorry." is just fine.

I''ve let some friends try my ring on, but when a friend-of-a-friend begged me to try it on in a bar downtown I refused. I was not about to take off my ring and hand it over to a practical stranger in a dark, city bar. No way.

 

[AGBF]

This thread has made me think . No, really. At first I was reading it and thinking that it was just silly not to take off your ring for a close friend or family member to try on. I certainly would always have done that.... Then I started to think a bit more. What if we took the engagement ring and wedding ring seriously? What if they were symbols of something between a specific man and woman that had a social or even a spiritual or religious significance? Would I, then, expect that they be played with and passed around like toys being played with by little girls? The answer was, no.

So if I really take an engagement ring and a wedding ring seriously, I might let a sister or a best friend try it on once...but I wouldn''t sit around giggling and seeing how it looked on everyone''s finger.

The question is: do I take the engagement ring and its symbolism that seriously?

Deb

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 1/22/2008 10:49:13 PM
Author: AGBF



This thread has made me think . No, really. At first I was reading it and thinking that it was just silly not to take off your ring for a close friend or family member to try on. I certainly would always have done that.... Then I started to think a bit more. What if we took the engagement ring and wedding ring seriously? What if they were symbols of something between a specific man and woman that had a social or even a spiritual or religious significance? Would I, then, expect that they be played with and passed around like toys being played with by little girls? The answer was, no.

So if I really take an engagement ring and a wedding ring seriously, I might let a sister or a best friend try it on once...but I wouldn''t sit around giggling and seeing how it looked on everyone''s finger.

The question is: do I take the engagement ring and its symbolism that seriously?

Deb

that and where has the persons hands been?? did they wash after changing the baby, going potty, sneezing and other gross things!
Here use this industrial strength hand cleaner first oh and wear this mask so ya don''t breath on it!
lol I crack myself up :}

 

[TravelingGal]

That''s the thing Deb. For a lot of us (including myself), it''s no big deal to pass around the ring. My ring is sentimental, but it is at the end of the day just a piece of jewelry. For others, they don''t want to see their ring on anyone else''s finger. In fact, if I DO let others try on my ring, I actually don''t do it in front of TGuy...just in case he wigs out!

If the OP doesn''t want to have others try it on, they should respect that and a simple no would suffice. I mean, it''s not like it''s WEIRD or anything to not want others to try on your ring. In fact, I kinda of think it''s weirder to pass around your engagement ring like it''s a photograph!

 

[Luvz2Run]

Date: 1/22/2008 10:49:13 PM
Author: AGBF



This thread has made me think . No, really. At first I was reading it and thinking that it was just silly not to take off your ring for a close friend or family member to try on. I certainly would always have done that.... Then I started to think a bit more. What if we took the engagement ring and wedding ring seriously? What if they were symbols of something between a specific man and woman that had a social or even a spiritual or religious significance? Would I, then, expect that they be played with and passed around like toys being played with by little girls? The answer was, no.

So if I really take an engagement ring and a wedding ring seriously, I might let a sister or a best friend try it on once...but I wouldn't sit around giggling and seeing how it looked on everyone's finger.

The question is: do I take the engagement ring and its symbolism that seriously?

Deb

You know, I can understand why some people think of their e-ring as just another expensive object that they own that can be easily replaced. I, however, do not. If someone close to me wanted to try on a pretty necklace that I own or earrings, clothing, whatever, sure, I wouldn't mind at all. But try on something that the man of my dreams gave me to symbolize his desire to spend the rest of his life with me? Sorry

. If someone wants to try on a lovely ring, I'm sure that their local jewelry store would love to let them try on rings just for fun all day.

By the way, great suggestions everyone!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Its all a matter of personal opinion.

For me if we were all at a GTG then yes I would let people try on my jewelry, mainly because you appreciate it as well and understand the significance of the jewelry. My friends and family I would because I trust them.

However if it was a complete stranger, the answer would be no sorry. Its cemented to my finger til the day I die.

 

[LitigatorChick]

For me, this is a creepy request, even from family. My ring is personal. It would be like someone wanting to take the shoes off my feet to try on. And why?? Can''t they just admire from my finger? Just my opinion.

 

[Sparkster]

Date: 1/22/2008 10:49:13 PM
Author: AGBF



This thread has made me think . No, really. At first I was reading it and thinking that it was just silly not to take off your ring for a close friend or family member to try on. I certainly would always have done that.... Then I started to think a bit more. What if we took the engagement ring and wedding ring seriously? What if they were symbols of something between a specific man and woman that had a social or even a spiritual or religious significance? Would I, then, expect that they be played with and passed around like toys being played with by little girls? The answer was, no.

So if I really take an engagement ring and a wedding ring seriously, I might let a sister or a best friend try it on once...but I wouldn''t sit around giggling and seeing how it looked on everyone''s finger.

The question is: do I take the engagement ring and its symbolism that seriously?

Deb

I take the symbolism seriously, but not to the extent that I would ever reject an upgrade!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 1/22/2008 4:05:05 PM
Author: thing2of2
I would just say 'I know it's weird, but I really want to be the only person who's ever worn my engagement ring. I hope you understand!'

If they don't back down after that, well, I don't know what to tell you! I guess make sure it's tight enough that they can't grab it off your finger when you're not looking?!

Ditto.

And Ditto TG... why WOULD someone have a problem honoring your feelings.

I have no problem with people asking to try it on (as long as they aren't COMPLETE strangers). But I'm flattered by it, and at GTG's love it when we pass around and try on each other's rings. But some people, even at the GTG's will keep their rings on, and pass aournd other stuff. So even with a crazed group of diamond happy people I don't think there's an intense pressure, and god knows if you told any of us that we'd totally be fine with.

 

[iheartscience]

Not that many people have asked to try my ring on, but I don''t think it''s an offensive request provided it''s a friend or family member asking. Yes, the engagement ring is supposed to symbolize a promise to each other, but it is still only an object and a symbol. So it''s not like someone is actually asking to try the promise on, you know? My engagement ring is sentimental and meaningful to me, but my relationship is a lot more meaningful! If I lost my engagement ring, I don''t think I would even cry. If I broke up with my fiance, on the other hand, I''d be devastated.

Plus if you look into the concept of the diamond engagement ring, they started taking off because of a DeBeers marketing campaign, if I recall correctly. I bought wholeheartedly into that campaign, of course, because...I wanted a pretty ring and an engagement is a great excuse for one!

Of course everyone''s feelings and thoughts on the matter are different, and I''m certainly not trying to talk anyone out of their views, but that''s my view!

 

[designchica]

I would tell them its too difficult to get on and off.

 

[Circe]

I''m always intrigued when this topic comes up, because it seems to say so much about women''s expectations and social obligations. On the one side, it''s the burden of being "nice," and not wanting to hurt anyone''s feelings, no matter what; on the other, it seems like an odd sort of near-entitlement (or the fear of it).

L2R, I don''t think you should feel like you''re being selfish or odd if you want to maintain the symbolism of the ring. You say you''re not superstitious in general, but in this case, there''s a liiiiiiiiiittle bit of superstition, or at least emphasis on the symbolism attached to the e-ring, and what''s wrong with that? Saying so outright - just a plain "I''m sorry, I don''t take it off" - should clearly communicate to any rational person that it''s not about them at all, but about you and your feelings.

By entitlement, I don''t mean you, or anyone who wants to keep their ring/other object of sentimental value to themselves: I mean the anonymous composite person who we all seem to imagine in this scenario, the one whom we picture reacting with indignation, or saying, "What, do you think I''m going to steal it/drop it/jinx it?!?" I just find myself wondering why we imagine that reaction ... echoing T-Gal, I''m hoping that person doesn''t exist/isn''t common.

P.S. - For what it''s worth, while I''d happily give the shirt off my back to a friend (or a stranger who didn''t ping my personal radar), the deeply sentimental stuff, from the e-ring to the lighter my dad gave me for my 22nd b-day stays ON my person. So, if it''s odd, at least we''re all in good company!

 

[diamondfan]

What I find funky is that even though, as owner of said ring, you have every right to NOT wish to pass it around, you are almost made to feel you must justify your position. Honestly, to each his own! If you do not wish to, for ANY reason, good or bad, small or large, 'nuff said! And whoever would not mind taking her ring off and handing it off, then when someone asks, do it! I just do not get having to justify yourself and be defensive. (not that I am implying that you personally are defensive!!) Also, you cannot know or control others feelings, so you just need to come up with a simple and easy way to just say, I am superstitious about that or I do not take it off and let it go at that. Whoever does not understand, well, that is just too bad!

 

[TravelingGal]

You know, it''s kind of like a new car...when you first get it, you are so paranoid about so many things re: dings, parking, etc. After a while, you''re doing well if you wash it once a season.

I notice when gals first get engaged here, there usually is a flurry of posts like "oh my god, someone had the NERVE to touch the table of my diamond!" or "I can''t believe someone thought it was fake!" or "my friend blipsy wants to try on my ring!" "oh what oh WHAT should I do?"

I always chuckle a bit at these posts because A) I do understand and B) Good lord, is it really such a big deal? But I guess PS is the place to post that kind of stuff, since most of us empathize.

Even though you still may feel all of the above, I think after awhile, you just mellow out. Some of my friends didn''t want to have others try on their e-ring, but after many years of marriage, now they don''t care. When I first got engaged, I had a horrible habit (practically some sort of strange twitch) of wiping the table of my diamond with my shirt. Well, the other day I got my first manicure (a friend opened up a place), and I didn''t even care that she was massaging all kinds of gook into my ring. Ultrasonic...it''s a lovely thing.

 

[emilina22]

i can see where your coming from, but im actually not too bothered with people trying my ring on, i actually find it a bit cute. my ring is on the larger end of the size spectrum and the fact that most people have never even heard of an asscher within my group they all wanna see it.

what i find a little funny was that after about a week of his proposing thats when all the "can i try it on" questions started coming. everyone was like "we didn''t want to ask you right away..but do you mind" and i didnt at all, but its all your preference theres nothing wrong with that at all, just explain to your friends and family that you would much rather have them look at it from your hand. im sure they would all understand and still be gawking at it from afar!!!!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 1/23/2008 8:34:16 PM
Author: diamondfan
What I find funky is that even though, as owner of said ring, you have every right to NOT wish to pass it around, you are almost made to feel you must justify your position. Honestly, to each his own! If you do not wish to, for ANY reason, good or bad, small or large, ''nuff said! And whoever would not mind taking her ring off and handing it off, then when someone asks, do it! I just do not get having to justify yourself and be defensive. (not that I am implying that you personally are defensive!!) Also, you cannot know or control others feelings, so you just need to come up with a simple and easy way to just say, I am superstitious about that or I do not take it off and let it go at that. Whoever does not understand, well, that is just too bad!

I agree w/you DF. I notice when we give too many excuses people start to pry and make it into a debate so I agree the less you say and saying it confidently then people should not bother you and if they do it is there problem not yours, yes and well said

 

[UCLABelle]

I let anyone who asks try on my e-ring (probably will feel different if it is my w-ring). However, I totally understand not wanting to let people try it on. I would just say you 1) "I hear it was bad luck" 2) "I never take it off "

 

[Kaleigh]

Just say " Sorry I don''t let anyone try it on. I hope you understand." Keep it plain and simple, the more you say, the more you dig yourself into a hole and can''t get out, hehe.

 

[Gemma12]

Date: 1/24/2008 12:40:23 AM
Author: Kaleigh
Just say '' Sorry I don''t let anyone try it on. I hope you understand.'' Keep it plain and simple, the more you say, the more you dig yourself into a hole and can''t get out, hehe.

Well said Kaleigh.

I actually fall into the category of not fussed if someone wants a go at the ring-we bought the original from a B&M and who knows how many people had it on before me. If I had a custom Leon which was created just for me, well......

....maybe? Obviously no strangers get a go-in fact, my sisters and two close have been the only ones to try it on-for anyone else I just say ''I try not to take it off- no offense!'' and that has not seemed to cause any.

End of the day-your ring, your say. Don''t let anyone (diamond obsessed or otherwise) bully you into doing something you are not comfortable doing!